The Betrayal
by JustSunny
Summary: After five years of marriage Ana wants her and Christian to start a family, but what if everything she thought to know is not real and her dream of a happy life with the man of her dreams is challenged and questioned in ways she never thought possible. NO CHEATING
1. Chapter 1

**Here it is, my new story. It's set five years after Ana and Christian got married, but Ana never got pregnant with Teddy. I will point out that this is not a cheating story. It's a story of insecurities, betrayal, and manipulation. I just wanted to get into a topic I hadn't delved into yet and an idea I had almost three years ago, but never turned into a story. I know many of you will ask if this story is going to have an HEA and usually I would always give it away, but with my last story, some readers were actually upset about because it's like giving away the end of a book before you have even started to read it. So, this time around I will not give it away. I will update a new chapter each Tuesday, usually around 10 p.m CEST** **. So, without further ado, enjoy and let me know what you think.**

 **Sunny xxx**

Five years ago, I was just an ordinary girl, working my way through college, always trying to get the best grades to ensure that once I had finished college I wouldn't have too much trouble to get a good job in publishing. I dreamt of one day being an editor, meeting a nice guy, getting married and having kids. Never in my wildest dreams though did I imagine that five years later, I would be the owner of a publishing house, married to an obscenely handsome and rich business man who turned my world upside down and especially, in the beginning took me on a whirlwind path that had only two outcomes… one it would make us stronger as a couple and fall in love with each other even more or two me giving up on love and moving on to become a bitter person with serious relationship issues.

Luckily for me, Christian and I found ourselves on path number one and even now, five years into our marriage we are still crazy in love. So much so, that just ten minutes ago my darling husband stopped by at my office for a nooner, because he couldn't wait to have me until we are back home in the evening. Now normally, I would object to us taking advantage of the fact that Grey Publishing is housed at Grey House, my husband's headquarters, but since we have decided to start a family, I have become much more lenient about that rule.

When Christian and I got married I was only twenty-one soon to be twenty-two and having children wasn't really on my radar, so we just agreed that we would have children at some point in our future. Four years ago my best friend Kate, who is married to Christian's brother Elliot had her first child, a beautiful little girl by the name of Ava. It was the first time I really thought about going off birth control, Ava was just such a precious little baby, but Christian had just signed Grey Publishing over to me and my wish to work and see more of the world with my darling husband was bigger than what little baby fever I was experiencing.

By now, Christian and I are uncle and aunt not only to Ava, but also to her younger brother Jamie and their cousin Olivia, who is the two-year-old daughter of Christian's sister Mia and Kate's brother Ethan. Two years ago, I told Christian that I wanted us to try to have a baby, I just felt ready to be a mother, even though at the age of twenty-four, many would have thought that there are so many more things to do before having kids, I felt ready.

Christian, on the other hand didn't. He was in the middle of a huge deal and had so much traveling coming up that at one point, he had to go away for almost three months, while I had to stay in Seattle to take care of Grey Publishing. So we agreed to talk about it when the timing was better.

As the time passed by I felt more and more like it would never happen, that we would never find the right time, until one day it would be too late for me to get pregnant, while my wish to have a child grew with each passing day. I found myself drawn to the baby section at department stores, reading articles on parenthood and just smiling when I saw a pregnant woman walking down the street, wondering if I would ever get to experience what it feels like to have a new life growing inside my tummy.

At one point, I wasn't even sure if Christian wanted to have children at all, because he always found one excuse after the other for us to wait just a bit longer. I felt like he was just making excuses and it started to bother me so much, that for the first time in our marriage I started to pull away… only for him to surprise me.

It was a month ago on our five-year anniversary. He took me back to France and we had dinner on board the Fair Lady, the same boat we stayed at for our honeymoon. After dinner we got up, looked at the ocean and he gave a small gift box, the content of it made me cry and jump into his arms instantly, because it was a charm for my bracelet, that he had given me for my twenty-second birthday and it was in the shape of a baby bottle with a handwritten note from him that read _'Let's have a baby, baby'_ it had me laughing and crying at the same time, because I knew with this gift all of my dreams would finally become true.

The moment we returned home, I made an appointment with Dr. Greene to get off birth control and to let her advice me on everything I needed to know to get pregnant as soon as possible. She told me not to expect to get pregnant right away, because I have been on birth control for over five years now and otherwise to just try and have fun with it.

Well, let's just say, there has been a lot of trying since then. I guess not being able to resist my husband is a good thing while trying to get pregnant. So far, I have only told Mia and Kate that we are trying to have a baby. Over the years Mia has become my best friend too and I'm so close with both of them, that I just can't keep anything from them.

Plus, they both already have been pregnant and in Mia's case are trying to have another baby, so I feel like talking to them can really help me. Like last week when my period started. The rational part of me knew it was going to happen. After all I have been off birth control for no longer than four weeks now, still, a tiny part of me had hoped it would happen right away. I have already made so many plans, next year I want us to celebrate Christmas for the first time as little family together, I have already looked into preschools, made plans for me to step back as CEO of Grey Publishing once I'm on maternity leave, because I want to spend the first couple of years at home with my child.

Good grief, I even walked through our home a few days ago and made a list of all the things we need to get done in order for it to be child proof. I guess it's pretty obvious that I am desperate to become a mother, but I know it won't be long until I will get pregnant. Christian and I are both young and healthy, so there is nothing keeping us from starting a family.

"Mrs. Grey, Mrs. Katherine Grey is here to see you." Hannah's voice comes over the speaker in my office.

"Let her in, Hannah." I reply, wondering why Kate has decided to stop by.

A second later the door opens and Kate walks in with little Jamie in his stroller. Usually, I would jump up to take Jamie out of his stroller first to kiss and hug the little guy, but I stop when I see Kate's face, she looks upset and flops down on the sofa.

"Sorry, Ana. Is this a bad time?" She asks and suddenly, in a really unlike Kate way, she starts to cry.

"Kate, oh my god, what happened?" I sit down next to her and pull her into my embrace where she continues to cry for a few more minutes until she pulls herself together.

"Sorry, I guess I just needed a good cry." She mutters and blows her nose.

"Kate, what happened? I have never seen you cry like that!"

"I had my appointment with Dr. Greene this morning… I'm pregnant." She says and my mouth drops open. Jamie is just three months old and Kate told me she didn't want to have more children, because she nearly died giving birth to Jamie.

"I don't understand… you said you didn't want to have any more children."

"I know, Elliot was supposed to get the snip next week, after what happened with Jamie we both agreed that we wouldn't try again. It just happened and we have been so careful, Ana. I want to be happy, really, but I'm scared to death, what if something goes wrong and Elliot has to raise our children alone? I want to be there to see them grow up… I'm so scared, Ana."

"Have you talked to Dr. Greene?"

"Yes, she says it has to be a scheduled C-section and that I should try to relax and take things slow, but I can't. I have talked to Elliot and we talked about… you know… not going through with the pregnancy, but I can't do that either. I couldn't look at Ava and Jamie without thinking about my baby… but I just don't know what to do. Elliot was so freaked out, he was crying, Ana. I have never seen my husband cry… he thinks it's his fault, that he didn't put the condom on right or… I don't know. God, this is so messed up, I should be happy, I know that, but I can't." She says and gets up.

"Shit, look at me, you are trying to get pregnant and here I am bawling my eyes out because I am." She mutters.

"It's okay, you and I are in two completely different situations, so don't worry about me. Look, I think Elliot and you need a little time alone to really talk about this. How about Christian and I take Ava and Jamie overnight?"

"You would? Oh, that would be amazing of you, Ana. Are you sure Christian will be okay with it, Jamie doesn't sleep through the night and Ava still hasn't gotten the memo that her terrible two's ended when she wasn't two years old anymore." Kate says and I laugh.

"He'll be delighted to have the kids over, Kate. Don't worry, plus it will be a good practice for us. So, how about we leave now, go to your place get what I'll need for Ava and Jamie and then you can relax until Elliot is home tonight and I pick Ava up at her preschool?"

"You Ana Grey are a saint." She sighs and hugs me. I let Hannah know that I am leaving for today, send Christian a text that I will be working from home for the rest of the day and then leave with Kate.

An hour and a half later I have both Ava and Jamie in the car and arrive home with them.

"Auntie Ana, can we bake cookies? Me likes your cookies?" Ava asks when I unstrap her from her car seat.

"Sure, we can do whatever you like, but first we have to change you out of your school uniform."

Inside I call out for Gail and comes into the hallway.

"Oh look at that, we are having some special guests." She says with a bright smile and Ava hurries over to her.

"Mrs. Gail… auntie Ana is going to bake cookies with me and Jamie and me are sleeping here and I will bake special cookies for unky Christian." Ava tells her in a rush.

"Wow, that sounds great, I might even have a bag of extra special chocolate chips and rainbow sprinkles for your cookies." Gail says smiling at Ava.

"Gail, can you ask Ryan to get the travel bed for Jamie out of my car and set it up in the guest room where Ava is usually staying?" I ask her and she hurries away to find Ryan while I walk into the family room where I place Jamie on the sofa and secure him with a few pillows so he won't fall off.

"Ava can you watch your brother for a minute, so I can get his playpen?" I ask her and when she nods I quickly get the playpen we have had since Ava was born and set it up in the family room.

Once Jamie is inside and sleeping, I set the baby monitor up and lead Ava into the bathroom where I help her change out of her uniform and into a cute little dress and flip flops. I bread her hair and once we have both washed our hands, I check on Jamie again before we get into the kitchen and start to make cookie dough.

The entire afternoon, while I'm taking care of the kids and I can't help but smile, thinking that soon I can do all of this with my own baby and in the evening when we hear Christian arrive home Ava jumps up and runs towards him wrapping her little arms around his legs, not giving a damn that she is getting chocolate from her fingers all over his suit pants. I can see a pang of annoyance on his face, when he notices it and grin _'get used to it, Grey'_

"Whoa, look at that, princess Ava stopped by to visit us." He says after a second and picks her up to press a kiss to her cheek.

"Unky Christian, me has baked cookies for you and Jamie and me are sleeping here and aunty Ana saided we can have mac and cheese with extra cheese for dinner."

"Cookies and mac and cheese, seems to be my lucky day." He smirks at her and she beams up at him.

Christian really is great with kids, both Ava and Olivia adore their uncle… which I am sure is also because he likes to spoil them rotten, something we will have to talk about once we are having our child, because I don't want our children to end up being spoilt little brats.

"Ava, why don't you go and see what Gail is doing in the kitchen, I need to change and talk to aunty Ana for a moment." He says and puts her down.

"Kay… bye unky Christian." She all but yells and takes off.

"Hi there." He smiles at me and pulls me in for a kiss, before we both head up into our bedroom. Inside he stops dead in his tracks when he sees the travel bed next to my side of our bed.

"Why is this here?" He asks and I start to loosen his tie.

"Well, Ava and Jamie are staying over tonight. At first, I thought Jamie could sleep in the guestroom where Ava is staying, but he wakes up a few times during the night, so she wouldn't get a good night's sleep. All the other guest rooms are too far away, so I decided to have him sleep in here."

"Why are they staying over anyway? Kate didn't want Ava to sleep anywhere else until she was a year old." He says while I am now unbuttoning his shirt.

"Kate and Elliot needed a night alone."

"So they get to fuck and I don't?" He says raising a brow and I playfully slap his biceps.

"It's not like that… look, Kate had an appointment with Dr. Greene today and well… she is pregnant again."

"What? The little guy is just three months old… wasn't Elliot supposed to get a vasectomy?" He asks blinking at me.

"Yes, they didn't plan it… Kate came to my office bawling her eyes out she is so scared. I mean it was a close call with Jamie, she nearly died and they both didn't want to have more children if it meant putting her life at risk. It just happened… Elliot is very upset as is Kate and they needed to have some time to talk about it."

"Well fuck, from what Elliot told me it was really bad when Kate had the little guy… shit, are they thinking about … well, ending it?"

"Kate said they briefly talked about it, but she couldn't live with it and Dr. Greene told her she would need a scheduled C-section… I guess they need to really think this through. I feel so bad for both of them. You know how Elliot always wanted at least five kids and after Kate had Jamie he was devastated when she was in a coma for five days… I can't believe this is happening to them." I murmur and leans my head against his bare chest.

"Let's hope for the best… so would it be terribly inappropriate if I would fuck you tonight with the little guy in the room?" He asks wiggling his eyebrows at me and I laugh.

"Yes, it would be, but we can have a quickie in the shower later tonight. Can you settle for that?"

"Do I get some playroom time in exchange this weekend?"

"Oh Mr. Grey, if you are being a good boy tonight you might earn yourself an entire weekend at Escala and then we are talking TPE." I grin and his eyes widen in excitement.

"You have no idea how good I can be, baby." He says and kisses me.

Years ago, his lifestyle scared me, because I didn't understand that BDSM and a loving relationship are not two separate things. Of course, it is a huge difference for me to sub for him from time to time now that I am his wife or to be a fulltime submissive, like he wanted me to be when we first met.

Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed the kinky fuckery right away, but all of the canes, whips and belts in his playrooms really scared me. Thank god, they are long gone. These days, the worst punishment he dishes out is a spanking and even that doesn't really hurt, because Christian loves me too much to hurt me in any real way. The more confident I grew in myself, the more I learned to enjoy BDSM, especially with me being a CEO now myself, I really appreciate that I can give up control and let Christian make all the decisions. So, about two years into our marriage I asked him if we could try a weekend of total power exchange. He agreed and I really enjoyed it, so now it's something we do from time to time and both enjoy a lot.

Still, when we moved into our new home a couple of months into our marriage, we decided against having a playroom here. It doesn't mean we don't have toys here and use them frequently, but Christian thought having a playroom here would bring too much of his old life before me into his new life with me.

So, at least twice a month we go to Escala to have some serious playtime. I guess once we have a baby, we have to cut back on that until our baby is old enough to stay with our relatives for a night, but still can get creative here at home, so it's not like we won't have time for some kinky fuckery at all.

"Do you think I should call Elliot?" Christian asks when he steps out of the closet now dressed in jeans and t-shirt.

"Tomorrow, let him have some time with Kate, they need to work this out together." I reply and he pulls me close.

"Kate said what she fears the most is not being able to see her children grow up… Christian when I'm pregnant and something goes wrong…"

"No! Do you hear me; we are not even going to talk about something like that!" He says immediately and I sigh.

"But we have to, after what happened to Kate… I don't know, I just want you to promise me that if something bad was going to happen and you had to make a decision, you would pick our baby." I get out and he closes his eyes.

"You know I can't do that. I can't live without you, Ana." He says and I really hate the look on his face, so I decide to change the topic, because frankly, if he starts to overthink things, I will be back on birth control in no time and I don't want to risk that.

"Come on, let's have dinner, because I know that not just our niece is looking forward to some extra cheesy mac and cheese." I grin and he smiles back at me.

"Why Mrs. Grey how did you know that I do love your mac and cheese?" He asks and I snort.

"Maybe by the way you chow down at least three helpings without blinking and you still pout when it's all gone." I reply and he laughs.

"Yes, that would be me, now come on, feed me, wench."

And with that, we leave our bedroom and enjoy an evening with our niece and nephew… _if only I had known then that a few months later my dream of us becoming a family would be crushed and nothing would ever be the same again…_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hi guys,**_

 _ **so glad that you liked the last chapter and I loved all the speculations in the reviews. Well, you'll find out if you were right in this chapter because now the drama starts to unfold. I still haven't changed my mind about giving away if this story has an HEA in the description, but if you send me a PM I will tell you. And now on with the story :)**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey, all characters belong to E. L. James**_

 _ **Six months later -Ana-  
**_

"Baby, the guys and I will be downstairs in the pool room." Christian says and kisses me behind my ear.

"Sure, Kate and Mia will be here soon. Have a good time." I reply and smile at him, though I feel anything but happy. To be honest, I feel like a failure. We have tried to have a baby for seven months now and nothing has happened. My period has been late twice and both times I ended up crying in the bathroom when it came.

Christian even took me away to a private island in the Caribbean to take my mind off things, but I can't help but feel that it is my fault. He went to a doctor to have his sperm count checked and he told me everything came back with great results, so it must be me. That is why I have an appointment with Dr. Greene tomorrow to get some tests done. I don't even want to think about the fact that I might not be able to carry a child, so I force myself to think positive. My period should have started yesterday, so maybe I won't even need the tests, maybe I am pregnant.

Walking into the closet I pull my shirt up and look at my flat stomach, wondering what it would look like protruding with my child growing inside of me. The worst part about trying to have a baby is that suddenly you see pregnant women everywhere and now that Mia is having a baby too, it's like I'm the only woman in the world that isn't having a baby. Two days ago I overheard two women talking in line at the Deli and one of them just found out that she is pregnant and how she would just get rid of it without telling her boyfriend.

I wanted to turn around and yell at her, tell her how ungrateful she is when there are so many women who are desperately trying to get pregnant and it just doesn't happen for them while she is thinking about ending her pregnancy.

Thank God, I came to my senses before I said anything, it's none of my business and she may have had good reasons for not wanting to get through with her pregnancy, but when I heard her say that, it just rubbed me the wrong way.

Christian seems to be dealing a lot better with it than I am, he always tells me that it will happen eventually and even suggested that I should go back on birth control and we would try again in a few months, because I was so upset every time my period started. When he suggested that, I nearly lost it and told him point blank that I would not go on birth control again until we had a baby.

So, we are still trying and today I want to take my mind off of things by spending a girls' night with Mia and Kate. I just need an evening of mindless chit chat, unhealthy food, and crap TV to feel like my old self again. I even considered to fly to Georgia to see my mother for a few days, but decided against it, because it would mean not seeing Christian, so instead, I called her and she will come to Seattle to see me next week.

She could tell from our latest phone calls that something isn't right, but I didn't want to tell her that I fear I might not be able to carry a child. She would have felt terrible for not being there to hug me and tell me that all will be fine, so I guess I have to wait for a few more days to tell her.

With a sigh, I let my shirt fall back into place, change into a maxi dress and hurry downstairs to make some snacks, while Gail is making something for the guys downstairs in the billiards room.

An hour later Mia and Kate have arrived and we are all in the family room just talking, but I start to feel a bit uncomfortable. Trying to ignore it, I continue to enjoy the evening, until I have to use the bathroom.

Once I'm inside I sit on the toilet and when I wipe myself I start to cry, because of course, my period has started. I just flush the toilet pull my panties back up and sit down on the floor where I allow myself to cry for a few minutes.

"Ana is everything ok?" I hear Mia call out.

"Yes, come in." I call back and she steps inside.

"Hey, why are you crying?" She asks and sits down next to me.

"My period just started… I don't get it; I mean what if something is wrong with me? I can't imagine not having children and..."

"Stop, please… look, Ana, I know that you have been trying for a while now and I know how heartbreaking it is when it doesn't happen right away. Ethan and I had to try six months before this little one came to be." She says and points to her belly.

"But you had Olivia before, so you knew it would happen eventually, I never had a baby before, so what if I just can't get pregnant, maybe something is wrong with me." I sob. Mia already has a daughter and is pregnant again, so how would she know what it feels like to go through something like this?

"There is nothing wrong with you, please, believe me, you will be pregnant when the time is right. I just know it, now no more tears or do I have to get my brother to make you smile again?"

"No, please don't tell him, Mia, he hates to see me upset, he even suggested that I should start birth control again for a while, I don't want him to see me like this." I beg and she nods.

"I won't tell him, but then you have to wash your face and come back into the family room."

"Okay, I just need a few more minutes… and a shot." I mutter and she laughs.

"Well, luckily you can have one." She says and gets up to leave the bathroom while I stay behind trying to get my act together.

Maybe she is right, maybe I'm just trying too hard and need to have a little more faith… it's just, I never wanted as bad as I want to get pregnant… but I have to stay positive.

Three days later I am at the office trying not to stare at my phone all the time because Dr. Greene promised to call me to once all my test results came back from the lab and it's already been two days. So when Hannah calls to tell me that she has Dr. Greene on the line I'm actually really nervous, but finally, take a deep breath and ask her to put the call through.

"Ana Grey."

"Mrs. Grey, this is Dr. Greene. Your results came in this morning, is your husband nearby? I would like to talk to him too." She says and I get a bad feeling, something isn't right.

"I… I… why do you want to talk to my husband?" Oh my God, it's bad.

"I just need to tell him something, please don't worry, Mrs. Grey."

"I can go to his office now, can I call you back in five minutes?"

"Of course, take your time I'll make sure to make time for you." She says and hangs up while I nearly start to hyperventilate.

This is it, I can't have a baby, if the results would have come back positive than she wouldn't have asked to have Christian present when she gives me the results. No, it has to be something bad.

Getting up on shaky legs I grab my purse and step outside my office.

"Hannah, I need you to cancel my appointments for the rest of the day, I'm leaving now." I tell her and she frowns but doesn't say anything as I head for the elevator and press the button for the top floor.

Once I'm up I step out and walk to Andrea's desk. "Mrs. Grey, how nice to see you, Mr. Grey is in his office, you can go right through." She says and smiles at me, but I just give her a stone-faced nod and walking towards Christian's office.

When I enter, I find him behind his desk, smiling when he sees me, but his face falls when he looks at me.

"Baby, what is wrong, you look upset?"

"Can you please cancel your next appointment ?" I ask barely recognizing my own voice.

"Has something happened? Ana talk to me!" He demands and I look up at him.

"My test results came in, Dr. Greene called me but she wouldn't tell me, she asked for you to be there too." I whisper trying desperately not to succumb to tears.

"Is there anything wrong?" He asks and I shrug.

"Can we please just go get this call over with? I need to know what is wrong with me."

"Hey, there is nothing wrong with you… maybe she just wants to share positive news with both of us." He says and I want to yell at him. No Doctor tells someone to have another person present to give you test results unless it is really bad.

"Okay, let me tell Andrea to cancel my next meeting, then we can talk to Dr. Greene." He says and for a second I want to ask him how he can be so casual over this, but I bite my tongue and watch as he calls Andrea to tell her to cancel his next appointment.

Once he is done we sit down on the couch in his office and I make the phone call.

„I'm with my husband now, Doctor Greene." I say trying not to succumb to tears before I have even heard what is wrong with me.

„First of all, all of your test results came in positive, Mrs. Grey. There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to have a baby." She says and I need a second to digest this news.

„So, everything is fine? I can have children?"

„Yes, you are as healthy as it gets, no reason why you shouldn't get pregnant."

„But why did you ask for my husband to be present?" I ask getting annoyed because I nearly had a nervous breakdown.

„Well, I requested your husband's medical file, but there must have been a mix-up with his file and I can't get a hold of your husband's doctor, so I just wanted to ask Mr. Grey to contact his doctor to let him know there was a mix-up."

„Mix up?" I ask confused.

„Well, according to the file I received your husband had a vasectomy about two years ago, but since you are actively trying to get pregnant this can't be right. Please let me know when the issue has been fixed. Have a good day." She says and hangs up.

I look at Christian and he is white as a ghost, looking anywhere but at me, still I can see the guilt written all over his face. This can't be true... he wouldn't have done that... two years ago we have already been married... he wouldn't betray me like that.

„You should call your Doctor... I think I have his number on my phone." I say and he still doesn't look at me.

"Christian!" I snap and this gets his attention.

"Ana… I… please let's just go home." He says and I shake my head.

"No! I want to know what is going on, why are you acting so weird... it's a simple mix-up with the file... or is it?" I hiss and he hangs his head.

"I can't be a father, Ana… I'm not made to be a father and I don't want children… ever." He says and my heart starts to pound.

"Christian, that's bullshit, you are so great with Ava, Olivia, and Jamie… you …"

"You want to know what I love about them the most?" He suddenly snaps at me and my eyes widen. "It's the fact that the second the start to annoy the fucking hell out of me, I can give them back to their parents. Children are messy, Ana… spit, shit, snot, vomit, sticky fingers and more shit, I hate it, really fucking hate it, but I knew that if I had told you from the start that we won't have children, you would have never married me and I am selfish, I want you Ana… all to myself. So, I lied and told you that we could talk about kids sometime in the future. I actually thought I had way more time, but with Mia and Kate having kids, of course you wanted to have one too and I… I panicked. So, I took care of it." He says and my ears are ringing, while bile rises in my throat, because deep down I know what he is going to say next.

"What have you done?" I whisper and close my eyes, not able to look at this man in front of me any longer.

"After you brought having kids up the first time, I knew I had to find a way out of this… then my business trip through Europa came up… so on the first day there I went to a hospital and had a vasectomy." He says and I keep my eyes closed… this is not my husband… not the man I have been in love with for over five years… he wouldn't do this to me, put me through hell for nothing… lie to my face…

"Say something." He says and my eyes snap open.

"You want me to say something… how could you do this; it wasn't just your decision to make!" I hiss, mindful that I can't yell at him here, not with other people within earshot.

"I was scared, I don't want children and I was worried you would just go off birth control, so I made sure that even if you did, it wouldn't get you anywhere." He hisses back and I can't believe this is happening.

"Well, unlike you, I would never go behind your back with something as important as starting a family. How could you tell me you wanted to start a family when you knew it wasn't going to happen!"

Suddenly, I'm so angry, I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack, for seven months he has given me hope, watched me cry my eyes out when my period started, made plans with me for our future children and he knew it wasn't going happen.

"You were so distant, I saw you holding Jamie and I knew that is what you wanted… I just thought we would try for a while and then you would give up and we could go back to normal… look it doesn't matter, we still have us…"

"Us? No, right now there is no us! If anything, you have ruined us by betraying me the way you did… Fuck this!" I damn near scream, grab my purse and storm out of his office. I need to get the hell away from Christian or I might do or say something that will ruin our marriage for good.

In the garage, I look around and find that Taylor has followed me.

"Is everything alright, Mrs. Grey?" Taylor asks.

"Please get a car, I need to leave." I mutter.

"Do you want me to get Mr. Grey."

"No! Just get a fucking car!" I yell and Taylor looks at me startled.

"Ma'am, I really think I should get Mr. Grey." He says and that's it I lose it.

"Listen to me, you either get a car or I'll walk, because if I have to look at the lying piece of shit that is my husband right now, I will kill him, understand?"

"Ma'am please tell me what happened." He says and a bitter thought crosses my mind.

"Did you know; you've been with him to Europe when he had to stay there for three months." I ask and he frowns.

"Mrs. Grey, I don't know what you are talking about." He says and I close my eyes.

"Did he go to a hospital while you've been there?"

"Yes, I believe so, he said he wanted to get a birthmark removed."

"He had a vasectomy." I whisper.

"Fucking hell… alright, I'll get the car, Ma'am." He asks and with that my tears start to fall.

„Where do you want to go?" Taylor asks when we are in the car.

"Home." I whisper, so grateful when he starts to drive.

While he is driving, my thoughts go back to all the times I have cried in the last seven months, because no matter how often we tried, I just wouldn't get pregnant… and he knew, he put me through this for nothing and just watched… how could he do this to me?

After a while, I stop to cry and instead I know I have to make a decision.

"Taylor, have you heard from Christian?" I ask.

"Yes, he has requested for Ryan to pick him up."

"Call Ryan, tell him to take Christian to Escala." I say eerily calm and take my phone from my purse to call Gail.

"Mrs. Grey, what can I do for you?" She asks when as picks up the phone.

"Gail, I need you to pack my husband's belongings and send them to Escala."

"I… I don't understand." She stutters and I take a deep breath, so I won't yell at her.

"As of now, Christian and I are separated, I don't want him in my house, so he will stay at Escala, please pack his belongings and have them send to him." I repeat.

"I… of course, Ma'am." She says and I hang up.

At home, I walk like a robot into the kitchen, open the fridge and pour myself a huge glass of wine, while I try to wrap my head around what happened this afternoon and what it means for my marriage. Can we recover from this? Can I ever trust my husband again? In this moment I have no idea, all I know is that I need time to think this through… maybe I should talk to Christian, but what he has done is so horrible that I know I will lose it with him and make our situation even worse… I just need some time to myself and then I can make up my mind if I want to pick up the pieces of marriage, move on and give up on my dream of having children for a man who is so fucked up that he would put me through hell and back to get things his way…


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hi guys,**_

 _ **I hope I managed to get back to everyone who sent me a PM, if not, please send me a new one... About this chapter... I feel the need to give you a trigger warning, there is violence... or at least physical force involved, so I will mark the part of the chapter with xxxx at the beginning and end so you will be able to skip it and continue when it's over. You won't miss out if you skip it, because there are several POV's in this chapter, so what happened will be recalled in a less descriptive manner.**_

 **Gail**

"We have to do something, Jason." I murmur as I continue to watch Ana from the kitchen. The poor thing is sitting on the living room floor gulping down red wine and crying her eyes out. It has been the same for almost four hours.

An hour after her, Mr. Grey arrived home and it was an ugly scene that took place between them… in the end Jason had to step in and told him in no uncertain ways to leave the property or he would make him. I have never seen Jason as angry as he was when a visibly upset Mr.

Grey started to lash out at his wife…

 **Flashback – Four hours earlier**

Ana was still sitting at the kitchen table staring into space and contemplating how to move past what had happened at this afternoon. She couldn't understand why her husband would do something like that to her… it wasn't just about him getting a vasectomy without telling her, no it was also about the fact that he couldn't even take the blame for it, he put it on her by stating that she would have gone off birth control without telling him … and she never even thought about doing something so important without the consent of her husband.

A commotion at the front door followed by voices brought her back to the now… oh no, Christian is home, she thought and shakily got to her feet. When she stepped into the hallway his angry gaze found hers.

Christian was livid, first the fucking doctor stuck her nose into his business, forcing him to confess something he never wanted Ana to find out and then he was informed by Ryan that by his wife's request he was no longer welcome in his own home. Anxiety, fear and anger all welled up inside him and it was a lethal combination. He could take her anger, he could deal with her being upset, but he wouldn't allow her to kick him out of his home or throw what they had together away over a fucking child that didn't even exist.

"Please leave, I need to be alone; I need to figure out if I can live with what you have done." She whispered and he closed his eyes when he saw the pain in her eyes, but the monster in him wouldn't just leave quietly.

"I get that you need time, but you are not kicking me out, this is my house and you are my wife, I'm not going anywhere and before you even say it, neither are you!" He snapped and instantly wanted to kick himself when he saw the look of horror on her face.

"You think we will just get back to normal, like nothing happened? Like you didn't lie to me, like you didn't betray me? Is that what you want, how about we just have dinner and then fuck like today never happened." She yelled at him and he took a step closer to her.

"Calm the fuck down, Ana! Jesus, nothing has changed I just made sure that it would be always just us. Don't you see how kids fuck up everything? No sleep, no sex and once they hit their teens they're not just a god damn nuisance, but a fucking pain in the ass. No one says it, but most marriages fail, because of the kids, so excuse the hell out of me if I wanted to protect what we have." he yelled back and for the first time since she had known her husband, Ana took a couple of steps back from him and looked at him in disgust.

"Marriages fail because people stop communicating, because they grow apart or because one or even both partner cheat. The children are never to blame… oh my god, why can't you just own up to what this is really about? Just say it!" She yelled at him and he came closer again.

"I just told you what this is about, I want us to be happy, to work as a couple and a kid would have ruined everything… so I took care of it. Now snap the fuck out of it!" He hissed in her face and Ana was fighting a losing battle with her own temper.

"Snap out of it? SNAP OUT OF IT?! Have you lost your fucking mind? You know what I want? I want a family; I don't want it to be just us for the rest of our lives! So right now, I'm trying to figure out, if I can find a way to get over those feelings or if I'm going divorce your ass and find someone who doesn't lie to me and betray me, someone I can trust and…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ana stopped when Christian grabbed her by the shoulders, his fingers dug painfully into her flesh and when she looked at him his beautiful face had morphed into a mask of pure rage.

"Divorce? Believe me, baby, you don't want to do that. I have made you, everything you have you owe it to me, all those fancy clothes, the jewelry, the house, your cars, your company… you even think about leaving and it's all gone. I'll make sure you end up with nothing… do you hear me? Do you, Ana?" He spat at her and started to shake her. "Do you hear me, you are mine, no one else will ever have you… it's all mine!" He continued to scream and Ana struggled against him, but he wasn't about to let go of her.

Christian Grey had officially lost all of his precious self-control the moment his wife uttered the word divorce. He had to make her see that she needed him just as much as he needed her… he was nothing without her and the thought of her going on with someone else drove him to insanity.

"Christian stop it, you are scaring me!" Ana cried out as she continued to struggle against her husband.

"You need me… do you hear me, Ana… you can't leave me… you are mine." He screamed and tried to kiss her… desperately trying to make her understand that they belonged together.

As it got harder and harder for him to hold on to his struggling wife and grabbed her by her dress making the fabric rip.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jason Taylor had watched the scene transpiring between his boss and Ana for as long as he could take it, but when he saw Ana's desperate struggle he had enough and rushed back into the entrance hall.

"Sir, you need to let go of Mrs. Grey right now." He said loudly, but was completely ignored by his out of his mind boss and then he saw his boss literally trying to rip the clothes off of his crying wife and that made Taylor snap too.

In one swift move he grabbed his boss and subdued him by grabbing him in a bear hug around his torso, forcing him to let go of his wife who ran off as if the devil himself was chasing her.

"Let the fuck go of me!" Christian screamed furious, but Taylor wasn't having it and dragged him out of the house.

"Now listen to me, Grey, the way you have just treated your wife is unacceptable, you need to leave." He hissed at his boss.

"What? This is my house and I'm your boss!" Christian replied arrogance personified.

"Really, last time I checked the house was solely in Mrs. Grey's name… and yes, you are my boss, but I'm also here to protect your wife and she needs protection from you, so do yourself a favor and leave quietly or I swear to fucking hell I'll make you!" Taylor replied deathly calm and watched as his boss cussed up a storm until he finally gave up, got into his car and drove away.

Taylor decided to not to take any chances and changed the code for the gate immediately. In this moment he felt his loyalty lay solely with Mrs. Grey and unless Ana Grey wanted her husband to return he would make sure that he would not set foot on her property.

 **-End of Flashback-**

"Gail, I have no idea what to do? We have tried to console her… she isn't even listening, I'm about to have Flynn come over." Jason says, but that gives me an idea and hurry to get my phone.

"Grey Residence. How may I help you?" I hear a female voice when the call gets connected.

"This is Gail Taylor; may I speak to Dr. Trevelyan?" I reply and after a minute Dr. Trevelyan is on the phone.

"Gail, is everything alright?" Mr. Grey's mother asks, clearly alarmed that I am calling her especially at this hour.

"Ma'am, I know it is getting rather late, but I have to ask you to come over to see Mrs. Grey. The poor thing is terribly upset, she has been crying for hours and had way too much to drink."

"Oh my, is my son not home?" She asks and I sigh.

"No, they… well, they had an ugly fight, which is why Mrs. Grey is as upset as she is."

"A fight?"

"Yes, I won't go into detail, because it is not my place to say, but Jason and I have no idea what to do with the poor thing, she is crying and crying… please can you come over and talk to her?"

"Of course, I'll be there as soon as possible."

"Thank you." I reply and end the call.

"You called his mother?" Jason asks me with his eyes wide.

"Yes, both Kate Grey and Mia Kavanagh are pregnant and probably already asleep, so I couldn't call them and Mrs. Grey's mother lives in Georgia… so what choice did I have?" I ask and he pulls me in his arms.

"I know, sweetheart. Fuck, I never thought Grey would ever lose his shit like that with his wife."

 **Grace**

"I can't reach him." I mutter frustrated after I have tried to call Christian for the tenth time, while Carry is driving.

"Let him be, Gracie, you know how he is, he won't answer his phone until he is ready to talk. Right now, he is probably at Escala having a drink and contemplating how to get himself out of the doghouse." Carry says, but I have a really bad feeling about this. Christian and Ana never fight… of course they have their occasional argument like any other married couple, but this sounds way more serious.

"Come, we are here, you go and see how Ana is doing and I am going to talk to Taylor." He says as he pulls up in our son's driveway and as soon as we walk into the house I can hear Ana's sobs coming from the family room, so I hurry towards it and stop dead in my tracks for a second.

Ana is sitting on the floor, there are two empty wine bottles and countless used tissues around her, while she is holding another wine bottle and as if that wasn't shocking enough, her dress looks ripped and I can see bruises that look like fingerprints starting to form on her upper arms.

"Dear God." I gasp and hurry closer.

"Ana, sweetheart what happened?" I ask and gently take the bottle from her hand as I sit down next to her.

She looks at me, her eyes swollen from all the crying and looks utterly helpless and desperate.

"Darling, please… please tell me what happened."

"He lied to-to me Gr-grace." She hiccups and tries to explain what happened, but at this point she is so drunk that she isn't able to form a coherent sentence, so in the end, I decide that she needs to sleep. Due to the amounts of alcohol she had I decide against a mild sedative and instead convince her to come upstairs with me, where I help her change and put her to bed.

It takes a while, but after an hour, the poor thing has finally cried herself to sleep and I leave her bedroom to find Gail and Taylor, I need answers and I need them now. After looking around downstairs I find Taylor with Gail in the kitchen.

"Where is my husband, Taylor?" I ask.

"He went to Escala to talk to Mr. Grey, Ma'am." He replies rather uncomfortable.

"I want to know what happened here tonight. Why is my daughter in law upstairs, drunk and completely desperate with a ripped dress and bruises on her upper arms?" I ask and they both stare at me for a moment until Gail breaks first.

"Mrs. Grey found out today that Mr. Grey had undergone a vasectomy without her knowledge…"

"A what… surely this must have been a misunderstanding, they are trying to have a child." I stammer, this can't be right.

"Ma'am, Mrs. Grey was trying to have a child, I'm sorry to say this, but your son just allowed her to have hope until she would give up on that hope... he just told her they would try because he feared she would leave if he told her what he had done." Taylor says and I can't decide if I'm too shocked or angry to talk.

"And then he attacked her?" I murmur still not understanding how the bruises and the ripped dress came to be.

"Mrs. Grey needed some time to herself, she wanted your son to stay at Escala for a while, so she would have the time to think about what happened today… your son didn't appreciate that, so he came home. It was an ugly scene and when she mentioned a divorce… he lost his mind. I'm sorry, but there is no other way to describe it Ma'am." Taylor says and I feel like I am in need of a drink myself.

"Does my husband know?" I ask and Taylor nods.

"He said he would go and talk some sense into his son."

"Gail, is one of the guest rooms ready? I don't want to leave, Ana is in such a vulnerable state, I'm worried about her."

"They are all ready, just take which ever one you like the most, Ma'am." She says and they both excuse themselves to retire for the evening, while I try to call Carrick, only for my call to go to voice mail.

I would love nothing more than to drive to Escala myself and demand answers, but in this moment I feel like Ana needs me more. The poor darling… she was desperate each month her period started and to think that Christian put her through all this heartbreak when he knew it wasn't going to happen… that is just cruel.

Deciding against having a drink, I make myself a cup of tea and head upstairs, where I leave a note for Ana on her nightstand that I am in the guestroom at the end of the hall.

I hope Carrick can find out what possessed Christian to do what he has done, and what's more, I pray that there is even the tiniest glimpse of hope that Ana and Christian can get passed what has happened between them and move on as a couple… because Lord knows I would have never been able to forgive Carrick for betraying me the way Christian has just betrayed his wife.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hi guys,**_

 _ **this wasn't supposed to be a chapter, but many of you asked to read the discussion between Christian and Carrick, which is why I decided to write it and give it to you as a bonus chapter today. This also gives you a hint of what else might be wrong with this entire situation, because next chapter you'll find out another important layer of everything that happened behind Ana's back...**_

 **Carrick**

While Grace goes to tend to our sobbing daughter in law, I ask Taylor for a word. Like every married man, I had fights or arguments with my wife before but never in my life would I have left her in a state like this. In fact, had I ever reduced my wife to a drunk, crying mess I would have begged for her forgiveness and would have done anything to make her feel better. For Christian to leave Ana in this condition is unforgivable for a man who claims to love his wife as much as Christian claims to love Ana, so I need to get to the bottom of this.

„Taylor, tell me what happened here tonight?"

„Sir, it's not my place..."

„No, don't give me that... have you seen my daughter in law? This was not a normal argument between a couple... something happened and I need to know what has happened. Ana looks like she has been attacked and I do not tolerate violence, especially against females. If my son has laid hands on his wife I need to know because I will personally hold him accountable for it." I make clear and Taylor takes a deep breath before he starts to speak.

„As you know, your son and Mrs. Grey are trying to have a child... turns out only she was trying." He says and I blink.

„What do you mean... I mean Ana hasn't chea..."

„No, good God no. Mrs. Grey would never do that. Two years ago, during his business trip through Europe, Mr. Grey went to a hospital, he told me it was to get a mold removed. In reality, he had a vasectomy. He never told anyone and somehow, Mrs. Grey found out today. As you can imagine Mrs. Grey was very upset when she found out, they must have had a rather heated argument in his office, because I saw her leave clearly upset and followed her. I took her home and she made it clear that she needed time and space to think and that Mr. Grey was to stay at Escala for the time being. Mr. Grey, however, did not appreciate being kicked out and came home an hour after Mrs. Grey. Gail and I tried to stay out of it, but after he verbally lashed out at her, I had to interfere and physically remove him from the house." Taylor says clearly still shaken from the events.

„Why?"

„During their argument, Mrs. Grey mentioned a divorce and your son he... lost his mind is probably the best way to describe it. He grabbed her rather harshly by the shoulders and started to shake her first... then it seemed he wanted to kiss her, all the while Mrs. Grey tried everything to get away from him... she was terrified and then he ripped her dress and I couldn't allow this to get any further. I might be on Mr. Grey's payroll, but I'm also here to protect his wife and Mrs. Grey clearly needed protection from her husband." He said and I grab my phone.

„Hey, Dad, what's up?"

„Elliot, meet me at Escala."

„What is going on Dad, you sound strange?"

„Your brother just attacked his wife and I am going to have a conversation with him... I need you there to keep me from getting violent myself." I say... Lord knows I love all my children and only want the best of everything for them, but Christian really has done it this time.

„Hold on, Dad." I hear Elliot walk around and then a door closing.

„Sorry, but I needed to get out of earshot from Kate. Now, please tell me you did not just tell me that my brother dared to lay hands on his itty bitty wife." Elliot says clearly upset.

„He did not hit her, but he grabbed her hard enough to leave bruises from what I can tell and ripped her dress... the entire scene was violent enough for Taylor to physically remove Christian from the house to protect Ana and I'm not standing for this. Can you come to Escala?"

„I'm on my way, Dad, I'll meet you at the garage... ask Taylor for the elevator code, Christian probably won't let us up if he knows that we know."

„Yes, I'll do that. See you soon." I hang up and turn to Taylor.

„Taylor, please let my wife know that I have gone to Escala and provide me with the elevator code for the Penthouse."

„Of course, Sir." He says and two minutes later I am on my way to Escala.

When I arrive, I see Elliot already pacing the garage and park next to his truck.

„How is Ana?"

„Your mother is looking after her... she was very upset when we arrived... I let your mother handle it because I needed to find out what had happened to her."

„I don't get it, Dad... Christian adores Ana... I cannot see him ever lay hand on her."

„Neither did I, but apparently your brother is still keeping secrets and it blew in his face when Ana found out... she may divorce him." I let Elliot know and to be honest, I wouldn't blame her if she did.

„Divorce... hold on, before we go up there, please, tell me what he has done."

„Your brother lied when he told Ana he was ready to have a child... he had a vasectomy when he had to go to Europe two years ago."

I watch as Elliot takes in what I just told and his reaction reflects my feelings exactly.

„You have got to be kidding me... he told her they should try... Kate told me that Ana was devastated each month when she didn't get pregnant... this has to be a misunderstanding... no one in his right mind would do that to his wife... and what the fuck was going to do anyway... just let her try and pray that Ana hits menopause early... fuck, that's insane."

„I know... now imagine how upset Ana was... she left Grey House and wanted him to stay at Escala for a few days so she had time to herself and probably so things wouldn't escalate, but of course, he came home and things got worse when she told him that she was considering a divorce."

„Well, I for one am fully on Ana's side, what he has done is as good as unforgivable. If Kate pulled a stunt like that I would never be able to trust her ever again..."

„I know, I feel the same about it, but in the end, it is up to Ana how she will handle this, still I need to talk to Christian now... get his side of the story and hopefully find out what has driven him to do what he has done." I explain and so we get into the elevator and ride up to the penthouse.

Once inside it is quiet until we hear Christian talk.

„... I know, but she wants a divorce... No! I can fix this... I just have to remind her how much she loves me... Don't say that, she has me that has to be enough. No, I won't give in... I can't, I know that..." He says on the phone while pacing the great room and looks up when he hears our footsteps.

„I have to call you back later, my father and brother are here." He says and hangs up.

„Whom did you call?" I ask while Christian is watching us wearily.

„Flynn... why are you here."

„Gail called your mother and me to look after your wife because you left her very upset." I reply sternly.

„I did not leave her... my own fucking staff made me leave." Christian yells.

„To protect your wife from you! And you better lose that attitude right away." I snap at him, Christ, this reminds me of his brawling days as a teenager.

„My wife does not need protection from me, I'm all that she needs."

„Christian, I'm dangerously close to losing it with you. You have reduced your wife into a scared, crying, drunk mess and right now the last thing on earth she needs is you anywhere near her. I have raised you better than that and what I expect from you is to leave her be. Do not try to get close to her until she chooses to talk to you and until you will be able to control your temper or I will recommend to her to get a restraining order." I let him know because clearly he is not thinking straight and seems to have digressed back to his angry teenage self, which was a time I remember all too well.

„She is my wife, god damn it!"

„Bro, get your shit together... you betrayed her, lied to her, hurt her and terrified her all in one day, if you care about Ana at all you leave her alone, because frankly, this is your one free pass, if I ever hear that you have mistreated your wife again, I will forget that we are family and beat the fucking shit out of you." Elliot says and that seems to get Christian's attention.

„I never meant to hurt Ana... but she said she wants to divorce me, that she could find someone else to give her a family... she can't do that Elliot, she is mine." He says and sits down on the floor leaning against the sofa and Elliot sits down next to him.

„Ana is your wife... not your property, she has a free will, man... you can't force her to be your wife. And for the love of God, you can't lose your shit like that with her... Ana is a tiny woman, I've seen you brawl and you could easily kill her with your bare hands. I'm not saying you hurt her on purpose or that you would do it ever intentionally, but you need to fix your anger issue if not for yourself than for her. You are lucky you have a good guy like Taylor working for you who is not afraid to even throw his boss out, can you imagine what would have happened if he wouldn't have been there?" Elliot asks and Christian shakes his head violently.

„I wouldn't hurt her... I just need to keep her."

„But that is not the right way, fuck bro... you knew Ana wants a family... why did you give her hope if you already had made sure it wasn't going to happen?"

„She was pulling away from me... I saw it... she wanted to try so bad... I couldn't tell her, she would have left."

„Didn't you think at some point she would start to ask questions?" Elliot asks and Christian shakes his head. I don't even have words for this... I thought over the last five years my son had finally grown up emotionally too, but right now sitting on the floor with a lost look on his face he reminds me of the scared little boy we have brought home almost thirty years ago.

„Christian, maybe it is time for you to find a new psychiatrist, you have seen Flynn for so long, but at this point, it is obvious that he can't help you." I point out.

„No, John knows me... he understands my issues."

„But clearly he can't give you the tools to fix them." Elliot says.

„All I need is Ana."

„Bro, I love you and I hate to see this, but you may have lost her and if after what happened she does not want to be your wife anymore, you have to let her go. You cannot rely your happiness on someone else, you need to fix what is broken inside you to get there otherwise it's all going to blow in your face like it has done now."

„Has Ana said she is filing for a divorce?"

„No, when we arrive she was too upset and drunk to say anything... your mother has put her to bed, but Christian, you have to prepare yourself that your actions may very well have caused irreparable damage to your marriage."

„No! I can fix this!" He says stubbornly. „If Ana needs space I can give her that. I can start seeing Flynn more often to work on my temper... I can make her happy again." He says and neither Elliot nor I seem to have it in us to tell him that everything he said may very well be worthless because he can't give her the one thing she desires the most, which is a family.

I remember decades ago when Grace and I wanted to have children. How heartbroken we were when she miscarried five times and then had to undergo a hysterectomy after she suffered severe internal bleeding when she miscarried at 20 weeks of her pregnancy.

It was very hard for me, but it nearly broke Grace. The thought of not having children and seeing all her friends pregnant or with their children broke her heart piece by piece each time she saw them. Still, she did not want to give up on her dream, so we adopted three wonderful children. I can only imagine what it must be like for Ana to know that she is fully capable of having a child and being denied this dream by the man she loves... it's cruel and will most likely lead her to resent him should she decided that there is any hope for her marriage.

In my line of work, I have seen many couples divorce because one partner revealed after they had been married for a few years that they never wanted to have children. It's a deal breaker most of the time because it will leave a void in the life of the other partner... one that cannot be filled with friends, family, a career, traveling or anything else.

At this point, I truly believe that the only way for them to somehow overcome this is for Christian to undergo intensive therapy, anger management and in the end get the vasectomy reversed when he comes to the revelation that it family will be the best thing for him. I believe in my heart that this is true, having children would be good for him, sadly if today has shown me anything it is, that he is not there yet... maybe not for many more years and I would understand if Ana was not willing to stay with him until he has reached that point.

„Christian, why are you so scared of having kids... you are great with my kids and Mia's little girl too." Elliot says, but Christian remains silent for the longest time.

„Even if I could deal with all the annoying shit that comes with having kids, I would fuck that child up and Ana would leave me because of it. I can't have that, I need to be the most important person in her life, so I know she won't leave me... if we have kids, she would choose the child over me."

I look at Elliot and he at me, both at a loss for words because we both know Christian believes what he is saying. He honestly believes he would ruin the life of his child solely by being in the child's life and it hurts me that obviously Grace and I didn't manage to help our son overcome his issues because all of this clearly has to go back to the same issues he had when we first met him.

„You don't know that bro... you might turn out to be the best Dad ever." Elliot says and Christian shakes his head sadly.

„That's not true... I'm not made for it... and I can't take that risk." He says and his phone rings, he looks at the screen and gets up.

„It's Flynn, I would like to be alone." He says and even though I don't want to leave I know right now we won't get through to him. He is convinced he has done what he did for the right reasons. Maybe Grace can talk to him tomorrow, for now, I just hope he will give Ana the time and space she needs to process what has happened.

As Elliot and I step out of the elevator and into the garage he looks at me.

„There has to be more to this, Dad... I remember when they first got married he told me that eventually, he was looking forward to having a family with Ana... he wasn't lying, something has changed and I don't get it."

„Maybe we'll find out with time, but you know your brother Elliot, he is a master of keeping secrets, so we won't find out if he doesn't want us too." I reply and soon I'm back in my car hoping that my son will manage to overcome his issues and somehow manage to win Ana's trust back. I can't justify his behavior, but as a father I want my child to be happy and the only times I have seen my son truly was while he was in the presence of his wife.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey. All rights belong to E. L. James**

 **A/N: One of the funniest, sometimes sad and brutally honest books I have read over the last couple of years is called "It gets worse" by Shane Dawson. As I was writing this chapter, the book title kept coming to my mind over and over again... so, in the words of a great author and beautiful soul: Ladies and Gentlemen, it gets worse...**

 **Ana**

It's been five days since my world came crashing down, five days since I have last seen my husband or had any kind of communication with him. I have not even read his texts or e-mails and just asked Gail to put all of the flowers he has sent to the house into vases.

I have needed these last five days to think, to get to a place where I could face him without wanting to punch him or spit nasty words at him to make myself feel better. I have also needed this time to figure out where to go from here. After all, I have vowed to love Christian through the good and the bad times, so now that the bad times have come, I feel like I can't just break my vows and walk away from him. Still, I can't imagine a future without having children… or with Christian in my life.

That is why I have decided to go to Escala to talk to him. I don't know how to move past this and I feel like we may not be able to figure this out on our own, so I hope he will agree to my idea for us to start couples counseling. Not just because of what he has done when he decided to have a vasectomy without letting me know or telling me that he doesn't want to have children, but also because of what happened when he came to the house five days ago.

I have never been scared of my husband, but when he grabbed me and started to shake me, I was scared for my life and I don't ever want him to make me feel like that again.

When Taylor pulls up at the garage of Escala I get out of the car and watch his grim face as I step into the elevator, I know Taylor wanted to come up with me, he doesn't trust Christian any more than I do right now, but I know Ryan is there and I don't like the thought, that I need security to see my own husband. The one person who is supposed to make me feel loved and save…

Stepping out of the elevator I hear Christian talk to someone and freeze when I hear the voice of a woman answering… a voice I had hoped to never hear again.

"Christian darling, I have been telling you this for the past five years now, she is not what you need. Look, she wants a family… you don't. You like control and she likes to be independent. You are constantly compromising to keep her in your life and at one point you just have to see that it wasn't meant to be. I could have a sub lined up for you if that's what you wanted."

"I… no, Ana is my wife, I'm not giving up on her. I can win her back… we love each other. Maybe if she wants a kid so damn much…"

"Christian, please. Stop it, I have always told you, you are no father material, surely you could get the vasectomy reversed, but as soon as you fuck up with her child, she will leave you for good… giving in will only ensure that you lose her for good."

"You are right… god damn it; why can't she see that I had no choice but to make sure we wouldn't have kids?" Christian hisses and I can't believe this. For a second all I want to do is run… but then I decide that there is no way in hell I'm leaving, because that would mean the old bitch would win.

So instead of running, I step into the great room, announcing myself by the clicking of my heels on the marble floor.

Both Christian and Elena turn around and I can actually watch as all the color drains from his face.

"Well look at that. I know you currently don't have a housekeeper to help you around here, Christian, but has no one ever told you that you have to take the trash out instead of having drinks with it?" I ask, my voice so cold that I barely even recognize it myself.

"Excuse me? How dare you talk about me like that?!" Elena gasps and I turn my gaze to her. Time really has not been kind to her, she looks old… even with all the expensive makeup and clothes, she looks simply disgusting and I can barely force myself to keep looking at her.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment, Elena." I snap at her.

"Ana…" I spin around and hold my hand up, making Christian shut up immediately.

"I swear to god, if you dare to try and defend that woman in front of me, I will leave, find myself a good lawyer, divorce your ass and in doing so I will take you for all your worth. So, that's what is going to happen now, you will tell her goodbye, she will leave and you will never see her again, unless of course you want to choose her over me… so make up your mind, you have two minutes."

I watch his face intently and can see all the emotions flicker across his face; surprise, shock, anger and lastly resolve. He made up his mind, for a moment I have no idea what his decision will be, but I continue to stare at him as he turns to face Elena.

"Goodbye Elena, please see yourself out." He says and her eyes widen in horror.

"Christian, please you can't be serious… are you her sub, because you sure act like it." She hisses and I call out for Ryan.

"Yes Ma'am?"

"Ryan, please see this woman out and if you ever see her again or witness my husband having any kind of contact with her, I want you to contact me immediately."

"Or course, Ma'am." He says and leads a furious Elena to the elevator. Once she is gone I turn to face Christian.

"How long?" I ask and he hangs his head.

"A week after I've proposed to you." He murmurs and I close my eyes, wondering how many secrets he has been keeping from me since then.

"Have you fucked her?" I ask and his eyes widen.

"NO! I would never cheat on you."

"Well, excuse me, but right now, I have no trust in you, so let me qualify my last question. Have you had any kind of relationship with her or any other woman in or outside the context of BDSM?"

I watch as he runs both hands through his hair and I know I won't like his answer. Please, God, forgive me in advance, because if he has cheated on me on top of everything else, I cannot be held responsible for my reaction.

"About four years ago, Elena accompanied me on a business trip to New York, while you had the flu… she tried to kiss me, but I told her off." He says and a bitter laugh escapes me.

"Wow, aren't you a hypocrite?" I mutter and he gasps. "Oh no, you will listen! Remember my good friend, José? With whom I never had any kind of sexual relationship… but he tried to kiss me once and it drove you insane… so much so that only a month after our wedding I told my dear friend… whom I loved like a brother I may add; I told him we couldn't be friends anymore because it was making my husband upset. And in the five years, we have been married, I have never contacted him again. All the while you have remained friends with a woman you had a sexual relationship with for years… and not a consensual one, because you haven't been old enough to give consent to anything when it started…"

"Ana I will never talk to her again and…"

"Damn right, you won't! Because now I'm the one in charge, from now on Luke is going to be your CPO, he will follow you everywhere and if you do so much as to read a text she has sent you I will know and we are done!" I snap.

"Oh, so you think I'm lying?" He snaps back and I snort.

"You have been lying to me for our entire marriage, Christian, right now, I believe jack shit you are saying and just so you know, your chances of me taking you back are very slim right now… so you better watch the way you are talking to me!" I hiss and the look on his face is almost comical.

"Is that why you are here… to … to tell me that we are done?" He whispers.

"No, but I also didn't come here to invite you back home. You have hurt me… scared me… and you have broken my trust in you… I can't just take you back… here look at what you have done." I say and take my jacket off, so he can see the bruises in the shape of his hands on my upper arms.

"See this… I don't want to be that woman… a woman who is afraid of her own husband and has to wear long clothes in summer to hide her bruises from everyone… I will never be that woman… and thanks to you I will also never be a mother should I decide to stay married to you… and it is because I can't imagine my future without you that I came here today… I wanted us to go through couples counseling… see if we can move on from what happened."

"Okay… yes, we can do that…. We can work this out, Ana."

"I'm not sure we can… I need a few more days to recover from your latest revelations and Christian, if there is anything else you are hiding, you better say it now or else I am not willing to work on our relationship." I say and close my eyes when I see the look on his face.

"I… have been in contact with Leila … she is better now and we occasionally talk on the phone or via Skype… just to make sure she is doing alright… and I… fuck, look, she needed to start over so I bought her a place she now uses as an art gallery… I have only seen her once in person at the opening of her gallery. She means nothing to me… she is just someone I once knew and who needed help…."

"And who held me at gunpoint… but oh well, let's just forget about that, right? Just tell me one more thing, how did you manage to meet Elena for all those years without me or anyone finding out?"

"You are not going to like this…" He starts and I want to laugh… how much worse can it possibly get? "We have met once a week at the club we are both members at."

"Club?"

"A BDSM club, I had Andrea schedule her in as a business appointment and told Taylor I don't need him to accompany me… so that's why no one ever found out… I'm so sorry, baby… I never meant to hurt you …."

"But you did… and everything you just confessed… I need time. I will leave Seattle for a few days and when I'm back I'm going to contact a therapist… maybe we can work this out… I don't know, but for now I need to separate myself from you… which also means I am going to look into office buildings, so I can move Grey Publishing from GEH."

"You don't have to do this…"

"Yes, I have to, it's my company and if we can't find a way to save our marriage I don't want to work in a building where I could to run into you at any given chance."

"You can't leave me, please Ana… I can fix this." He says desperation evident in his voice and I sigh.

"I'm not sure you can… bye, Christian." I whisper, suddenly I feel exhausted. My brain is completely empty and I just need to get out and figure out what to do next.

When I step out of the elevator I see Taylor just outside of it and Elena who is pacing in front of the SUV.

"You! How dare you, you cannot take him away from me!" She yells at me and Taylor gets right into her face.

"You need to leave and if you ever even look at Mrs. Grey again, I will make it my life's mission to ruin you, now get the fuck out of our way or I'll just run you over with the car." Taylor hisses at her and then proceeds to lead me to the car.

Once we are both inside I rest my head against the window. "I want someone to watch her and Luke will be assigned as Christian's CPO effective immediately, he will follow him everywhere, I want to know the second he contacts Elena Lincoln again." I let Taylor know.

"Of course, Mrs. Grey, where do you want to go?"

"Grey Publishing, I need to go to the office." I murmur, I haven't been in for five days, because I didn't want to run into Christian at GEH, but I have to go in today, to prepare for a business trip I have scheduled for tomorrow. Going to New York is just what I need right now, just to get out of Seattle for a few days and really think things through.

My Mom was supposed to come visit right after my business trip, but I decide, that instead of her visiting me, I will go to Georgia and stay with her, maybe staying with my mother for a few days and talking to her will help me put things into perspective. Because after everything that has happened within the last five days, I'm not sure if there is a way to fix my marriage.

Maybe I am just a girl who fell in love with a boy and wanted him to be her prince charming so much that she didn't want to see what was going on all this time… and maybe I have to let him go in order to be happy again…


	6. Chapter 6

**Happy Sunday, Ladies, since I had some time to write and I'm in a really good mood today, I decided to give you another bonus chapter. So, here it is, enjoy!**

 **Ana**

Arriving at Grey House, I hurry through the lobby and get into the elevator, which takes me up to the fifteenth floor where Grey Publishing has its offices. Inside I wave at Claire behind the reception desk and walk towards my office.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Grey." Hannah greets me and I smile at her.

"Good afternoon, Hannah, please come to my office in five minutes." I let her know get into my office and deflate into my chair. Automatically my gaze finds the pictures on my desk.

There is one of our wedding pictures as well as a picture of us sitting on a blanket in the meadow at home, both of us are smiling and until now it has been one of my favorite pictures of Christian and myself. Looking at it now, the bitter thought crosses me that I don't even know my own husband.

If I did, I would have noticed all the lies he told me over the years… and what's more, if all his declarations of love had been true, he would have never kept so much from me. It's like he lived two separate lives… or maybe he just separated me from his real life. Maybe all I am to him is a trophy wife. After all, he made me championing many charities, just so I could make connections with rich housewives and he, in turn, would benefit from it and could do business with their husband's.

Who knows, maybe he did cheat on me… I don't want to believe it, but the sad fact is that I just can't trust him anymore or believe anything he is telling me at the moment.

"Mrs. Grey?" I look up when Hannah enters my office and motion for her to sit down.

"So, I need you to book me on a flight to New York for the conference tomorrow."

"Oh of course, but weren't you supposed to take the GEH Jet?" She asks and I try not snap at her.

"Yes, but things have changed, I also need you to book me a suite in New York and please talk to Mr. Taylor, he will accompany me. Once you have done that, I need you to contact a few real estate agents for me, I want to buy an office building big enough to house Grey Publishing." I tell her and her eyes widen.

"Mrs. Grey… Ana… I know, it's none of my business, but I have been working for you for over five years now and frankly, you look a mess… so is everything alright?" I look at her for a moment and try to figure out what to say to her.

Over the years we have become close and have been out for drinks after work along with Claire too many times to count. Still, I don't think it's a good idea to spill my guts to her.

"Things are a bit rough right now… let's just leave it at that."

"Of course, well, I get to work then, is there anything I can get you a tea maybe?" She asks and the first thing that comes to my mind actually makes me smile for the first time in five days.

"I want a chocolate milkshake, with lots of cream and sprinkles… if you can get me one, I want it to be so big that I'll feel guilty just looking at it." I say and Hannah smiles.

"I know just the place where to get one of those." She says and heads out of my office. Over the last five days, I have literally been eating my feelings. Where I usually starve myself when I'm upset, I went against my usual M.O. and instead indulged in too much ice cream, everything that Dunkin Donuts has to offer and ordered so much unhealthy food that I have probably given myself Diabetes and cholesterol issues over the past few days. I know I can't go on like that, but it felt good just to eat whatever the hell I want, wear my pajamas all day and don't even bother to put on some makeup or style my hair.

Being Christian's wife has changed me… I have not just matured and grown comfortable with myself, but I have also changed my style completely... or let him change my style to be more exact. He is the one telling my hair dresser how to cut and style my hair, he is the one who tells Caroline Acton what clothes to buy for me and when we went to an event he was the one telling the make-up artist how he wanted me to look.

I don't even remember when I went shopping for clothes the last time… not that I miss it, but sometimes I miss the days where I could just dress in a t-shirt, jeans, and chucks. I don't think I even own a pair of jeans anymore because my husband prefers me wearing skirts and dresses… because he isn't the one freezing his ass off in winter wearing them…

Fifteen minutes later, I have managed to occupy my thoughts with work and enjoy my milkshake when my phone buzzes and I frown when I see the number on the screen.

"Ana Grey."

"Ana this is John Flynn. Christian just contacted me, he scheduled an appointment for couples counseling next week and wanted me to let you know." He says and I close my eyes.

I like John, I truly do, but Christian has been seeing him for years and it has never been more obvious than now that he couldn't help him with anything.

"John, please don't take this the wrong way, but I would like for Christian and me to see someone else. I feel like we need someone who doesn't know us."

"I understand… but I would suggest that you re-think because I feel that it would be beneficial to meet with someone who already knows you and Christian." He argues.

"No, I don't think so, Christian can meet with you, but I will find a different Doctor for us to do couples counseling. I will let Christian know once I have found someone. Goodbye John." I hang up annoyed and feeling a bit guilty, because I know I was rather rude to him… still, I feel like seeing John together is not going to get us anywhere.

Sighing, I send a text to Grace, asking her if she knows any good therapist in Seattle and continue to work for two more hours until it is time to go home.

I have almost forgotten what it feels like to be on a commercial flight. Taylor wasn't happy that we have to ride in coach, but I kind of like it, it feels normal and right now normal is just what I need. Kate came over yesterday evening and I'm pretty sure if she was to run into Christian by chance, it wouldn't end well for him.

She told me to simply divorce him and find someone who would treat me right and give me children, but it's not that easy. I have been with Christian for five years and for most of it I have been blissfully happy with him. Not sure he was ever happy with me… No, I cannot think like that, because if I do, I might as well just take Kate's advice and file for divorce.

"Ana?" I look at Taylor and smile, finally, he is calling me by my first name. "I thought I should let you know that your college friend lives in New York now and has his own gallery… Mr. Grey made me loosely keep tabs on him, so if you want to visit him, I can give you the address of his gallery." Taylor says and it takes me a second to process what he is telling me.

"José?"

"Yes, Mr. Grey was worried he would try to contact you again, so he wanted to make sure he always knew where Mr. Rodriguez is." He says and I shake my head sadly. Christian really did control every aspect of my life, while he did whatever he wanted without telling me.

"Is he doing ok?" I want to know and Taylor gives me a rare smile.

"I'd say your friend is doing more than ok, Ana. He is a full-time photographer and has worked with many magazines as well as selling lots of his pictures in his gallery."

"That's good… yes, I would love to see José again."

When we arrive in New York and Taylor drives us through the heavy New York traffic I look out of the window, remembering the first time Christian took me to New York.

It was winter and we came here to go Christmas shopping. On our last day here he took me ice skating at the Rockefeller Center and even though I'm pretty good at ice skating, he wouldn't leave my side the entire time. There were so many families and I found myself watching a father with his tiny daughter, teaching her how to keep her balance on the ice. It was such a beautiful scene that I couldn't help but watch them. When Christian followed my gaze he smiled his adorable shy smile and asked me if I thought that one day he would teach our daughter how to skate on ice.

Now, I have to wonder if he just said that to make me believe he wanted children as well. I absolutely hate this…. Hate the fact that I have to question everything my husband has ever told me and so I push the thought aside and concentrate on the meetings ahead.

In the early evening, after my meetings are done and Taylor is driving us back to the hotel I suddenly see something.

"Taylor, can you stop over there, I want to go shopping." I say and he looks surprised but pulls up in front of the store and we head inside.

I haven't been in a clothing store in so long, Mia and Kate have regular shopping dates and I used to go with them, but Christian was never pleased with what I bought for myself, so about seven months into our marriage I stopped and left all the shopping to Caroline Acton. With everything going on at the moment, I feel the desperate need for total comfort on the outside and that is something all the fancy clothes I possess can't provide.

Inside the store, I look around and find some really nice jeans and an oversized sweater, along with some t-shirts and even chucks. I pay for everything and change at the store into one of the outfits I just bought and as soon as I'm back in jeans and chucks I feel a lot better.

"Taylor, I would like to visit José now." I let him know and while he is driving to the gallery I grab my phone and decide to let Christian know what I am about to do. It's not so much that I feel the need to let him know, but that I don't want to start acting like him.

*I'm in NYC and just found out that José owns a gallery here, so I'm going to visit him. Thought I let you know.*

It takes about thirty seconds until he replies.

*Why? He wants you, Ana! Please don't go.*

*He is just an old friend and even if he wants me, I don't want him. There is nothing you have to worry about. Gotta go.*

Shoving my phone back into my purse I stare out of the window ignoring the constant ping of incoming texts until Taylor stops the car and gets out to open the door for me. I walk slowly towards the entrance of the gallery. Maybe this is a bad idea, I remember my last conversation with José when I had to tell him we couldn't be friends anymore, he was in tears… I was in tears and then I just walked away from him. I never felt as shitty about myself as I did that day, but I kept telling myself that I did it for Christian and somehow I got over it and stopped allowing myself to even think about José.

When we step into the gallery there is music playing from speakers placed in the corners and I'm impressed with the huge pictures that are on display everywhere. Some show landscapes, others people, but all are really amazing.

"Hey, you guys are looking for anything specific?" I hear José's voice behind me and smile.

"Yes, I'm looking for you." I say, turn around and my mouth drops open. This is not the José I remember. The man in front of me is really muscular, has tattoo sleeves, overly long, slightly messy hair that is pulled back in a ponytail and a beard.

"No way, Ana Grey… I can't believe it." He says with a huge smile and picks me up for a huge hug.

"Wow, look at you, I almost didn't recognize you." I giggle when he puts me back to my feet.

"I know right… wow, it's so good to see you, Ana. How are you doing?" He asks and my face falls.

"Oh girl, your look screams for a glass of wine, luckily for you I was just about to close. Come, I'm taking you somewhere, where we can have some good old comfort food and one too many glasses of wine. Is he joining us too." He asks nodding at Taylor and he surprises me.

"No, I just dropped Ana off. Just let me know when to pick you up, have a good time Ana." He says and leaves the gallery.

"Well, then come, my car is parked in the back." Jose says and I wait for him to lock the place before we head out and get into his car.

"When did you open the gallery?" I ask as he pulls into traffic.

"About three years, I've sent you an invitation… though I guess Christian never even showed it to you." He says and I sigh.

"No, he didn't. José, I'm sorry, I mean about the way our friendship ended." I murmur and he smiles.

"It didn't end, Ana… we just didn't talk for a while… and I'm all for second chances. So, don't sweat it." He replies and thirty minutes later we arrive at an apartment building.

"Your place?" I ask.

"Yup." He says with a grin and when we reach the top floor he leads me inside and calls out.

"Babe, I'm home, I've brought an old friend with me."

For a moment I'm a bit startled because I didn't even think about the fact that he might have a girlfriend and I really hope that she won't be pissed that José brought me over.

José leads me into the open living space that is huge and when I look around I see a guy only wearing sweatpants in the kitchen stirring something that smells delicious in a pot.

"Sorry, he always listens to music while cooking." José says, steps closer and pulls one earplug out of the guy's ear making him jump.

"Fuck! You scared the living shit out me, babe." The guy mutters and kisses José. When they stop kissing each other and turn around to me I'm sure I have a look of utter disbelieve on my face.

"Wait… whoa… that's Ana Grey… fuck… I'm so sorry… fuck, I mean… wow…." The guy stammers making me giggle.

"Hi I'm Ana." I say with a smile and hold my hand out to him.

"Adam… Adam McCullen." He says and now it's my turn to gape at him.

"Wait… do you have a Blog?" I ask and his eyes widen.

"Have you read it?"

"Read, I'm obsessed with your stories… if you ever want to publish them in book form you have to give me a call."

"Holy fuck, yes… of course… wait, has José somehow contacted you?" He asks and José wraps one arm around him.

"Ana and I were best friends in college… we lost contact after she got married, today she just stepped into the gallery… so I thought we have dinner together and catch up." He says and I still can't believe José is dating a guy, but as I watch them together I'm really happy for him, they look so at ease and happy around each other, that it is a joy to watch them.

Ten minutes later we are all sitting on the floor around a coffee table with a glass of wine and a bowl pasta with meat sauce.

"So, Ana, what is going on?" José asks and I take a sip of my wine.

"It's complicated… you know, I thought my life is perfect… now well… I don't know. Christian and I have hit a rough patch and I'm not sure we can fix it."

"Wow, that's sad, can I ask what happened?" José asks and I sigh.

"When we got married we agreed that later on, we would have children. About two years into our marriage I brought it up… he wasn't ready, so I've waited until eight months ago he told me he wanted us to start a family. Month after month it didn't happen. A week ago I found that he had a vasectomy after I brought up having kids for the first time." I tell him and both men gape at me wide eyed.

"Girl, I hope you are not planning on forgiving him anytime soon." Adam says and I shrug.

"I don't think I can, I love him, but I can't trust him and what's more… I want children, I can't imagine my life without being a mother and I'm afraid that I will forgive Christian and end up resenting him… I just don't see a way for us to overcome this without serious cracks in our marriage. And there is more stuff he was hiding from me… I just don't know how to handle this." I say sadly and look at José.

"I know what I would do… but I can't make that decision for you… no one can. You need to figure out if you can find a way to trust him again and move on from this… or if you want to find someone else and have a family with him." He says and that the same thing I am thinking.

"I love him so much, José … but I don't know if I can live with him anymore. I can't trust him and I'm just so hurt and disappointed... and I want to be a mother so much… maybe even more than being Christian's wife at this point…" I confess and wipe away a lone tear that has escaped my eyes.

"You should take your time in figuring it out, have you considered couple's therapy?" He asks and I nod.

"Yes, I want to get counseling for us, but Christian is not comfortable with me wanting to find a new therapist for us, while I don't want us to see his therapist."

"Why?"

"Well, Christian is seeing him for over ten years and his issues haven't changed, he is just better at hiding them… so clearly whatever John is doing is not helping… plus, with John being his shrink I feel like he will be on Christian's side and that isn't working for me either. Christian, however, feels like it would be offensive to John if we would see someone else and of course he fears someone new might not understand his issues… so it's complicated."

"Ana, he is not in the position to demand anything right now… he fucked up, so if he wants to save your marriage, he has to agree to your terms. You know, I have never been the greatest fan of him… so I probably shouldn't give you any advice, but … yeah doesn't matter…" José says and I frown.

"No, please I want to know what you are thinking." I beg and he sighs.

"Look, I'm not saying that he doesn't love you… because he does or at least he did when I last saw you together years ago… but he has taken over your entire life. In a matter of just a few months, there was nothing left of the Ana I knew and I feel like he made sure you are depending on him in too many ways."

"How?"

"Well, your job for one. The Ana I knew wanted to be an editor, not a CEO… you hated the few business related classes you had to take in college… but he gave you Grey Publishing, knowing that you would need him to run it… and what's more, he monitored whom you could see and whom not. Has he told you that I came to Seattle to see you five months ago and we almost ended in a fist fight? He knew Ana… he knew for years that I am gay and happy in my relationship with Adam, but he didn't want me around you… and what about Kate… I mean he wanted to pay her to leave his brother." He says and I nearly drop my glass of wine.

"What?"

"He didn't like the influence she has on you, so he offered to get her a job with Vogue in France if she would leave Elliot. Kate told him to fuck off, but yeah he pretty much controls every aspect of your life and that is not healthy because it feels like he wanted to make sure he is all you have. I don't doubt that both of you have been in love with each other, that was always obvious, but I don't think it was a healthy kind of love. Look, I don't want to upset you more, but I feel like you came to me for a reason, so I'm not holding back in telling you how I see things, still… in the end, it is your decision to make, just take your time with it. Deciding not to have children to be with someone is a huge decision and I don't want you to live with regrets."

"What if that is just the thing… I can't imagine my life without Christian, but at same time I can't imagine not having children… so no matter what I decide, I feel like I will always have to live with regrets. I can't see an outcome where I'm going to be completely happy and not end up resenting Christian or always wonder what if… it's driving me insane."

He looks at me for a few moment and then smiles. "Maybe you just need to get out. Just go on vacation and really think about what you want, because once you have found yourself again, you can be happy. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about." He says and winks at Adam who blows him a kiss.

"Yes… well, I would rather not talk about my issues anymore… tell me about you, I mean I almost didn't recognize you… and those tattoos are amazing." I say and he smiles.

"When Adam isn't writing short stories for his blog he works as a tattoo artist, we met soon after I've moved here. I've tried to fight my feelings for him at first. I mean with my upbringing being with a man was completely unacceptable… in the end, I stopped caring what everyone else would think. Coming out was like coming up for air. For the first time in my life, I knew exactly who I am and I am happy, it's really simple."

"I'm glad you are happy." I say and even manage to smile at him.

"You'll be happy too, you just need to find out what you really want and once you allow it to happen, it will make you happy." He says and I hope he is right, I want to be happy again and not feel this emptiness inside me that has been building ever since I found out what Christian has done to me… to us…


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Here's chapter 7, a longer a/n will be at the bottom, so I won't spoil anything here...**

Christian Grey sat in John Flynn's office listening to the man he considered his friend while trying not to give into the temptation of tracking down his wife's phone for the tenth time since he arrived at Flynn's office.

Ana wasn't reacting to his text messages, e-mails or calls. She sent him one text each day to let him know she was fine otherwise it had been radio silence and he couldn't take it anymore. She had to get over what happened. He had called Elena from a burner phone to let her know they needed to stop seeing each other until Ana had calmed down and things were back to normal. He wasn't about to give up his friendship to Elena, but he would make sure to keep it even better hidden from his wife. He knew she hated Elena with a passion, but to him Elena was a good friend and she needed him.

Ever since his mother found out about the relationship her son and Elena had, she had made sure that Elena had turned into a social outcast and that her salon business went downhill, until she had no choice but to close it down. Therefore, Christian felt obligated to take care of her financially and to visit her and spend time with her, because she didn't have anyone else left in her life.

"Christian have you talked to Ana about couple's counseling?" John Flynn asked and that caught Christian's attention.

"Yes, she isn't budging, she sat up an appointment for next week with a Therapist in Bellevue. I'm sorry John, but Ana feels it is best for us to someone else."

"Well, you know I don't agree with that, but it is Ana's choice. Now, have you thought about reversing the vasectomy?" He asked fully aware of the answer he would receive.

"I'm not doing it, I would give Ana anything she wants and desires, but I can't be a father. I'm not made for it. I would fuck the child up and Ana would forever hate me… I can't risk it." Christian said and it gave John the opening to bring up what he had planned to say.

"Christian, have you thought about letting Ana go. She wants to be a mother and clearly you can't give her that, I'm not saying it is impossible for you to get over what happened as a couple, but I will be nearly impossible to rebuild her trust in you and maybe it would be in her best interest to let her go."

Christian closed his eyes and shook his head, he didn't want to hear it, didn't want to think about the one thought that was torturing him ever since the fucking Doctor forced him to confess to Ana. It was selfish of him to want to keep her in her life, but at the same time he couldn't do what was right and let her go. Only thinking about losing her… seeing her with someone else, it drove him insane and he couldn't do it.

No, she had to see that she needed him just as much as he needed her and get over wanting to have children. They would be happy with or without children… he would make sure that she would be happy and he would find a way to make her forget what happened.

"Christian, I know you don't want to hear this, but you have to consider the fact that what you and Ana want out of life is just too different… not every relationship is meant to last forever, some relationships just run their natural course and that is perfectly fine, because people do grow apart and can find happiness a second time." John continued trying to make his point.

Christian, however, had enough and got to his feet. "No! Ana is mine, she will never be with anyone but me, I can fix this… I have to." He said and walked out of John's office, just to be faced with a grim looking Luke Sawyer.

He hated that Sawyer was literally there each time he turned around. His staff was fiercely loyal towards Ana, which had become blatantly clear to him ever since their argument had happened because they were all on her side and while he understood it… it also infuriated him that his employees didn't even pretend to be on his side.

Instead, Sawyer gave him an angry, almost disgusted stare at all times, which pissed Christian off so much, he wanted to fire his ass, but he didn't go through with it because he knew Ana would never let that happen. To her, the staff was like family and no matter how many times he told her to keep things professional she wouldn't listen.

She went to have drinks after work with some of the employees of Grey Publishing, she was so close to Gail and Taylor, that he sometimes felt like living with his parents-in-law and where he was moody and distant she had a smile, hug and kind words for everyone. In some ways he envied her ability to make everyone like her in an instant, but at the same time it drove him insane, because it also meant other men noticing her and he hated it when she gave another man any attention. Hell, sometimes he wanted to punch his own brother for joking around with Ana, but when he was honest with himself, he had to admit that his wife's ability to connect with other people was one of the many things he loved about her.

Now, all he had to do was make her see that they didn't need children in their live and then everything would go back to normal…

 _ **Ana**_

Today is the first therapy session with Christian and I am so nervous, I actually felt like I was about to throw up any second all morning. Which thank God didn't happen, but now my nerves are kicking in again, so I asked Taylor to make a quick stop at whole foods, where I got some of their seriously delicious red velvet cupcakes in hopes that I can distract myself by allowing myself to have a treat.

Christian wasn't happy that I didn't want John to be our therapist and I know that he had Welch get a background check on Ryan Westbridge, who is the therapist Grace recommended to us. Apparently, he is very successful in helping couples work out their issues, so I hope he can help us too.

When I arrive at his office, I'm told that Christian is already there and that I can go right through. I haven't seen him since Elena-Gate and have tried not to think about him too much, because at this point it only makes me angry or sad… though to be honest, he is on my mind constantly.

Inside the office I spot Dr. Westbridge first, he is an older gentleman in his late fifties or early sixties maybe, dressed in black pants and a blue cashmere sweater. He smiles at me and I instantly like him.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Is Christian's first reaction to seeing me and I roll my eyes. I have done some more shopping in New York and with my mother in Savannah. Right now, I'm wearing black skinny jeans, flats and green off the shoulder t-shirt. My hair is piled up on top of my head and I have to say I really like the look. It's casual and comfy, but still nice enough to wear outside.

"Hello Christian, it's good to see you too." I reply with a smile that is more than forced and sit down in one of the armchairs facing Christian and the good Doctor.

"Mrs. Grey, would you mind if I call you by your first name?" Dr. Westbridge asks and I shake my head.

"No, of course, you can call me Ana."

"Good, so Ana, why don't you tell me the reason you and your husband are having issues at the moment." He says and I look at my hands to gather my thoughts for a moment.

"Well, when we got married, we agreed that we both wanted to have kids at some point in our future. About two years into our marriage I brought it up, but Christian wasn't ready. I was just twenty-four, so I let it go. As the time passed by, I wanted to have children so much, but I didn't want to pressure my husband into it, so I continued to wait for him to be ready." I stop for a moment and take a sip of the soda I brought with me.

"Anyway… about eight months ago on our fifth wedding anniversary he told me he wanted to start a family and I was so happy. I went off birth control and we tried to have a baby… or so I thought. I was devastated because even after months of trying nothing happened. I thought it was my fault and made an appointment with my Doctor to have tests done. Christian had already told me he went to see his Doctor and was fine… so I had to be my fault. Two weeks ago I was waiting for the test results when my Doctor called me and asked to have my husband present when she gives me the results. I thought for sure she had bad news... that my results came in and they were bad… only that wasn't the case, I'm perfectly capable of carrying a child… and my Doctor thought it was strange for two young, healthy people not to get pregnant, so she looked into Christian's medical file and it turns out that two years ago, when he had to go on an extended business trip, he had a vasectomy." I stop when Dr. Westbridge nearly drops his glasses and watch him look at Christian for confirmation.

"Is that true, Christian?" He finally asks and Christian nods.

"Well… I can see how this is clearly upsetting to your wife. Can you explain to me why you took such a drastic step without discussing or mentioning it to your wife?"

Christian leans forward, rest his elbows on his knees and sighs. "I'm fucked up, Dr. Westbridge… and I mean really fucked up… I have tons of issues and I cannot see myself as a father. I would probably fuck up so bad my child would end up seriously damaged and I would lose my wife because of it. I need her in my life… she is my light… before her… I don't want to go back to life as it was before her. But I knew she wanted to have children and I was scared she would go off birth control without telling me… so I had to make sure we wouldn't have children. And then I felt her pulling away from me, she became distant, so I was left with no choice but let her believe we were trying. I thought she would just give up if it wasn't happening… things weren't supposed to end like this." He says and I want slap some sense into him.

"How did you react when you found out, Ana?"

"I was upset… and angry. I was afraid I would say or do something to ruin our marriage for good, so I wanted him to stay at our penthouse in the city for a while. Just to give me some time to figure things out. Of course, he didn't take well to that and came home instead. We had an ugly fight… and he got very aggressive."

"Physically?"

"I would never hurt my wife!" Christian snaps and I gasp.

"Really, then why did I end up with a ripped dress, bruises in the shape of your hands on my arms and freaking terrified?" I snap back.

"It wasn't as bad as you make it sound!" He says and I'm not having it, so I take my phone out and look for the pictures of my bruises Grace took.

"Dr. Westbridge, this is what my arms looked like the morning after our fight happened." I say and hand him my phone.

"Well, that is clearly a problem… Christian, have you lost control like this before?" He asks and shows the phone to Christian, but he is looking anywhere but at the screen… just like when I came to Escala and he didn't even acknowledge that he left me with bruises.

"She said she wants a divorce." He mutters instead.

"No, I said I could just get a divorce and find someone else who isn't betraying my trust and is willing to have a family with me."

"Is that an option you are considering at the moment, Ana?" The Doctor wants to know.

"Well, I feel like I'm not left with many other options at this point, I can't imagine not being a mother and if Christian doesn't want to have children then maybe this is something we can't overcome… it's just… I love my husband so much… I don't trust or like him at the moment… but I still love him so much and I can't imagine being with someone else… I just don't know where to go from here."

"Can you imagine giving up on your dream of having children for Christian?" He asks and I sigh.

"I feel like I don't really have a choice if I want to fix our marriage, but… I know I will resent him for it. You have to understand, I come from a very different world… I don't enjoy being rich or having everything handed to me… those are things I had to adjust to, to be with my husband. All I ever wanted for myself was to get marry, have a small home together and two or three kids. I really just wanted a normal, boring life and I feel even though I may sound ungrateful, but I already had to make so many compromises and adjustments to be his wife that it just isn't fair for him to take that last dream I had away from me too."

"Ana can I ask you if you are happy with your life… before all of what you just told me took place?" He asks and I feel tears burn in my eyes and as they spill over I know I have to tell the truth.

"No." I whisper and hear Christian gasp.

"But… I… I don't understand, I have given you everything!" He says and I smile sadly.

"Christian, I love you… and yes, I have been happy whenever it was just us… there are so many little things… the paparazzi, all the galas and events… you giving me a publishing house to run when all I ever wanted to do was being an editor and now it's fact sheets, meetings, calculations… and I hate it, but I want to make you happy, so I go to work every day envying every editor and assistant who works for me while I continue to do work that I hate. And being with you is challenging too, because you always expect me to be perfect and I am not… the first thing you said when I came in here was some snarky comment about my clothes… but this is me, this is what I like and just so I don't upset you, I let you take over and have someone shop for me... Shit, look I really appreciate what you have done for me, I do… but I feel like sometimes I look into the mirror and don't even recognize myself anymore… it's like the girl I was when I met you just disappeared."

"Ana… I hate to break it to you, but the girl you were back then… while cute and lovely, she was a hot mess…" He says and that pisses me off.

"I was a hot mess? Are you serious? Just one question is that you or Miss Pedo speaking?" I hiss at him and he glares at me.

"Elena has nothing to do with this…"

"Oh, I believe she has everything to do with this. She is still manipulating you!" I snap and Dr. Westbridge turns to me.

"Who is Elena?"

"When Christian was fifteen he was seduced by one of his mother's friends and it wasn't just a sexual relationship, she made him her submissive for six years. When we first met, she caused some drama and his family found out about their relationship. He promised he'd cut all ties with her, sadly I had to find out a little over a week ago that that isn't true, because they have been in contact and met regularly for the last five years." I say obviously upset and Dr. Westbridge pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Christian, is that true?"

"Yes, Elena is a dear friend, she had a hard time… I need to be there for her."

"And your relationship started when you were under the age of consent?" He asks and I can literally watch as Christian's shutters come down.

"She helped me, I was a fucked up kid and it is because of her that I am where I am today." He says and actually, that offends me on behalf of his family.

"Really, did she give you a home and loving family when Ella died? Did she love you when you turned into an angry teenager? Did she pay for your education? She did nothing for you, your parents are the ones who helped you become the person you are today… all she did was to fuck you up even more. You need to wake up and see that what she has done to you was wrong, because I can promise you now that if you keep defending her, I will report her to the police and maybe once she has been convicted as a pedophile you will finally wake up and see what is happening!" I nearly scream at him, but I can't believe he is still defending her.

"You can't do that! She is my friend, why can't you see that? Why are you trying to hurt her?"

"Because she hurt you! And you can't even see it."

"Okay, I can see that this woman is a problem for your relationship and we will discuss her again. For now, however, I feel that we need to go back to what has started your problems and that is that Ana wants to have children and Christian you don't want children. Can you tell me why you told her at first you do want to have children, when your opinion about having children is so strong now?" Dr. Westbridge asks Christian.

"Because I knew." He says and looks out of the window.

"Knew what?"

"That I'm not good enough for her… but I'm selfish, I wanted her and I still want her all the same now. I had already piled so much shit on her, but I knew once I told her that I don't want children, she wouldn't marry me. You see, my wife is everything that is good. She is kind, caring… beautiful inside and out… she can make people fall in love with her just with one smile… but not even that is enough to keep me from fucking our child up… and I know if it comes to that, she would leave me, she would choose the child over me and I can't have that, I need her in my life too much to risk losing her over a child."

"Have you considered that now you might lose her because you are not giving her the child she so desperately wants?" He asks voicing my thoughts exactly.

"We can figure this out… maybe a dog or a cat or…"

"I don't want a dog or a cat… my god, what is John doing anyway… you have been seeing him for what twelve or thirteen years now? Still, you see yourself in the worst way possible." I can't believe this… how is it that he has been hiding those feelings from me all those years?

Christian remains silent so I continue. "Look, you make it seem like you are a lost cause, but you are not. You love our nieces and nephew, you love your family, you love me and I can't understand what makes you think that you couldn't love our child or mess his life up so badly that I would leave. And what hurts me the most is that you didn't talk to me, you just made a decision and went with it. We could have discussed this, we could have agreed to wait longer… but no matter what it was a decision we should have made together."

"No it wasn't. I love you, Ana, but sometimes even in a marriage it is only one person who has to make a decision. This was solely my decision and I hate that you have to live with it, but it is what it is. We can't have children and if you would just accept that we can move on and be happy again." He says and it sounds almost like he has rehearsed what he said so much that he really believes it.

"It is not that easy, sure I can just accept it and let you move in again… but then what? I don't want to question everything you say… and what's more I don't want to resent you and right now, I feel like this is what is going to happen. You are right, you can't have children… well unless you decide you want to reverse the vasectomy… but I can have children and right now, I can't envision not having children… I'm sorry Christian, but I think we have reached a point where we can't find a solution to our issues." I say and my tears start anew.

This is it, he is a guy who doesn't want to have children and I'm a girl who can't imagine not being a mother… there is no solution to fix this. One of us has to make a sacrifice and I know he is not going to reverse the vasectomy just as much as I can't give up on my dream of having a family.

I look at Christian and I know he can see the conclusion I have reached because he pales and starts to shake his head.

"NO! Ana please, don't say it… please!"

"Christian, I love you… and I know, in your own way you love me too… so please let me go. I'm not asking for a divorce, but I feel we need to legally separate for now. I need more time to myself, time to find out who I am when I'm not Ana Grey… time to think about if I can trust you again and if I can somehow find a way to be with you, give up on having children and not resent you as a result of it. You can move back into the house… I will find a new place for now… Taylor or Sawyer can follow me around… but I'm not going to have staff live with me… Maybe we should meet with your Dad to talk about a legal separation… I don't know…"

"Please Ana, don't do this, I know you won't come back to me…"

"I have to I'm sorry… we can continue to have couples therapy once a week, but I really need to be on my own for a while. I'm sorry Dr. Westbridge, but I need to leave."

And with that I get up and leave the room and I feel the same pain I felt all those years ago when I left him after he punished me in his playroom. Only this time I don't think there is a way back for us…

 _ **A/N: I know many of you will think that they haven't even touched half of their issues and of course that is true. This chapter was meant to finally make Ana do what is right and separate herself from Christian. Does she still love him? Yes, because it's not that easy for her to get over him, especially since Ana never dated before, so this is her first love, which for most women is the hardest to get over. I saw some reviews that have asked to give Christian some redeeming qualities and I would love to do so right away, but with where I'm going here, it will take a lot to get a true reaction from him or show his true self, which may doesn't make a lot of sense now, but eventually you will understand everything. One more thing I would like to address is Leila.**_

 _ **I don't like her and try to use her as little as possible in my stories, because Elena already is a lot to deal with, but in this story Leila has an important role later on... and not as a villain. I would have introduced a new character or had Fifty stay in touch with a different sub, but Leila with all of her own demons made the most sense... which again will make more sense later on.**_

 _ **And lastly... Ladies, buckle your seatbelts because there will be another bonus chapter sometime this week and it will get crazy... with most of my stories there is always that one chapter where I want to hide under a rock right after posting it and the next chapter is just that for this story so... till then let me know what you think... even if it's just to tell me that Christian is an idiot and horrible fuck up of a husband... because at this point of the story I full agree :)**_


	8. Chapter 8

**It's bonus chapter time... enjoy!**

 **Ana**

It's been a week since Christian and I have officially separated and I went through with my plan. The next day I went to look for apartments in downtown Seattle until I found a cute two-bedroom apartment that I have rented for the next six months. Christian has moved back to the house and Luke has moved into the apartment next door, so I still have my space, but security nearby in case I need him.

I have also looked for office buildings to move Grey Publishing, but so far I haven't found the right space. Instead, I have made the decision to step back as CEO and once I have found the right replacement, I will go back to being an editor in my company. It's what I love and always wanted to be, so I feel like going back to that is the right thing to do… and a small part of me is hoping that I can somehow find a way to get over my wish of becoming a mother by having the career of my dreams.

Before I left the big house I had a long talk with Taylor. Like me, he believes that Elena Lincoln is still in some way manipulating Christian and actually after hearing him talk about himself in such a negative way, I'm also suspicious about John. I know that Christian is rather hard to read and if he doesn't want you to know something, you probably never find out, but they had their weekly meetings for so many years that there should have been a breakthrough by now.

So now, Taylor is not only Christian's CPO again, but he also is investigating both John and Elena to find out what the hell is going on.

On top of everything, I feel like I'm coming down with something. My stomach is constantly upset, my body feels a bit sore and my skin is so dry that I had to get a new moisturizer for extra dry skin and even that can't help the itchy feeling my skin is giving me. Maybe it is just stress, but Grace insisted that I get checked as soon as possible.

Today, I have left the hotel and moved into my new apartment. I love the place… for the first time ever I have taken advantage of the Grey name to get everything ready within three days and it's perfect. The furniture and decorations are all shabby chic and the whole place reminds me of a huge dollhouse, but I love it. It is warm, welcoming and cozy. A place where I can just curl up on the couch with a good book and forget everything else and right now I'm putting my kitchen to good use because Kate, Mia, Claire and Hannah will come over and stay the first night here with me.

I'm really looking forward to this evening. I really need a time out, just to hang with my girls, watch crap TV and have a good laugh to take my mind off things. When my phone rings I smile.

"Hi, José, what's up?"

"Not much, just making sure you're good."

"Yup, I'm in my new apartment making food for Mia, Kate, Hannah, Claire and me. We are having a sleepover."

"Sounds like fun… listen I'm going to visit my Dad this weekend, want to meet?"

"Yes, of course. Just give me a call, you can stay at my place if you like, I have a second bedroom."

"Really? Cool, I'm going to visit my Dad from Friday to Saturday afternoon, so I could be at your place on Saturday in the early evening."

"Perfect, maybe you are lucky and I cook my famous chili for you."

"Then I'll make sure to wear sweats so I can eat an entire pot full without having to open my pants to make room for my stomach." He laughs and I have to giggle too.

"Looking forward to it."

"Me too, bye Ana."

"Bye." I hang up and smile. It's good to have José back in my life. He has always been like a brother to me and I have missed him a lot.

A little later my friends arrive and we sit down to eat, but as soon as the scent of Enchiladas hits me I feel my stomach turn and try to breathe through it.

"Are you okay, Ana? You look pale and…." Mia doesn't get to finish her sentence because I feel the saliva gathering in my mouth and jump up to reach my toilet just in time to through up.

When there is nothing more left in my stomach I rest my head on the toilet seat and try to catch my breath.

"Here, take a sip of water." I hear Kate behind me and shake my head. I feel so dizzy and sick; I know even the slightest sip of water will come right back up.

Instead, I get up on shaky legs and if it wasn't for Claire catching me, I would have landed on my ass.

"Girl, that's it, you've been looking like crap for weeks now, I know going through a break up is hard, but that's too much, we are getting you to the ER now." She says and I shake my head.

"Ana, please, she is right, you look really sick, please." Mia begs and I give up, I have no idea what it is about Mia, but she has those huge puppy eyes and I can never say no to her.

So, instead of watching a movie and having lots of food, I find myself at the ER and after the Doctor has looked at me and I have described my symptoms he gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Is it possible that you are pregnant, Mrs. Grey?" He asks and I can't help the bitter laugh that erupts from my throat.

"No, it's not possible." I answer and he hands me a plastic cup.

"I would like to do a test anyway. Over there is the bathroom, we will need a urine sample."

He says and I give up, head into the bathroom, pee into the cup and hand it to the doctor who puts a little stick in it.

"Look, there is no way I am pregnant… it's not possible." I murmur sadly.

"Well, Mrs. Grey, according to this test it is possible. Congratulations." He says and I feel faint.

"No… it's impossible… the test is wrong… my… my husband, he had a vasectomy and I have never been with anyone else." I stutter and the Doctor helps me to sit on the bench again.

"Do you need a water, Mrs. Grey?"

"No… how?" I ask and he smiles at me again.

"Well, assuming that you are telling me the truth and you haven't cheated on your husband, I'd say his vasectomy didn't work or it reversed itself, it's rare, but it happens. Your husband should make an appointment with his Doctor to get his sperm count tested."

"Are you sure I'm pregnant?" I ask and he nods.

"We can do a sonogram if you want to, but it might be too early to see anything. We can also take a blood sample and I give the lab a call that I need the results immediately, it would only take an hour." He offers and I nod, so he draws my blood and sends it to the lab.

A little later I'm in a different room and a young technician is applying gel to my flat stomach.

"First-time mommy?" She asks and I just stare at her blankly. This is what I have dreamed of for so long… and now it's a disaster. Christian is never going to believe me that it is his child. No, he will think that I have cheated on him and even if he does believe me… he doesn't want to have a child.

"Well, let's see if we can already find something." She says cheerfully and starts the machine.

"See here this is your uterus… oh look, there it is." She says and points to a dot so tiny, I have to squint to really see it.

"You are very newly pregnant… maybe three or four weeks. It's luck we could already find your little one." She says and I frown.

"But I had my period just two weeks ago."

"That's not unusual. Some women continue to have their period for the first month or even longer, but it's true, you are pregnant… do you want me to print the picture for you?" She asks and I nod, just as the door bursts open and Grace comes in.

"Ana what is going o…. oh." She whispers and stares at the screen and then to me. It takes one look at her and I know what she is thinking.

"I have never cheated, please don't look at me like that." I whisper and burst into tears. If Grace is reacting like this, how am I ever going to convince Christian that I didn't cheat on him.?

"Darling, hush, it's alright. Christian and you had a hard time… I'm not blaming you… it's just…"

"I DID NOT CHEAT ON MY HUSBAND!" I yell at her through my tears. This is a nightmare; I just need to wake up.

"Ok, please Ana, you need to calm down." Grace says and wipes my tears with a tissue.

"Calm down? How am I supposed to calm down… I can't believe this is happening to me, Grace. Christian will never believe me and even if he does… he doesn't want to have children… I guess that makes it official… my marriage is over." I sob and curl up into a ball.

I wanted to have children so much… was obsesses with getting pregnant… and now that I am, I can't even be happy, because I know my child will not grow up with happy parents. No, this child will grow up with a single mom and a father who might not even be present at all, because he is so fucked up in the head that he believes he will hurt him or her or cause serious damages just by being a part of his or her life.

And the thought that this it… that there really is no way for Christian and me to get back together is so painful that I can't even manage to breathe. Suddenly, it feels like the walls are closing in on me and all I can hear is my own rapid breathing and the roaring of blood in my ears before everything turns black.

When I open my eyes again, I'm in a hospital bed and Mia, Kate and Grace are all watching me.

"Wh-what is happening." I murmur and Kate leans over me.

"You had a panic attack and passed out… man, you scared me, nearly sent me into labor and I won't do that again, so don't shock me like that again, I'm having my c-section next week." Kate sniffs and I take her hand in mine.

"Sorry."

"Oh, don't apologize. Now, tell me, how are you feeling?"

"Like shit." I answer honestly and she snorts.

"At least you don't look like shit… listen, Ana, I called Elliot to tell him that we are at the hospital with you and Christian was there… he is pacing outside the room demanding to see you. I will tell him to fuck off if that's what you want…"

"No, just give me a moment. I have to tell him anyway, so why not now. You two should go home and get some sleep." I say to Mia and Kate who reluctantly agree and leave.

"Does he know, Grace?" I ask.

"No, I have asked your Doctor not to tell him. This is something you need to discuss with him." She says and I can still see that she is doubting if the child I'm carrying is really her grandchild.

"You are a Doctor Grace, the first thing the Doctor at the ER told me is that sometimes a vasectomy doesn't work correctly or even reserves itself after a few years, but I can still see that you think I have cheated." I say sadly.

"Darling, I don't want to believe that is what happened, but the chances of a vasectomy reversing itself are very slim… and Christian and you have been separated…"

"For two weeks, Grace and according to the Doctor, I am three to four weeks pregnant. Four weeks ago I was still with your son. I had no idea what was going on, so why would I have cheated on him?" I ask and she shrugs.

"I don't know darling, I guess we have to wait and see." She says and I try my hardest not to cry.

"I need to be alone for a minute, can you please leave and tell Christian to come in, in a minute?"

"Of course." She says and leaves while I take a couple of deep breaths trying to fight the urge to vomit or run thinking about how Christian is going to react to this news.

A moment later the door flies open and Christian storms in, he looks scared until his eyes find me and scan me from head to toe.

"What is going on, Ana? Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yes, I'm okay… I guess. Please sit down, we need to talk." I murmur and try to fight the nausea. He slowly walks over to the chair and sits down.

"Have you been to see your doctor before you told me to go off birth control?" I start and he frowns.

"No, why? I had a test done six weeks after I had the vasectomy, it worked."

"Apparently there is a small chance that over time the cut they make can heal enough for it to reverse the effect of the vasectomy." I tell him and watch him pale.

"Why are you telling me this?" He asks and his voice sounds strangely detached.

"I have been feeling sick for some time now… today Mia insisted to bring me here and … well… I'm pregnant. I haven't been with anyone else, so the only option is that you are the father." I say and watch him as the color drains from his face.

"Are you sure?" He asks and I frown.

"Yes, I saw the baby on a sonogram."

"No, are you sure it's mine?" He asks and I take a deep breath, so I won't yell at him.

"Yes, I have never cheated on you, so there is no other option." I reply though my voice makes it clear that I am upset by his question.

"Are you going to keep it?" He asks again void of any emotion.

For a second I'm so shocked by his question that I can't even answer, but finally, I find my voice again.

"I can't have an abortion, I couldn't live with myself if I did… so yes, I'm keeping the baby."

I watch him and can see all kinds of emotions on his face. Doubt, confusion, and most prominent fear. He is scared and I want to hug him and tell him that it is okay to be scared, that we can do this together, but before I can do anything he gets up.

"I… I can't do this… I'm sorry, baby." He whispers and I can hear the unshed tears in his voice as he gets up and turns to leave.

"Christian please, I know you are scared, but you will be a wonderful father… please don't leave, we can do this." I beg and he stops for a second, his hand on the doorknob, but then he shakes his head and leaves.

The sound of the door shutting behind him starts to echo in my ears and it's like this soft clicking noise is telling me that this is it. He is not coming back and I have to face the reality, that I am going to be a single mother and my dream of a happy little family is never going to come true…

 _ **A/N: I know, throwing a child in the mix seems like a horrible idea, but there is a reason for every detail in this story, so just believe me, that this is acutally a good thing for this story :)**_


	9. Chapter 9

**_I'm a bit behind on the PM's but I will answer all of them tomorrow!_**

Christian Grey was sure that this time, he had officially lost his mind. For the past four days he had been in a constant state of panic, denial and anger. Panic, because he was going to be a father when he knew he couldn't be a father, denial because deep down he knew what he had to do and anger because he wanted to fly to Europe and fucking kill the doctor who did not tell him about the fact, that there was a less than 1 percent chance that over time he would be fertile again.

But that was exactly what had happened. His sperm count wasn't back to normal, but there were enough little fuckers escaping each time he came inside his wife to ensure that sooner or later one of them would hit the jackpot. Which now had made his worst nightmare come true and he had fathered a child.

When Ana told him that she was pregnant he wanted to yell at her… demand to get rid of it and then he looked at his wife and he couldn't do it. He had remembered all the times she had cried because she had gotten her period, all the times she had cried herself to sleep and thought he wouldn't notice it… and he just couldn't do it. Seeing her, she looked different… he couldn't describe it, but there was something about her that made her look even more beautiful.

And then he had to ask her if she wanted to keep the baby and it was like watching something inside of her slowly die. That was the exact moment he knew he had lost her. He couldn't ask her not to have the baby and giving it away to save their marriage was something even he wouldn't consider. Still, he couldn't bring himself to do what he knew was the only solution to this.

He needed to talk and there was only one person he trusted enough to give him advice now. Trying to set up a meeting with Elena wasn't easy. Taylor was watching him like a hawk and he knew that he probably had someone watching Elena too, but today was his day off and Reynolds was on duty. So he told Reynolds he was going for his morning run and didn't want to have company and Reynolds didn't question him.

He told Elena to make sure she wasn't followed, because his security was most likely watching her as per Ana's order, but he knew Elena was surprisingly good at ditching security and wearing a disguise.

He left the big house in his running gear and met Elena at a diner about a mile away from his home. Once he had spotted her in the corner he slid into the booth facing her and ordered himself a coffee.

"Darling, you look upset. Is Ana still not listening to you?" Elena Lincoln asked trying to sound sincere, though secretly she was delighted to see that finally that little bitch was on her way out of Christian's life.

Her life had turned into a nightmare ever since Anastasia Steele appeared out of nowhere, but Elena had waited. Patiently she had taken the backseat and watch them together, always making sure to keep her hold on Christian steady and now it was her time to pounce and finally make him hers. She had spent years to turn him into the man he was… a successful mogul, billionaire and amazing lover and she didn't invest all that time for some mousy little piece of trash to take her place.

She had made the Christian Grey everyone knew and while she allowed him to spread his wings a little by becoming a Dominant, it had been always her plan to seduce him a second time once he got bored of his subs. Instead along came a little Coed and stole him from her. But Elena knew they would never make it at one point something would come up and she would be there to pounce. This time was now. She knew all of Christian's insecurities and how to worsen them. Especially when it came to him being a father one day. The dumb fuck had no idea that all of his issues would actually turn him into the world's best father and she wasn't about to tell.

Instead she had been like a constant voice in his head, telling him how he would ruin any child he would ever father. So much so that when she told him to secretly get a vasectomy done, he couldn't get it done fast enough. And now the little bitch would leave him because of it and Christian Grey would be hers and hers alone.

"Something has happened Elena… I don't know what to do… I fuck." He muttered and inwardly she rolled her eyes but gave him a concerned look.

"What is going on, darling?"

"Ana is pregnant and it's mine." Six little words spoken in a whisper had such an impact on Elena, it felt like all the air had left her lungs and she couldn't breathe for a second.

"How?" She was finally able to ask.

"Part of the cut they made during the vasectomy healed with time… enough so that I could impregnate her." Christian explained and hoped Elena could help him make the right decision.

"Is she keeping the baby?"

"Yes… I can't ask her to get rid of it… it would kill her and… and I don't want her to do it." He said voicing what so far he didn't even allow himself to think about.

"Christian darling… if she is keeping the baby, you can't be with her." Elena said gently though inside her mind was racing with ways to kill the bitch and her child to keep Christian.

"I thought… maybe I could try… I don't know." He said and hung his head in defeat. This was killing him, he didn't know how to handle this situation and all John had to say was that he could either try or let Ana go, but he couldn't give her hope when he had already made up his mind.

"Christian, you know how much I care about you and I know how much you love your wife, but you have to let her go. You can't be a father, with your temper, issues and everything else, you can cause serious mental damage to a child and it would ruin the love Ana has for you too. I mean can you blame her; she would be left with no choice but to throw you out of their life completely… I know you want to try, but it's just not what you are made for. So, please do the right thing and let her go." Elena said though mentally she was already one step further, because if she couldn't convince him, she would find someone who would take care of the problem and it would be a permanent solution.

She was done waiting, either Christian would make the decision she wanted him to make or Ana Grey would meet her end much sooner than anyone ever imagined.

 **Ana**

It's been a week since I have found out that I am pregnant. José stayed stopped by until Sunday evening and wants to visit me again next month when he and his boyfriend come to Seattle for a tattoo convention.

I haven't heard from Christian and only know that he really went to see his Doctor, because Grace came by three days ago to apologize for her reaction at the hospital. Kate had her baby yesterday. It's a beautiful little boy and they named him Elijah. He is too cute for words and Kate is feeling so great, she is actually thinking about having another one in a few years.

I'm really happy for them, but seeing Elliot holding his son also made me very sad, because when I have my baby, his or her daddy probably won't be there to hold her. He isn't even trying, because two days ago we had our next appointment at Dr. Westbridge's office and he didn't show up. I felt so hopeless and sad that I drove my sorry ass to Cold Stone's and had the biggest Sundae on their menu.

Sadly, these days I'm really good at eating my feelings. I'm trying to keep a healthy balance in my diet for the baby, but really I have eaten so much candy, fast food and other shit, that this morning I went through my kitchen with a moving crate and stuffed all the unhealthy food I had in it. Since I didn't want to just throw it away, I went next door and gave it to Sawyer. Really, he is pure muscle, but that guy is living garbage disposal, because he lives off junk food and has probably already eaten half of the shit I have given him by now.

After my kitchen cleaning, I met with another realtor and finally managed to find the right building for Grey Publishing. It's just three blocks from here and the perfect size. I have already put my offer in and hope to get everything sorted out by the end of next week, so we can move GP after some minor renovations. I have also started to interview potential CEO's for my company and was surprised that no one at the office sent his resume in, so I sent another e-mail to everyone who in my opinion would be qualified for the job and was happy when Lisa from HR told me that she is really interested but didn't think I would ever consider her. Right now, she is my favorite candidate. She has been working for GP for over six years now and her kids are already in college, so things like maternity leave are nothing I have to consider if I pick her.

Still, I wish I could get Christian's take on this, but I will have to learn to do this on my own… or keep my secret hope that he just needs more time to come around and then we can finally try to fix our issues. It won't be easy... especially since I don't think Elena will go away quietly. Maybe I shouldn't even think like this, after all, pretty much everything I thought I knew about my husband turned out to be a lie. Maybe, I should be angry, but for most parts, I just feel numb, like a spectator in the mess that has become my life. I talked to Kate and she think my wish to reconcile stems from baby hormones and the wish to give my child parents who are together instead of two homes.

Right now, there is so much I need to think about, but nothing is really making sense. It's annoying and frustrating. So much so, that I have considered starting therapy once my life has settled down a bit. Everyone in my life is just too involved. The Grey's while clearly upset with Christian still hope for us to work things out, because they believe I have done so much good in their son's life. My father who would probably shoot Christian if I would tell him just how much damage my husband has done to our marriage. Kate and José who have never been fans of Christian and while trying to be understand want me to divorce him and start over... I could probably talk to Claire or Hannah, but they work for me, so they will probably take my side without any hesitation. Same goes for Luke, Taylor and Gail... and the sad thought hits me, that apartment from family and people who work for me, I really don't have anyone to go to. Even Kate is family now and José for as much as I love him like a brother will never be objective in this situation.

What I need is someone who is not involved in any way, someone who can look at everything from the outside and help me get perspective. I don't want to see Dr. Westbridge, because while he is nice, he was meant to be my therapist for couple's therapy and should Christian and I continue with it, it would not be a good idea to see him alone as well, so I will have to look into finding the right person, once I'm up to it.

Last night, I've dreamt that Christian came here, carrying a huge stuffed animal and he told me how much he loved me and that he would try to be the best father for our child. How sorry he was for everything that happened and that he was ready for us to be a family. It was so comforting and sweet that I couldn't stop crying when I woke up and realized it was just a dream and that reality would never be as simple as a dream.

I don't even know how I managed to finally get up and get ready for the day ahead, but I somehow did. I even managed to plaster a fake smile on my face that was good enough to fool everyone who doesn't know me.

Right now, I have just arrived back home and had a salad for a late lunch. I didn't feel like going into the office, so I'm mostly working from home these days. I feel like if Christian and I happened to just run into each other in the lobby at Grey House it would be obvious for everyone that something isn't right between us and I really don't want word to get out that we have separated. I know at some point we have to release a statement, but I'm just not ready for it, much less so because at this point, I'm not even sure what the statement will be.

With a sigh, I get up and look through my drawers, but since I have given all of my unhealthy food to Sawyer there is nothing left to make me feel better, so I'm seriously contemplating to make a quick run to the supermarket to get some Nutter Butters or zingers, but I'm interrupted by a knock at the door.

Since the front desk didn't announce anyone, I'm sure it's just Sawyer, so I head to the door and nearly forget how to breathe when I see Christian.

"Hi… may I come in?" He asks and I can tell that he is nervous… and I'm… honestly, I'm about to piss myself because I know he has made up his mind and is here to tell me his decision.

"Sure." I step aside, let him and close the door. When I turn around he is looking around the open living space and smiles.

"You've done a good job decorating the place, it's a reflection of your personality." He says and I busy myself by getting both of us a glass of cherry lemonade.

"Thanks… so I guess we need to talk, baby." He says and I try not to burst into tears right away… there is still hope left, there has to be…

"Grace told me you went to see your Doctor." I say, suddenly I would rather talk about anything else than what he came here to talk about.

"Yes, but I didn't even had to listen to what he was telling me… I know you would have never cheated on me, you are way better than that… better than I am. Ana… I have done everything wrong… right from the start and I guess with everything I have done it was inevitable that it would come to this. You know what I really wish?" He asks and I shake my head, not able to get a single word out.

"I wish I had been stronger, because if I had been stronger right when we met, I would have been able to do what is right and that would have been to stay away from you. I'm not regretting a single moment we had together… but had I been stronger you wouldn't be hurting right now and I wouldn't have to hurt you even more." He says in a hoarse voice and my tears start to fall.

"Please don't cry, baby. You might not see it now, but one day you will see that it was the right thing to do. You have helped me so much, but it doesn't change that I'm fucked up beyond repair and I can't be a father… but you can be a Mom… and I know you are going to be a wonderful mother to our child… so much so that it won't matter that I am not around. I wish I could be, but I know I will end up ruining our child's life and you will hate me because of it… and I can't let that happen… so I have to let you go."

I look at him through my tears and see his own and I want to tell him that it's not true, that he is going to be a wonderful father… but I know he is not going to believe me. He is a man who doesn't love or believe in himself and for the first time I see it. I can't fix him. I have tried so much, tried to make him see that he is loved and capable of loving someone back. I convinced myself that I managed to pull him into the light… but the reality is he was hiding his darkness from me.

The only person who can help him is himself and he is not willing or ready to do it. There is nothing left for me to do or try, because in this moment I have nothing more to give.

"I just want you to know that I didn't mean anything I have said to you that day after the phone call with Dr. Greene and I'm so fucking sorry that I have hurt you. And I'm promising you now, that I will make this as easy as possible for you. You don't have to move GP, because you won't see me at GEH. I have talked to Ros and she will run GEH here, while I'm going to Taiwan for the next year to build our branch there and expand it further. So, you have a year to adjust to your new life and when I'm back we can talk about a divorce… I want you to be happy, Ana… that's all I ever wanted for you…" He says and slowly gets up while I remain seated trying my hardest not to succumb into full blown hysterical crying in front of him.

Standing in front of me he strokes my tears away with his thumb and gives me a sad smile.

"You are so strong, baby… you'll get through this and you'll come out of this even stronger and you have our baby to love… and even though I never wanted to have children and can't be a father I'm happy that you are going to be the mother of my child… because if anyone on this planet was meant to be a mother it's you… you have so much love to give and that is all our child will ever need. Goodbye, baby." He says and kisses my forehead before he turns and leaves me.

Slowly I slide down the chair and sit on the floor, where I pull my knees to my body and finally succumb to the hysterical crying I was trying to hold at bay in front of him… this is it, he is gone and I know that not just my marriage, but also my dream of having my own family with the man that I love more than anything in this world is over. He made his decision and if I have learned one thing about Christian in the almost six years I have spent with him than it is that once he has made his mind up there is nothing that can make him change his mind… it's over and I now have to find a way to somehow live with the fact that my marriage failed because I wanted us to be a family and instead of bringing us even closer together it broke us apart…

 _ **Next chapter will have a time jump to the end of Ana's pregnancy... and if I have some time to write this week you'll get a bonus chapter :)**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**It's bonus chapter time :) This is just a short chapter, meant to fill in the blanks of what happened during the time we jumped. Next chapter is going to show how Christian has dealt with being away...**_

 _ **Oh, and I know many of you wanted for Ana to get the divorce right away, but for the storyline to work out the way I have planned it, I needed them to remain married during the period of time we have skipped. Their divorce is going to be a very important part of the storyline later on...**_

 _ **Disclaimer: All character belong to E. L. James**_

 _ **Ana – eight months later**_

"Are you sure you are ok, Annie?" Ray asks and I smile at him.

"Yes, I'm fine Dad, thanks again for all the help, I have no idea how I would have been able to get the house ready without you." I say and awkwardly try to hug my Dad.

The last eight months have been tough… and I have to say that as many days as there have been where I have cried because Christian wasn't here with me, there have been just as many days where I have really hated him.

He left for Taiwan only three days after he came to talk to me… and left me to deal with the media. The paparazzi have been relentless. As soon as they found out that Christian was out of the country for a year, while I was moving my company from GEH, it was clear that something wasn't right and so I was left with no choice but to release a statement, stating that Christian and I had indeed separated. I thought with that the worst was over, but I was wrong again because they had a field day once I wasn't able to hide my belly anymore. It got so bad that for the first week I couldn't leave my apartment because there were literally hundreds of them camping outside the building.

Rumors started to spread like a wildfire in the media, the most popular was that Christian had left me because I have cheated on him and the baby was the result of it. At that point I had enough and decided to call him, only to find out that he had changed his number without telling me. So, I sent him an e-mail and it took two days to get a reply… not from him, but his PR Team who then released a statement that simply said he was the father and our breakup had nothing to do with the pregnancy.

It didn't help much, so I had to let the storm blow over and it gave me enough time to think about the future and how I could be mother and father for my unborn child.

The first thing I wanted was to find a real home for my baby and me. I have loved my apartment, but the neighbors got really annoyed with all the media and it was time for me to find something more permanent. So after a few weeks of house hunting with my Dad and Elliot, I have found the perfect home. It is in a good neighborhood, with parks and schools nearby, has four bedrooms and a beautiful backyard with lots of space for my little one to run around and have a good time.

I have to say ever since Christian has left me, Elliot has kind of jumped in. He got all the renovations done, coordinated the move and helped my Dad getting everything ready for me so that I could move in before my due date with is only two more weeks away.

I can't believe it, but in two weeks from now, I will be the mother of a little girl. At first, I was convinced I was having a boy, I can't even say why, it was just a feeling I had, so I was completely surprised when Dr. Greene told me that I am having a girl.

Finding a name for her wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, especially since I had to find it on my own and I when I finally had her name I realized that Christian may not want her to have his last name. Since he doesn't reply to my messages, I had to ask Grace to ask him, which felt so stupid that I didn't even want to do it, but I had to know.

Grace was visibly embarrassed when she had to give me his reply, which was that he wanted me to keep his name after the divorce, so it would be okay if our daughter had his name, though if I wanted to use my maiden name again I could also give my daughter Steele as the last name.

Hearing that made me so angry, I ended up having to lay down because my blood pressure was too high. Still, I have decided to give her Christian's last name, because I don't want to go back to using Steele as my last name, mainly because my company is called Grey Publishing and re-branding a second time in a little more than five years is not good for business.

As of now, I'm only the owner of GP, I have found a good CEO and didn't think that with everything going on in my life I would be able to give the job as editor the attention it needed. Another reason why I didn't want to go back to work is that I can't stand the way people are looking at me. It's always something between pity and morbid curiosity if I did cheat despite what Christian said in his statement.

Today is a happy day though, my house is ready and I have just moved in. My Dad has helped me so much and I hate to see him go back to Montesano, but he has his job there and I have taken up enough of his time, plus he will be back in two weeks to be here for the birth of his granddaughter. My mom will fly in next week and she is going to stay for two weeks to help me adjust to my new role as a single mom.

Waving at my Dad as he drives away I feel a little bittersweet and turn around to go back inside. Much like my apartment my new house has a very calm and homey feeling to it. I have chosen only light colors, soft fabrics and lots of decorative items to turn it into a place that reflects me. With the house at the sound, I wanted it to have a masculine touch as well, so Christian would love to be there too, here. however. I have made the place so feminine that Elliot joked he couldn't stay for more than an hour at a time because he is afraid he will grow boobs and lose his dick otherwise.

Once inside I head into the room next to my bedroom and sit down in the rocker by the window.

"You'll like it in here, Arielle. And when you are a little older you can also play outside in the backyard. Your grandpa has built a swingset for you and your uncle Elliot is going to build you a playhouse where you can have tea parties and play with your friends." I softly say as I rock back and forth.

I want to tell her so bad that her Daddy is going to love her and be there for her too. That she is going to have a father who will love her just as much as her grandpa loves me, but I can't. It would be a lie… or wishful thinking and I don't want to put my daughter and myself through that kind of misery. She will have a great uncle, two loving grandpas and another great uncle in Ethan, so this is all the male role models she will need in her life.

Kate and Mia think I should start to put myself out there and start to date, but I just can't. It feels wrong and more so, with me being pregnant, I don't think that anyone would want to date me right now.

In addition, I don't want someone else in my life. Even though Christian has made it clear that he does not want to be in our lives, I cannot just move on and find myself a new man to fill the void Christian has left in my life.

It would feel like I was trying to replace him when I know there is no way to replace him. And I don't want to bring people into Arielle's life that most likely want stay or end up being a disaster like my mother's third husband or the men she has dated before she married Bob.

If I ever decide to introduce someone to my daughter, it would have to be someone like Ray, a man who is willing to not just be the man in my life, but also a father to my daughter, even if we won't work out in the end and a man like that is a rare find.

I was very lucky for my mother to find Ray and in all honesty, I am still angry with my mother for cheating on him and ruining the small family we have been. So, I know that if my hope of Christian coming around won't come true, I will have to be very picky and careful with finding a new man.

Plus, right now, I feel like it wouldn't be fair to date, not because of Christian or our daughter, but it wouldn't be fair do any man I may meet. I still have a lot of healing do to and I don't want to hurt someone in the process just because I tried to put myself out of there to get over Christian. I don't want a rebound guy and more so I don't need one because I have an exciting new part of my life in front of me and that is all I want to concentrate on at the moment.

As of now, I just want to get used to being a single mom and eventually return to work when Arielle is old enough to go to Kindergarten. Until then, I just want to focus all my love and attention on her so she won't feel like she is missing out on something.

Today is Mia's birthday and she has planned a big family gathering at her house, though I know she too is upset that Christian won't be there. Most likely, he is not even going to call her, because they had a fall out when she called him out on abandoning me and our unborn child. She told me she lost it and brought up the fact that he was basically doing the same thing his biological father did when he left Ella while she was pregnant with him. Since then Christian isn't talking to her and even though I know that it have been Christian's choices that have brought all of us into this situation, I feel guilty that Christian and Mia are no longer speaking.

So, I decided to give her an extra special birthday present. Mia is obsessed with Louboutins and I happen to have met the Designer himself on several galas and charity events. So, I gave his assistant a call and got in touch with him. He agreed to create a pair of heels especially for Mia, they are unique and only one pair of them has been produced for her. I hope this will make her happy.

Around two pm I leave my house and get into my car. Since Christian isn't around I have been driving myself again and I never knew how much I missed just cruising around for a while until I got myself a nice a little car and just did it. Because I'm pregnant though, I have to make a quick stop at a gas station to go pee and of course, get a huge grape soda before I get back into my car and drive towards the freeway.

Thank God, traffic is light today, I think to myself because the soda seems to have run right through and I need to pee yet again.

„You have given mommy an old lady bladder, baby girl." I giggle because I have been constantly peeing for months now.

„So, no kicking now, Mommy didn't bring a change of clothes and I don't want to show up at your auntie's house having peed myself." I continue and pull over in the other lane so I can take the next exit.

„Next year, you can give auntie Mia a present too and play with your cousins. It's going to be so much fun, Arielle. I promise you, you are going to have a happy childhood, I'll make sure of it." I say and look at the exit coming up ahead.

„Only ten more minutes... don't forget not to make mommy pee, we are going to have a fun day, today." I say, because this is what I want, just a fun relaxed day with family and friends, where I don't have to think about the fact that Christian won't be there to share this special day with all of us.


	11. Chapter 11

Christian Grey sat in his penthouse study overlooking the city and sighed. He knew there was nothing left here for him to do. The Taiwan offices of GEH were running smoothly and had been for the last couple of months. If he was being honest with himself, he knew he only stayed because he was too scared to go back to Seattle.

He knew Ana had found a new home, she was getting settled in her new life, but he couldn't say the same thing about him. He had been spiraling ever since the day he told Ana he couldn't be a father for their child. When he left her crying in her apartment something broke inside of him and ever since that day life had become meaningless to him. Most days it was a struggle to even get out of bed and get ready for a new day.

Since everything was running so smoothly at the offices, he didn't go in more than once a week, so he spent most of his days at the apartment he had rented and only got up to use the bathroom or heat some food up in the microwave. Even his personal hygiene had massively suffered because many days passed by where he couldn't be bothered with brushing his teeth, shaving or taking a shower. Instead, he would sport the same dirty sweatpants and t-shirts for days without even noticing the less than attractive odor his lack of hygiene was producing.

Food had become his friend. It gave him comfort, made him feel better and had also ensured that most of his suits had become too small to fit him.

Reynolds who was with him as security detail had told him point blank one night when he had found him stuffing his face with chips and ice cream while drinking whiskey that he was depressed and needed to sort his shit out, but Christian had just told him to fuck off. Then he had called Elena and after talking to her for almost two hours she had him convinced that he would get better and that he was just feeling out of sorts because he was so far away from home and should talk to John more than once a week.

Still, his thoughts circulated around Ana and the fact that the child would be born soon. He still refused to listen to anyone who called to convince him that he needed to head back home when he knew he couldn't do it. So far, he didn't even know if Ana was expecting a boy or a girl, because not knowing made it easier for him to see the baby as a thing and not a real human being that he was about to neglect.

Not even knowing that he was doing the right thing could help soothe the ache he was feeling deep inside of him… there was only one thing that could make him whole again… one person who could make him happy again and he had hurt her too much to ever be able to make it up to her. If there was one thing that he was positive about than it was the fact that his marriage was over and he had ruined it all by himself.

There was no one else to blame but him… he was a fuck up and in the end, he was too fucked up to keep something as beautiful and pure as Ana in his life. And just the thought made him feel so disgusted with himself that he needed something to give him comfort. So he got off the bed and made his way into the kitchen where he grabbed a bag of mini KitKat's and threw himself onto the sofa to devour them all in one sitting.

He was already half way through the bag when his phone started to ring. Seeing his mother's name as caller ID he thought about letting it go to voice mail, she was probably about to chew him out about not even calling Mia on her birthday, but he had enough of his sister giving him grief.

Still, in the end, he reached for his phone and took the call.

"Hello, mother."

"Christian… you have to come home." He heard his mother's tear laced voice and sat up straight.

"What is going on, Mom? Has something happened to Dad? Is it grams or grandpa?" He asked hoping nothing had happened to either of them and then his mother brought his world to a complete stop with just three little words.

"It is Ana."

"What… I don't understand. What do you mean it's Ana, is she having the baby, is that what you are telling me?" He yelled into the phone as his panic started to rise.

"They are getting the baby as we speak… we were at Mia's party... no one saw how it happened... but suddenly we heard a scream from inside... Ana... she fell down the stairs... her head hit the marble floor and she also landed on her stomach... she was unconscious, but came to it briefly… she insisted to save her child… it's bad… you need to come home." Grace cried and Christian shook his head… this wasn't happening, it couldn't… he couldn't live in a world where Ana was dead.

"They have to save her first…. She can have more babies later… please, Mom, you have to tell them to save her first." He begged as he frantically ran through the mess that was his penthouse, trying to get dressed so he could get to the airport.

"I can't they are already in the OR … I know you don't want to hear this but…"

"I'm coming home." He said and hung up, screaming for Reynolds to get a jet ready for them.

Hours later, when he arrived back in Seattle he was out of his mind with worry, so much so, that he didn't have the courage to call his mother and find out if Ana was still alive. He didn't want to hear the words he dreaded the most.

When he finally arrived at the hospital he ran inside and was just about to find someone to tell him where he needed to go when someone grabbed him by the shirt and he was faced with his very angry father in law.

"What the hell do you think you are doing here? Just leave, it's what you do best anyway." Ray Steele hissed at his son in law. There had been times where he had been so thankful that his daughter had found herself a good husband in Christian, but when he left her because she was pregnant with his own child, Ray wanted to beat the shit out of Christian and after the night he had just endured, seeing him just made his anger worse.

"Ray please, I know I deserve all of your anger, but please, please I need to see, Ana."

"You can't, she is in surgery again, they thought they had repaired all the internal damage, but she's still bleeding." He said almost choking on his words, thinking about his daughter fighting for her life… fighting to see her own daughter just once. Still, he had this tiny hope to simply wake up and none of it had happened. That Annie would call him laughing about some of her latest cravings or just to tell him that she was doing fine, because of all the things he had prepared himself for as a father, he wasn't prepared to lose his child.

"The baby?" Ray looked at his son in law and wanted to tell him to fuck off, but the horrible reality was that his granddaughter could end up without a mother within hours of her being born, so he couldn't tell her father to leave.

"Arielle is fine, she wasn't harmed in any way… it's a miracle. She's a tiny little thing being three weeks early, but she can breathe on her own and will be ready to go home in a few days."

"Arielle… a girl… I have a daughter." Christian murmured and suddenly he felt drawn to the child, if he couldn't see Ana, he needed to make sure his daughter was fine. Ana wanted this child so much, loved her already so much that she insisted for her daughter to be saved before her… now he needed to make sure nothing happened to his daughter until Ana was well enough to see her.

"Where is she?"

"On the NICU, she has to stay there overnight. Your mother and Carla are with her." Ray said and watched as his son in law took off into the direction of the elevator, while he stepped outside and took a deep breath, hoping and praying that his daughter would fight through this if not for all the people that had gathered in the waiting area to be close to her than for her daughter…

Christian finally arrived at the NICU and was let in by a nurse who gave him some scrubs to change into before he was allowed to enter and three minutes later he stepped into a room where a few nurses were checking on unbelievably tiny newborns in incubators. He looked around and found his mother and Carla in the far corner, both women had one hand through holes in the incubator and he automatically stepped closer.

"Mom?"

"Christian…" Grace stopped startled for a second when she laid eyes on his son… he looked rough to say at least. His once clean shaven face was sporting a beard and he looked as if he had gained at least 15 pounds since she had last seen him.

"Christian… come here, do you want to see your daughter?" Grace then asked and for a second he hesitated, but then he stepped closer and looked at the baby, that already had a head full of dark hair and was kicking her little arms and legs. She was smaller as his nieces and nephew had been, but nowhere near as small as the other babies he had seen in the incubators.

„You can touch her if you reach through here." His Mom said and he was almost scared.

„Dr. Grey, your granddaughter is stable enough to bond... which one of you wants to hold her." A nurse asked.

„I want to hold my daughter." Christian said without even thinking about it.

„Ok, you can sit over, Mr. Grey." The nurse told him and he did. He was very nervous about this, but he couldn't let Ana and his daughter down again, by neglecting his child when her mother was fighting for her life and couldn't give her all the love she needed and deserved.

When the nurse placed his child in his arms Christian stopped breathing for a second. She was so dainty and small, he was afraid to hurt her by just holding her.

„Relax, darling. You are not going to hurt her." His mother said and he did and ran his finger down her soft little cheek.

„Hi Arielle... today was a lot for you... but I promise you from now on it's getting better. I'll make sure of it." He said and suddenly she opened her eyes and looked at him. In this moment he could no longer hold back his tears because she had Ana's eyes.

„Mom, will Ana get through this?"

„We don't know yet, sweetheart. She suffered severe head trauma and the internal bleeding... she will most likely have to stay here for a long time before she can go home, if... if..."

„When she gets better, Mom... when... there is no if." He said and his mom smiled through her tears.

„Yes, when she gets better. Your Dad and I will take Arielle home until Ana is ready to take her home." His mother said and he looked at his daughter.

„No."

„But Ana will need weeks to recover and Arielle can go home in a few days." Grace said confused.

„I know, but I will take her home... to her real home. I will take care of my daughter until Ana is better." Christian said. He had let Ana down enough, he wasn't about to do it again and he would not let his daughter down. There was still time to make things right.

Grace looked at his son and granddaughter even though she was still very much angry with her son, she was also happy that he finally was ready to do the right thing. Maybe finally seeing Arielle and understanding that she was a real human and not a thing was what he needed to see that he was capable of love and would never hurt his child like he feared.

After holding his daughter for a while the nurse told him she needed to go back into the incubator so she wouldn't get cold and when Arielle was asleep he stepped out of the NICU took his phone and called Gail, who was still looking after the house at the sound.

„Good evening, Mr. Grey." She said when she answered the phone.

„Good evening, Gail. Listen, I need you to get the guest room next to the master bedroom ready. I'm sure you are aware of the situation and I will bring my daughter home once she is ready to leave the hospital. I will need the room ready, clothes, food, diapers... you probably know better than I do what Arielle will need, so please just get whatever you think I'll need for her. Get help if you need to... it just has to be ready within the next three or four days, because that's when Arielle will be released."

„Of course, Sir... just... how is Ana?" Gail asked and Christian sighed.

„They had to get her back into surgery... we are still waiting for news. I have to go back to my daughter." He said and hung up.

He knew he couldn't be with Ana for a few more hours, so he would just focus on his daughter, because right now she was the only reason he was keeping it together...

 _ **There will be a bonus chapter this weekend...**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Just to answer some of the questions that I have seen in the reviews, no Ana is not going to suffer from amnesia when she wakes up and she won't be in a coma for long, next chapter will start with her waking up and we will also find out how she ended up falling down the stairs. Also a lot of questions about John's role in this story... well, in a couple of chapters it will all make sense... until then, enjoy!**_

„Arielle can go home today, Gail has her room ready and I promise you, I will take good care of her. I won't disappoint you again, Ana. I get it now, I let my fear win and I behaved horribly, but I can do better than that. I'll make it up to you." Christian said as he looked at his wife.

Ana had survived the second surgery, but she was in such critical condition that the doctors had decided to put her in an induced coma for the time being. When he heard the word coma he almost lost it, but his mother explained to him that it was the best for her, so she could heal and not be in pain. For now, the plan was to wake her up after four to seven days, depending on how much progress she was making in terms of healing. Still, Christian hated it, she should be awake and get to know her child, instead she was lying in a hospital bed sedated and had not even seen the child she had wanted so much.

„I'll be back tomorrow, baby." He said and kissed her forehead, before he went to pick up his daughter. For the last three days he had only left her side to visit Ana and go home to take a shower and change. The day after she had been born Arielle had been moved to the normal nursery and he had gotten the family room with her.

At this point he had learned how to bath, change, feed and burp her, so he felt a bit more prepared to take her home and take care of her. Still, he knew it was going to be a challenge to look after a new born on his own. Everyone had offered to stay at the big house with him to help him, but he had refused to take anyone up on their offer because he needed to do this alone. If he wanted to overcome his fear of being a father, he needed to face this alone, so he could prove to himself that he was not going to hurt Arielle or ruin her life just by being in her presence.

At home, he took Arielle out of the car seat and decided to give his daughter a tour of the house, so he walked with her through every room and just talked to her, which was what kept her calm the most. The first night at the hospital she had been crying a lot, so he had just talked to her and it had calmed her down enough to go back to sleep.

„Sir?" He heard Taylor and turned around.

„Yes?"

„There is an issue."

„What kind of issue?"

„Elena Lincoln, she is at the gate demanding to see you." Taylor said clearly displeased and Christian sighed. Since he had been back, he had been avoiding her. He didn't know why, but he felt apprehensive to see her or even call her because she had always been the one to tell him not to have children, still he couldn't ignore her forever.

„Let her in."

„Sir, I know..."

„Taylor, I know how you feel about her and I fully understand. I'm trying to make things right, so I will need to see her in person to let her know that I can no longer be her friend. You can be present for our conversation and escort her out afterwards." Christian said and Taylor nodded.

Elena Lincoln had no idea what was happening and why Christian had returned to Seattle. She had heard about that bitch's accident, but she had thought that at this point Christian didn't care enough to return, yet he was back in Seattle and had not even bothered to contact her.

„Mr. Grey will see you now." Taylor said to her and she gave him a triumphant smirk when she walked into the house, that smirk however died when she found Christian in the great room on the couch holding a baby.

„What is this?" She snapped.

„This is my daughter. Arielle Grey."

„What... but why is she here?"

„Ana is still at the hospital, so I'm taking care of her until Ana is better and hopefully then we can work things out and become a family. Right, little princess, you want mommy and daddy to get back together too... yes you do." He cooed and kissed the baby's cheek making Elena scream on the inside.

„Christian... this is not right... you ... you can't be a father."

„I am a father Elena. I tried to stay away... but I cannot do it. I may not be a perfect dad, but I can try my best and I will have Ana to stop me from making mistakes. You see, I thought you were right, I believed you... but I don't anymore. I can be a good father because I would rather kill myself than ever hurt my daughter."

„You are kidding yourself. Sure, you see her now and think you can do it, but you can't."

Taylor watched the scene in front of him intently. It was like a tug of war between Mr. Grey's new found confidence in being a father and the vile influence that woman had over him for so many years. He wanted to step in and tell her fuck off, but for the first time in a long time, he had trust in his boss to do the right thing. Not because he could actually see how vile Elena Lincoln was and that she had been a terrible influence on him for all these years, but because he knew that the love a father had for his child was greater than anything else in this world.

„You are wrong, Elena. This time, I'm going to trust myself... I should have done that months ago before I told Ana that I couldn't do this, I should have tried... but I'm making things right. Elena, I can no longer be your friend, help you or have any kind of contact with you. I want to start over, earn myself a second chance with Ana and if I want to do that, I can no longer have you in my life."

„What... have you lost your mind? Christian, you cannot do that..."

„I can and I will. Taylor will see you out and I need to change my daughter." Christian said and got up to leave the room.

„You will regret this you are not capa..."

„Mrs. Lincoln, it is time for you to leave." Taylor said and grabbed her by the elbow to lead her outside.

„Get your filthy paws off of me!" She screamed.

„The only thing filthy here is you. And let this be a warning, you stay the hell away from the Grey's because if I ever see you again, I'll find enough dirt in your life to bury you with it, understand?" He asked and didn't wait for an answer before he closed the door in her face.

Elena Lincoln stared at the closed door and took a deep breath. She was not about to let this happen, she had not been waiting patiently to become the new Mrs. Grey for it to be all over now. So, she got her phone out and made one phone call as she got into her car. She still had an ace up her sleeve and she would play it wisely.

A week later Ana was still in a coma, but the doctors wanted to slowly wake her up within the next days. She no longer had any brain swelling, her bruised face was slowly getting better and her wounds had started to heal, so everyone was hoping for her to wake up soon.

At the big house, Christian surprised himself every day with how natural being a father came to him. Yes, he wasn't getting enough sleep, but he was used to the lack of sleep from a very young age on, so it didn't bother him. He had to confess though that his daughter had already managed to wrap him around her itty bitty little finger. The first night the plan had been for her to sleep in the nursery, which did end with him putting the crib into his bedroom and by now Arielle was sleeping in his bed in a makeshift nest he had created out of pillows.

When she didn't want to sleep, she would only stop to cry if he held her and then he had started to show her home videos of Ana, so she wouldn't forget Ana's voice and it was the only other thing next to him holding her that could calm Arielle down.

Before he had a child, he would spend nights researching companies he wanted to buy or the newest technologies and ways to help feed the poor. Now, when his daughter was sleeping, he researched the best brands of formula, baby massage and safe toys for infants.

The other day he had given himself the important task of finding the best diapers available by asking Gail to buy some of each brand and then pouring water into them to see which one could hold the most and felt the driest, so Arielle wouldn't get diaper rash and be comfortable.

He also had already tested most of the available baby food on the market so he knew what to get once Arielle was old enough to start eating it, but it had all been gross. So, instead, he had ordered himself a bunch of baby food cook books and had almost burned down the kitchen, which was why now Gail had taken over the cooking baby food duty.

Like every day, after her nap, Christian got Arielle ready and drove to the hospital with her to visit Ana. He knew that babies usually weren't allowed on the ICU, but he felt it was important for both Arielle and Ana to be in the same room each day. On the first day, he had placed Arielle on her mother's chest and he later found out that all of her vitals had been the best they had been since the accident when he did that, so every time he came to visit Ana he did that just so they could bond a little.

„Look at the little bug, she's been gaining, right?" Ray asked when he held his granddaughter.

„Yes, she is doing great, she has her healthy appetite from me." Christian replied with a smile that even Ray could share, because he too knew that his daughter had been a terrible eater at times and he was glad that so far his granddaughter didn't take after her mother when it came to that.

„They are slowing weaning her of the sedative." Ray said.

„I know, is Carla coming back later, then I wait for her to see Arielle." Christian asked and Ray huffed.

„Carla had to go back to Georgia, apparently Bob needed her back." Ray said in disgust and Christian closed his eyes.

„Can we go outside for a moment?" He asked not wanting to take the risk that Ana would subconsciously pick up on what he was going to say.

„Of course." Ray said and Christian turned to Kate.

„Can you watch Arielle for a moment?" He asked and she nodded, still not willing to even talk to him.

„Thank you." He muttered and went outside with Ray.

„You have to be fucking kidding me, Carla left her severely injured daughter to wipe her husband's ass?" Christian asked furious.

„Pretty much, I told her if she does not tell him to grow a pair and stay she shouldn't bother coming back. She left anyway."

„Un-fucking-believable." He muttered and both men turned around when they heard loud voices.

„Listen, I know I'm not family, but she is my friend and I need to see her." Jose said clearly upset while Adam was standing next to him.

„You know them?" Ray asked and Christian nodded. He did not like Jose Rodriguez one bit, he was convinced if given the chance he would still go after Ana, but he was trying to make amends with Ana and he knew she would want them here to be there for her, so he walked up to the nurse.

„It's fine, they are family friends." He said.

„Grey, what the hell are you doing here?"

„She is still my wife, Rodriguez and I will do whatever I can to earn her forgiveness." Christian replied.

Jose just looked at Grey and was dying to give him some choice words, but he knew deep down Ana still loved him and if there was even the tiniest chance of Grey really being able and willing to change it was none of his business, so he kept quiet and went to see Ana instead.

He and Adam had been to photo trip to Peru with no cell reception or internet for two days, so he had only found out what had happened to Ana last night and they had taken the first flight to Seattle to see her. What he saw made him want to cry, she was attached to so many machines, her skin still bruised and swollen and the only indication that she was still alive was the steady beeping of the heart monitor next to her. He had always loved Ana because she was so full of life, so to see her like this was heart breaking for him, but she was a fighter and would pull through this, she had to and he knew she wouldn't die, not without seeing her daughter grow up.

And so they all sat there and just watched Ana, hoping and praying that soon she would wake up and open her beautiful eyes to finally meet her child.


	13. Chapter 13

**Ana**

I hear a steady beeping next to me and smell a very specific scent... it smells like disinfectant. Am I in a hospital? Suddenly, I remember, Mia's birthday party... me using the upstairs bathroom because all the bathroom downstairs were occupied... and then the sharp pain in my belly just when I was about to take the first step downstairs... me losing my balance but failing to find something to hold onto to stop the fall... then I remember hearing voices, doctors saying I needed to go into surgeries and begging them to save my daughter's life... and then nothing.

Instinctively, I reach for my belly, but it's gone... my baby... what happened to my daughter.

„Ana, don't, sweetheart, you are going to hurt yourself."

„Annie, please, try to breathe." I hear first Grace and then my Dad, but all I can think of is my child. What happened to Arielle.

„Arielle?" I gasp and somehow manage to open my eyes.

„It's ok, Annie, you had a c-section after you fell down the stairs. Arielle is fine, you can see her in a bit, but we need you to stay calm, you've been in a coma for almost two weeks."

„My baby... please... Dad, where is my baby."

„Ray, why don't you go and get her while we check on, Ana." Grace says and my Dad nods.

„I'm going to get your baby, Annie, but please try to calm down, she is fine." He says and kisses my forehead before he leaves.

„Is she really fine?" I ask Grace.

„Arielle is perfectly fine, Ana, she had to spend one night in the NICU, but she has been home for over a week now."

„Home?" I ask, how could she have been home... her home is with me and I am here.

„You'll see. A lot has changed since your accident." She says and shines a light into my eyes.

„Now, tell me, are you in pain?"

„No, I'm just really thirsty and sore." I get out, my throat feels so dry.

„Ok, here, take the straw, but you need to take very small sips darling." She says and so I do and it makes me feel better instantly.

„Thank you." I whisper.

„You're very welcome, now I have seen that you can move your arms, can you move your feet for me too, but please only very slowly." She says and my eyes widen, am I paralyzed?

„Are you trying sweetheart?" She asked and I shake my head.

„I'm scared, am I paralyzed Grace?" I asked.

„You had injuries to your spine with some major swelling, if you can't move your legs it will be only temporary, but we need to know to treat you accordingly." She says and I nod and try to move legs which at first feels like moving dead weight, but then I manage.

„Why does its feel like I have run a marathon, Grace, all my muscles ache." I whisper.

„You have not moved for almost two weeks, it will take some time for your muscles to get used to the movements again, but we will get you started with physical therapy tomorrow, very light at first because you still have a lot of healing to do, but it is important to get you back on your feet to prevent you from getting pneumonia." She says and I nod.

When the door opens, I expect my Dad to return, but instead, I am looking at Christian, he has a diaper bag hanging over one shoulder and is carrying our baby in his arms. My first instinct is to jump up and snatch her from his arms. Why is he even holding her when he didn't want anything to with her... he left the country to avoid being anywhere near her and now this...

„Ana." He says when he finds me awake and I can't believe what I'm seeing, so I look at Grace and she gives me a big smile and a nod.

„I ... why are you here?"

„I came home as soon as I heard that you fell down the stairs... I'm so sorry, baby... for everything... but we can talk about that later, Ray told me you want to see our little princess and she has been waiting for you to wake up too." He says and sits down on the edge of the bed.

„We've been visiting you every day... it's the highlight of our day... well that and all the midnight feedings." He says with a wink and holds Arielle so I can look at her, I want to hold her so bad, but I don't trust myself to be able to, so I just look at her and can't help but cry.

„Is she really ok?" I ask.

„Yes, don't worry about her, baby. Arielle is healthy as a horse and does perfectly fine. She is a great eater, has me constantly change her diapers and loves bath time."

„You?" I stutter not able to get out a full sentence... is he taking care of her... is she staying with him...?

„Yes, she is staying with me at our home... but we can talk about all of this later. Here, I can help you hold her."

„I'm scared I will drop her." I gasp.

„You won't, I'm right here, baby." He says and places her gently in my arm,s while holding his arm out to support me in holding her.

„She is so beautiful." I whisper. In this moment, all I can do is to look at her, she is so beautiful... and I can see both Christian and myself in her.

„She has your eyes and hair... but I'm pretty sure she has my temper, she can get loud when she wants something and doesn't get it right away." He says and it makes me smile, even though I'm still worried about the fact that apparently, no one stepped in when Christian just swooped back in to take her home.

„You really take care of her alone?" I ask needing to get confirmation.

„Yes, I'm not scared anymore... well, at least not scared of being in her life. I'm more scared of other things now, but we are a great team... even though she already has me wrapped around her tiny little fingers."

„That's what girls do." I whisper while looking at my sleeping daughter. I hope Gail and Taylor are at the big house with them... if Elena comes anywhere near my child I will murder her... and Christian as well.

„I was told so by everyone. Look, I know this is not the right time, but I need you to know that I won't leave again. I want us to work this out and be a family." He says and it makes even more tears run down my face.

„I don't think I can just go back." I whisper. All the lies and hurt... and his apparent change of heart could be just another web of lies that will come crashing down on me and now my daughter one day.

„I know, baby... too much has happened... but I'll prove to you that I'm worthy of a second chance... just don't give up on me." He says.

„I haven't." Which is true, but I know this is just me still clinging on to the hope of my fairytale ending and not the reality I will have to face as soon as I'm better.

„That's all I need to know for now. Right now, I want you to focus on getting better, take all the time you need to heal and I'll cover the rest."

„Can you bring her to see me again tomorrow?"

„Yes, we've been here every day and we will be here every day until you can go home."

„Take lots of picture and videos of her, ok? I don't want to miss anything."

„I will... and I already have, at this point she probably thinks the camera and my phone are just more people that come to visit her each day." He says and it makes me smile, not for me, but for Arielle, because if Christian can prove that he is willing and able to change, she will have a father in her life.

The next day I have to start physical therapy and even though it has been just small movements, I feel like I have just done a full body workout. Everything is just exhausting and all I want is to sleep, but I know Christian will bring Arielle in later. After he left yesterday I asked for a phone and called Gail. I just needed to make sure that Arielle is really well taken care of and that Elena is getting nowhere near her. She assured me that Christian is taking his new role as a father very serious and then handed the phone to Taylor. When he told me that Christian let the old bitch into the house and thereby in the presence of my daughter I damn near had a stroke, but Taylor assured me that he was present for their conversation and he is positive that this time he really did cut her loose. I'm not convinced, but at the very least I'm now more comfortable with the thought that Arielle is staying with him because I know Gail and Taylor are there to make sure nothing can happen to her.

When he does arrive he looks at me and frowns. „You are upset." He says and I shrug.

„I called my mom, it didn't go well."

„What did she say?"

„I asked her if she would come back to Seattle so I could see her and she told me she couldn't leave Bob again. I don't even know why I'm upset, it's not like she ever put me first anyway."

„I'm sorry she upset you, but maybe your other visitors will make up for that." He says and opens the door to let Jose and Adam in.

„Hey Ana, we came back as soon as Christian called to tell us you are awake. How are you?"

„Sore, tired... but I was told that's normal." I reply still shocked that Christian called them and is tolerating Jose and me being in the same room.

„I have to make a phone call, do you think you can hold her?" Christian asks me and places Arielle in my arms before he leaves the room.

„She is already as beautiful as her mommy." Jose says when he looks at Arielle.

„She is amazing... did Christian really call you?"

„Yes, we were here a few days after you were hospitalized, but had to go back to New York, Christian promised to call when you are awake."

„Have you talked?"

„I'd say we've reached a silent agreement to be polite around each other for your benefit." He says with a smirk.

„Well, that's something right?"

„Are you back with him?"

„No, I don't think I can just forgive and forget... I have to learn to trust him again or more so figure out if I ever will be able to trust him again. The issue wasn't just that he didn't want to have kids, but all the lies and that he let me go through trying to get pregnant when at the time he had to believe that it wasn't going to happen. That hurt more than anything else. Still, he is the love of my life, so I'm willing to work on our issues if he is willing to do the same. Right now though, I want to focus on getting better so I can leave this place and be with my daughter. My doctors think maybe in a week or two I can leave."

„Take things slow, Ana. You've been in a coma. I know you want to go home and be with your daughter, but you have to think of yourself in this situation. She needs you to be fit and healthy before you can take care of her and Christian has it covered."

„I know, I just... I feel like I'm missing out on so much and I don't want to miss anymore."

„You won't. You can see her every day." Jose says just as Christian walks back in.

„Are you ok, baby?"

„I just told Jose that I might be able to go home in a week or two."

„Your doctor told us you will need at least two more weeks here." He says with a frown.

„I told him I want to go home as soon as possible." I admit.

„No, Ana, you almost died, you need time to recover."

„But I don't want to abandon Arielle." I confess.

„Is this about your mother?" He asks and I look at my hands.

„Ana, you are nothing like your mother and you are not abandoning your child, you are in the hospital so you can get better to be healthy and able to take care of her. Christ, you put her life over yours before she was even born. I'm so sorry that your mother is such a disappointment, but you are nothing like her, don't ever think that you are."

„She said I would one day understand that children are not the most important thing in a person's life and that they shouldn't be. I don't want to be like that."

„You are not, Ana. You have never been anything like her and what she is telling you is bullshit. Just ask my mom, she is the most caring mother and will always put her children first."

„I know... just talking to her made me really upset." I admit, it has always been that way with my mother and I hate it.

„Look, I can't tell you what to do, but maybe you should wait to talk to her again until you are better. You need to surround yourself with positive people and if your mother isn't that cut her off until you are able to deal with her." Adam says and I nod. I know he is right, but it's hard.

„You need some rest, Ana. We'll be back tomorrow." Jose says and I nod.

„Do you want me to talk to Carla?" Christian asks when we are alone in the room.

„No, I can deal with her myself." I reply. Him caring for our daughter while I can't is one thing, but I'm nowhere near ready to have him act caring around me and I think my tone made that clear.

„I cut Elena off." He says.

„You told me the same thing six years ago... and this time I cannot trust you."

„I know... but I will earn your trust again." He says and I know he believes it, but I don't know if I can.

„Well, I need to bring Arielle to my parents now, I'm going start seeing John again." He says and I sigh.

„He didn't help you in over ten years, Christian. Maybe it's time for you to see a different shrink."

„He knows me." He says with a shrug and I kiss my daughter goodbye before he takes her from me, leaving me alone with my inner battle of wanting to trust my own husband but not being able to and it is driving me insane.

 ** _There will be another bonus chapter this week..._**


	14. Chapter 14

_**Here is this weeks bonus chapter... after this chapter, we'll get into the Flynn storyline and it's going to get crazy, sad and deep for a while... enjoy!**_

 _ **Ana**_

Today is the day, I'm finally allowed to go home... well, not my home, but my old home. I still have to take things slow and rest as much as possible, so I won't be able to take care of myself and Arielle right away. Christian has offered for me to stay at our house. At first, I didn't really like the idea, because I feel like giving him false hope, but in the end, I agreed under the condition that I would be staying in a guest room. There is no way I would even consider sharing the master bedroom with Christian. As vulgar and sad as it sounds, but I know he would try to fuck our problems away and if he did, I feel like it would finally be the last straw for me to file for a divorce.

As of now, we are still legally separated and Carrick has assured me that us living under the same roof wouldn't hinder us in getting a divorce due to the circumstances. What Christian doesn't know is that I had Carrick set up a divorce agreement for us while Christian was in Taiwan.

I didn't want things to get messy, so I didn't demand nearly as much as I could. Just the cars he has given to me, child support, security for Arielle and myself and a college fund for our daughter. Since Grey Publishing is already mine I didn't need to put it in the agreement and as the owner, I have a very solid income that allows me to live comfortably, so I don't need spousal support or any money from Christian. I have never enjoyed being rich anyway, so I don't need a huge bank account to keep me happy. The only money I will accept is for Arielle because as the daughter of a well-known billionaire, I can't just enroll her in a public school and I want her to have the best possible education, so she will go to private schools, which are ridiculously expensive.

I haven't told Christian so far and somewhere deep inside I hope I will never have to. But if the last ten months have taught me anything it's that I can't trust my husband and without trust, there is no way for me to remain in this marriage.

„Time to go home." I hear Christian's voice as he steps into the room.

„Where is Arielle?"

„At home, Gail is watching her and John also stopped by to visit her." He says and I nod.

„I'll get your release papers and a wheelchair and then we can leave." He says and soon we are in the car and en route to our house. It's funny, I can't even refer to it as my home at this point, not after everything that has happened.

At the house, I step inside and am greeted by Gail who is sobbing as soon as she sees me and we hug.

„I'm so glad you are back and well, Ana... I was so worried for you." She says and hugs me again.

„It was all your delicious meals that have helped me get back on my feet, thank you so much for stopping by every day, Gail." I say with a smile.

„You are very welcome, my dear." She says. I don't know when it happened... but somewhere along the road, I have started to see way more than just a housekeeper or a friend in Gail. She is like the mother I have always dreamt of having. Kind, caring and always there when I need her.

It's not like my own mother is cold towards me. We get along, but from a very early age on I could tell that my mother cared more about herself and the ever changing men in my life than about me. In Gail, I have found everything I ever envisioned the perfect mother to be like and we have just developed a special bond that I can't put into the right words.

„I have made plans to cook all your favorites this weeks." She says with a smile.

„Can't wait for it... I'm going to see my baby girl now." I tell her.

„Just let me know if you need anything." She replies and I head towards the stairs.

„Do you want me to carry you, Ana?"

„No, I can walk, in fact, my doctors insist, it's important for me to walk a lot to get back to my old strength." I let him know.

„Taylor is driving to your place to get you some of your clothes... I wanted to buy..."

„Christian, you don't have to spend money on anything. I already bought enough clothes for me that will fit me until I have lost the baby weight while I was still pregnant." I reply and manage to slowly get up the stairs but stop in the hallway when I hear a soft female humming coming from the nursery.

„Who is here? Gail didn't mention that Grace or Mia are here... is it Kate?" I ask and Christian frowns.

„I have no idea, Mia and Kate didn't mention they would be over and my mom is on duty." He says, so I walk to the door open it and stop dead in my tracks when I see Elena fucking Lincoln holding my daughter in her arms.

„You are such a pretty little darling, Arielle. Your daddy and I will raise you well, yes we will, we are going to be a happy family... yes we are, come on darling, smile for mommy." She says and I lose it, get to her as fast as I can and take my daughter from her arms.

„If you ever dare to come anywhere near my child, I will fucking kill you." I hiss at her and grab the diaper bag.

„Ana please, I had no idea she would be here... I promise I wasn't lying when I told you that I have cut her off." Christian pleads but this time, I'm not falling for it.

„Tell your lies to someone who cares, I'm done, Christian. I don't even know who you are anymore, the only thing I do know is that I am going to divorce you and from now on, I will make sure that the only way for you to see our child is while being supervised. I have a draft for our divorce agreement ready and will have it sent to your lawyers. Goodbye Christian." I say void of any emotion as I leave the nursery with my daughter in my arms and make my way to the stairs.

„Ana wait... I have no idea how she even got in here... I swear I have told her our friendship is over." Christian says frantically as he follows me.

„Don't you get it? You are like the boy crying wolf! At this point I don't know what is true and what is a lie... I cannot do this anymore Christian. I cannot think about fixing our marriage when I can't believe a word you are saying."

„Please... just trust me this once... please don't give up on me now... I get it now, this is what she wanted all along, to tear us apart... please don't allow her to win, Ana." He pleads and the part of me that still loves him wants to believe what he is saying but I just can't.

„I can't do this anymore, Christian... maybe you are telling the truth... maybe I allow her to win, but I'm just exhausted... I cannot keep torturing myself with constant what ifs and giving myself hope. I have done this since that damned day in your office and I should have made a clean break back then... I can't go back in time, but what I can do is do what is right for me now. I'm sorry, Christian..." I say as I walk down the stairs.

„Is everything alright, Ana?" Gail asks when I walk down the stairs.

„Can you please take me and my daughter home, Gail. I just encountered Elena Lincoln in the nursery holding my daughter telling her that she is her mother." I tell her and if this was a cartoon, I'm sure there would be massive steam coming out of Gail's ears as she takes her apron off and throws it on the floor right at Christian's feet.

„Mr. Grey, please do accept this as my letter of resignation, I quit." She huffs and turns to me.

„Come dear, I'll take you home and don't you worry, I'll make sure that you and your little sweetheart are well taken care off until you are all good again.

„Thank you." I whisper as the tears threaten to flow down my face.

„Ana don't... please don't leave. You promised you'd never give up on me." Christian calls after me.

„Don't you dare and tell me I broke my promise when you lied to me for our entire marriage." I mutter and leave the house with Gail who get's a car and a puts a car seat from the garage in it.

„Did you know that she was there?" I ask.

„Ana, had I known that this god awful woman was in the house I would have called the cops. Now come, this was too much for you after just being in the hospital for almost four weeks. We'll get you home so you can rest."

„Home sounds good." I murmur.

Gail

As soon as Ana is asleep I sit down in the kitchen with Jason whom I have called to stay at Ana's and wait for us.

„I have quit." I let him know not sure of his reaction, but he smiles.

„I'm sure you did. You always had a soft spot for Grey, but the one person you love even more is Ana... you act like momma bear when it comes to her."

„Well, it's not like her own mother cares for her unless Ana invites her and then she only comes to Seattle for shopping trips and spa days all on Ana's bill of course." I huff. I was never blessed to have my own child, even though I wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, so I can't understand how a mother would not want to care for her daughter and make time for her, especially if the daughter is as lovely as Ana. When I first met her, she was such a force for good in Mr. Grey's life that I instantly liked her and over time, she has become like a daughter to me.

„I know, so what has Grey done now?" Jason asks and I tell him what happened.

„God fucking damn it, he really had me fooled this time... and how the hell did he get her into the house without me knowing... I'm telling you, Gail, something about this isn't right. It's like he is brainwashed and every time he manages to break free that old cunt pulls him right back in."

„I don't know, Jason... you know how much I adore Mr. Grey, but at this point, I can no longer find any grounds to defend him. I'm sad to say this, but Ana is better off without him in her life. She has to put herself and her daughter first."

„You are right, so are you staying here with Ana?"

„Are you not?"

„Gail, as much as I hate it, but I'm head of his security team, I can't just call him and quit. I need to go back, make sure whoever takes over is well briefed and knows what to look for. It will take me a few weeks to quit."

„I understand." I murmur, he is right, he can't just quit like I did, so I smile and kiss him before he leaves and start to order some groceries so I can make a nice meal for Ana.

Taylor

As I reach the house I'm really tempted to beat the shit out of Grey for fucking up again. However, when I find him I feel like I have been transported back in time ten months ago, only now it is Grey on the floor drinking himself into oblivion and he is fucking crying.

Damn it, I can barely stand to see a woman cry, but a full grown man is way out of my comfort zone.

„Sir?" I ask and he looks up at me.

„She won, Taylor... I never saw it... she did everything she could to ruin my marriage and now she won." He says.

„Get up." I demand and when he does I grab him by the shoulders.

„I'm telling you right now, if this is another lie I will fucking kill you and make sure your body is never found... however, right now I want to believe you that you had no idea the old bitch would be here, so I will get to the bottom of this... do not make me regret it."

„I had no idea... this was my last chance to get Ana back and now I have not just lost her, but my daughter too... Ana said she wouldn't allow me to see her unsupervised... I need to make this right, Taylor... I need to prove to Ana that I did not invite Elena to be here... find out how she got inside... she said she has given up on me... I can't let that happen, not now... not when I finally realized that I want a family, that I can be a Dad."

„Sir, I can't promise you that you will get Ana back, but I can promise you to find out what is happening. And the first person on my list to investigate even further than I have already done is John Flynn." I let Grey know and his eyes widen.

„John... but he is my friend."

„Sir, with all due respect, but he was here when we left, who says he didn't let Mrs. Lincoln in... no, I already suspected something wasn't right about him, now he has made it to number one on my list."

„You are right... look into him... I don't care how much it costs or what you need to do, but you have to find proof that I did not invite her in, so I can prove to Ana that I was telling the truth... I just want my family back."

„I'm on it, Sir, but please stop the drinking, it's to no use." I say as I walk into my office. I hope I'm doing the right thing here, but something tells me that for once Grey was being honest and even if he doesn't deserve it, his little girl deserves for her parents to have a chance of getting back together.


	15. Chapter 15

_**This was not a planned chapter, but many of you wanted to know what happened after Ana left and Christian was alone with Elena, so I decided to write that scene as a bonus chapter. The new chapter will be up tomorrow... so, get ready to jump on board the crazy train tomorrow ;-)**_

 _ **Grace**_

This has gone too far. I have tried to stay out of my children's relationships and so far I have succeeded, they are all grown up and need to figure their relationships out themselves, but this has gotten out of hand. I don't even know what to believe anymore, but I'll refuse to let my granddaughter get in the middle of all this drama. I understand that Ana is upset after coming home to find Elena holding Arielle... when Ana told me what this awful witch said to Arielle, I wanted to find her and kill her, but I also need to hear my son's sight of the story.

I'm not a violent person, but what she has done to my son is just too much. I should have convinced him to report her back then, but at the same time, I didn't want him to go through this kind of public humiliation. Now, I feel like it is the only option left to get Elena out of Christian's life.

As I arrive at the house Ryan lets me in and I'm shocked when he apologetic tells me that he has to check my car. Apparently, Taylor is not taking any chances and now has everyone who enters the property searched. I let Ryan do his work and walk inside where I find Christian putting together a huge doll house.

„That is very pretty, darling." I say as I sit down on the floor next to my son.

„I found it online... I know Arielle is way too young to play with it yet, but I remembered how much Mia loved her dollhouse, so I wanted one for Arielle." He says and puts the last piece into place.

„Darling, we need to talk... what happened here?"

"Elena won. She fucked me over and now my marriage is over." He says and looks at his hands.

„Did you let her in?"

„No! Fuck, I was trying to win Ana back, to have a family... my family. I know that Ana doesn't like Elena. Hates her guts, to be more clear... and I don't want Elena near my child. Not just because of Ana, I get it now, what we have done isn't right. Elena should have known better, I should have said no."

„No, darling, you cannot blame yourself for what has been done to you. You were a child, Elena was the grown up and should have never started this, she was wrong and you are not to blame, don't ever think that."

„Ana is not going to let me see Arielle again."

„That is not true. I have talked to her this morning and she still wants you to see Arielle. She has asked Mia to bring her over each day so you can see her. Mia will stay here for the visits and bring her kids too."

„So, Mia is making sure I'm not harming my own child." He huffs and I sigh.

„Christian, I'm your mother and I will always defend you, but try to see this from Ana's point of view as well. You promised her Elena was out of your life before you even got married and then she found out that was a lie... then you told her again Elena was out of your life and still she came back and then Ana had to find her here holding Arielle... Elena is a child molester and no parent would want a person like that near their child... you said it yourself."

„I just want her to trust me. But I don't know how to get there."

„It will take time..."

„I don't have fucking time... she is going to file for divorce and I won't be able to stop her from divorcing me forever! I have tried to think of some way to make her see that I'm not lying this time, but fucking Elena ruined everything. If it wasn't for Ryan coming home from running some errands I would have murdered her then and there." Christian says.

„But you haven't touched her right? You didn't do anything that she could use to file a report and turn this on you?" I ask, Elena is such a vile person, I wouldn't put it past her to provoke Christian so much that he at least grabbed her in some way to remove her from the house and in doing so file report on him.

„No, we were in the middle of a yelling match when Ryan arrived. She still insists that she is doing me a favor, that I'm not made to be a parent... and when she says it, it does sound convincing, but I can't allow her to get into my head again, because I know I can do it..."

„Christian, you have to trust in yourself, you already showed that you are willing and capable of being a good father to your child."

„Yeah and look what it got me... Ana is gone and she took Arielle with her." He says bitterly.

„It doesn't have to be that way forever... and even you do get divorced that doesn't mean you aren't going to be able to raise your child... it won't be easy at first to figure out but you'll get there eventually."

„Mom... would you forgive me if you were Ana?" He asks and I remain silent.

„I see."

„Darling, I'm going to be very honest. I know relationships need a lot of work and nurturing, your father and I had our fights... but to be very honest, if he had put me through something similar, I would have divorced him right away, no legal separation, no trying to fix things. But the reason for that is that Ana and I are very different. I make decisions with my head, she makes them with her heart and that could be your chance to win her back."

„What would you do in this situation?"

„I guess, I would give her a few days to calm down and then try to get into contact with her... ask to have a talk and put my cards on the table... and maybe it is also time to do what is right and report Elena."

„No, I can't."

„Why?" I ask.

„I... I don't know... I just know that I can't." He says and looks confused.

„Darling, we should have insisted for you to report her way back when you first told us, but we thought with her out of your life it was enough... that you could move on with Ana and be happy. Now, I see that that was a huge mistake. You need her out your life for good and by reporting her, you can also show Ana that you truly want to change and make things right." I say and watch as he gets up and starts to pace.

 _ **Christian**_

I know my mother is right... but for some reason, I cannot fathom I just can't seem to be able to do it. Maybe it's what Elena said after Ana left that is still getting to me or maybe I'm just too fucked up to do the right thing, but it is driving me insane.

I just can't seem to finally get Elena out of my life and even with John, it's all the same. I'm certain he is working with Elena, yet my first instinct is to call him and ask him for advice. I have refrained so far and Taylor is insisting that I'm going to find someone else, he even recommended another shrink to me, but I just can't bring myself to go through with it.

Part of me wishes Ryan wouldn't have come home yesterday because I would have killed her with my bare hands, but now it is too late...

 _\- Flashback -_

 _I watch as Ana and Gail leave with Arielle and all I want is to wrap my hands around Elena's neck and squeeze until I can see the light leave her eyes. In this moment, I cannot contain myself any longer and run upstairs._

„ _I told you, Christian, you will never be able to be a good father, all I did was too protect you from this very moment where your wife chooses your child over you." Elena says trying to sound compassionate, but it only fuels my anger._

„ _You did this! You broke into my home and did this, how the fuck could you do this to me?"_

„ _I was trying to save you!"_

„ _Like hell you were, you just ruined everything I was trying to build you fucking cunt!" I hiss at her and her eyes nearly bulge out of her head._

„ _What did you just call me?"_

„ _A fucking cunt, that's what you are and I hate myself for not seeing it years ago, because then none of this would have happened... I wouldn't have gotten a vasectomy, lied to my wife, abandoned her when she was pregnant with my child and you would have never gotten to lay your dirty hands on my innocent child!" I yell at her._

„ _And now you are left with no one but me... your family will pick Ana's side, your wife is going to divorce you and once she has found a new man, your own daughter will prefer him over you... don't kid yourself, Christian, I'm the best thing that has ever happened to you, all I have ever done was to make you sure you would succeed in life and if you thing I will allow you to just get rid of me then you are sadly mistaken, because I will destroy everything in life that you love... make up your mind now, Christian. Do you choose her or me?"_

„ _You are sick, Elena... do you honestly think I would choose you over my wife?"_

„ _You have done it all the time, think about it, you've lied to her for me time and time again... she will never be able to trust you again and if she tries, I'm right there to make sure every attempt will fail, so you better make the right choice here or else!" She spits back at me and the urge to choke her to shut her up is getting even stronger._

„ _You will stay the fuck away from Ana, my daughter or any other member of my family. Because if you don't, I will fucking bury you!"_

„ _Darling, you can't threaten me... and I can do whatever I want. You make think that you are in charge, but I have all the control in the world and there is nothing you can do about it."_

„ _Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. House. Now!" I sneer, any second I'm going to lose my shit and thing will get very ugly._

„ _Sir?" I turn around and find Ryan in the hallway._

„ _Where the fuck have you been?"_

„ _Gail asked me to pick up a few things from the store right before you and Taylor left." He says._

„ _And who the fuck was watching the house..."_

„ _I'm sorry, the security system was running, I would have been alerted if anyone was at the gate."_

„ _Well, you sure as fuck missed her! Now get her the fuck out of my house." I hiss at him and run downstairs, trying to call Ana but she sends the calls straight to voice mail..._

 _\- End of Flashback -_

„Christian... stop sweetheart." My mother's voice brings me back to the now and I look at her.

„You know that reporting Elena is the right thing to do... you have a child now yourself, imagine a man in his late thirties would seduce your fifteen year old daughter."

„I would fucking kill the bastard." I reply without missing a beat.

„See, it's no different to what was done to you. If you are not up to it, I can report her for you, your father..."

„Oh please, he is Ana's lawyer, way to show me how much he loves he." I mutter.

„Yes, your father is Ana's lawyer, but not because he wouldn't take your side in a heartbeat. He just doesn't want to drag more people into this and he knows the two of you don't have a prenup... do you know how many divorce attorneys would recommend Ana to take you to the cleaners? It would be gold for their resume. So all your father is trying to do is to protect you while also making sure that Ana will not be stubborn and demand nothing, especially in regards of Arielle."

„He is not talking to me."

„Darling, when was the last time you have called any of us, not just your father and I, but also your siblings?"

„I... I don't know." I reply, come to think of it, I cannot recall calling any of my family members for a very long time... they usually call me or Ana had them on the phone so I would speak to them.

„I can't remember either... and I understand that you are busy, but sometimes it would be nice to just get a text or a phone call. Your father is angry that you have lied to all of us in regards to Elena... so he may not call you for a while to avoid getting into a fight with you, but he will always be there if you call him. Don't ever doubt that. We are your family and we love you."

„I need to think about everything that has happened... maybe seeing a new shrink is a good idea... do you think Ana would agree to start couples counseling again?"

„I don't know, but I'm sure if you give her a few days to calm down, she will answer your calls and you can ask her yourself. And please, think about reporting Elena... she needs to be out of your life for good or she will always lure in the dark waiting for her chance to pounce." My mom says pleading at me with her eyes and I know she is right, but I just can't seem to tell her that I will do it.

„I think about it, mom. Look, I don't want to be rude, but I need some time to think."

„Of course. Please, call me if you need someone to talk to." She says and kisses my cheek.

As I watch her leave, I know she is right... but I just need some more time to think this through and consider what reporting Elena could possibly mean to myself before I go through with it.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Just to let you know, I know some of you feel that the entire Elena/possibly John storyline has been dragging, but we are almost at the end of it and then can go into the healing process for Christian and Ana as individuals before they can work on rebuilding their relation, which also means to let go of what is broken...**_

 _ **Taylor**_

I have never been this frustrated in all of my life. I know that Flynn is somehow involved with Elena Lincoln, but I can't seem to find out how and I still have no clue as to how the old cunt got into the house. Magically, none of the security cameras were working and the security alert in case of this happening didn't go off. I just know that someone has fucked with the security system, but I have no idea who did it. When I left with Grey to pick Ana up Flynn had just arrived to visit Arielle, which seemed a bit weird, but Grey considers him his friend. So the only other person in the house was Gail and I know for a fact that my wife would have never let Elena Lincoln anywhere near the baby. In fact, Gail would have probably beaten the old bitch to a pulp with a fucking broom stick, which would have been fitting considering that the old bitch was a fucking witch too.

In addition, I'm running out of time. True to her word, Ana has filled for divorce and even got Grey's Dad to be her lawyer. At this point, his own father and brother are barely talking to Grey. They too believe he was or is still in contact with Elena Lincoln and had been feeding them nothing but lies yet again. At this point all the stupid fucker has left is his sister who stops by once a day to check on him and has also been chosen by Ana to be the supervisor for Grey's time with his daughter until they get a proper hearing in regards to the custody of little Arielle.

God damn, it breaks my fucking heart each time Mia has to take little Arielle home and Grey turns from happy Dad back to his depressed self within a nano second. From what Gail has told me Ana isn't doing any better. She really thought within realizing that he can be a father there was a chance for them to fix their marriage. At least I could get Grey to find himself a new shrink. It's an old army friend of mine who decided to become a shrink after he left the army. He doesn't take any shit and is basically forcing Grey to look into the mirror, however I'm not sure if they are making any progress, because both of them look mutually frustrated whenever they leave Grey's study after a session.

Gail has told me point blank that I'm wasting my time by trying to help Grey, but all my instincts are telling me that there is something really wrong. And I just have to get to the bottom of it or I won't be able to rest. This is why I had the entire security system replaced and the old one sent to Barney. Maybe he can somehow at least recover the footage of whoever tampered with the system before it shut off. He told me he would need some time to work on it, but I'm positive that if anyone can get it to work it's Barney, the kid is worth his weight in gold.

A day later I finally get the call that he was found something on the tape and is coming over which is actually weird, because Barney hates to leave his office, so I know he found something big on the tape.

„Come in, wait I'll get the boss." I let him know when he arrives.

„Wait, I think you should see this first before you get him." He says and I frown, but follow him into the security office.

„I was able to recover the last ten minutes of the tape before it got deleted and the system was switched off." Barney says opens his laptop and starts the tape which begins with me checking that everything is in running smoothly before I leave and then the door opens and in walks Grey... I watch him press the buttons to stop the security system and then everything turns black. Motherfucker, I cannot believe this. He fucking fooled me again. This is it, I'm fucking out, to hell with him and his sick games... he arranged it, he knew Ana would find Elena holding little Arielle.

„Wait here." I snap at Barney and leave the office to look for Grey, when I find him in the living room building toy for Arielle I really want to punch his lights out... what the fuck is he playing at?

„Sir, a word in my study?" I snap to get his attention.

„Of course, is something wrong, you seem mad, Taylor." He says and I take a deep breath.

„We have found out who tampered with the security system."

„Who was it, call Ana, we can show this to her, she has to believe me if she sees that someone else is responsible for Elena getting in." He says all excited and in this moment I fear that Grey is suffering from split personality or something like that, because he didn't even fucking blink.

„Follow me, Sir, I feel there is no need to call, Ana." Unless you want her to fucking spit in your face before kicking you in the balls, which would be a rather reasonable reaction at this point.

„Why, this is good news! I can prove to her that I wasn't lying." He insists.

„Mr. Grey, please just follow me." I say defeated, at this point I don't know what to do with him.

In the office he asks Barney to show him the footage and I watch him intently as he watches it and when he sees himself tampering with the security system he loses his shit.

„That's not true! I did not tamper with the security system, my daughter was in the house, I would never put her in any kind of danger!" He yells while slamming his fist on the table making Barney jump.

„Sir, all I'm saying is Barney has no reason to somehow manipulate the footage, he didn't even know what he was supposed to look for because I have told him nothing about the reason I wanted him to recover the footage."

„Say it! You think I'm lying too! Everyone thinks I'm lying... oh my God, Ana has been right all along, Elena manipulated me and now she has turned against me... don't you see that this is her doing... Taylor... please... I cannot find out what is happening on my own... my own family has lost faith in me..." Grey says desperate and I know Gail is going to give me hell for it, but I nod.

„Mr. Grey... I will not leave and keep investigating, but at this point... Sir, I'm sorry to say this, but clearly the man caught on tape is you... have you... fuck, have you allowed your new shrink to evaluate you regards to some kind of mental illness." I ask and as aspected he looks pissed.

„I do not suffer from any kind of mental illness. Am I fucked up? Yes, but I would remember if I had done this... this has to be an imposter." He says.

„Sir, you are wearing the same clothes you've been wearing that day and here... look at this frame... it's you, Sir. Now, if you can't remember you've done this, we have to go through all the options, one being some kind of mental illness." I say calmly, even though, with Grey it's like I'm trying to talk to a cornered wild animal hoping it won't attack.

„It wasn't me, find out who that is." He snaps and leaves the room.

„Thank you, Barney, I'll take it from here... and let Ros know I need to see her." I tell him, she is working closely with Grey, maybe she has some insides as to what is going with the boss.

In the evening, I leave the house and meet Ros Bailey at a small bar where we get a table.

„Ros, I'm going to be frank with you, something is wrong with the boss, have you noticed anything?"

„Honestly, Taylor, this whole situation has kept me up at night. I always thought the boss wanted kids... I remember a month or two after his honeymoon, we had to fly to New York for a meeting, I told him that Gwen and I want to start a family... and he said, if I wanted to have kids I should try within the year, because he was thinking about starting a family with Ana too and we couldn't both be on leave at the same time. He seemed excited about it, so I don't get what has changed. I only heard the rumors, but fuck, if he really had a vasectomy I don't understand why he would lie to me. Lately, he also seems distracted... and now that you asked... I thought he just received bad news, but last week we had meeting, when it was over he received a phone call and as soon as the call was finished he acted very strange... he just left without saying a word... he looked like... I don't know, as if he wasn't even seeing me or the other people around him. And what's more... there have been issues with finances since he is back. I was informed that suddenly the numbers don't add up... not by much, but enough for them to request an inner audit, which the boss has denied." She says and I down my whisky.

„Fuck my life... you are a bright woman, Ros... help me out here because I'm at a loss. Today, I found out that when the home security of the boss's home failed completely it was him who switched it off and he denies it, he saw himself on camera doing it and he still looked me in the eyes and said it wasn't him. At this point I don't know if the boss is just so caught up in his own web of lies that he believes them to be true or if there is an deeper issue."

„Look, all I can say is that the Christian Grey I know adores his wife and wanted to have children with her. And above all, he is not a liar he has always been honest with me and everyone else. I don't know what has happened, but this is not right. There has to be more to the story." She says reflecting my thoughts exactly.

„Please alert me if anything else comes up." I reply and thank her for meeting me. Ros leaves, but I decide to stay and call Roger Harper, who is my old army buddy that is now Grey's shrink. I know he cannot give me any information about Grey due to patient confidentiality, but at this point I just need his general opinion.

Half an hour later he arrives and we both get a drink.

„So, why did you ask me to come here, Jason?"

„It's about my boss, I fear he has a mental illness." I say and he sighs.

„Look, Jason, I cannot confirm that... in fact, there is nothing I can tell you about Christian Grey and not because I have to keep what he tells me to myself, it's because he does not talk to me."

„What?" I ask startled.

„Each session he just sits there, I ask him questions and he does not answer. It's eerie, especially because he is the one that came to me. I have contacted his former shrink and was assured that Mr. Grey can be challenging at times, however, if he keeps this up I will have to refer him to someone else."

„Fuck me, this is getting more and more bizarre by the minute." I mutter under my breath.

„I wish I could help, but sadly Mr. Grey is not forthcoming." He says so we have another drink before we both head home.

As I get in Ryan walks up to me.

„Glad you are back, man... something happened with Grey... talk to him."

„What do you mean, something happened?"

„I think he lost his marbles for good, T." He says and so I walk into Grey's study where I find him sitting at his desk staring at a camera, his entire body tense, face red as if he had just ran a marathon and suddenly he gets up cussing like a drunken sailor and smashes the camera.

„Sir, what is going on here?"

„Something is wrong with me, Jason... I know what she did to me... I wanted to prove to Ana that I get it now... I went to the police station to report Elena as a sexual preditor and when I was asked to make my statement I couldn't do it... it was like I forgot the words... I couldn't say it... write it... there was nothing... so I came home to write it down and that wasn't working either... I thought I had written everything she did to me down... here read this." He says and hands me a piece of paper, but all that's written on it are the words. ‚Elena Lincoln is my friend, she helped me.'

„I did not intend to write that, Jason... something is wrong with me... I went through my check books... I transferred half a million into Elena's account and I don't remember doing that... and it's not the first time I miss time... Jason... I don't know what is happening to me." Grey says and deflates into his chair. I have never seen him this distraught and I have no idea how to handle it, because for the first time in a long while I get the feeling that I'm way out of my element and this might be too much for me to handle on my own.

„Mr. Grey, I'm going to call Roger." I say and he frowns.

„Who? He asks.

„Roger Harper, your new shrink."

„John Flynn is my shrink, he knows me... I have never heard the name Roger Harper before." Grey says and I close my eyes.

Houston, we are having a major fucking problem!


	17. Chapter 17

_**Ana**_

Arriving at my in-laws home in Bellevue with Arielle I still don't know what to think, because it isn't like Taylor to request a meeting with the entire Grey family. Still, I know and trust Taylor, so I have decided to attend this meeting, even though at this point I would love to erase every memory of the man I thought to be the love of my life from my life.

Arriving, Grace is all over Arielle and I just sit down and let her have some time with her grandmother. As much as I want to start over, I know that Christian will always be a part of my life because of our daughter and the love I have for his family.

In Carrick's office, I see that Elliot and Mia have already arrived and especially Elliot looks like he does not want to be here.

„Thank you, everyone, for agreeing to meet with me here. I'm going to be very frank with all of you. There is a situation involving Mr. Grey and I'm still not sure what to make of it or how to handle this, which is why I am here to ask for your help." He says and Elliot gets up to leave.

„Elliot please." Jason says and Elliot spins around.

„No, absolutely not, Jason. I love my brother, I really do, but he basically handed his new born daughter over to a pedophile. I have three young children of my own and I'll be damned if they get into danger because my brother still can't see that his so called friend is a pedophile." Elliot says and he looks as heartbroken as I feel.

„I'm not sure he had a choice." Jason says and I frown.

„What are you talking about?"

„Barney was able to retrieve the last few seconds of the security footage before the system was switched off and erased. It was Mr. Grey who did that." He says and I get up too.

„Ana, please hear me out."

„Why? He let her in and now we have proof of that. I just can't do this anymore Jason... everything he says is a lie... there is nothing left for me to love or believe in." I tell him as my tears start again and Elliot wraps his arm around me.

„I understand that and I was ready to quit when I saw it, however, Mr. Grey does not recall ever doing that."

„Oh my god, don't you see, he is lying!" I sob.

„I thought so too, but then I talked to Ros and his new shrink. Ana, I have been witness to his doctor arriving and going into Christian's study with him for every of the ten appointments they had. His doctor told me that Christian has not said a single word to him and when I asked Christian about it, he didn't know what I was talking about. He doesn't even know who his new shrink is." He says and I blink.

„What... I don't understand."

„Neither do I, Ana. In addition, Ros told me that the boss told her he was thinking about starting a family after your honeymoon... and there is money missing from GEH it was transferred into an account on Kayman Islands and authorized by Christian, which he also doesn't remember. Something isn't right, Ana and I'm asking you... all of you to help me get to the bottom of it."

„Why, so he can lie to me again... I can't Jason. He is just trying to play everyone again."

„He has admitted himself into the private clinic of his shrink, Ana. It's a closed psychiatric ward the only approved visitors are his family members. He doesn't have a phone or any means to communicate with everyone unless each of you chooses to visit him. I have been trying to find a link between Flynn and Elena Lincoln but wasn't able to find one, still, I'm sure there has to be a connection. They did something to him... I just know it." He says and I just feel tired and exhausted, I have tried to find any possible excuse to somehow save my marriage, but the sad truth is that I don't even know the man I have married.

„Oh my god." Grace suddenly gasps.

„What is it, darling." Carrick asks her.

„When Christian dropped out of college and told me he was looking into finding a new shrink... it was Elena who introduced me to John. She said they met at the club, at the time I didn't doubt it and recommended him to Christian, but come to think of it. John didn't join the club until after he married Rhion." Grace says.

„Are you sure, Mrs. Grey?" Jason asks.

„Yes, I'm sure." and suddenly a bitter thought comes to my mind.

„Maybe it wasn't the kind of club Grace was thinking of at the time." I say and everyone looks at me.

„What do you mean, sweetheart?" Carrick asks.

„Elena Lincoln didn't just seduce Christian as some kind of a Mrs. Robinson... Elena introduced him to the BDSM lifestyle... he was her submissive until he decided to become a Dominant, which he was at the time we met... he is no longer in the lifestyle because I wasn't into it... but there are BDSM clubs in this city... every city and Christian himself told me that he was able to hide the fact that he was still seeing her by meeting her a BDSM club they are both members of. Maybe that is the club she met John at and maybe that is also why she wanted him to be Christian's shrink." I explain, leaving everyone but Jason shocked.

„BDSM but isn't that... I mean did he ever hit you?" Mia asks ashen faced.

„In the early beginning of our relationship Christian didn't want me to be his girlfriend. He wanted me to sign a contract to become his submissive. At one point of us trying to figure out a way to be together I asked him to show me how bad it could possibly get in terms of punishment. He hit me with a belt six times and I left him after that. When we reconciled we agreed on no punishments and to try for a normal relationship instead." I reply.

„This just keeps getting better." Elliot mutters under his breath.

„Elliot please, what he did wasn't wrong. It was all he ever knew. Elena Lincoln robbed him of the chance to develop normal relationships and within the BDSM community what he did is not uncommon... there are both men and women who want to be punished, accept it as part of the deal or even find it to be pleasurable. There is nothing wrong with the lifestyle if practiced in a safe and sane environment. The only thing wrong was for Elena Lincoln to introduce a clearly traumatized boy who needed to be loved and treasured to it and in doing so she denied him to find out that all he ever needed was to open up to being loved." I say and just thinking about makes me cry again, not for me, but for the boy my husband once was.

„She is right." Taylor says and turns to me. „Ana, I'm going to ask you for something, because I truly believe there is no one else who will be able to do it, but I need you on board with this. Do you think you can wait to finalize the divorce just a bit longer. Christian has given up on himself, all the order in his life... control over himself... he lost that when he saw the tape and realized that he had been seeing a new shrink and couldn't remember it. Ros is taking over GEH... so that part is covered... but I don't see how Christian will be able to heal without you... if you can't find it in you to help him for the man he is now... maybe you can do it for the boy you just mentioned, the boy who just needed to be loved in order to heal." He says and I start to pace.

This is just too much... I don't even understand any of this... is he mentally ill... has he been brainwashed... is this all just another lie... a way to lure me back in... but I know in this moment that I will never be able to truly move on and find happiness again if I don't get to the bottom of this.

„Grace, can you watch Arielle for a few hours?"

„Of course, darling."

„Thank you. Jason, take me to Christian." I say and when he smiles I hold one hand up.

„I'm not doing this for him, I'm doing it to myself. Because I need to find out what is going with Christian before I can divorce him. If he is still lying, there is no way back, but if Elena Lincoln did... I don't know... something to him to turn him into this horrible liar I will destroy her." I let him know and we leave Bellevue.

After a one hour drive, we arrive at the private facility that is housed on the outskirts of Seattle and I get a visitors pass after my purse has been checked and it was confirmed that I'm on the approved visitor's list.

„Your husband's room is over here ma'am. The doctor has also requested to talk to you after you have seen your husband. For now, you can only see your husband for fifteen minutes. I will get you once your visit is over." She says and opens the door.

„You have a visitor, Mr. Grey." She says and turns to me.

„He doesn't speak... you may be luckier." She explains with a sympathetic smile and I step into the room. Christian is sitting at the table scribbling something onto a sticky note and I see that one wall is covered in them, so I step closer and see that every note has a date, time and activity on it. It's every minute of the day starting with the time he got up until he went to sleep at night like he is documenting everything he is doing.

„Christian?" I say, but he is not looking up and instead is making more notes always checking the clock on the wall, with a slight look of annoyance shown by the wrinkles between his brows.

„Christian, please look at me." I say quietly, but he is still not acknowledging my presence and his scowl deepens when the clock seems to get stuck for a few seconds until the second arm continues to move. I look at my digital wrist watch, take it off and place it next to his hand. He looks at it for a moment and then places it in his line of vision and continues with his notes.

„Christian... please, say something... what happened to you? Please." I beg and finally, he looks at me, but he still isn't talking and there is nothing I can read from his eyes and then he looks away again, completely ignoring me again until the nurse comes in to tell me that my visiting time is over.

„I gave him my watch... can he keep it?" I ask and the nurse nods.

„I'll be back tomorrow, Christian." I say but he seems to be in his own world, so I leave and when the nurse closes the door I lean against the wall fighting tears.

„It's alright, dear. He'll get better. Dr. Harper is a great psychiatrist, your husband is in good hands." She says and I nod and follow her to the office of Dr. Harper.

„Mrs. Grey, it's good to finally meet you." He says and we shake hands. He is a tall man in his mid-forties, with short black hair that shows first hints of white.

„Please have a seat." He says and motions to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

„I take it you have seen your husband?" He asks and I can no longer hold back my tears, so he pushes a box of Kleenex within my reach.

„Thank you, yes, I have just visited Christian... I don't understand. He didn't even acknowledge me... he kept scribbling notes and I just don't understand what happened to him?" I sob.

„To be very honest with you, your husband is one of the more challenging cases I ever had. He asked me to become his doctor, but from our first session on he has never spoken to me. I kept coming to see him because his behavior was very odd. Almost as if he was conditioned to behave a certain way. Right now, all I can do is make an educated guess. Your husband has been undergoing some very severe emotional stress... selective mutism is a way of self-preservation."

„He has done it before."

„He did?" Dr. Harper asked.

„Yes, as a small boy... his birth mother died... there was a lot of horrible abuse in his early years... when he was adopted at the age of four he didn't speak until his little sister was adopted two years later. Haven't you seen this in his files?"

„I did not get your husband's files. You see, his previous psychiatrist is not very forthcoming and has yet to sent me the files he has on your husband."

„Do you think my husband is mentally ill?"

„I cannot completely rule it out, but to me, his behavior seems more to be caused by outside forces than for it to stem from an internal issue. Still, if it is true that your husband has coped by choosing selective mutism before there also seems to be a lot of unprocessed trauma in his past we will need to discuss and work on once the time has come."

„Can I see him again?"

„Yes, I recommend it... we have to find a way to bring him out of his shell so to speak."

As I leave the facility I'm fighting a losing battle with my temper.

„Bellevue, Ana?"

„No, John's office." I say darkly.

„Ana, I don't believe this is a wise decision."

„I just witnessed my husband sitting in a nut house not even realizing that I'm there, do not tell me what is wise!" I snap and he nods and drives to the city where he follows me into the office of Flynn.

„Mrs. Grey, it's good to see you." His secretary says when she sees me.

„Hello Natalie, I need to see John, it's urgent."

„He just finished up his last appointment, I let him know you are here, please have seat." She says and waves me through and I step into John's office.

„Anastasia, how lovely to see you." He says with a big smile and I ball my hands up fists.

„I want my husband's files now!" I hiss at him.

„You are upset, why don't you have a seat."

„John, I do not wish to sit, what I want is for you to hand over my husband's files so I can hand them over to Dr. Harper, my husband's current psychiatrist."

„I cannot do that, Anastasia. Patient confidentiality prevents me from giving you any files I may have on Christian." He says still smiling and I want to punch him.

„Fine, then have them transferred to Dr. Harper directly, now."

„I will need Christian's request to do that." He says smugly and I lose it.

„Christian doesn't even speak right now, you have done shit to help him in over a decade, hell for all I know you have made his situation worse. Do you understand, you are no longer his therapist, so you no longer have a right to keep those files."

„As I said, I will have to hear that from Christian." He insists.

„John, let me make one thing clear, I am not the shy, naive girl I was when we first met, I can smell bullshit from a mile away and I'm not taking any of it ever again. So, here's what is going to happen either you have the files transferred to Dr. Harper within the next five minutes or I will have Taylor come in and sit with you, while I will go to court to visit my good friend judge Palmer who will be delighted to repay me one of the many favors I have done her in the past and give me a court order for you to hand over those files. So, what's it going to be, John?"

„I'm impressed, Anastasia. Christian clearly underestimated you when you first met. You are truly not submissive but Dominant." He says and I smirk.

„Takes one to know one, right John?" I ask sarcastically and just for a fragment of a second, I see alarm in his eyes.

„Fine, we won't need to get the court involved." He says moves to his desk and presses the speaker.

„Natalie, please get the complete files of Christian Grey and hand them over to Mrs. Grey."

„Of course, Dr. Flynn." She answers and I walk to the door but stop right before I open it.

„Oh and John, when you talk to Elena the next time, which I assume will be as soon as I have left, please, do tell her that I'm coming for her." I say and watch as he swallows hard and gives me a grim look. Once I have signed the paperwork to get Christian's files I give them to Taylor and ask him to give them to Dr. Harper as soon as he has dropped me off at Bellevue.

Once there everyone is looking at me.

„What happened, Ana?" Carrick ask.

„Carrick, please stop the divorce process... I don't know what exactly happened to Christian, but you can be sure that everyone involved will have hell to pay for it!" I say and take Arielle from Grace.

„Don't worry, princess, we'll get your daddy back... and if I have to kill the evil witch myself. Mommy will make sure that our fairy tale ends with a happily ever after."

 _ **Totally unrelated A/N, but I recently came across a book Trilogy that has me totally obsessed, it's the Danika and Tristan Saga by R. K. Lilley, it's heartbreaking, very well written and absolutely worth reading, I read all three books in one weekend. The reading order is Bad Things, Rock Bottom, and Lovely Trigger. A fair warning it deals with subjects such as drug and alcohol abuse, miscarriage and rape, but the characters are just so amazingly well written that even with the sometimes very dark topics you have no choice but to fall in love with them... and it ties in with the Up in the Air trilogy of the author, which is also good but heavier on the BDSM side. So, if you are looking for a good read, you should check this trilogy out :)**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**Remember when I said that I brought Leila into this story for a reason and that she is not one of the bad guys... well, here's the chapter that explains her part in the story...**_

 _ **Ana**_

„I'll be back tomorrow." I say and leave, but Christian doesn't acknowledge me. It has been the same for the past seven days. He has completely shut the world out, just focussing on his notes and it breaks my heart. Not just for him, but for all of us. Grace has taken it the hardest. I have never seen her lose her composure the way she did after visiting Christian for the first time. She was crying so hard, blaming herself for not realizing what was happening, for not talking to him.

It was so heart breaking, but it also brought all of us closer. Because at least now we as a union are working on finding out what has happened to Christian. It's not easy though because we still weren't able put the pieces together. Which is why I'm flying out to New York tonight. Christian had never been in contact with any of his other subs, only Leila. Maybe there is a reason for it and maybe by me going to see her, I will be able to find out more.

Once I have left for the airport I start to feel sick. I need rest myself, but knowing that my husband is in a mental institution and as of now can't be helped because he is not talking or allowing anyone in, I have to be the strong one.

It doesn't mean that getting him to heal and finding out what has happened is going to be a magic cure for our marriage, but I owe it to myself to try. If there is still even the tiniest bit of the man I love left, I owe it to him to fight for him and us.

In New York, I have Luke with me, because I asked Taylor to stay in Seattle and make sure Arielle is watched while staying with her grandparents. I trust them with all my heart, but I have no idea what Elena will try now that she knows we are on to her. I have even given the entire security the ok to wear firearms. If Elena tries to hurt my child, she is dead and I will not live with any regrets because the world will be a better place without her.

„It's here Ana." Luke says and I look at the small gallery. The paintings I can see from the outside look nice... a bit too modern for my liking, but Leila clearly has talent, I have to give her that much.

„Well, I guess it's now or never." I say and we walk inside.

For a moment I look around and then I hear footsteps and there she is, Leila Williams, she still looks beautiful, but she also looks healthy now.

„Mrs. Grey?" She asks clearly startle by me being here.

„Hello, Leila. We need to talk."

„Is Mr. Grey here too?"

„No, he isn't well right now." I say I won't go into more detail than I really have to because it is none of her business.

„Oh... I didn't know."

„Look, I'm not here to chit chat... I'm here because I need answers. You know Elena Lincoln?

" I ask and her expression turns weary.

„Yes." She replies after a moment.

„Good, now what is the connection between Elena Lincoln and John Flynn."

„You need to leave." She suddenly says and I know I just hit a nerve with her.

„No, I'm not leaving. You are going to tell me what their connection is."

„Listen to me, Mrs. Grey, you don't want to get involved in this, you'll be in over your head. You have no idea who you are messing with."

„Is this a threat?" I ask getting pissed.

„No, it's a warning meant for your best. I know you have no reason to trust me or believe anything that I'm saying, but believe me, you don't want to get involved. Just leave them be."

„I can't... listen, I know we don't know each other, but we have one thing in common, we both care for Christian and right now he needs help and in order to help him I need to know what the connection between Flynn and Elena is."

I watch as she starts to pace and rubs her face in an obviously nervous way.

„Can he be trusted?" She asks and points to Luke.

„Yes, Luke has been my CPO for six years now. He is my Taylor." I add so she will understand.

„Club Rouge." She says.

„Is that the club Christian and Elena are members of?"

„Yes, but Mr. Grey is not aware of what this club is really about, most members are not, unless they know what they are looking for." Leila says and I look at Luke, but he doesn't seem to understand either.

„What is that supposed to mean."

„John Flynn he caters to members of the community who have special preferences... that's how I got into the scene, he was my therapist... he said he could help me if I was willing to never tell a soul... he lied to me, he didn't help me... he made everything worse... if it wasn't for Mr. Grey I would still be caught up in Flynn's spell. After Flynn allowed me to leave his facility and I was no longer in contact with him it was like I was slowly waking up... every day I became a little more awake." Leila says and I had no idea she was a patient of John before everything went down.

„Leila, what are those special preferences?"

„Some people hide in the BDSM community and use it for their twisted preferences... John knows how to manipulate impressionable kids into this world by telling them all their problems would go away... Elena Lincoln is in it too..." She says and I feel sick to my stomach.

„How old were you when that happened?"

„Fourteen... he stole my adolescence from me and I thought he was right, that I needed it, but he was wrong and it took so long for me to see it." She says and I actually feel bad for her.

„Why didn't you report him?"

„It's not that easy. He doesn't cater to everyone... only people who can afford his services. Influential people... There was a girl who wanted out and threatened to tell everyone. I tried to warn her... she didn't listen and six weeks later she was found by the police, dead in a dumpster. Her parents were told she had overdosed. All lies, she had never even touched drugs... she was a good girl who just needed some help to fit in and John Flynn lured her into this hell and murdered her when she wanted out. You are a strong woman, Mr. Grey always admired you for it, he said you keep him grounded... but you are not strong enough to go against Flynn and Elena... they'll destroy you." She says sadly and I shake my head.

„No, they won't. I don't know what exactly they have done to Christian, but it has put me through hell and back. But I survived and came out of it a lot stronger... I'll end this. I will not allow him to lure any more children into this. Thank you, Leila."

„Please be careful, Mrs. Grey. When I was very sick, I told you that Mr. Grey is dark... I should have told you too that you are his light... and I'm sorry for what happened." She says and I smile at her and nod before I leave.

Back at Christian's apartment, I watch as Luke puts a little gadget on the table and turns it on.

„It blocks all cell phone, wi-fi and camera signals, it's a precaution in case the place has been bugged. This way we can discuss this without them being able to listen in on us until I have cleared the place." Luke says and I nod.

„Luke, if what Leila has just told us is true I want them behind bars. Put more security on them. I know they have both given the team the slip numerous times and try everything to evade our security guys, but there can be no more fuck ups. I want security on all the Grey's doubled. Put some one on my Dad and mother as well." I let him know.

„Good, what about the club?"

„We might need someone to do an inside job... you know go in undercover and find out more. If Leila is right and he is catering to Seattle's finest we cannot risk going to the police at this point, not before we have hard evidence and now get the jet ready please."

„I thought you wanted to stay over night." Luke says.

„I miss my child and I want to be there when she wakes up in the morning. Jose will understand... I just want to go home."

„Of course, I'll get right on it."

If what Leila has told us is true I know it won't be easy to get them behind bars and figure out what they have done to Christian without people finding out that Christian too had been a part of the lifestyle. Not that his involvement was anything like theirs. At least Christian only engaged with subs who were old enough to consent. Still, the media will be all over it and worse, one day Arielle will hear about it and have questions or see her father in a different light and I do not want this for her.

Back on the jet to Seattle, I go into the bedroom and remember the many hours I have spent in here with Christian. To be honest, I don't know if there is a way back for us. So much has happened and even if they have manipulated him to some extent... he still lied to me, still contacted Leila and it couldn't have all been Elena's and John's doing.

The sad truth is, he has never seen me as his equal and I guess that is the why we are where we are now. I have turned a blind eye to many behaviors of his which I should have addressed right away. Shouldn't have allowed him to take over my life, decide whom I can be friends with and whom not. At the time I thought I was compromising, but really, I was just giving up myself and my freedom bit by bit until I didn't even see it anymore. Yes, we had many, many happy times, but they came with a price and I know now that I'm not the person I have tried to be over the past five years.

I'm strong, independent and if I ever allow Christian back into my life, it has to be on my terms. Now is not the time to make this decision, because first, we have to get Christian back. Somehow pull him back from his darkness. And once that is done and we have managed to get Elena and John behind bars, I will have to talk to Christian, be honest about how I feel and let him know, that to me the only way for us to somehow become a family is to go back to the start. Before I was his wife, before the lies started and maybe in doing this, we can build a new relationship, one where we can be honest with each other, learn to trust again and be together. And if not, at least I won't have to live with any regrets.

I know I'm not to blame for the situation we have found ourselves in, but at the same, I can no longer solely blame Christian... he too is a victim in it. I don't know to what extent, but now that I know what to look for, I feel like I'm closer to getting all the answer than I have ever been.


	19. Chapter 19

_**So, this is a true first for me. I don't think I ever have or honestly wanted to write a chapter from Elena's point of view, but to give you all more information and more of the backstory between Flynn and Elena, I feel like it is needed... so here we go, enjoy?!**_

 _ **Elena**_

„I have told you this is a mistake... you couldn't just hand him over and now look where your sick obsession with the boy has gotten us." John hisses at me and I glare at him.

„He was too good of a fuck to give him to anyone else... you know I have no problem pulling a Mrs. Robinson to lure those little fuckers in... but Christian was different."

„And now Anastasia is on to us... you don't understand, Elena... we are done... at this point, we need to cut our losses, cover our tracks and get the fuck away."

„Oh don't be so dramatic." I groan, John believes the little bookworm can be a danger to us, which is laughable, she is in way over her head.

„I'm not being dramatic, Elena. I have conditioned Christian for years to control him, but Anastasia has always been his weakness. I couldn't get him to leave her and she will eventually figure out a way to break through to him. In addition, I'm telling you now, Anastasia Grey is not to be messed with. You haven't seen her, I have. She always had the potential which your boytoy tried to slap down... but now that she has taken control, she will find out."

„Oh please, the little bookworm doesn't know anything and she won't find any proof."

„What about Christian's security... I'm telling you, we need to get out."

„For fuck's sake, John or dare I say, Martin." I say and he glares at me.

„Don't you ever fucking call me that again!" He hisses, slipping from his British accent just for a second.

„Why not, you might as well start using your real name again once you have pissed your pants enough and run off because of a mousy little girl like Ana Grey. Plus, you have done all the dirty work... there is no link to me." I let him know with a triumphant smile and I can see the tick in his jaw.

„Careful, you left the anger issues behind you the day we killed John Flynn and you became him."

„Funny you mention that because if you even think of putting this all on me, I will bury you right next to him." He says and I raise one brow.

„Sweetheart, I made you. You were nothing but a fuck up who was doing little hypnosis tricks at parties before I found you whoring yourself out at that shady BDSM club. I own you and if I disappear all my secrets will come out and you will be the number one suspect. We are in this together, don't you ever forget that." I threaten him, if he gets any ideas I'll crush the loser just like I made him.

„I think we are done here, Elena. I'll have one more deal to wrap up, we split the cash and then that's it. I'll get Rhion and the kids and I'm out of here." He says and I roll my eyes.

„You want to run like a bitch when the business is running better than ever?" I ask but he just gives me a look and leaves.

I should have known better, years ago when we met he was convened. A broke piece of trash willing to do whatever it took to make quick cash. His little hypnosis tricks were what gave me the idea of him becoming a shrink. Dealing with fucked up kids and young adults, manipulating them into the lifestyle and then selling them to their new master for big numbers. I had the idea as soon as I heard what some of the people at the club were into. So, when I met Martin, he was perfect for my plans to get into the business.

Of course, we needed a new identity for him and in came John Flynn, a young shrink from London traveling the US. No friends, no family... way before social media was a thing. He had just received his license to practice in the US and knew no one, so we killed him and Martin became John Flynn. It was perfect and then Christian happened.

He was supposed to be a kid like all the others, just another paycheck for me, but when I had him, I knew I needed to keep him around. He was perfect, young, handsome and eager to give up control to get better. Only, I didn't want him to get better, needed him to remain broken so I could allow him the illusion of being in control when really he has been my puppet all those years and I would have been his wife by now if it wasn't for Anastasia.

She came in and everything changed, she nearly broke the hold I had over him, but John made sure it wasn't going to happen. Still, for all the control we had and still have over him, he never listened or could be manipulated into leaving her, clinging onto her like a life raft. John thinks his love for her on a subconscious level makes him understand what is happening to him, which is why he needed her to himself. At least his obsession made it easy to talk him out of wanting a family with her and made him fear the very thing he was looking forward to. He was so desperate to keep her in his life he would have done anything to achieve his goal and in the end, it even broke them up.

Of course, then the stupid bitch had to get into that darn accident and when he saw the kid he turned into the world's best Dad. Fuck my life, I wish both of them had just died. Poor kid already is as mousy as her mother and Christian should have been happy to be rid of them. Instead, I was the one who got kicked to the curb when the fucker somehow managed to break through all the brainwashing. John thinks it's because his instincts to protect his child from any harm are stronger than anything we could do, but I proved him wrong by having him pull all the triggers we have planted in his brain over the past years. I admit I didn't think he would end up as toast... but oh well, at least I have a lot of cash and know that my secrets are safe, because now that John has become a danger to my business, I will make sure he is dealt with permanently.

 _ **Taylor**_

„Jason, you need to sleep, please, I'm worried about you." Gail says but I shake my head.

„I need to figure this out, Gail. Grey is useless at the moment and with Ana rattling the cage she might be in way more danger than anyone can imagine. I know, I'm missing something. There has to be a connection between them, I just need enough proof to hand this over to the police."

„Have you talked to Carrick Grey?"

„Yes, he is in on it and livid, he is ready to kill them both with his bare hands. Ray Steele is also coming over, he has connections with many of his old friends from the army. Maybe we can find someone to go undercover to that club and try to... fuck I can't even say it. They are fucking selling kids, Gail. Fucked up kids who are in desperate need of help and they sell them to perverts with whips and chains." I say in utter disgust.

„Do you think that Mrs. Lincoln... you know tried to use Mr. Grey for that purpose too back when he was a child?"

„I guess so and then she kept him to herself. Christ, I should resign." I mutter.

„Why would you say that?"

„Because I didn't see any of this shit coming when I should have and now I can't even figure out their connection." I hiss and slam my fists onto the table.

„Jason, calm down. You'll get through this and will make sure that everyone involved in this will get punished. You have Leila as a witness." She says and I roll my eyes. Leila might be stable right now, but I don't trust her one bit, so she won't make a good witness to any judge.

I'm just about to reply when Ryan storms in. „Here, we just received this... the new guy is worth his weight in gold." He says and shows me pictures of first Elena and then Flynn entering the fucking BDSM club Grey was or still is a member of.

„Did he get a picture of them together?"

„No, but he said Flynn looked fucking pissed when he left and Elena was talking to someone on the phone. He couldn't hear everything she said, but what he did hear was that she told someone to fucking do it."

„Triple security on Ana and Arielle immediately, I don't care if she is giving us hell for it. The old bitch is up to something and I will be damned if that involves bringing any harm to Ana or her daughter."

„On it, and Ray Steele called, he will arrive in about fifteen minutes... he wants to see every last bit of information we have gathered so far... he is out for blood."

„Can you blame him, Ana is his only child... if my Sophie would find herself in a mess like this I would have had a lot of bodies to hide by now." I mutter darkly and start to go over the files again.

When Ray Steele arrives I can tell that he is not fucking around, barely acknowledging anyone before he starts to go through pictures and files I have given to him.

„Are there no older pictures of the bastard?" He asks after about an hour of studying everything.

„Flynn?"

„Yes, all those pictures are from after he moved to the US... where are the ones from before?" He asks and I haven't even noticed that.

„Hold on." I mutter and dial Barney. „Barney, I need you to find me pictures of John Flynn that have been taken before he moved to the US in 1995."

„Sure, on it, Taylor." He says and thirty minutes later I receive an e-mail and open it with Ray watching over my shoulder.

„Fucking hell, who is this?" I mutter.

„John Flynn.. so I guess we now have to question who the hell the guy is that pretends to be John Flynn." Ray says.

„You think he is an imposter?" I ask even though I have the evidence in front of me.

„I think the kid in the picture is John Flynn and even twenty years of aging can change the facial bone structure or eye color... so whoever the fuck Christian has been seeing as his shrink is not the same John Flynn who studied to become a shrink in England. So, who the fuck is this guy?"

„I have no idea, but I think it is time to pay him a fucking visit." I murmur and Ray follows me.

„Sir, I..."

„Don't even say it, Taylor. My daughter is now involved in this and I will not sit back and wait for shit to go down. I can handle myself and take that son of a bitch down if I have to, now get the car." He says and his tone makes it clear that I have no choice.

„Of course." I mutter and get the car, knowing that it is pointless to argue with Ray Steele. He is worried for his daughter's safety and I wouldn't act any different.

Arriving at Flynn's house Ray whistles. „Well, looks like Christian has paid him well for literally nothing."

„You could say that." I reply and ring the doorbell.

„Oh hello, Mr. Taylor." Flynn's wife says with a smile. The poor woman has probably no idea that her entire life with Flynn is nothing but a big, fat lie.

„Good afternoon, Mrs. Flynn. Mr. Steele and I need to talk to your husband."

„Come in, John came home early today, he is in his study, it's the third room on the right. Can I get you something to drink?" She asks kindly and I feel fucking bad for her.

„No, thank you, Ma'am. We're not staying long."

„Ok... how are Ana and Christian doing... I've heard some rumors at the last luncheon I attend this week."

„They'll be both better soon." I say and she points to the study and leaves us in the hallway.

Entering without knocking we catch Flynn about to throw some folders into the fireplace, but I rip them from his hand.

„Isn't it a bit warm to light the fireplace, Flynn?" I ask and hand the files to Ray.

„Taylor, what can I do for you?" He asks back.

„Tell me who the fuck you are for a start." I demand and can see him losing his composure.

„I have no idea what you are talking about."

„Fine... this is John Flynn... who the fuck are you?" I say and present him with one of the pictures.

„I have never seen this man before, but I'm sure there are many people out there who share my name." He says arrogantly and this seems to do it for Ray.

He walks over to the desk and grabs the pictures of Flynn's wife and sons.

„See them... do you care about them? Then here's your one chance... you tell us everything, we hand you over to the police and you will at least live long enough to see them grow up. Lie again and I assure you that fucking old bitch you are working with is going to get rid of you once she doesn't need you anymore, which seems to be now. So, make up your fucking mind!"

„You need to leave."

„And allow you to destroy evidence, I don't think so. Listen to me, I will tear this place down if I have to. I will find enough evidence to send you on death row. Your chance to avoid that is by spilling your fucking guts right now." I let him know, I'm done fucking around this will all come to an end right now.

We both watch as he starts to pace, runs his hands through his hair and then cusses. Fucker knows there is no way out, we may not have all the answers yet, but what we know is enough to have the police involved and put him through trial.

„It's all her fault! The fucking bitch wanted him all to herself and this is what it got us!" He finally explodes.

„What is that supposed to mean?"

„Elena is obsessed with Christian, has been since the first time she sat on his dick." He says and I remain stonefaced but inside I'm fucking cringing, the boss was a fucking kid when that happened and that old cunt shouldn't have been anywhere near his dick.

„How do you fit into all of that?"

„He was supposed to be just all the other fuck ups... a paycheck for some rich, sicko to turn him into his little pet. But Elena wanted to keep him... said she could turn him into her own pet... a success story for her to milk... it worked for a little while, but then Anastasia showed up and weakened the hold we had established over the years..."

„What kind of hold?"

„Ever heard of MK Ultra... the thought of being able to control a person always fascinated me... I'm not into torture, but the mind control aspect of it... the possibilities..." He says almost in a dreamy voice and I want to fucking murder him. Fucking with a person's mind is dangerous... and probably the reason why my boss is now institutionalized.

„Is that what you have done to Grey? Fucked with his head until it was fried?" I ask.

„Not fried... but I assume he realized that he wasn't in control and regressed back to a time where he felt save... what I did was to condition him by telling him that hypnosis therapy could be a good way to overcome his issues... go back to the root..."

Fuck my life... Grey really is their puppet. „For how long is that going on?"

„Since he first became my patient."

„So, you are telling me he was under constant hypnosis?"

„No, I established triggers that would make it easy for me to control his behavior if needed."

„Is that why he can't remember he fucked with the security system?"

„Yes. I told him to do it and forget about it. Simple."

„Simple... you fucking son of a bitch... he is a real person, not your puppet." I hiss.

„You think I care... he is just a fuck up, the son of a crack whore and without Elena and I, he would never have become the successful man he is today. We made him..."

„He has a free will!" Ray insists.

„I know that, and a strong will, I may add, I could never get him to leave your daughter and he almost broke free completely when he cared for his daughter... so we had to break that bond and what better way than to make his nightmare of Ana choosing the child over him come true... it was so easy, so predictable. I love how simple humans are." He says and it dawns on me, that Flynn is not a fucking sicko, but a sociopath with no empathy for anyone. He sees people as his puppets.

„How did you meet Elena?"

„I was dealt a shit hand of cards in life... she found me and gave me a second chance in return of becoming her partner. I was already into mind control back then... and she gave me the opportunity to work on my skills on a daily basis."

„What happened to the real John Flynn?"

„We killed him." He says void of any emotion and I give Ray a look letting him know it's time to alert the authorities. I got more than I was hoping for the rest is for the authorities to deal with.

After Flynn has been taken into custody and we have made sure that his hysterical wife is been taken care of by a neighbor we leave, but all I can think of is that this may have been too much. Maybe they have just messed with Grey's head so bad that there is nothing left to fix and I have no idea how his family and everyone else in his life will deal with that knowledge.


	20. Chapter 20

**IMPORTANT INFO:** _ **Hey ladies, this is not a bonus chapter, but the regular update. I've taken over one of the afternoon activities at my son's schools because they didn't have enough volunteers to keep it up and since it's on Tuesdays and Thursdays I won't always have enough time to edit and upload on Tuesdays, so from now on the new chapter will be up every Sunday...**_

 **Ana**

„Do you really think this is necessary?" I ask Taylor as I strap Arielle into her car seat because she has a checkup today.

„Yes, it is, Flynn is under arrest and singing like a bird, while the old bi..."

„Hey, watch what you say in front of Arielle." I warn him.

„I'm sorry, Ana... Elena Lincoln has gone under the radar, police, and part of my team are looking for her and I'm not taking any chances with your safety or Arielle's." He says and I nod. He is right, still, I feel like this is a lot. All I want is to take my daughter to a simple doctor's appointment and now we have three cars with security in front of us and another three tailing us. I had no idea how many men were on Taylor's team and I know he has hired additional people to shadow the Grey family and to stay outside the clinic to make sure she can't get to Christian, but this feels like an army.

Still, my thoughts are unspeakable. Because after learning more about what Elena has done to so many kids, I don't want her in jail... I want her dead. And not fast, I want her to suffer through every last ounce of pain she has ever inflicted or caused before she finally goes to hell. I'm not a violent person, but I would love to bring some harm to her myself and part of me hopes that the security gets to her first and at least has to put one bullet into her before she is being handed over to the police.

She is such an evil and twisted human being that I want her off the streets for good. Locked away where she can never come anywhere near children.

Once in the car, I close my eyes and just try to catch a moment of peace and quiet, which is rudely interrupted when I hear Taylor speak up.

„He did what... fuck my life... find him... don't let him do this." He says frantically and my eyes snap open.

„What is going on, Taylor?" I ask and he remains stoically silent.

„Jason! Talk to me."

„It's your father... Mr. Steele insisted to be on the team to look for her, he has an old army friend with him... they found Mrs. Lincoln and went off the radar with her." He says and my blood runs cold.

„What does that mean, what are you trying to say... my Dad would never..." I stutter and suddenly he holds one hand up and seems to be listening to something on his ear piece.

„Are you fucking kidding me... how? Arnold is fired... got damn it, they planned it... find them... this is fucking bad." He says and makes another call.

„Luke, track Carrick Grey take Reynolds with you..."

„What is going on T?"

„Ray Steele and his army buddy caught her and went off the radar with her and now Carrick Grey has managed to give Arnold the slip... we need to find them before they do something stupid." He says and I cannot take this. I know this is what I wanted, but not like this. Carrick is a lawyer for crying out loud, he of all people should know better... and my Dad... I couldn't stand it if he would get into trouble with the law about this entire situation.

„On it." He says and I see one car in the front and then one in the back drive away from us.

„Where is Grace?"

„Dr. Grey is visiting Mr. Grey at the moment."

„Take me to Elliot's, Kate can watch Arielle... we need to look for them."

„No, you will go and attend Arielle's appointment." Taylor says.

„How can I go on like nothing happened?"

„Listen to me, Ana. I have no idea what they are up to, but you cannot get involved... if the worst case happens, I have ways to cover shit up for them... no one is going to cry over the old b-i-t-c-h anyway, but us going on, as usual, is now more important than ever because this way the police won't get suspicious." He says and I want to cry... when has my life become such a shit fest? Now my father and father in law are somewhere with Elena and probably kill her off. This is just insane... and I have no idea what to do.

 _ **Carrick**_

Arriving at the coordinates Ray has sent me I find myself outside an abandoned warehouse. I know what is about to happen is wrong, but I just need to confront this woman myself. She has abused and manipulated my son before our eyes without anyone seeing it. And we still don't know if the damage that has been done can be repaired or if Christian will have to remain in the private clinic he has been at for the last almost two weeks.

Grace wants to bring him home, she believe's being home is what he needs, but I believe being home will do just the opposite. Home is where you are supposed to be safe, but we invited a predator into our house and by doing so into Christian's life. Maybe that is why he barely returned home to visit after he moved out and before Ana came into his life.

I wish I could deny it, wish it wasn't true, but we have failed Christian as parents. We tried to help him heal from his troubled childhood with Ella and maybe it worked for a few years, but clearly, things went wrong the day we decided that doing Elena's yard work was the right punishment for his behavior in school. He was rebelling on top of still dealing with his childhood trauma and instead of finding a way to cope he had to go through more abuse without any of us ever suspecting it.

Now, all I want are answers, I need to know what was done to my son and how to help him. Flynn insists that he didn't cause Christian's current state, that it is all him... but I'm not sure and I know Elena won't tell the truth to the police because a talking Christian is way more dangerous to her than Christian in his current state.

As I get in I spot Elena right away, she is tied to a chair and Ray is just staring at with obvious disdain. She looks a bit disheveled, which most likely is a result of her struggling before she got restrained, but like I asked them she is not injured in any way, so we can hand her over to cops without incriminating ourselves.

„Ray." I say and he nods me and we step out of Elena's earshot.

„I know you want to go by the book Carrick, but I have ways to get rid of her for good without anyone ever finding out. You may not want to hear this, but the world would be better off without her, I don't trust her and she needs to be dealt with for good. It's not just your son that got hurt by her Carrick. My daughter and our granddaughter will never be a hundred percent safe as long as this disgusting piece of trash is alive."

„I know, but if she disappears and this can be linked back to us..."

„It won't... I know people who can make sure her body is never been found. I know you don't want to hear it or you can't because you are a lawyer, but I'm telling you, prison is too good for her... this woman is too vile... she will find away to harm them even from jail if this is what she wants." Ray says and it is a reflection of my worst fears.

Elena is a master manipulator and we still don't know how many connections she has. Even hearing the first few names dropped by Flynn were shocking, but if this is only the surface, who knows what kinds of favors she can pull even while in prison. I truly believe in our system, but I know that some individuals are still dangerous even from behind prison walls and right now, for the first time in my life, I'm not sure that the law will be able to protect my son and his family.

„You know I am right, Carrick... and I know you can't be a part of this. All I ask for you to do is that you get your answers from her, turn around and leave. We will never talk about what happens after you leave... this will be between me and God." Ray says and I look at him.

„I don't want you to have to live with this."

„Believe me, I will not have a single regret... Ana and little Arielle are the most important things in the world to me... and I do whatever it takes to protect them. All the children this woman has ruined... hell is the only place she deserves to be." He says and slowly I nod, but there is one thing I need him to do.

„When I leave, you will call Taylor... he will make sure this secret remains buried." I say and when Ray nods I turn to Elena and approach her.

„Look at you, the almighty Carrick Grey doing the dirty work... what are going to do... read me my rights?"

„You don't have any rights... because having rights would mean you are a person and not a disgusting piece of trash."

„Careful, you know I'm going to tell everything that happens here to the cops... I have to admit, they had me worried for a second, but you being here just shows that they are just as spineless as you." Elena says and I just stare at her and wonder how I never realized what kind of a vile, disgusting person she is.

„You know, Elena... there are not many things in my life I regret... but allowing you ever to step foot into my house certainly is a regret."

„Oh, but it was such a pleasure... especially when I got to ride your boy's dick the first ti..." And before she can finish her sentence I lose it and back hand her. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever see myself lay hands on a woman, but hearing her talk about having sex with my underaged son just does it for me.

„Oh damn Carrick... your little wifey probably hits harder than you do... speaking of her, does she know about this little playdate?"

„My wife is with my son and you do good not mention her again because I don't ever want to hear her name or the name of any of my family members come out of your dirty mouth!"

„Oh yeah... I heard Christian is toast now... too bad... he could fuck like a beast." She says and Ray puts one hand on my shoulder.

„Don't let her get to you... she is trying to push your buttons." He says and I take a deep breath.

„What have you done to Christian to put him in this state?" I ask her and she has the audacity to laugh.

„Say it!"

„I did nothing, neither did good old Martin... I guess we just fried his brain over time... what a pity... right, Carrick?"

„You know we will get him back, Elena... and once he is better, he and Ana will rekindle their relationship... be a family with their daughter and have more children in the future... and you will be forgotten... like you never existed... because even with all you did to keep your dirty claws in my son, you could never stand a chance against Ana the love my son has for her... must hurt right?" I ask and see her cool exterior crumble just a tiny bit.

„She is a nothing..."

„Really, then why didn't you make Christian leave her... why did you allow him to marry her... why did you allow him to choose her and his daughter over you?"

„Fuck you... this little bitch... I wish she would have broken her neck when she fell down those stairs... the dirty little whore took what is mine!"

„And that's where you are wrong... my son was never yours... his free will was always stronger than your hold over him and he proved that to you when he married Ana and again when he came home to take care of his child... you did it all wrong, Elena because the way to be with Christian and truly have him was never about control or manipulation it has always been about unconditional love and that is why you despise Ana so much, because she is capable of something you can't even grasp... she can love and help Christian heal, which is something you couldn't do in all of those years... you failed, Elena and that is what you have to live with."

„Love is for fools... look where it got him... he could have been great with me instead he chose to be a fool and turn himself into a mess trying to be with her... but I always win... you think being in jail will stop me, you don't know who you are messing with... even a few years in jail won't stop me and once I'm out, all bets are off." She says and if I was left with any doubts about what is going to happen to her I now have none.

„You already lost, Elena... where you are going you will never be able to hurt anyone ever again..." I say and walk away from her, she is not going to give me any answer, she still only wants to play mind games and I'm done wasting my time with her.

„I'll see you tomorrow, Ray." I say as I leave and he nods at me, while I hear Elena scream after me when she realizes that this is it for her and she won't ever get to lay hands on any innocent child ever again.

 **Taylor**

I stare at the text on my burner phone for a moment and then after carefully removing any possible fingerprints throw it into the river.

It's over, the wicked witch of Seattle is dead and her remains will never be found. I have to say, I had this plan B for a while, so it took only two hours to get everything into motion. First, though, I had to convince Ray Steele to stay out of it. He is Ana's Dad and I know she would have never forgiven if I had allowed for her father to have any part in this.

He agreed when I promised that after today the world would be a better place because Elena Lincoln would no longer be a part of it. A dark part of me even took pleasure in the look on her face when five masked guys came in and took her away. I don't think she has ever feared anything and to know that in last moments she finally knew how all of her victims felt gave me some kind of satisfaction.

As a father, I always worry that some sick individual will approach my child, so knowing that there is one less predator in this world makes me feel a little bit better.

When I arrive at Ana's house it is way after midnight, but when I step into the kitchen I see Ana sitting there just looking at me.

„Where have you been?"

„Late meeting with the team." I say because she doesn't need to know any of details of what happened tonight.

„Well, I will go to bed before Arielle wakes up for her next feed." She says gets up and stops in the doorframe.

„Thank you, Jason." She says and I know she knows that Elena Lincoln is no longer a threat and that her father had no part in it.

„Goodnight, Ana." I say and go to bed where I wrap Gail into my arms and fall asleep, knowing that after today there is one less threat I have to worry about.


	21. Chapter 21

**Ana**

„We are back home Arielle... did you enjoy your first vacation?" I whisper as I watch my sleeping daughter in her crib and sigh. I wish we could have stayed away for longer, but I know that wouldn't have been a solution to what is wrong in our lives.

It's been two months since we found out what has happened to Christian and I was so livid at first... angry for what was done to him... to all of us really... and then I was just tired. Christian has made no progress... it's like the world as we know it doesn't even exist to him and it's so heartbreaking to watch that I needed to get out for a couple of days.

I was wearing myself out between visiting Christian, talking to his Doctor... finding out new horrible details about everything Elena and John have been involved in almost every day through the police or the news and taking care of my daughter.

So, I rented a cabin on Bainbridge Island, told everyone in my life not to contact me unless there was an emergency and didn't look at the newspaper for the five days Arielle and I stayed there.

It was heaven, nothing but peace and quiet for a change. It was what I needed to relax and get new strength to deal with what has become my life. And on the last day, I realized that I may know a way to bring Christian back. His selective mutism is a form of self-preservation. One he has chosen before, back when he was a small, scared boy. And what had gotten him to speak was his protectiveness of Mia. Grace had once told me that he first started to speak when she was at home with him and Mia, Grace had to take a phone call and left the room for just a minute... which was enough for little Mia to crawl over to Elliot's Legos and nearly choke on one of the pieces. Christian saw it and started screaming Mia, Mia! Alerting Grace who was able to help Mia.

So, maybe we need to find a way to awake his protectiveness of the people he loves. I'm not sure how to get there or what to do... but maybe that is the way to get through to him.

As I look at my sleeping little angel, I envy her... her life is simple... every day holds new wonders for her and she doesn't even understand the concept of evil yet. Lately, I have been feeling way older than my years. Had to make so many decisions and in the process of doing so, I have realized that Christian isn't the only one to blame for basically controlling every aspect of my life.

I let him do that. I never fought him over anything, not the clothes, not when he didn't want Jose around me, not when he made me a CEO, I let him do all of that and at the same time expected him to see me as his equal, when in reality, not even I saw myself as his equal. This doesn't justify any of the lies he has told and the decisions he has made, given I still don't know which of the lies have been his and which came from Elena and John, but maybe if I had stood up to him more, things would have never turned out this way.

Or maybe I would have left him years ago, but I don't even want to go there because had I made different choices, Arielle would be here and this little human being means the world to me and I know Christian feels the same. Even with all the manipulation that had been done to him, he was there the second his daughter needed him...

Suddenly, I know what to do and get up to call Dr. Harper.

„Mrs. Grey, I hope you had a good vacation, your husband is... well the same." He says.

„Dr. Harper, I would like to try something, back in his childhood, it was his baby sister who got him to talk. Do you think it would be safe if I was to bring my daughter to see her father?" I ask. I really want to help Christian, but at the same time, I won't put my daughter at risk if the doctor thinks this is not a good idea.

„I don't see any problem with that, Mrs. Grey. Your husband is not a threat to anyone at the moment. I wouldn't advise to leave her alone with him, just because he may not react to her at all, but a supervised visit is certainly ok."

„Good... are there any changes?"

„No, we did, however, notice that Mr. Grey has shown signs of slight irritation when you didn't show up at your usual visiting hours."

„Irritation?"

„Well, he is usually very focused on writing his notes, but for the last few days, he kept getting up and looking out the door. I guess at least this shows us that he is aware of your visits even he doesn't document them or any of his other visitors."

„Do you think there is a chance to help him?" I ask voicing my fears because part of me is afraid that there has been too much damage done to him and there is no way to bring him back.

„Yes, I do believe with time and therapy your husband will be able to be himself again or given everything that was done to him, maybe this will be his chance to find out who he truly is." Dr. Harper says and I do hope he is right.

In the afternoon I arrive at the clinic with Arielle and once inside it's all the same, Christian is scribbling his notes, not even looking up. So, I sit down and start to talk.

„I took Arielle on her first vacation... we went to Bainbridge Island and stayed at a beautiful little cottage. I took her to the beach... we went out for walks and just enjoyed the peace and quiet." I say.

„Don't you want to say hello to your daughter, Christian?" I ask knowing he won't react, he never reacts to anyone talking to him.

„Oh, you are here, darling." I hear Grace and turn to look at her, but she just stares wide-eyed into Christian's direction and realize that he has gotten up and is now kneeling in front of Arielle who is in her bouncer seat.

„Do you want to hold her?" I ask and see the tiniest nod from him.

„Just sit down here." I say and get up from the chair I was sitting in. When he is sitting I take Arielle from her bouncer seat and place her in Christian's arms. To say that I'm nervous about this would be an understatement, but at the same time, even in the current condition he is in, I could not picture him hurting her.

I watch them with Grace, him holding her, both of them looking at each other and it's almost as if they are communicating without words, but even though I know that this is a huge step for Christian, I had hoped for more.

Over the next two weeks, it's always the same, I come to visit with Arielle, he holds her and when I leave he goes back to write his notes, not acknowledging me or the fact that Arielle was there in them.

On this day, however, Arielle has to stay at home, she had to get vaccinated the other day was a bit fussy all day, so I asked Grace to watch her while Elliot and I are visiting Christian and to my surprise when he stops by to pick him up Kate is with him.

„Hi Kate, are you going to visit Christian?"

„To be honest, I don't want to, because I believe he is playing..."

„Kate, that's enough!" Elliot snaps and I have never seen him this pissed.

„What is this about?"

„My wife has not visited my brother so far because she believes he is playing all of us, just so you won't go through with the divorce." Elliot says and I gape at Kate.

„Kate that is ridiculous. Yes, I agree, Christian would go a long way to stop the divorce, but not even he would go this far."

„How do you know, Ana? He might as well be fooling all of us. I'm not saying Flynn and that old bitch didn't fuck with his head, but he can be a master manipulator himself. From day one he didn't see you as his wife, he saw you as his property. I tried to stay out of it because he wasn't hurting you and you were happy, but this is messed up. I'm telling you, he is fucking playing you and not just you, but everyone else is playing you."

„Kate you've been my best friend since college, I love you like I would love a sister, but I do not want you anywhere near Christian. You can wait for Elliot and me to finish our visit." I snap. I know she is right in some way, Christian can be manipulative if he wants to, but he would never go this far and it doesn't even make sense. From his room, he has no way of monitoring me, no control over what I'm doing all day while I'm not with him. For all he knows, I could have another guy already living with me and he had no way of finding out.

„Fine, but don't come to me when you find out I'm right." She says and when we arrive at the clinic she stays behind in the car like a pouting child.

„I'm sorry, Ana... I wanted her to see that Christian's condition is real, but she is so fucking stubborn." Elliot sighs.

„Well, they are very much alike, so I guess it's hard for them to get along. You know, they are both very dominant... so it's like a constant pissing contest and sadly I'm the tree they are fighting over." I mutter and roll my eyes while Elliot is laughing.

„Let's go see Christian... and I promise I will stop him if he decides to mark his territory." He jokes and so we head inside and into Christian's room.

And I don't know what it is, but suddenly I'm furious that he is ignoring us again. I know he is not to blame for his current condition and that I should just leave, but I can't.

„Christian look at me!" I demand and get zero reaction.

„Ana... please, if you need a minute to calm down..."

„No, what I need is for him to acknowledge my fucking existence!" I fume, get up and take his notes and pen away.

„Ana please, stop it, we don't know what happens when he is pissed off." Elliot pleads, but I had enough. If he wants his fucking notes back, he will have to ask for them.

We watch as Christian gets up and tries to grab another notepad and pen from the drawer of his bedside table, but I snatch that away from him too.

Christian seems to get nervous, looking around for something to write on, but there is nothing else there and suddenly he looks directly at me and comes to stand in front of me holding his hand out to me.

„If you want this back, you have to ask for it." I say staring back at him. I have no idea what is going through his mind and for some stupid reason I feel transported back to the day Leila pulled a gun on me and Christian went all submissive on me afterward. Only this time, he might be actually broken and won't be able to break through his silence.

„Ana... I really don't think this is a good idea. I think he is getting pissed." Elliot warns.

„Great, I take any emotion over none at all." I reply and continue to stare at Christian never breaking eye contact.

„No, you don't get it... when he wouldn't speak as a child and he wouldn't get what he wanted he got pissed and threw a tantrum. I know you want to break through to him and so do I, but you getting hurt in the process is not the right way to do it."

„God damn it, Christian, talk to me... I know you see me, just talk to me... say something... please!" I demand and when he remains silent I cannot take this any longer, slam the notepads and pens back on the table and leave the room.

I just don't know what to do anymore. He is not talking and nothing either of us does is helping. Maybe he has just given up. Maybe there is no way to get him back and I have to accept that he is a lost cause, but I just don't want to believe that. There has to be a way to get Christian back.

After walking around aimlessly for about fifteen minutes I return to Christian's room because I want to say goodbye before the visiting time is up.

„Better?" Elliot asks and I shake my head.

„We'll get him back, Ana. He just needs more time."

„I don't even know if he knows who we are Elliot. What if his brain is... I don't know fried for lack of a better word." I sigh and Elliot stares at the note Christian has just put to the other notes that we know will be on the wall tomorrow.

„He knows... here." Elliot says and pushes the note to me.

 _April 10th 2018 3:30 pm - Ana came to visit me; She is my light -_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Grace**_

Visiting Christian is heartbreaking, it reminds me of the first time I met him as a scared little boy. Only this time it wasn't Ella who failed him as a mother, it was me when I didn't see what Elena was doing to him all those years ago. It especially breaks my heart for Ana.

She wanted to have children so much and now with everything that has happened, she can't even enjoy those precious for first months as a mother. I know their marriage is or was over, but I'm so thankful that Ana still cares enough about Christian to come here every day.

Over the last few days, she has been making progress with him. Forcing him to acknowledge her by taking his notes away and not giving them back unless he is giving her his attention. He hasn't said a word yet, but maybe this is the right way. It almost reminds me of his blankie that he would take everywhere with him when he was a little boy. It was like a safety net for him and maybe with him realizing, that he wasn't in control over his own life, those notes have become his security net, giving him peace of mind by providing him with information about everything he has done during the day.

When I arrive at the clinic I see Ana in the hospital looking nervous.

„Ana, are you alright sweetheart?"

„I have talked to Dr. Harper... we agreed that by allowing Christian to keep going with this behavior there won't be much progress. Two staff members are taking all of his notes away, Dr. Harper wants to see how he is going to react to it... maybe this will force him to talk." She says and I frown.

„I don't know if this is right, Ana."

„I know... I'm worried too, but we have to do something, Grace... and I bought this for him." She says and gets a digital recorder from her purse.

„He will still be able to document his day... only with this he has to speak." She says and I understand what she is trying, but I'm still scared that it will fire back and Christian will digress even further.

„It's done, Mrs. Grey, you can see him now. Please leave the door open, it's for your safety." The nurse says to Ana and so we enter Christian's room finding him visibly upset and pacing. I myself have no idea what to do, but Ana approaches him and takes his hand in hers.

„I know this is upsetting, but we need you to come back to us... so you can get help. Here this is for you." Ana says and places the small gadget on the table in Christian's room, while he eyes it for a moment.

„You will still be able to document your day, but you will have to talk to do so. If you get bored without the writing, I brought you these." She says and places two 1000 piece puzzles on the table and Christian's annoyed expression almost makes me want to laugh.

„Don't look at me like that... because I have something else for you." She says and places a cell phone on his desk.

„You can't go online with it and the only numbers that are not blocked are mine, Elliot's, Mia's and your parents... neither of us will answer any texts... if you want to communicate with us, you have to call us." She further explains.

We watch Christian as he continues to pace, ignoring everything and everyone, but in the end, with the look of utter frustration on his face he sits down and takes one of the puzzles.

I'm still not convinced that this is going to help, but maybe by not allowing him to continue the behavior he has shown ever since he got here, he will have to talk to us eventually.

As we leave Ana invites me over to her home to see Arielle and once there we sit down and I address a topic I have been thinking about a lot lately.

„Ana, what happens when Christian gets better?"

„What do you mean?"

„Will you finalize the divorce?"

„Not until I know that he can deal with it. Look, I still love him, I guess part of me always will. But, even if everything that happened was partial to blame on Elena and John, there is still the fact that he did things without them telling him to. He bought an art gallery and stayed in touch with a former submissive of his, one that at one point had been so mentally unstable that she broke into the apartment I shared with Kate and held me at gunpoint."

„What, when did this happen?"

„A couple of weeks after we started dating, it was the same week that he and Ros crashed with Charlie Tango."

„Dear God, she held you at gunpoint?"

„Yes, and he never even considered telling me that he was still in touch with her. And it's not just that Grace... it's the fact that Christian needs me too much, to the point that he has been controlling almost every aspect of my life and I let him. I'm to blame too because I turned a blind eye to everything that was not ok in our marriage instead of addressing it and telling him that this is not right. It's toxic and not good for either of us. I have started seeing a therapist once a week for a few weeks now to help me figure out what I want from life."

„So there is no hope?" I ask because, for as much as I know that she is right, there will always be a part of me that will be sad for both of them if they can't work it out.

„I'm not saying that... maybe there is a way back to each other for us, but I feel like we need to end this marriage if we want to eventually get there... close this chapter and see what the future may hold for us." She says and I nod, she is right. They both need to focus on their own issues and fix them, instead of holding on to something that is clearly broken and maybe with time they will be able to create something new together.

 **Ana**

It has been a week since we took Christian's notes away, but still, he hasn't said a word though at least he seems to be more aware of his surroundings since then. Today, I wanted to visit him, but I couldn't. I have been coming down with something for days now and today the flu finally hit me full force.

I've been coughing, sneezing, and freezing while having a fever since the morning. Gail brought Arielle to stay with Grace and Carrick because I don't want her to get sick too. So, now I have my medicine, a bottle of ginger ale and cough drops along with a huge box of kleenex surrounding me in bed, where I try to read a bit, between falling asleep.

I hope Christian will be fine because there will be no visitors today. Elliot and Kate are on vacation with their kids, Carrick is doing court, Grace is at Bellevue with Arielle, but on call and the clinic is too far away if she has to go in for an emergency and Mia wasn't feeling good either today.

When my phone rings I try to ignore it, but then grab it and nearly drop it when I see that it is the number of the phone I have given to Christian. He hasn't used it once since he got it, so I'm a bit worried how this is going to work, but I accept the call.

„Christian?" I ask and hear him breathe, but he isn't saying anything and suddenly my throat starts to itch sending me into a fit of coughing that makes me fight to breathe and then I hear it.

„Ana!"

„It's ok, I'm fine... just the flu." I get out, shocked what hearing his voice after what has felt like an eternity does to me.

„Ana." He says again.

„I'm here... talk to me." I say while reaching for my tablet to sent his doctor a message to let him know that Christian is talking.

„I lost it." He said quietly.

„Lost what?"

„My control." He confesses and it makes me want to cry for him. He is so desperate to be in control of his life and surroundings that realizing he wasn't has reduced him to this.

„You'll get better, but you have to talk to us, talk to Dr. Harper. By shutting everyone out it won't get better."

„Are we... divorced?"

„No, we are not, not yet. And I don't want you to think about that now. I want you to put all your focus on getting better, trying to find yourself. I'm seeing someone too, a therapist, who is helping me to figure out who I am and what I want from life. And please, don't see us getting a divorce as a bad thing because it's not. It's just the end of one chapter for us... who knows how our story ends."

„I'm afraid you'll find someone else."

„Christian, dating is not even on my radar. And it wouldn't be fair to bring someone else into this when I know that a huge part of my heart still belongs to you."

„There was a time when it was all mine." He says sadly.

„I know and that wasn't healthy for either of us... plus there is this beautiful little girl in both our lives now and I'm pretty sure she owns a huge chunk of your heart too."

„I would have never let Elena near her... I understand now, Ana."

„I know; I know you didn't do it out of free will and I know you love our daughter... so make her your focus now. Get better, so you can leave the clinic and spent time with her."

„Can you bring her with you again?"

„Yes, I need a few days to get better, before I will be able to visit you again, but I will ask Grace to bring her to see you tomorrow."

„Thank you."

„She is our daughter, you never have to thank me for allowing you to spend time with her." I reply and it's true, I want them to have a great relationship, just like I have with my Dad and I feel like Arielle will also give Christian a reason to work on himself and get to a happy place in his life... one where he doesn't feel like his happiness is depending on someone else.

„Christian?" I hear Dr. Harper in the background.

„Talk to him... allow him to help you." I encourage Christian.

„Ok, I'll try." He says and so I end the call, hoping that he will be able to get through all of this, especially when he finds out what was done to him by Elena and John. Until now, we made sure he wouldn't find out because we feared he would build even more walls and would not be willing to work with Dr. Harper on getting better.

I sent a quick text to the entire Grey family and curl up around my pillow, hoping that this was the first step in the right direction for Christian. Lord knows, he has a ton issues, but I'm positive that he will be able to work through them and come out of all this stronger and able to find happiness for himself.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Christian**_

Today is my sixth therapy session with Dr. Harper and slowly my subconscious is stopping to tell me I should not talk to him. For the first two sessions I felt like fighting an inner battle with myself to get any word out, but since Ana and my family seem to trust him and I can't trust myself right now, I'm willing to give him a chance. Honestly, at this point, I'm willing to try anything to get back control over my life. Seeing myself on camera doing something I can't remember doing was such a shock to my system it took me back to a very dark place.

„Christian, how are you feeling today?"

„Have you heard from, Ana?" I ask instead of answering him.

„No, but your mother informed me that she is doing better and will be able to see you tomorrow, now how are you feeling?"

„Out of control."

„In what way?" The Doctor wants to know.

„As in me not having control over anything right now. I need control in my life, it's what keeps me sane."

„I assume in your career you need to be in control, but you have to understand that you can't be in control at all times, Christian. It's an impossible task and you will miss out on so much if you try to be."

„It is not impossible."

„It is, you cannot be in control at all times if you want to achieve that you would have to isolate yourself from any kind of influence from the outside. You may be able to control your own life, but you can't control everyone around you. Do you want to isolate yourself from everyone?"

„No."

„You know, Christian, I like to set goals for my patients. Small goals and end goals. What would be the next goal you want to achieve?" He asks and I know that one without a doubt.

„I want to go home."

„That is a very good goal and you have already taken steps into that direction, now what is the ultimate goal you want to achieve?"

„I don't want Ana to divorce me, I want her to move back home with Arielle so we can be a family."

„I see, well, we'll have to see if that is a goal you can achieve with time. Just keep in mind, you will always be a family with your wife. No matter if you remain married or divorce. Your child will make you a family for the rest of your life and there are many families with divorced parents that are perfectly functional... maybe not in a traditional way, but functional all the same."

„No, I need Anastasia to be my wife... she can never be with someone else." I insist.

„I understand that you don't wish for the divorce to be finalized, but you do realize that what you just said sounded more like ownership than love."

„That might be true, but Ana is mine."

„Christian, you can't own people. Your wife is not your property and you have to see that. It's not healthy for you or her to view her like that. If your wife does not want to remain in this marriage you cannot force her. She has a free will and if it is telling her that your marriage is over you have to respect that and learn to accept it."

„You don't understand, Dr. Harper. I'm fucked up... I'm rude, aloof, ruthless even... my wife is the opposite... she is everything that is good and pure... she is the light to my darkness... without her I'm alone in the dark... she makes me see the world differently... and I need her in my life."

Dr. Harper looks at me makes some notes. „Do you believe it is fair to put your wife on such a pedestal... to hold her to such high standards?"

„I don't understand?"

„You see, there is not one person on this planet that is perfect. Not you, not me and not your wife, so by holding her to the high standards you do, she will wear herself thin. And above all of that, you can't rely on someone else for your happiness. You can be happy with her, but you have to find happiness and the good within yourself to live a full life. As long as you consider yourself as fucked up, you will be just that and even worse people will see you like that because that's the energy you are putting out there. Tell five me things you like about yourself." He says and his question catches me completely off guard.

„I... I don't know." I finally admit... this is bullshit.

„Here, let me give you an example. I like about myself that I'm very open-minded and never judge a person for what they believe in or how they live. I like that I'm a family guy and that even though I have left the army over ten years ago I'm still in great shape... now tell me what you like about yourself, even if you can only come up with one thing."

I think about it for a while and come up blank, everything I like about myself is basically that I got Ana to marry me and that I fathered my daughter, though even I know that I shouldn't even dare to take any credit for Arielle's existence after I have done everything I could for Ana not to get pregnant.

„Christian, are you still with me?"

„Yes... but there is nothing I like about myself." I admit and it feels utterly shattering to admit that out loud.

„Then this is one of the goals we are going to establish, because if there is nothing you like about yourself how can you expect anyone else to like you." He says and as much as I want to tell him to fuck off, I know he is right and the bitter thought crosses my mind that if there isn't anything likable about me the people in my life I have allowed in are most likely only in my life because they feel pity for me.

For the entire rest of the day, I try to come up with things about myself that I like, but it all comes down to the fact, that there is nothing I like about myself.

The next day when I step into Dr. Harper's office I stop in my tracks because Ana is there too and just seeing her makes my mood so much better.

„Hi Christian." She says and I look around to see if Arielle is there too, but she isn't.

„Arielle?" I ask.

„She is at home, Dr. Harper thought it would be a good idea for me to be here for your therapy session today." She says and I nod and take a seat next to her, trying to ignore the way she stiffens next to me as a reaction to me being close to her.

„So, Christian, have you thought about what we have talked about yesterday?" Dr. Harper asks.

„Yes, but there is nothing I like about myself." I let him know and Ana gasps, but I can't bring myself to look at her and see the pity in her eyes.

„Good, so, Ana can you name a few things you like about Christian?"

„Of course, I like how protective he is of his family, that he is involved in many charities and always tries to make this world a better place." She says without missing a beat.

„Are you donating to charities?" Dr. Harper asks me and I nod.

„Well, being generous when it comes to a good cause is something you should like about yourself." He points out.

„Maybe... but even my wife can't name five things." I counter and Ana's silence is speaking volumes.

„Good, let's talk about this. Ana, Christian has told me that his ultimate goal is to not get a divorce and be a happy family with you and your daughter."

This time I do look at Ana and I can't tell whatever she is about to say is not easy for her.

„I want us to be a family too... but I also believe that we need to finalize the divorce. All the lies... the manipulation... our marriage is utterly broken Christian... there is no way to fix the cracks, because the lies had already begun before we even said our vows... both you and I have to work on ourselves first and maybe by the end of it we can start a new chapter together, but before that can happen we need to close the old one."

„No, you'll never come back to me." I insist and she surprises me by taking my hands in hers and we both gasp when the familiar tingle runs through our veins.

„See, it's still there... but it's not enough right now... I need to figure my life out, I'm in therapy too because you are not the only one to blame. I never spoke up, tried to be what you want me to be, to fit into the perfect illusion you have made me to be in your head. And that's not healthy, not for me or you. You see me as some sort of magic cure for all your issues, but I'm not and everything that has happened has taught me one thing... I can't fix you, Christian... the only one who can do that is yourself."

„No, you helped me so much, Ana."

„Not enough to make you see how vile Elena is or to see what was happening to you... to us, until it was way too late. I still love you, but I also don't know who the real you is... and I can't be with you when I have to question that. I don't want you out of my life, Christian. We'll always be a family, but I feel that we need to end our marriage and see where that leads us."

„But you'll never come back to me." I reply it's true, she will see that she can be with someone else, someone who isn't as fucked up.

„You don't know that." Ana says.

„I do, Ana... I know that I'm fucked up beyond repair..."

„Stop saying that, Christian... don't you see that by seeing yourself that way you'll never get better. And worse, you make everyone else see you like that when it's just not true." She says pissed.

„It's who I am." I shrug and she gets up.

„No, it's not. Why do you always dwell on your past? Can't you see all the good in your life... everything you've achieved, even with the old bitch and John trying to drag you down." She says frustrated and it makes me smile.

„It's not funny, Christian... you want me to stay in this marriage? Then your goal shouldn't be to convince me to stay married to you but to learn how to love yourself. I mean, how can you expect me to love you and be your wife when you say yourself that there isn't one thing you love about yourself?"

„The only good thing about myself is that you are my wife." I reply quietly.

„But that's not right, Christian... don't you see that your need to keep me in your life is partially what drove us apart. All the lies... everything... it's like you are obsessed. Look, I'm to blame too, because I never said anything when I should have, but I was equally needy and scared to lose you... but that is no way to be together... it's toxic. This is why I want us to get a divorce and go back to the start. I want you in my life... and yes, I want us to be a family, but I also want us to be happy with ourselves. I can't be the only thing in your life that makes you happy... it's not healthy for either of us... don't you see that?"

I look at my wife, really look at her. Trying to understand what she is saying and though I don't want to, I feel like she is right. I can't expect her to love me when I truly hate myself especially when I now see that she too is suffering.

„Why did you never tell me how you feel?"

„Because I was scared... I wanted to be everything you see in me... but it's too much. I'm not perfect Christian... I am and always was just an ordinary girl and I can't live up to the picture of me you have painted in your head. Maybe if I had said something before it would have never come this far and I'm so sorry I didn't realize what was happening to you, but I truly believe us getting a divorce is the only way to somehow find our way back to each other." She says and tears fall from her eyes.

„No, please don't cry." I say and hug her. „I get what you are trying to say... I'm just so scared you'll find someone else... but I don't want you to feel like you have to live up to impossible standards at all times... and maybe you are right, maybe we need to end this marriage to start over... so, I guess I have to let you go." I say and it's the hardest thing I ever had to do in all of my life, but for some reason, it feels right. We've found each other once, so hopefully, we will find our way back to each other...


	24. Chapter 24

_**Ana - Three months later**_

„Look at you, little darling. You look so pretty today and today is a big day because your Daddy will come home today and you'll get to spend the entire weekend with him. Isn't that exciting, baby girl?" I ask my daughter, but she is more occupied with the soft ball she has that has a tiny bell inside of it and makes noises.

I still can't believe how much has happened in the last three months. Christian and I have been officially divorced for two months now, he was allowed to leave the clinic to attend the meeting that settled our divorce with Carrick as both our lawyer. I even talked to Dr. Harper and went to visit Christian later that afternoon with a bottle of chilled Bollinger. At first, he looked like I had lost my mind, but when I told him that I wanted us to toast to a new beginning he smiled opened the bottle and we clinked glasses.

I'm pretty sure there are not many couples celebrating their divorce together by getting drunk of Champagne and just talking about the good times they had, but for us, it seemed fitting. It felt like letting go of the past and every fucked up thing that had happened before. I know it's not the magic cure for our issues, but to me, it feels like I no longer have to fix something that has been utterly broken but instead can start from scratch and build something new.

Last week, when I went to visit Christian he told me it feels the same to him. Even more so, because now he cannot relax over the fact that I'm his wife and won't leave, so he has to actually work on himself to make me and everyone else see the change in him and I have to say I do see the change in him and it makes me so happy for him.

When it was clear that he would be able to leave the clinic within a week, we all thought he would go back to Escala or the house at the sound, but he surprised all of us when he asked Grace and Carrick if he could live with them for a while, because he didn't want to live alone. To say that they both have been delighted would have been an understatement. His entire family feels so very bad for not seeing what was going on that I feel it will be good for them to live under the same roof for a while.

Kate is still very cautious around Christian, I guess with the trial against the man we knew as John Flynn coming up she finally believes that Christian didn't lie this time, which is good because Elliot was getting really upset with her.

As for the upcoming trial, I'm not sure how to feel about it. Of course, I want him to be trialed and punished for what they have done to Christian and all the young kids they have exploited as well, but at the same time, no amount of punishment will ever be enough for him. I'm not a cruel person, but part of me wants him to die a slow, painful death and each time he reaches the brink of death he is brought back to life just to go through the same hell again, one time for each child they have lured into their fucked up world.

I'm also very sad for Rhian. She had no idea her husband was such a monster. I went to see her and the boys recently and she told me she would move back to California to be close to her family. She has her parents and three older brothers there, so at least the boys won't have to grow up without a male role model in their lives. Still, I felt so bad for them, especially because she doesn't have a job and no savings, because everything belonged to John, so I have created college funds for the boys and gave her some money to help her until everything is settled.

I'm distracted by my daughter's delighted squeal when she manages to make her ball ring longer than usual and smile at her.

I can't believe she is almost six months old, but it's true and just the other day she managed to crawl for the first time moving forward, because much to everyone's amusement and her utter frustration Arielle's first attempts of crawling have resulted in her actually moving backwards, which made me laugh and her in turn cry, it wasn't an upset cry, my little girl was pissed that something didn't go the way she wanted to, so she had to let the world know by screaming at the top of her lungs.

A little later we are in the car on our way to Bellevue and I have to shut the radio off because there is yet another report on the upcoming trial. As soon as John had been in police custody, it had been like watching a house of cards fall down. Their clientele tried to leave, cover there tracks or flat out denied everything, but it was to no avail. By now there are lawyers, politicians, actors and many more of Seattle's and Washington States high society trying to bargain for a plea deal, which neither of them will get since John has been forthcoming with information to spare him from the death penalty. It was and still is horrifying to see how many people have been involved in this over the years. And tracking down the victims is even harder. Some have moved on, some are still in the lifestyle and sadly quite a few of them have committed suicide over the years.

Leila has stepped forward to act a key witness in John's trial. She has lived through his manipulation and somehow managed to break free of it, so even though she has a past of mental illness, the district attorney believes that she will be a reliable witness and what's more so, one the jury will have sympathy with given what she has been through because of him and Elena.

As for Elena, I hope she rots in hell and is punished for everything she has done for all of eternity. That is just what she deserves and even though Taylor never gave me any details and the police miraculously found evidence that she has left the country, I know she is dead and that gives me peace of mind.

When I arrive at Bellevue I see that Mia and her family, as well as Elliot and the kids, have already arrived, while Kate has decided to stay home, which might be a good thing, because the last thing Christian needs is her bad attitude right after he got home.

I barely have managed to unbuckle Arielle from her car seat when the door opens and out walks Christian with a huge smile.

„Hi Ana." He says and kisses my temple before he takes Arielle from me and almost makes my heart stop when he playfully throws her into the air and catches her, which makes our little girl belly laugh.

„Again princess?" He says with a big smile and I cover my eyes with my hands. I know he would never drop her, but still, seeing him throw her over his head gives me anxiety.

„You can look again, Ana." He says amused.

„Ok... sorry, but watching you throw her gives me anxiety."

„But she loves it?"

„I know... I just have a serious case of mamma bear." I giggle and grab Arielle's overnight bag.

„So... I know you might have plans for the weekend, but I was thinking of taking Arielle to the zoo tomorrow, do you want to join us?" He asks.

„Sure, why not, which time?"

„Around nine am, I'll pick you up." He says and points to Audi I have never seen.

„Yours?"

„Safest family car that is available right now... it got delivered today. It has enough trunk space for Arielle's stroller and everything else... more safety features to ensure it is safe to transport her in... you know, just a great car." He says and I have to giggle.

„I guess, I have to trust you on this... as you know, I know nothing about cars." I say.

„I can get you one too."

„Which means you already ordered it." I say and he tries to avoid my gaze.

„Maybe..."

„I was looking for a new car anyway, I'll take it but you have to put the bill in my name."

„Ana I can afford it."

„So, do I... my car, my bill." I insist.

„Ok, help me out here, because I don't want to piss you off, does this mean I can't buy anything for you?"

„Nothing as expensive as a car. If you want to buy me a soda or hotdog at the zoo, that's acceptable."

„Duly noted... so I can still feed you." He says and seems to be satisfied with that when I nod.

„Good... even though we might have to take a picknick with us, my mother has gone overboard and has been cooking massive amounts of all of my favorites."

„Isn't Elliot coming over?" I ask and he laughs.

„True... but you haven't seen the buffet in the dining room, it might even be too much for him."

„She just wants to look after you."

„I know... they feel guilty, we are going to have more family sessions with Dr. Harper. Makes me feel like shit to know they are blaming themselves." He says and we sit down on the stairs that lead up to the house.

„Try to put yourself in their shoes... what happened to you started because Grace invited Elena into her home... that's a lot for any parent, but you'll work through it as a family because you love each other."

„I know." He says and it makes me smile to hear this because he finally understands that his family loves him.

„I asked Taylor for a meeting... I want to know everything that happened with Flynn and especially Elena... is she really on the run?" He asks and I take a deep breath.

„I don't know anything and I don't want to... but she has been dealt with... permanently." I say and for a second he just looks at me and then I can actually see the relief wash over him.

„Good... I was hoping you would say that... come, let's go inside... I may have gone overboard too and stopped at a toy store on my way here." He says and I shake my head smiling.

„You do realize that our daughter will end up spoilt rotten before she can even talk."

„No, she won't, but I want for her to have a happy childhood... I want her to look back one day and only have fond memories of her childhood." He says and it's bittersweet to hear him say this because I know he wants this so bad for Arielle because of his own horrible past.

„I want that too." I say and we get up and go inside, where I just watch him play with our daughter.

„It's heartwarming right?" Mia says when she comes to sit next to me.

„Yes... he looks so happy and carefree, it's all I ever wanted for him." I say and she takes my hand in hers.

„You know... I'll be honest, when you went through with the divorce I was very mad at you. I thought you were abandoning my brother in his time of need... but you never once did. You are still there for him and I really hope you can find a way back to each other."

„I still love him, Mia... that never went away. But I'm also learning so much about myself right now. It's a learning curve and I feel like we both needed to separate ourselves from each other to heal. We both still have a long way to go but hopefully at the end of it we'll find each other again because I've come to the conclusion that I don't want my life to be without him. „ I let her know and she smiles.

„That's good because Arielle is so cute, she needs to have some siblings." Mia says and that makes me smiles, I know I might be biased, but my daughter is simply adorable and I would love to have more children in the future.

„Well, I want two more at least."

„Well, now that Christian has reversed the vasectomy completely..."

„Wait, what?"

„Shoot, Elliot told me to keep my mouth shut... but well, Christian had the procedure done last week when Elliot took him to see his doctor. I was not supposed to tell you, because Christian wanted to tell you eventually... you know when you guys are back together... but yeah, he really wanted to take care of that because he too wants siblings for Arielle." She says.

I just look at Christian and smile, I wasn't sure he would actually go through with it, but hearing that he did makes me happy and it feels like it is just one more step in the right direction and away from a past I don't ever want to recall...


	25. Chapter 25

_**A/N: So, I know I have been a little quiet lately, but I wanted to let everything unfold first. But I have been reading the reviews and I know some of you are not happy with them getting a divorce and feel that Ana has been selfish by going through with it. I can see where you are coming from, but at the end of the day, this is fiction because, in real life, they would have gotten divorced before he even moved to Taiwan. The reason why I didn't have them divorce then is because I knew Christian would come back to take care of Arielle after Ana had the accident. I might be wrong about this because I'm more familiar with the German law, but had they been divorced already it would have been hard for Christian to take Arielle home. Anyway... for those of you who have been reading my stories for long, you should know by now that I like drama, heartbreak, and plots that could easily fit into any kind of soap opera, because to me that's the beauty of fiction, you can take characters and put them into situations that hopefully would never play out like this in real life, but that's just what I like... So, yes, they got divorced and left a broken marriage behind them to now move on and build a new relationship, grow as individuals and find their way back to each other...**_

 _ **Two more things... some of you asked for longer chapters, so I tried to make this one longer and it's almost 5k words, which is double my usual chapters... you're welcome :) And to the guest who asked why my quotations are all upside down... lol, I didn't realize that until now, I don't use the spell check on my writing software, because I use Grammarly, which by the way is amazing, so my setting was in German and here the quotations are like that, but I fixed it for this chapter and have changed the settings so it won't be mixed up from now on...**_

 **Christian**

"Look at you, princess... you can put it away." I laugh when I feed Arielle the last spoonful of the baby oatmeal with mashed bananas that is her breakfast.

„And she didn't even reach into it and threw it in your hair." My Dad says amused over his newspaper.

„We won't bring pea-gate up ever again, Dad... I hope Mom doesn't notice the stains on the wall." I mutter, trying not to laugh about last nights events when I tried to feed my daughter mashed up peas. She didn't like them, reached into the bowl and with the aim of a pro landed a handful in my hair and another one on the wall behind me, which must have been hilarious to her, because my little girl was belly laughing just looking at me. Took me almost an hour to get her, myself and dining room cleaned up, which at the time wasn't hilarious to me, but now I do want to laugh about it.

„She's already seen them, son... don't worry, I already called someone to have it fixed and your mom was laughing too when I told her what happened."

„Man, Arielle has good aim." I mutter and my Dad laughs.

„That she does... did she sleep through the night?"

„Like a stone... but Ana already said that she is a good sleeper..." I say and think about Ana. It still hurts to think of her as my ex-wife, because if things would have gotten my way we would still be married... but for once in my life, I couldn't be selfish.

Seeing Ana upset and pleading with me to see her point of view was an eye-opener. Because with everything that was being done to me I just needed her in my life. And I was clinging on to her so hard that I didn't even realize it was driving us apart. I wanted to make her happy, but my vision for her to be happy was not what she needed and I was too far gone to see that or allow myself to realize that our marriage wasn't perfect. I needed the illusion of it being perfect to keep myself going because subconsciously I knew I wasn't in control of my life, so I needed to be in control of Ana.

Now, that I realize it, I'm actually surprised she didn't kick me to the curb way before and that she is still in my life. The funny thing is, getting a divorce has brought us closer. Where Ana had been stiff and compliant around me before, she now seems relaxed and happy and that is the Ana I fell in love with. The girl that didn't understand my rules and need for control, so she would just tell me things as they were... only with time that girl went away and my wife became my submissive.

At the time, it was what I needed, now I want the girl back that would call bullshit when I would say and do something she didn't see eye to eye with. It's also what I want for my daughter as a role model. I don't want her to grow up thinking it is normal for a man to say jump and the woman just ask how high... no, I want my daughter to be strong and independent, but at the same time kind, caring and respectful... like her mother.

I've talked a lot with Elliot lately and he believes that Ana and I still have a second chance, because we never stopped loving each other, but I'm not so sure. I want to believe it, have to, to keep my sanity... but part of me fears that with time Ana will realize that she can do way better... find someone who comes with less baggage, is less complicated and can give her the life she wants.

To be honest... I would kill every fucker who would dare to come close to her. In my eyes, there will never be anyone good enough for her, not even myself, but I'm selfish and I want her back in my life.

„Honey, Taylor is here." My mom says and I nod.

„Can you watch, Arielle for a few minutes, Mom?"

„Of course... he is in your Dad's study." She says and I kiss my daughter's chubby cheek before I leave the dining room and find Taylor in my Dad's study.

„Hello, Taylor."

„Mr. Grey... I'm glad you are back home, Sir."

„Me too. Now, I want to know what you are doing to find Elena Lincoln." I say. So far, I have let Taylor deal with everything while I was working on getting better, but now I need answers and the first is where Elena is and how I can get away with murdering her or if Ana was right and it has already been dealt with.

I watch as Taylor gets up and locks the door, which is not a good sign.

„Sir, what I am about to tell must remain in this room." He says and I nod.

„We caught her shortly after the Flynn imposter was arrested... to be exact, Mr. Steele caught her, your father was involved too, but he convinced Mr. Steele to let me handle everything." He says and I know what he is about to say before the words have left his mouth.

„Mrs. Lincoln is where she deserves to be... she will never be able to harm anyone ever again."

„Did you..." I ask.

„No, Sir... I handed her over to people who know how to handle a situation like that... to the world, she will forever be on the run." He says.

„Who else knows?"

„Your father, Mr. Steele, and Ana." He says and that makes me gape at him.

„Why Ana, she doesn't need to carry this with her?"

„She was in the car with me when I got alerted that her father had captured Mrs. Lincoln. Naturally, she was very upset because she feared it would be her father who took justice into his own hands. She doesn't know any details, all she knows is that Mrs. Lincoln is no longer a threat to anyone and that neither her father or your father for that matter were involved in her demise."

„I see, what measures are you taking to make sure no one suspects that we know something?"

„Security on all the Grey's is still increased, we work with the cops... all is covered, Sir."

„Good... what about Rhion?" I ask, I always liked her and it must be horrible for her and the boys to find out that her husband is a true monster.

„She is moving back to California. I believe Ana has sat up a trust fund for the boys to make sure they will never want for anything and she also has helped Mrs. Flynn to get in touch with a good divorce attorney and realtor to be able to start over soon."

„Good... if you hear that she needs any help, please do let me know... is there anything we can do to make sure the bastard won't get out of jail?"

„There is no way he will get out. The D.A. wants you as a witness, however, knowing what was done to you, you won't have to be in the same room as the bastard for your own protection." He says and I shudder to think that there are still triggers left planted deep in my brain that could make do anything the crazy fucker is saying.

Dr. Harper and I have been working a lot on this, but like he said, what was done to me in a time period of more than a decade will need more than a few months of therapy to be completely reversed.

I'm still in awe that I can even allow myself to trust another shrink, but Dr. Harper is just what I need. He is tough as nails, doesn't take any bullshit and at the same time is very understanding of the fact that I'm a skeptic now when it comes to any form of therapy. On more than a few occasions when I was just angry at the world he allowed me to skip my therapy session in favor of beating the crap out of punching bag in the clinic basement. It felt therapeutic but also concerned me because I didn't want my sadistic tendencies to come back to the surface.

Dr. Harper, however, assured me that needing an outlet for my anger was perfectly normal for anyone who would be unlucky enough to find himself in a situation like mine. I guess he is right and I'm furious about what was done to me... but at the same time a tiny part of me... maybe the abused, abandoned little boy I once was, is just thinking this is what my life is... it's a cruel pattern of abuse, pain, and abandonment that I need to end now. I don't ever want to be a victim again... and in order to get there, Dr. Harper believes I need to see myself as a survivor, which is hard for me because the stubborn, arrogant part of me refuses to admit that I'm a victim.

I want people to see me as strong, successful and untouchable... not scared, weak or abused, but it is all part of me and I have to learn to accept that.

„Sir?" I look up at Taylor who is still in the room with me and give him my attention.

„Yes?"

„I was just wondering if you have plans to move back to the house at the sound or Escala?" He says and I look at him for a moment.

„No, for now, I want to stay here... I'm thinking about putting the Penthouse up for sale... I wouldn't want to live there again and the house at the sound isn't a good place for me to be at either... too many memories. I have to talk to Ana... see how she would feel about me selling it as well." I let him know and soon he leaves and I make a quick stop by the kitchen where Gretchen is doing the dishes.

„Gretchen, my... Ana will be here soon to accompany my daughter and I to the zoo... can you have a picnic basket ready for us in thirty minutes?" I ask and want to roll my eyes when she blushes... Christ, she must be in her thirties by now and she is still acting like a giggling school girl whenever she sees me.

„Of course, Mr. Grey... is there anything else I can do for you... anything at all?" She purrs.

 _No... not today Satan!_ „No, that would be all... just make sure to pack lunch for my daughter as well and an extra bottle of the bottled water that is for her." I say and leave the kitchen.

„There you are, honey. Is everything alright, you look irritated." My mother says when I find her with Arielle on the patio and I want to stay quiet, but I just had it with Gretchen.

" I'm fine, but could you by any chance let your housekeeper know that I'm not interested and would highly appreciate it if she would stop trying to flirt with me? I would do it myself, but I would probably be less... diplomatic." I say.

"Of course... has she overstepped her boundaries?" My mother asks concerned.

"No, but she also isn't hiding the fact that she wants to f... be intimate." I catch myself when I see my daughter looking at me. She hasn't started to speak yet, and I don't want her first word to be the f-bomb because I know Ana would be furious with me if that was to happen.

When Ana arrives she I just look at her for a second and take in her appearance. She is dressed in black skinny jeans with black leather flats and an emerald-colored sleeveless blouse with a bow at the neck. It's nothing I would have picked for her, preferring to see her in skirts to show off her amazing legs, but it underlines her youth, while still looking classy. At first, I took over her wardrobe because she wasn't the best at picking outfits, but later it became a necessity for me, because Kate and Mia always tried to talk her into the most sexy clothes, which weren't too much to wear in public, but still enough to drive me insane. So, I took over, but now I have to say that Ana really has gotten good at finding her own style... so much so, that I have seen her in the IN section of some magazines recently.

"Hi... did she give you any trouble?" Ana asked when she walks up to me.

"Nope, we are a dream team." I reply with a smile and Ana smiles too.

"That's good... because I have a feeling our daughter is going to turn out to be a daddy's girl." Ana says and it warms my heart to think that one day I might have the same close relationship with Arielle that Ana has with her Dad.

"I hope so." I reply.

A little later we are at the car getting everything ready when a very amused Taylor walks outside with the picnic basket.

"Something funny, Taylor?" I ask.

"Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

"Go ahead."

"I just stepped into the kitchen to get the basket while your mother was ripping Gretchen a new one... it was quite entertaining."

"Did she hit on you again?" Ana asks clearly annoyed.

"Pretty much, I asked my mother to handle it, because I thought she would be more diplomatic... looks like she wasn't." I reply and I have to say, for some reason, it has always been the biggest kick for my siblings and I to see our calm and collected mother get her claws out because Grace Grey is scary and not to be messed with when she is pissed.

"I would have paid to see that exchange." Ana says amused and gets into the backseat with where Arielle is already in her seat, though she looks surprised when I get in the back seat too and Taylor gets in the front.

"You aren't driving?" Ana asks.

"No, I'm riding in the back with my girls." I tell her with a smile and also there is something I want to talk to about with Ana, so this may give me the opportunity to do so.

"I know with everything going on you probably didn't have time to think about it, but have you thought about Arielle's christening?" I ask and Ana looks at me in surprise.

"Oh my god... I haven't even thought about it yet... but yes, I want to get her christened."

"Good... because I was thinking about whom I would want to raise to our daughter if god forbid something was to happen to both of us."

"Do you have someone in mind?" She asks.

"Yes, my first instinct was Elliot... but I hope you will understand that I do not wish for Kate to raise my child. We are civil at most and I fear that her dislike for me would be reflected on Arielle."

"She is my best friend, but I understand where you are coming from, so I agree, Kate and Elliot might not be the best choice." She says surprising me.

"Now my next thought was Mia..." I say and have to stop myself from laughing when I see the alarm in Ana's eyes. Don't get me wrong, my sister has a heart of gold and is a loving mother to her children, but she also has a parenting style that I do not agree with. Her children have no rules, no punishments and can do however they please, even if they want to draw on the walls, throw their food or stay up until midnight because she wants them to express themselves however they please... which to me sounds like a recipe for disaster.

"Christian, I love your sister, but if god forbid we both die before Arielle is eighteen, I don't want Mia to raise her." Ana says and I smile.

"I know... I feel the same, children need love and should be able to express themselves, but they also need rules to turn into productive members of society... which led me to my final decision, which I hope we can both agree on." I say and hand her a note. She looks at it and then looks up at me in surprise.

"I... are you sure?"

" Do you disagree?"

"No, actually I'm delighted." She says and looks at the note that reads Jason and Gail. Jason has proven to me time and time again that I can count on him and he already has a daughter who he absolutely adores and while Gail may have quit when things got out of hand I know she didn't do it to spite me, but because she felt Ana was the one who needed her the most. And while she doesn't have children of her own, I know that she will be a loving and caring mother to any child given in her care.

"Good, if you want to, we can talk about it later some more." I say because Taylor is driving and I want to be sure Ana and I are on the same page before we ask them.

At the zoo, however, things soon turn sour because what I thought would be a fun family trip has turned into Arielle, Ana and I feeling like zoo animals, because everyone is staring at us and taking pictures, while Ryan, Luke, and Reynolds who have followed us here try to make people delete them.

"This is a fucking disaster... maybe we should just leave and forget about the picnic." I sigh and Ana looks at me, at this point, she is carrying Arielle and is covering her face with her hand to stop people taking pictures of her.

"How about we go somewhere else... we can have a picnic in my backyard, you haven't been to my house yet." She says.

"You would allow me in?"

"Christian! What kind of question is that? You can stop by at any time." She says startled by my question and it puts me at ease because I wasn't sure how me seeing Arielle and Ana would work now that we are divorced, but knowing that Ana is ok with me stopping by at her place instantly puts me in a better mood.

At her place, I smile because once again Ana has managed to decorate her home in a way that reflects her personality perfectly.

"Can I see Arielle's room?" I ask and Ana walks me upstairs and into the nursery which is beautifully decorating with what looks like handmade furniture.

"Did Ray built the furniture?"

"Yes, he made all the furniture and Elliot painted the walls because he didn't want me to breath in the fumes."

"I should have done that." I murmur.

"Christian... you have done so much for our daughter already... even with everything that was done to you... you came back and took care of her when I couldn't... and just look how much she adores you... does it really matter if you painted some walls that are probably going to repainted at least ten times before she moves out to go to college?" Ana asks and I know she is right... it doesn't matter... but still, I hate the thought of how much I missed out on.

"You are right... and they have done an awesome job... did Ray built the rocking chair too?"

"Yes, I love it so much, I'll put it in my study or in the living room once I don't need here any longer. Now, I think Arielle needs a new diaper..."

"I'll change her, how about you unpack our picnic in the meantime." I suggest as I take Arielle from her and Ana leaves the room.

When I step out in the backyard with Arielle, Ana a blanket on the grass and I sit down with Arielle.

"Your neighbors are close." I say and she smiles.

"It's a normal family home with neighbors close by... but they are fine. On the right is an elderly couple with two cats and a dog. She was a librarian and he used to teach at WSU. And on the left is a single Dad with two boys." She says and I frown.

"A single dad?"

"Yes, but don't worry, he is in his late fifties and not my type at all... in addition, he likes women at least five years younger than me, which has gotten to be a single Dad of two because both mothers left him with the kids."

"Sounds like a great guy." I mutter with sarcasm dripping off my words.

"He sure is, the other day he had to stop by to pick up a parcel that was delivered to my house instead of his and he told me if I was just a few years younger I was exactly his type, to which I replied that my father owns multiple guns and would use them if I was younger and a guy his age would try his luck with me." She says and that makes me laughs.

"I'm sure Ray would have done just that... but on a serious note, if that bastard bothers you, you let me know and I deal with him."

"I think I can handle him myself, plus Arielle adores his younger son Brody who has just turned two and he loves her too."

"What... why would you say that... no no no, Arielle is way too young for that... what did the little shit do?" I say and press my lips together when Ana starts to laugh.

"Christian... he is just a little boy... he wanted to share his cookie with her..."

"Well, there will be no more cookie sharing anytime soon." I reply, I know I'm irrational, but I can't help it. At first, it's innocent and cute because they are small children and then it ends in teen pregnancy... but not with my baby girl.

"Look, it's all innocent, they are just babies... and besides, once Arielle starts kindergarten she will meet many more little boys."

"Kindergarten is overrated Ana... we can enroll her in an all-girls school."

"Stop it." Ana laughs and throws a grape at me.

"Look, I know I sound like an actual insane person... but did you know that the rate of teenage pregnancies is rising again?"

"Yes, I heard that too, but our daughter is six months old... so we have twelve and half years before she even turns into a teenager... and when she does... or if she starts her period before that I will talk to her and explain to her what it, how important condoms and contraception are and that it is best to wait until she is old enough to handle an unwanted pregnancy or until she has found someone she wants to spend her life with."

"You know, when the time comes, I'll either get gray hair overnight or go bald in an instant. I mean with boys you just tell them to wrap it and not get involved with jailbait, but girls... god damn... the thought of anyone wanting to have sex with my daughter drives me insane." I confess, I know it's not right, but it's how I feel.

"Well, that just means you are feeling the same way as every father who loves his daughter does. It's what society and tradition has taught us... and it's one stereotype I hope never goes away because as a daughter of very protective father I can appreciate him being overprotective of me and I'm sure it will be the same for Arielle once she realizes that you aren't trying to be buzzkill, but only are looking out for her best."

"Hopefully... but can we keep the all-girls school as an option?" I ask making her laugh again.

"We can discuss it when the time comes... I just want the best possible education for Arielle, so when she is old enough to apply to college she has all the options there are to choose from."

"I want that for her too. Maybe one day this little angel will take over GEH." I say, I might be old school when it comes to anyone dating my daughter, but I do want her to make a career she can proud of, no matter if she wants to step into my or Ana's footsteps or if she wants to choose a different career path.

As the day goes on, I have to stop myself from staring at Ana all the time, she just looks happy and all I want is to ask her to go on a date with me, but I know it's too soon. Dr. Harper believes I need to take baby steps, so I won't end up holding Ana to impossible standards and obsessing over her again. It's not easy, but part of me just wants to say fuck it, grab her, have my way with her and get re-married tomorrow... but I know that won't fix my issues or be healthy for either of us... still it's a very enticing thought.

"Hey, daydreamer... what has you smiling like a loon?" Ana asks amused and by the look on her face, I know she knows.

"Nothing..." I say and she smirks.

"Funny, I've been thinking a lot about _nothing_ too." She says deadpan.

"Have you now?"

"Yes... so how about we meet for coffee on Wednesday... we can talk about Arielle's christening and maybe how to get to a point where we can do _nothing_ together." She says.

"Why Mrs. Grey, that does sound very intriguing... I shall pick you up Wednesday afternoon then."

"Looking forward to it." Ana says and walks me and Arielle to my car.

"I'll pick her up tomorrow late afternoon... have fun." She says as I'm about to get in my car, but I stop and lean in and kiss her cheek.

"Tomorrow." I whisper to her get into the back of the car with Arielle and nod at Taylor to start driving and can't help my own smile when I see a smile tug at the corner of Taylor's mouth from the review mirror.

I'm not trying to get my hopes up too high yet, but I know I'm on the right path and this time no one is going to stop me from getting my happily ever after.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Ana**_

"You know this reminds me of my high school days." Mia giggles and I glare at her. For the past forty-five minutes I have been trying on different clothes and she has not been helpful at all.

"Mia, for the love of god! Can't you just help, Christian will be here in fifteen minutes, and as of now, it looks like I'm wearing panties, an old t-shirt with baby spit all over it and my hear styled into a lovely birds nest." I mutter and she gets up.

"I told you the red bandage dress."

"It's the middle of the day, Mia and we are having coffee, I might as well write fuck me on my forehead to go with the dress." I hiss and she starts to laugh.

"I'm pretty sure my brother would be happy to take the invitation." She giggles.

"Wow... you are really helpful today... it's just... this feels weird. I mean he was my husband god damn it and now I feel like I'm going on a first date and I never even dated before."

"Of course, you dated Christian."

"Mia, I met your brother on May 9th, he proposed on June 14th and we got married on July 30th. I'm pretty sure we skipped over the dating phase."

"My gosh... I almost forgot how quick everything happened." Mia says and I look through the pile of clothes on my bed again, grab some black leggings, a white shirt and put it on, hurry into my closet and put some brown boots on.

"How about this outfit?"

"It's cute, leave your hair open... where is your curling iron."

"I don't have time, Mia." I whine and she rolls her eyes, gets it and brushes my hair before she styles it into some big waves.

"There perfect... just use some blush, mascara and nude lip gloss." She says and when I look into the mirror I'm happy with what I'm seeing. It doesn't look like I have tried and I still look nice.

"I have to leave... Ethan's mom is going to drop the kids off in fifty minutes... let's have a playdate for them next week."

"Sure, I call you." I say hug her and walk downstairs where Gail is watching Arielle for me and just as Mia leaves Christian arrives and I let him in.

"Wait... don't pick her up without this." I say and hand him one of the spit clothes.

"That bad?"

"She has three teeth at once coming in... I swear this morning I thought she was frothing at the mouth." I let him know and he picks her up and wipes the tiny bit of spit from her chin.

"Three teeth... well princess.. looks like we are going to have our first date at a steakhouse soon." He says making Arielle look at him and before either of us can react she spits up her milk and it lands all over the spit cloth and Christian's shirt.

"Whoa... you want to share with Daddy." He laughs and wipes her chin again before putting her down and taking his shirt off.

"One moment." He says with a smirk and just walks out of the front door. I follow him and see him open the trunk of his car where he pulls out a duffle bag and produces a new shirt.

"You always drive around with a change of clothes?" I ask amused as he walks into the house again.

"Be prepared." He smirks and I giggle.

"I would ask for what you are prepared with a change of clothes... but I think I just let it be."

It's not that I think Christian is staying over at another woman's house, but I also don't have the right to be mad about it anymore, which honestly is not a feeling I enjoy.

"I started to work out again since my parents don't have a home gym I use a gym close by and I hate to leave the gym and drive home all sweaty and gross, hence I always have a change of clothes with me." He says as I put a scarf on and grab my purse.

"Gail, I will be back before dinner."

"Very well, Ana." She says and I kiss Arielle and watch Christian do the same before we leave and get into his car.

"Your car will be delivered on Monday, Ana."

"Ok, I won't be home, but Gail will be there... which reminds me, are you free Monday between two and five?"

"Yes, why?"

"I have to go to Grey Publishing for a meeting, I thought you might like to spend the afternoon with Arielle."

"Yes, I can pick her up right after my appointment with Dr. Harper. Is everything alright at GP?"

"Yes, it's just the start of the month meeting which I want to attend. What about you, have you made plans to return to work yet?" I ask because so far he hasn't mentioned it.

"No, Ros has everything under control... everything is running smoothly and right now I'm not ready to jump back into it. I still have so much to work through and with the trial coming up soon, I just need some more time. Plus, not going back to work allows me to spend quality time with my family, which is nice and something I should have done more in the past."

"They are all very happy about that, now know that right?"

"Yes... which is why I had an idea... I would like to spend a couple of days with my family in Aspen... I would like to take you and Arielle with me too... I don't have anything planned yet, it's just an idea. You know just three or four days of peace and quiet, fishing with the guys, hiking and relaxing."

"Sounds great... just let me know when and where and I'll make time for the trip."

"I want to ask Ray to join us as well... but I hope you don't mind that I won't invite your mother." He says and I snort.

"Unless you tell her it's a free for all shopping trip she wouldn't come anyway." I mutter.

"Have you talked to her?"

"My therapist said it would be good for me to confront her, let her know how I feel. So, I called her two days ago, she tried to pull the I raised you and took care of you all by myself when you father died card... tried to get me to invite her to yet another shopping spree in Seattle and when I told her no, she said I'm ungrateful. I tried to explain to her how she makes me feel and she wasn't having it, so we agreed it would be best not to talk at all. I'm just over it, Christian. She is not going to change and I'm done having my own mother use me for her own benefit. I mean, if she wants us to go shopping while she is here as mother-daughter bonding time, that's one thing, but she just wants me to carry her bags and pay for everything. She didn't even ask how Arielle is doing or if you are doing better... I don't need her in my life as long as she is just being selfish."

"I know this is upsetting to you, but I think you are doing the right thing. You have enough people in your life who genuinely want to spend their time with you because they love you... you don't need to buy your mother's love." He says and I nod. I know he is right, still, it's hard for me to admit that my mother only loves herself and my bank account.

When we arrive at a café I sit down at a table while Christian gets a tea for me and a coffee for him.

"So, have you thought about the christening?" He asks.

"Yes, and I agree, Taylor and Gail are a great choice. We can talk to Reverend Walsh about the specifics, but I would like to have it take place in Spring."

"Ok, I will ask him to meet with us... but I guess we should ask them first."

"I guess... how about we have dinner with them, I could cook."

"Would that dinner include your Mac and Cheese... because I have missed them." He says making me giggle.

"I wasn't going for Mac and Cheese as dinner option, but if that's what you want I'm sure I come up with something to go with it." I smile and he looks at me a little unsure before he speaks.

"This is good, right? I mean us talking again, acting normal... it doesn't feel weird to you or like something you have to do?" He asks.

"It doesn't feel weird or like something I have to do. Though I will admit that it felt strange to think of this being a date this morning... not because I didn't want to go, but because it made me realize we never went on a date."

"I took you for coffee after the photoshoot at the Heathman." He says and I roll my eyes.

"You did... but it wasn't a date... it was you trying to figure out if I could be submissive or not."

"I took you gliding." He counters and I laugh.

"You stalked me in Georgia while I was visiting my mother."

"True... but I just didn't want you to slip through my fingers... I still don't want that." He says and reached for my hand which is resting on the table, but I pull it back.

"I need to know something, Christian... it's something that has kept me up at night too many times... why did you stay in touch with Leila?" I ask and he sighs.

"She was a threat to you, Ana. She held you at gunpoint once and I never wanted that to happen again. Staying in touch with her was necessary for me to make sure she was not going off the rails again. Buying her the gallery wasn't a sentiment or a display of affection on my part. It was to ensure she had to stay in New York... her having a gallery there was giving her a purpose... something she could focus on, so she wouldn't focus on her one-sided feelings for me. I understand now that I should have shared this with you... asked for your opinion on it, but I didn't do it to hurt you... I was just trying all I could to keep you safe." He says and I believe him, so I reach over and place my hand on his, feeling the familiar spark between us.

"Ok, I believe you and I understand. But please, for the future I want you to talk to me. Us not talking is part of why our marriage fell apart. If we can't talk and be open about everything that is going on, we only end up tearing each other apart again."

"I know... Ana, have you ever been happy with me?" He asks and it breaks my heart to realize he even has to ask.

"Of course... there are so many happy memories I have that include you, Christian. Remember when we lived in the big house for maybe two months and decided to sleep in the meadow?" I ask and he smiles.

"Yes, that was a great night... well, except for when the rainstorm woke us up." He grimaces.

"Actually, that was my favorite part... us running through the pouring rain laughing like small children..."

"Yes, that was fun... though I also remember how Gail gave both of us the stink eye the entire day because we dragged muddy footsteps through the entire house." He chuckles.

"It was worth it." I muse.

"I'm selling Escala... and I was thinking about selling the house too." He says and I just look at him.

"It's too big for me to live there alone... too many memories... good and bad... but I want your opinion."

"I don't know... I love the house, but I understand you not wanting to live there... have you been looking for something else?"

"No, I guess I will find something close to Grey House for now. Elliot owns some apartments in the city that he has renovated, I know two are unoccupied right now, maybe I rent one of them once I decide to start to work again. For now, I feel like staying at Bellevue is where I need to be. Except, of course, your neighbor decides to hit on you, in that case, I kill him and move into his house." He says.

"He is harmless, Christian, I'm not his type and I promise to move before Arielle is old enough to be his type because if that old pervert would ever hit on her, I'm the one who kills him."

"Well, at least he is not a registered sex offender."

"Did you look into him?"

"Yes." He replies without missing a beat.

"Christian, you don't have to..."

"Ana, I can promise to be open with you... I can be more of a family guy... I can work on myself, but I will never stop worrying about the safety of my family. This guy lives next to you, so I want to know he isn't going to cause any issues. Besides, I didn't even need to run a background check, Taylor had already done that when you moved in." He says and I want to roll my eyes, but I know there is nothing to argue, I am... well was the wife of a well-known billionaire, which makes me a target for possible kidnappings, so security has to look into the past of anyone who comes in contact with me.

"I get it... you know what... I want to do something date-ish." I let him know and get up.

"Where are we going?" He asks as I grab my purse.

"Wait for it." I smirk and take his car keys, once in the car I drive us to a nearby lake and get two tickets.

"Really?" Christian asks amused when we walked towards the paddle boat that looks like a swan.

"Yes, really... come on, this is fun... have you ever done this?"

"No, here let me help you in." He says and basically picks me up and sits me inside the boat.

"I'm not that clumsy." I giggle as he sits next to me.

"Oh, really Mrs. Grey... let's see, the first time we met you fell head first into my office. You trip over your own two feet at least once a week and let's not forget my parents anniversary ball."

"NO! Don't you dare bring that up!" I laugh embarrassed and can see him bite the insides of his cheeks so he doesn't laugh at me. Four years ago his parents celebrated their wedding anniversary with a big ball. There were exactly five steps into the huge tent, I tripped over my own feet and caused a domino effect through the entire tent which ended with Elliot who was trying to pick at the icing on the cake falling into it and ruining the entire cake. In that moment I wanted to ground to swallow me up whole, but I wasn't that lucky and especially Mia still teases me about it at least once a month.

"OK, I will remain silent... so, is this what you like in a date?" He asks.

"Trying to take notes, Mr. Grey?" I giggle.

"Maybe... because I want to ask you out Saturday night... I was thinking about what to do after dinner, my Dad suggested a stroll by Lake Union, my mother said something about taking a couples pottery class and Mia said going to the movies is great."

"No to the pottery thing... I tried that in high school and failed miserably... I do like going to the movies, but I think your Dad is the winner because it gives us more time to talk... plus there is a fair near Lake Union this weekend."

"You want to go to the fair?"

"Why not, I'm not into crazy rides, but I do like cotton candy and going on the Ferris Wheel."

"Have you seen how many accidents have happened on those?" He says alarmed and I laugh.

"Christian Grey, are you afraid of going on a Ferris Wheel?"

"Not afraid, it's just not safe... how about I win a stuffed animal for you instead?" He bargains.

"You have to win two... one for me and one for Arielle."

"Deal." He says and we paddle around the lake and just enjoy spending some time together with no one bothering us.

When we arrive back at my place he walks me to the door and smiles down at me.

"Thank you for this afternoon, Ana. I had fun."

"Me too, do you want to come inside?"

"I can't I have an appointment with Dr. Harper in thirty minutes."

"Ok, I see you Saturday." I say and he brushes a loose curl behind my ear.

"Can't wait." He says leans in and plants a soft kiss on my lips that sends shivers down my spine because it has been so long since I felt his lips on mine.

"Bye Baby... Saturday." He whispers against my lips and I watch as he gets into his car and drives away.

"Urgh... did he weasel his way back into your life already?" I hear an annoyed voice behind me and see Kate who is standing just inside my house. And for some reason I just had enough, it is time for her and me to have a talk...


	27. Chapter 27

_**Ana**_

Facing my best friend and sister in law, I take a deep breath and move past her into the house.

"Hi Ana, it's great to see you too..." Kate mouths and her bitchy tone makes me want to strangle her.

"Kate, I just had a nice afternoon, don't ruin my good mood." I say and walk into the kitchen where I find Gail.

"Hi Gail, where is Arielle?"

"Napping in the living room." She says and points to the baby monitor next to her.

"Ok, Kate and I will be in my study." I say and walk back to Kate who is still in the hallway.

"Kate, we need to talk." I say and walk into my study.

"So, he has brainwashed you again?" She asks and I spin around to face her.

"Stop it! He is trying Kate... can't you at least for one minute acknowledge that he has been through hell and back?" I ask.

"He is lying... even if they did something to him, he is now playing the victim card to lure you back in."

"Enough!" I yell and Kate looks at me wide-eyed.

"Ana... I... I'm just trying to protect you."

"And that's the problem Kate, I don't need to be protected. You are my best friend, not my security or mother... what I need from you is to support me, not making my life harder."

"I am supporting you, I support you finally getting to live the life you deserve. Which is why I hate to see you fall back into Christian's arms."

"Why do you hate him so much... I don't get it, what has he ever done to you to treat him as if he is Satan himself?" I ask frustrated with her. I know she never liked Christian to begin with, but in all the time she has known him now, she never once tried to get to know him better or even tried to be friendly with him.

"This is not about me, Ana. It's about him trying to turn you into his trophy wife yet again!"

"That's not going to happen, Kate. I'm different now, he is different... we actually talk, get to know each other without him being influenced by Elena and John. I want to be with him Kate, I want us to be happy... why can't you support that... show even the slightest bit of compassion for him and what he has been through?" This is so tiring... it's like she is on a personal vendetta against him and I don't get why.

"He is a bastard. Christian is selfish, rude and just the actual fucking worst. The best thing he ever did was to fuck off to Taiwan and leave us all alone. He causes nothing but trouble, Elliot is constantly pissed at me because of him..."

"Because you are acting like a cold-hearted bitch towards his brother at any given chance. Imagine he would treat Ethan like that... you would have kicked his ass to the curb years ago. Do you even think about that you constantly put your husband in a position where he has to choose between taking his wife's and his brother's side?"

"Oh come on... they are not even real siblings." She says and I gape at her, horrified that she would even say this.

"You have got to be kidding me! They are siblings Kate. They might have been adopted by their parents, but that doesn't make them any less family than siblings who share the same genetics." I say and she rolls her eyes.

"It's not true and you know it."

"No, no, Kate, I actually don't know. Do you honestly believe that they are not real siblings because they are adopted?" I ask.

"Frankly, yes."

"So, if you believe that, then you also believe Ray is not my Dad."

"Ana... no, that's different."

"Like hell it is... I mean, I have heard you say offensive things a lot, but this really takes the cake. Right now, I don't even want to look at you; what you just said is just so upsetting and I hope to all that's holy you will never say that while Christian, Elliot, and Mia or god forbid Grace and Carrick could hear that." I say and watch Kate start to pace.

"Can we come back to what is really going on here... you need to get rid of Christian, not let him back into your life!"

"Kate, I'm going to say this just once, but what I do with Christian is none of your god damn business. If you can't be supportive, then just stay the hell out of it. Because even if Christian and I won't get back together, we will always remain Arielle's parents, so I will never get rid of him, because he loves our daughter and she him."

"Arielle is better off without him too..."

"Are you insane, what child is better off without having a loving father. You are acting like a nut case, Kate... just fucking tell me why you hate Christian that much." I demand, but nothing could have prepared me for her answer.

"Because he rejected me!" She hisses at me and I just gape at her, not able to comprehend what she just said to me for a long moment.

"What did you just say?"

"He rejected me, Ana. There, I said it. I wanted him, since the first time my Dad introduced me to him at a Gala back when we were in college. I tried to get him to notice me so many times but he never even acknowledged me and then a month before the interview I saw him again at an event and tried a bit more aggressively to get his attention and the son of a bitch leaned close to me and said he is not into sluts... so, I thought I show him that I'm not a slut, prove to him that I'm smart and got the fucking interview after kissing the ass of his entire PR Team and what did it get me, I get sick and you end up living my dream!" Kate rants and I don't know whether to slap her, kick her out or to call Dr. Harper to have her mental health evaluated, but she continues.

"And you know the best thing... the next time we met, he didn't even remember who I was. Like, me! Me! I'm fucking gorgeous and he simply forgot we ever met." She says and I grab her by the shoulders.

"Kate... are you telling me you are in love with Christian, have been for all these years?" I ask absolutely horrified.

"What? No! I wanted him because of who he is Ana... yes he is hot, but that's just a bonus. I wanted your life Ana... traveling in private jets, galas, ladies luncheons, shopping around the clock... that's what I wanted." She says and I have to sit down.

"Kate... do you love Elliot and your children?"

"Of course, I do..."

"Really, because it doesn't sound like you do... you sound like a bitter, rejected gold digger and by doing that you make all the good you have in your life sound like it is not what you want. You know... Elena and John might have manipulated Christian in most aspects of his life, but he still was able to smell a gold digging whore a mile away and that is why he would never have touched you. I want you to leave, Kate. Go home, look at your beautiful home, your amazing kids and your loving husband and spit right in their face by continuing to be bitter over Christian rejecting you, because you have done that for seven years now, why quit... or just leave them, they can do way better and you can find yourself an old rich guy who gives you the life you've dreamed of but please, don't come knocking at my door when you realize that what you dream of is hollow and will never make you happy." I say and start to leave my study.

"Ana wait... I... I'm not that kind of person... I just... I don't know."

"Well, then you better figure it out, but not here. You know what, I feel really bad for Elliot, he is loving, loyal and he deserves so much better... so why don't you try to be what he deserves instead of sticking your nose into everyone else's business." I mutter and walk out of my study.

"Please, Ana... you can't tell, Elliot." Kate begs as she follows me.

"I won't... but you will, because let's face it, you probably only married him to stick it to Christian, only he didn't care and that's why even after all these years you still hate Christian so much. And you know what the worst part is, I always defended you, every time he said you are a bad influence and not a good friend, I defended you... but no more, because I'm done with having negative people in my life, so stay away from me. Go and figure you pathetic life out, be thankful for what you have and stop blaming everyone else for what you don't have. I just hope Elliot wakes up, sees you for who you truly are, takes his children and leaves you." I hiss open the door and point outside.

"I'm sorry." Kate whispers and leaves in tears, but I don't care. All I want is for her to leave me alone, but as she leaves I realize that I'm now faced with a different kind of drama, because part of me wants nothing more than to call Elliot, while a little voice in my head stops me from doing it, because it is their relationship and getting involved in someone else's relationship is never a good idea.

Walking back inside I pick Arielle up from her playpen and sit down on the couch.

"Did mommy wake you up by yelling?" I ask and kiss her chubby cheek while she snuggles into my arms.

"Your auntie Kate is crazy, baby girl... she has it all and would trade it for money and fame... but you won't do that, right? Believe me, darling, all you ever need in life is to find someone you truly love and together you'll get through anything... always remember that." I whisper into her soft curly hair and take a deep breath, inhaling her unique baby scent.

"Is everything alright, Ana?" I hear Gail and turn around.

"Yes... just please don't let Kate in the house when I'm not here, I don't want her anywhere near Arielle... can you ask Luke to come here... I need to talk to him."

Luke as my CPO has moved into the apartment above my garage, while Gail has her room in the house. I have offered Luke to take the other guest room, but he prefers the small apartment.

"Ana?" I hear his voice after a few minutes.

"Luke, I want you to make sure Kate doesn't come near Arielle... and Christian. Please let Taylor know."

"Did she threaten you or Mr. Grey?"

"No... but I don't want to take any chances... I'll call Christian after his appointment with Dr. Harper, until then please just call Taylor and let him make arrangements."

"As you wish." He says and leaves while I call my shrink for an emergency session the next morning. I don't know how to handle this and talking to my shrink is helping me to put things into perspective, so I hope this will work again this time too. In reality, though, it's not Dr. Mayers I want to talk to, it's Christian and also Elliot, he deserves so much better.

This whole thing takes me back to when everything between Christian and I fell apart. If anyone in my family would have known and not told me, I would have been so hurt. Still, I'm not sure if I should get involved. After all, it's not just there marriage, there are three young children involved and don't doubt that Kate loves her children. Still, I can't shake the thought that she didn't meet Elliot by chance. In college, Kate was quick to get revenge on boys who didn't treat her the way she wanted them too and I remember one instance where she started to date a guy, just to spite his older brother who was not interested in her. What if she did the same with Elliot... given marrying him and having his children just to spite Christian would be extreme, but still I can see Kate starting to date Elliot to get some sort of reaction out of him.

Later in the evening, long after Arielle has gone to bed, I sit in the living room having a glass of wine and decide to call Christian. I'm sure Taylor is going to tell him that I asked him to put Kate on the no-go list of people allowed near us, so I might as well get it over with.

"Ana, is everything alright?" He asks and I can hear the surprise in his voice, clearly because I'm calling this late.

"Yes... look, I had a fight with Kate and I asked Luke to make sure she doesn't get to be alone with Arielle or you."

"What happened?" He asks and I sigh, I guess there is no way for me to keep this to myself now.

"Do you remember meeting Kate before we met?" I ask and there is silence for a moment.

"No, I don't think so, I met her father because I did business with him, but I don't remember meeting her before I agreed to do the photoshoot at the Heathman." He says.

"Well, you did meet her. According to Kate her dislike for you stems from the fact that you rejected her when she tried to hit on you on different occasions."

"Ana, I know this is going to sound arrogant, but women hit on me all the time and I was never interested in of them, if anything, it repulses me when women come on to me in an aggressive manner. And Kate... while I won't deny that she is attractive, is not my type at all. Why would she even bring this up so many years later?"

"I think it's because she still isn't over getting rejected by you. She acted like a crazy person, I had to kick her out and she basically demanded for me to let you go so she wouldn't have to see you again."

"She said that... have you told Elliot?"

"No, I'm just scared. I know he deserves to know, but at the same time they have three children and he loves her." I say and he is silent for a long time.

"Christian, are you still there?"

"Yes, look, he is not happy with her. We talked over some beers last night and he had enough, he is staying with her because he fears she'll take the kids and makes it difficult for him to see them."

"I thought they were happy." I murmur.

"He was, but he says Kate has changed and not for the better after she had the baby. At first, he thought she had postpartum depression, but after he insisted she would see someone it turned out that wasn't the case. She is just a bitch about everything and he can't stand it."

„That's so sad... I hate to say this, but Elliot deserves better. I didn't even recognize Kate today, she was so full of hate... or maybe I just truly saw her for the first time. Do you think we should tell Elliot?"

„I'm not sure, as his brother, I want to tell him right away, no questions asked, but then there are three young children involved. Let me sleep over it for one night. Who knows, maybe Kate will come to her senses and tell him herself after she told you."

„Ok, well call me once you've made up your mind."

„I will; sleep well, Ana."

„You too, bye." I say and hang up. I still haven't made up my mind, but at least Christian is as torn as I'm about telling Elliot. So, for now, I will just hope that Kate for once is going to do the right thing and tell Elliot why she is behaving so poorly herself.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Christian**_

What a fucking mess. I have spent most of the night staying up thinking about what to do about the whole Kate situation. In the end, I decided I have to talk to her. I tried to call Ana and let her know, but her phone was switched off and Taylor informed me that she is at her shrink's office.

I want to tell Elliot, but first I need to know exactly what Kate is up to. Since Elliot is at work, I had Taylor drive me over to his house. Honestly, I do not look forward to this meeting, but I need to see for myself what is going on before I talk to Elliot, which I'm planning to do later tonight.

When Kate opens the door she actually gapes at me.

„We need to talk."

„Of course, Ana told you. You really sucked her back in didn't you?"

„No Kate, I'm manipulating Ana or try to suck her back in as you say, we are trying to build a foundation for our relationship, so open communication is important." I let her know and she just glares at me, but steps aside for me to get in and I nod at Taylor to follow us. If she tries anything and then wants to spin it around it could end badly and I'm not taking any chances.

„So, Ana told me you are pissed because years ago I blew you off?"

„You called me a slut!" She hisses and I roll my eyes.

„Without any disrespect, but if I called you that, you probably did act like a slut, because I'm not in the habit of insulting females unless they just don't take the hint."

„You arrogant asshole, you should have been happy that a woman like me showed interest in you!"

„Look, Kate, I didn't come here to fight. I wanted to talk, but let's be clear, you are not my type and you've never been my type. You need to let this go because my brother deserves better."

„Oh fuck off! He is not even your real brother." Kate hisses at me and that hurts.

„Ok... honestly, I was hoping to solve this, but this isn't worth it. You just like being miserable and hope you get the help you need." I say choosing not to pick a fight and leave.

„Bellevue, Sir?"

„No, Ana's I need to see my daughter." I mumble and stare out of the window until I arrive.

 _ **Ana**_

Arriving back at home, I get inside and find Gail in the living room vacuuming.

„Where is Arielle?"

„With Mr. Grey in the backyard... he seemed upset." She tells me, so I walk into my backyard and find Christian sitting on the swing with Arielle.

„Missed you daughter?" I ask with a smile and sit on the swing next to his.

„Yes." He says and kisses the top of Arielle's head.

„What is wrong?"

„Fucking Kate."

„What did she do?"

„I went to see her, talk to her... she was her usual hostile self, but she said something that really fucked with me... she said Elliot is not my real brother and it had me thinking, it's true, the only person on earth who is truly related to me is Arielle... there is no one else."

„No! Look at me, Kate is wrong, you have a family and it doesn't matter if you are related by blood or not. I mean look at Ray and me, we are not related by blood, but he is my Dad and there is nothing in the world that can change this. Don't let what Kate said get to you."

„It's just, do you think my parents ever regret that they adopted me? That Elliot or Mia wish they wouldn't have me as their brother?" He asks and I want to murder Kate. Christian was making so much progress and she just had to spew her poison at him making him upset.

„Christian, your family loves you... of course you sometimes get annoyed with each other but that is normal, no family is happy and loving 24/7. Just look at Arielle, I can promise you, there will come times where this little angel will turn into a little devil and test our patience to the limit, but that won't make us love her less, it's just all part of the deal. When I was fifteen, I wanted a nose ring and Ray was completely against it, we argued about it almost every day and then he stopped one of my friends last minute from piercing my nose with a needle. I have never seen him that mad, but just one day later everything was fine again. And let's be real here, Grace and Carrick probably had moments with all three of you where they thought they made a mistake... Elliot is a recovering manwhore and Mia... well she's Mia." I say the last bit as a joke and his lips twitch.

„Yeah, Mia is a handful." He muses.

„I know, but you still wouldn't trade her for anything in the world, because she's your sister."

„You are right... it's just I don't know why what Kate said hurt me so much."

„You've just been through a lot... and Kate was always great at hitting people where it really hurts... don't let her get to you."

„I want to tell, Elliot... not just because of what she said, but because if at one point he finds out, I don't want him to find out I have known for a while..."

„He is stopping by for lunch." I let him know.

„So, you wanted to tell him too?"

„I'm just done with having secrets in the family... do you want to tell him?"

„Yes, I don't want to offend you, but he is my brother and I feel like it is better if I tell him."

„No that's ok... do you want to watch Arielle, I better start cooking now, your brother eats like a horse." I tell him, kiss Arielle's chubby cheek and get inside to cook lunch.

One thing is for sure though, if I run into Kate anytime soon, I will kill her. The last Christian needs right now is for Kate to upset him, especially when he and his family are still working out their issues together.

 _ **Christian**_

I hate this, I fucking hate that I have to be the one who tells my brother what a fucking bitch his wife truly is, but I also don't want this to blow in my face when Kate for whatever reasons comes clean to him.

„Thanks for lunch, Ana... I have to run."

„No, cancel whatever you have to do, bro, we need to talk." I say and Elliot frowns, but makes a call.

„I'm all yours."

„Great... Ana do you have a beer?"

„No, but I'll check the garage, Sawyer probably has beer." She says and a minute later she hands us each a bottle and I walk into the backyard with Elliot.

„It's about Kate."

„Oh fuck me, what has she done now?" He sighs and leans against one of the big trees in Ana's backyard.

„She was here yesterday when I brought Ana home from our coffee date... I wasn't here for the exchange between Ana and Kate, but she called me and it was bad."

„Bad how?"

„Kate wants Ana to get rid of me, so she wouldn't have to see me anymore."

„Fucking hell, I'm sorry bro... I don't know what is wrong with her. She was fine until you came back from Taiwan... since then she is on a fucking vendetta against you."

„She told Ana that years ago, she tried to hook up with me and I blew her off rather harshly, I don't remember it... but apparently she is still pissed about it and the fact that Ana has the life she wanted for herself." I tell him and watch as he processes this.

„You really don't remember?"

„No, I mean I don't want to sound cocky, but women try their luck with me all the time, I usually ignore them, but Kate must have really annoyed me for me to tell her off. Women like that are not my type, so I normally don't even give them a second glance."

„Fuck." He mutters and runs his hand through his hair.

„Look... I hate to be the one to tell you this..."

„No, I want to know... well I don't want to hear shit like that about the mother of my children, but it is what it is and glad you told me."

„There is more."

„More... wait, did she try something after I got together with her?"

„No, no... but today, I decided to confront her, it didn't go well, she was her usual bitchy self and told me it's none of my busy, because we are not real siblings." I slowly tell him and I see his face turn red with anger.

„She said that?"

„Yes... no, Elliot wait, don't confront her while you are this angry... your kids are home, they don't need to see this and she will try to use this to her advantage."

„Angry... I'm beyond fucking angry... for all those years she put me in a position where I had to defend you, where she made you look like the rude one in the situation, when it was her being pissed because you didn't want to fuck her... I cannot fucking believe this... I mean maybe she was acting all this time... after all, she never wanted kids, I was the one who talked her into it... and you want to know how? With Ava I promised her that we would get a bigger house and staff, so she wouldn't have to deal with it... with Jamie she got the fucking 250k car she always wanted and with Brianna I bought her 100k worth of jewelry... you want to know more shit none of you guys know? We have a live-in nanny... because it's too much for Kate to look after her own children while being a stay at home mom... the only reason no one knows is because she wants to portrait herself as mother of the year when she is anything but. The only times she has ever changed a fucking diaper was when family or friends were around and she couldn't just call the nanny to do it for her."

„Why did you never tell me?"

„Christian look, I really, really loved Kate when we got married... and I didn't even want to confess to myself that things weren't going great. I mean, for me, mom and dad have always been my role models when it comes to a happy marriage and I guess I just wanted the world to believe that my marriage is just like that... and if I was to divorce Kate it would have a huge impact on our family... I mean Mia is married to Kate's brother... her parents are so hands-on with their grandchildren and I just don't want things to turn to shit. So, I tried to keep it all in but I don't think I can do it anymore." He says and I look at him.

„Do you think she would even want to take the kids from you in a divorce?"

„Of course, because she knows with the kids she can expect a much bigger amount of money than without them."

„You should talk to Dad about that, tell him everything, have him recommend you a good family lawyer and file for sole custody... if that's what you want."

„I don't know... I mean I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but what kind of woman would take a guy with three young children?"

„Elliot, believe there are plenty of women out there who would love to date a guy who already has kids, be it because they have kids too, they just love kids or are not able to have kids so dating a guy who already has children is ideal for them... but fuck man, you deserve so much better..."

„Yeah well... we can't all find a girl like Ana." He laughs.

„I guess not, but believe me, you'll find the right one if that is what you want. If not, sit down with Kate, have a serious talk... maybe get marriage counseling... you know you have options, but don't stay in a marriage just because of what other people think of you or for the benefit of your kids... because they'll know if you guys are happy or not."

It's true, our parents rarely fight, but I remember when I was about six or seven they got into a fight and weren't talking to each other for five days and for the entire time I thought they would get a divorce even though they tried hard not to fight in front of us. Brianna and Jamie might be too young to realize what is going on, but Ava will notice without a doubt.

„This is a fucking disaster... well, I guess I just get it over with... thanks, bro... for telling me and having my back." He says and surprises me by hugging me before he leaves.

„How did it go?"

„Kate is a cunt." I blurt out.

„I hate that word... but sadly I'm not disagreeing... are we still on for dinner with Jason and Gail tomorrow night?"

„Yes... is Arielle still taking her nap?"

„Yes, but I want to wake her up now or she won't sleep tonight."

„Can I take her for a walk?"

„Christian, you know you don't have to ask. Go and have a great afternoon with your daughter."

„Will you join us?"

„Sure, I need to change, you get Arielle ready and we meet outside." She says and runs upstairs, while I follow her to go to the nursery. Hopefully spending the afternoon with my girls will take my mind off things because the last thing I want or need in my life right now is any kind of drama...

 _ **If you want the conversation between Elliot and Kate next chapter let me know :)**_


	29. Chapter 29

_**Early update, I will be away next weekend, and because this chapter ends with a cliffhanger, I didn't want to make you wait for two weeks for the next chapter, so I decided to update this chapter today and the next chapter sometime next week...**_

 _ **Elliot**_

"No Josh, I won't be returning to do the building site today, you got this." I mutter and hang up. At least work is going great... _damn it Kate, why?_

This is just too much for me... and it's my own fucking fault because I turned a blind eye to too many things... there have been so many red flags, but I wanted her in my life, I had this perfect vision for my life and that did not include getting a divorce or having to deal with a wife that wants to fuck my older brother.

Arriving at home, I see Ava and Jamie playing in the family room, while their nanny, Cadie is watching.

"Oh, you are already home, Mr. Grey. Ava, Jamie say hi to Daddy." She says and the kids come running to me, so I hug and kiss my kids before they run back to their toys.

"Is Brianna napping?"

"Yes, and your wife is upstairs."

"Ok, I will be upstairs, please take the kids to play outside." I let her know and walk upstairs, this could very well turn into a yelling match with Kate and I don't want the kids to hear it.

On my way to our bedroom, I check on my youngest daughter who is sleeping peacefully, so I close the door and walk into the bedroom where Kate is on the bed painting her toenails.

"Why are you home?"

"Wow, loving are we?" I ask sarcastically and she huffs.

"I'm busy Elliot, tell me what you want or leave me alone."

"God damn it, Kate... why do you have to be such a fucking bitch all the time, is it that hard for you to act like a decent human being?"

"Today, yes it is."

"Is it because Christian stopped by or because you had a fight with Ana yesterday?" I ask and that finally gets her attention.

"Of course he told you... I wish he had just stayed in Taiwan... or even better just jumped off a cliff..."

"Enough! That's my brother you are talking about and if you dare to tell me he is not because we are not related by blood, I will lose it, Kate!"

"Fine, I won't say it... "

"Do you love him?" I ask because I need to know.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you love my brother?"

"Your brother is the actual fucking worst, Elliot, of course, I don't love him."

"Then why did you hit on him?"

"Because he's wealthy as fuck... I wanted that life with mansions, private jets, galas... I wanted that and what does he do... he called me a slut and then married my best friend and she doesn't even care for that life if anything him being rich made her uncomfortable."

"And maybe that's because he picked her and not you. Jesus Christ, Kate, is that all you ever wanted to be a rich housewife?"

"Yes, why is that such a bad thing?"

"If I have to explain it to you, it might be too late for you to change."

"Oh don't be so dramatic, you got what you wanted, you have your happy little family, three kids and everything you want."

"What I want, maybe I just want a wife who doesn't pretend to be all I want... I mean, I had to pay you to have kids with me!"

"And look what it got me, I have stretch marks and giving birth to your son actually almost killed me, you can be damn thankful I had Brianna and didn't just take care of it." She says and I have to close my eyes and count to ten remembering the day I found out Kate was pregnant again. She didn't tell me, but when I walked into the bathroom I found the test and Kate flat out told me she wasn't going to go through with the pregnancy... we had a nasty fight, because yes, Jamie's birth was dramatic, but her Doctor had assured us right after he was born that we could have more children if we wanted to. When Kate left that day, I was sure she was going to a doctor to make an appointment for the abortion... instead she returned, had Ana take the kids and as soon as Ana was gone with Ava and Jamie she dropped the act and told me what she wanted to have in return for keeping the baby. I should have divorced her right then and there... but I didn't and now I feel like there is nothing left to salvage in this marriage.

"It got you three beautiful, healthy and well-behaved children... although the last part is no thanks to you because you clearly never cared enough to actually raise our children. You leave that to me and our nanny."

"Don't you there put that on me... I told you right away that I'm not a motherly type of woman, you wanted the kids, you deal with them."

"Kate... why did you marry me?"

"What kind of idiotic question is that?"

"It's an important question because I'm trying to figure out if I can stay in this marriage with you." I admit and Kate glares at me.

"You wouldn't dare because if you even try, I'll take you to the cleaners. The house, your company, the cars, the kids... all gone!" She hisses and that all I need to know.

"That's all you ever wanted, right? You never cared about me, you just wanted a rich guy and when you couldn't have my brother, you went after me so you could still benefit from the Grey name." I say and she has the audacity to actually look me in the eyes, smile, and clap.

"You finally figured it out, congratulations!"

"Ok, I guess then I can leave." I mutter and start to stuff some clothes in my gym back.

"Oh please, don't be so dramatic..."

"Shut the fuck up, Kate... I mean how can you live with yourself knowing that you basically whored yourself out for money?"

"Pretty good actually." She says and I give up and leave the bedroom, walk into the nursery and grab the diaper bag for Brianna before I pick her up and walk downstairs.

"Ava, Jamie, come here." I call out and ask them to get their favorite toy before I get them all in the car with Cadie's help.

"Is there anything I can do, Mr. Grey?"

"No, but maybe book yourself a hotel room, we won't return anytime soon and my wife is not going to be fun to be around... oh and Cadie, please book an actual hotel room and not a cheap motel, use the credit card I have given you for the kids... I'll contact you once I have figured out a new living situation for the kids and myself, for now, we will be at my parent's house... I might need you there to watch the kids if no one is at home." I let her know and drive to my parent's house. They have so much stuff for the kids that I didn't need to pack for them, I just hope it's not too much for them that I basically just move myself in with the kids. But I can't go to Mia's because Ethan is Kate's brother and while I know Ana would let us move in, I don't want to intrude while she and Christian are trying to figure things out, so going to my parents is the best option for now.

As I arrive my mom is just getting out of her car, so I tell the kids to wait for a minute and get out too.

"Hello darling, I didn't know you and the little darlings would be coming over." She says as she hugs me.

"I know... Mom I... " fuck this is hard and suddenly the enormity of what this means comes crashing down on me and I feel tears burning in my eyes.

"Elliot, you are scaring me, what is wrong?"

"I left Kate and I was hoping the kids and I could stay here for a while." I get out and my mom just pulls me into her arms and holds me.

"Ok, now let's get the kids inside, darling... I'll ask Dana to watch them."

"Dana?"

"I had to fire Gretchen... she was ogling your brother like a piece of meat the entire time and it was making him uncomfortable. Dana is in her early fifties, so it's a better fit for us." She explains and we get the kids into the kitchen, where Dana gives them milk and cookies while my mom and I sit down on the patio, where I tell her all that has happened.

"You know sweetheart, I always had a feeling that Kate is not right for you, but you seemed so sure that I didn't want to bring it up and she put up a good front over the years, but we can make this work. If you truly believe there is no way to salvage your marriage, your Dad and I are here to help you."

"Thank you, mom and I yes, as much as it hurts to say it, I don't see a way to salvage my marriage... Kate never loved me and I want love, I want a real wife... a mother for my children... I want the real deal mom, not a pretty illusion."

 _ **Christian**_

As I arrive home around eight in the evening I see Elliot's car in the driveway and just know that this is not a good sign. So, I walk inside and find Elliot outside by our old treehouse.

"Hey bro."

"Hey, did you stay with Ana until now?"

"I stayed until 5 then I had my appointment with Dr. Harper. I take it your talk with Kate didn't go well?" I ask and he huffs.

"The kids and I are staying here for now... I would have kicked her out, but she would have never left and I didn't want more drama, so I took the kids and left."

"Do you think you guys can work things out?"

"No, I'm getting a divorce, Kate confirmed that she only married you as the next best thing and because of the Grey name and I want more... maybe I'm selfish, but I want real love, not the fake shit I was getting from Kate."

"Damn... I'm sorry this happened to you."

"It's ok, I've let this go on for way too long... I wish I would have listened to Dad and had gotten a prenup."

"You don't have one?"

"You didn't have one either." He points out.

"True... do you think Kate will turn this into war?"

"Yes, she already said she is going for everything, including custody of the kids... it's going to get messy." He says and I look at him. He deserves so much more and not just having a bitch of a wife who is using him and is now going for everything he has worked so hard for.

"Maybe not."

"What?"

"Maybe I know a way to make her go quietly."

"No, I know what you are up to, but no, this is my battle."

"Elliot, I have more money than sense, I don't even know what to do with it all. You don't have a prenup, so she can legally demand half of everything you own and you might have to share custody with her. So, why not give her money and in return she has to agree for you to have sole custody of your kids and to sign the divorce settlement."

"If she knows you are the one who gives the money she will demand a crazy amount."

"Then don't tell her... offer her like five million, she will demand I don't know twenty, you get mad, tell her you don't know where to get that much and that you need time, a day later you call her and agree... no big deal."

„I don't know... I don't want to owe you that much..."

„Elliot, I don't want it back, sleep over it for a night."

„Ok... want a drink?" He asks and reaches behind him to reveal a bottle of my Dad's favorite whiskey.

„He gave you the bottle?"

„Yup... he said if I can drown my issues for one night... but if I wanted to I should do it in style." He says takes a sip. „Fuck, that tastes like ass." He mutters making me laugh, but it's true, I don't care much for the taste either.

In the end, we sit down on the ground, not even talking and just sharing the comfortable silent and an occasional sip of whiskey until we hear quick footsteps.

„Sir?" I hear Taylor and get up when I hear the urgency in his voice.

„What is it, Taylor?"

„Luke just called me... Ana and Kate Grey both just got arrested after they have gotten into a physical altercation at Ana's house."

„What, how the fuck did that happen?"

„I'm not sure, Luke said he was trying to break the fight up when the cops arrived, a neighbor must have called them."

„Fuck! I need to get my Dad. Where are they?"

„Ana was taken to the precinct, Kate Grey is on the way to the ER... but Sir, there is more."

„More... how can there be more... oh my God... is Arielle ok... Taylor, what is going on?" I damn near scream at him, my mind racing with all sorts of horrible scenarios in which Ana lost it after Kate harmed our baby.

„No, Arielle is fine, Gail is with her... but... Gail overheard their argument and what started their brawl was Kate Grey confessing that Ana didn't fall down the stairs on your sister's birthday... Kate Grey pushed her." He says and I see red... this is it, I will fucking kill her...


	30. Chapter 30

_**Ana**_

„You love bath time, right baby girl, but now it's time to get you in your jammies so you can go night night." I tell my little darling who is not happy when I lift her out of the tub.

Just when I have managed to put her to bed and read her story Gail comes in.

„Ana, Kate is here to see you, I didn't let her in because she seems to be in an aggressive mood."

„Great... can you read the story to Arielle, I will see her outside." I mutter, kiss my daughter and leave the nursery while sending a quick text to Luke to meet me outside. I don't want Kate in my house and if she starts to make a spectacle I'll have him remove her from my property.

Outside, I find Kate pacing and when she sees me she points her finger at me.

„You just couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut!" She yells at me.

„Keep it down, Kate!" I snap back.

„No, you just had to run to your fucking Christian and spill your spineless guts to him. Why couldn't you just for once not run to him?"

„Because I'm not keeping secrets from him and because I needed to talk to someone. I would have asked my best friend for advise, but that for reasons I cannot grasp right now is you."

„Well, I hope you are happy to hear that Elliot left me, right now he is probably talking to Carrick figuring out a way to get a divorce without paying me anything! And it's all your fault." Kate all but screams at me, and I already regret not letting her in, because by now I'm sure the entire neighborhood can hear her, but I'm also done taking any crap from her.

„My fault, oh no, you did this all to yourself. No one has ever forced you to treat your husband like shit or just use him as a fucking cash cow!" I hiss at her, I'm so fucking pissed right now, I feel my heart racing.

„Ana is everything alright." Luke who has joint us asks and I can tell by his tone that he wants Kate to leave.

„Oh fuck off big guy, she doesn't need a babysitter." Kate snaps.

„It's fine Luke, Kate is leaving soon, just stay here. And you Kate should just stop. Go home, I don't want you here, I do not want or need anymore drama in my life."

„Yeah right, all you care about is to get back on moneybags dick so you can live your happy little boring life."

„You know what, I'm done talking about this. I'm trying to work things out with Christian, because I love him, I don't care for his money, his company or anything material, I care about him as a person, because had you ever taken the time to get to know him you would have seen that he is worth fighting for. But hell, you by some miracle managed to get yourself an amazing, loving, funny, caring and hard-working man and you treated him like actual dirt anyway, because the only person you have ever cared about is yourself."

„You ungrateful cunt! I allowed you to stay at my place when literally no one was talking to you except for that closeted fa..."

„Enough! If you say that word in my presence, we are going to have a problem Kate!" I hiss at this point I'm sure I have steam coming from my ears.

„God, don't be such a little saint it's disgusting..."

„Mrs. Grey, you need to leave." Luke, who also seems to have had enough says and she just laughs in his face.

„Fuck you, there is nothing you can do and we both know it."

„He is right, Kate... you need to leave, I don't want you here because frankly, seeing you behave this way makes me questions if the entire time we have known each other you just played a part to use me."

„Well, I couldn't afford a maid, but a stupid wallflower who cleans and cooks was perfect." She says and I turn around to go back inside.

„Yeah, just walk away bitch, I wish you would have broken your neck when I pushed you down the stairs." She yells and I spin around, I must have misunderstood what she just said, because if not I'm going to murder her.

„What did you just say?" I ask horrified.

„I knew he would come back to see the child and you would get back together, so when I saw you at the top of the stairs getting dizzy I took my chance, after all there was nothing for him to come back to with you and the little shit gone." She says and I lose it. She pushed me, she tried to murder me and my unborn child... she robbed me of holding my child after she was born, robbed me of the first weeks of her life... and that's it, with a scream I launch myself at her so we both hit the ground and I start pounding at her.

 _ **Luke**_

Fucking hell, Kate Grey just admitted that she tried to murder Ana. For a second I'm too shocked to react, so I miss Ana jumping Kate like a fucking bangee and then she is beating the actual fucking hell out of a screaming Kate. For about twenty seconds I just watch, allowing Ana to get it out of her system, but Gail screaming at me to stop her brings me back to the reality, so I try to grab Ana, but she is surprisingly strong and just when I have finally managed to pull her off the bloody mess that is Kate Grey the cops pull up in the driveway.

They look from Kate to me holding Ana back to her bloody knuckles and step up to Ana.

„Ma'am put your hands behind your back."

„Wait, this woman just admitted to the attempted murder of her." I jump in, but they are not listening and instead arrest Ana and call an ambulance for Kate who looks to have a broken nose and is missing a couple of teeth.

„Sir, please, this woman needs to be arrested, she just admitted that she pushed my boss down the stairs while she was nine months pregnant in an attempt to murder her." I say to the other cop and he finally starts to write things down.

When they have left I immediately call Taylor, he is going to love this... _what a fucking mess._

„Luke, everything alright?" He asks and I fill him in, while I get into my car to drive to the precinct, while Gail is staying with Arielle.

About five minutes after my arrival I see Christian Grey charge towards me and he grabs me by the collar of my shirt.

„How the fuck could you let this happen?"

„I apologize, Sir... it took me about a minute to break up the fight, but the neighbors must have called the cops while Ana and Mrs. Grey were still arguing in the driveway.

„Fuck... where is Kate?" He asks and I see Taylor shaking his head behind Mr. Grey to tell me not to say it.

„I don't know to which ER she was taken, Sir, but Police is watching her."

„The fucking better be." He snaps.

„Christian, I want you to wait here while I go inside to bail Ana out." Grey's father says, which seems to piss Grey off even more.

„No!"

„Christian, you are too angry to go inside, you'll just make this worse, let me handle this. I have enough favors to cash in to make this go away, but I can't have you barge in there and make this situation even worse. Now, stay here." Carrick Grey says in a tone that makes it clear he is not to be argued with.

„Sir, the media has gotten wind of Ana getting arrested." Taylor lets Grey know.

„Fucking shit..." Grey hisses and is on the phone with Welsh within five seconds, yelling at him to shut this down immediately.

For the next hour Grey in pacing in front of the precinct and then finally the door opens and out comes Grey senior with Ana who looks visibly embarrassed, but Grey just runs up to her, lifts her in his arms and just holds her in his arms.

 _ **Ana**_

I have never been in a fight in all of my life and I also have never been this ashamed in all of my life. Did Kate deserve a good beating? Hell yes, but this is not me, I have never done anything like this and I was never this embarrassed by my own behavior ever.

As I walk out of the precinct I pray that the media isn't there, but to my great relief, it's just Christian, Taylor, and Luke and before I can do or say anything I'm in Christian's arms and that is enough to turn me into a sobbing mess. I had no idea just how much I missed being held by him until I was back in his arms and that along with the day I had is just too much.

„Hey... it's ok, I won't allow for you to get into trouble over this." Christian whispers into my ear.

„I don't care... I just missed you holding me in your arms so much." I admit and feel his smile against my ear.

„Me too." He says, but after a few more precious moments Carrick clears his throat and I swear I hear Christian actually growl.

„I'm sorry to ruin the moment, but we should be leaving. Ana, I would like for you to stay at Bellevue tonight, Gail is already there with Arielle, I might need to talk to you early or we have to meet with some friends of mine to cash in so favors to make this go away."

„Thank you, Carrick." I say quietly.

„You're welcome, now let's leave, it has been a long and frankly exhausting day." He says and so I get into the car with Christian, Carrick, and Taylor while Luke is driving back to my house.

At Bellevue Grace comes rushing outside as soon as we arrive.

„Are you hurt? Did they treat you alright?" She asks me.

„I'm fine, Grace... where is Arielle?"

„She is sleeping in Christian's room. I put one of my pajamas in the guest room for you."

„Thank you." I say and we walk towards the house, but as I walk up the stairs I catch sight of Elliot, who is sitting on the bench by the garage in the dark.

„I'll be there in a minute." I murmur and Christian follows my gaze and nods.

Slowly I walk up to Elliot and sit next to him.

„Looks like we both had a pretty shitty day." I say unsure of what to do.

„Yeah, pretty fucking shitty." He snorts.

„You know, I know this might not help you in any way, but she fooled me too... I really thought she was my friend. Just to think of how often I've defended her when Christian was telling me she is not a good friend to me... it's ridiculous."

„I wonder how he knew... he saw right through her." Elliot says and suddenly it's obvious to me.

„Subconsciously, she must have reminded him of Elena... and Christian always seems to have been good in reading people... probably because of his childhood and what Elena did to him." I murmur sad to think of all the things Christian had to go through.

„Maybe... fuck, I feel so bad, Ana... You know when I proposed to Kate, I thought she would change and then when I realized she wasn't changing... or at least not in the way I thought she would... I just held on to hope... I could have prevented this to happen, had I just opened my eyes years ago." He says sadly.

„Elliot, none of this is your fault. Kate was born with a sense of entitlement, she never had to do anything, she was handed all she ever desired on a silver platter by her parents. I remember when she turned twenty her parents gave her a Mercedes sportscar... and she didn't talk to them for a month because it was the wrong color, so instead of cutting her off or letting her know she is way out of line, they got her a new car in the right color. She has always gotten exactly what she wanted and then she wanted Christian and not getting him has driven her to be bitter, hateful and maybe even insane."

„I'm scared... I can't tell my parents or siblings... because I feel like I have to be strong now... but I'm scared shitless. Kate will go to jail, and I'm going to be a single Dad of three kids... what if they turn out like her... what if I'm not around enough..."

„Elliot, we are all here, you are not alone in this and I have no doubt that you will raise those three little angels into wonderful human beings. They might get some of Kate's traits, but she isn't all evil. There is nothing wrong with being strong-willed and tenacious if you learn how to be polite and kind at the same time. And when the time comes and they are older you can explain to them what happened to their mother... plus, I have a feeling you won't be alone for long... you are a great guy, so you'll find your forever sooner rather than later."

„I don't know about that... I mean, who would want a guy with three kids?"

„A woman who is just as kind, loving and caring as said guy. Now, it's getting late, how about we go inside, all have a drink to calm down and go to bed... because frankly, I cannot wait for this day to be over."

Inside Carrick tells me that Christian is already upstairs checking on Arielle, so we have a quick drink and I head upstairs to the guest room, have a shower and put the pajama on that Grace has given me, which looks hideous and is scratchy as hell. Still, I braid my wet hair and head to Christian's room to kiss Arielle goodnight before I go to bed.

When I knock he opens the door dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt and looks at me with a smirk.

„Nice pj's."

„Don't laugh at me, they are hideous and itchy." I pout and walk to the crib where Arielle is sleeping peacefully.

„Sometimes all I want is to be this young again... without a care in the world." I muse and kiss her soft cheek, careful not to wake her.

„Sounds ideal... but then again, being grown up has its perks too." He says after a moment and we watch our daughter together.

„I'll contemplate that tomorrow... today I can't find anything appealing about being an adult."

„About tomorrow, I think it's best we push the dinner with Taylor and Gail to this weekend instead of tomorrow evening."

„Yes, that's a good idea, I'm not in the mood to do anything... Christian, do you think I'm naive when it comes to the people I allow into my life?" I ask.

„Years ago, I would have said yes, but now, no, you are not naive... you want to see the good in people, believe that their intentions are pure and sometimes that is just not the case."

„Is that why you always warned me about Kate?"

„Yes, I didn't like the influence she had on you, she always seemed to want to get you into trouble and a true friend doesn't do that. To be very honest though, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought she would try to actually harm you... I thought she was just trying to push my buttons. I just wish I would have seen..."

„No, don't even go there, this is in no way your fault." I interrupt him quickly, he has a way of spinning things around in his head so he ends up being the one responsible for someone else's doing.

„I know, I just want to protect you... it's a need of mine that will never go away, I'll always be there to keep you safe, no matter what." He says earnestly and I nod.

„I know... that's one of the things I love about you."

„Are there more?" He asks with his adorable shy smile.

„Oh, Mr. Grey, the list is endless... but I have to go to bed now. Goodnight, Christian." I say with a smile and walk towards the door.

„Ana, wait." He says and I turn around in the doorframe, while he walks towards me. I look at him expectantly and my eyes widen when he reaches for the hem of his t-shirt and takes it off while giving me a wicked grin when he sees my reaction.

„Here, I wouldn't want you to sleep uncomfortably tonight." He says and hands me his t-shirt.

„Thank you." I reply and have to restrain myself from running my hands over his chest and every inch of his torso. _Baby steps, Ana!_ I remind myself, but then I cannot stop myself, get onto tiptoes and cup his face with one hand before I give him a soft kiss on his lips.

„Goodnight, Christian." I whisper against his lips and have to force myself to step back.

„Goodnight, Ana." He replies with his voice hoarse and with one last glance at him I turn around and head into the guest room, where I strip out of the pj's and my underwear, put on Christian's t-shirt and fall asleep with his unique scent surrounding me.

 _ **Next update will be Sunday 12/10/17...**_


	31. Chapter 31

_**Christian**_

I have entered a world of chaos and total loss of control. My Dad left early to meet with the DA to talk about the situation with Ana and also to make sure Kate gets prosecuted. My mom has an early shift at the hospital, Ana is still sleeping and Elliot had an emergency at one of his building sides leaving me in control of all four kids... or really lack of control. Ava just doesn't want to eat her breakfast and has decided to color instead which is driving me nuts, because she is a dainty little thing and needs to eat. Her little brother, however, is too much of a good eater, because he is chewing on everything he can shove into his little mouth, including a salt shaker which ended in him spattering and screaming when he ended up with a mouthful of salt.

Arielle and Brianna are secured in their high chairs, which doesn't mean that they are behaving because they are in war mode, throwing their blueberries I have given them to snack on at each other. I have to say though, Arielle has quite the aim, because she landed one blueberry right in her cousin's eye, making her look like a squinting pirate for a second before she for some reason started to laugh about it while Arielle clapped her chubby hands to applaud herself.

„Ava, for the love of God, put your coloring book aside and eat your breakfast." I mutter annoyed and she shakes her head stubbornly.

„Why?" I ask her.

„I don't like pancakes and blueberries."

„What do you like?"

„Chocolate waffles." She tells me wide-eyed.

„Ava, you are not getting chocolate waffles for breakfast. I can make you eggs and bacon, we can make waffles this afternoon, now please stop giving your uncle a hard time." I hear Ana behind me and miraculously Ava pushes her coloring book aside and starts to eat her pancakes.

„How did you do this, I have tried to make her eat for half an hour." I ask her.

„You are the fun uncle she knows she has already wrapped around her tiny fingers and I'm the sometimes fun aunt who also can be strict when I have to." Ana says with a smile.

„Is that so, well, I have learned today that I would be hopelessly out of control with four children."

„No you won't... after all, you'll get them one at the time, so you'll have time to learn." Ana says with a smile and I like that she is stating this as a fact, letting me know she wants this too.

Once all the kids are fed we put Arielle and Brianna in a playpen, while Ava went back to coloring and Jamie is playing with some of his toy cars, just as my Dad arrives.

„Ana, Christian, I have good news, there will be no charges pressed against you. The police was called by a neighbor who heard you repeatedly ask Kate to leave your property. In addition, we have the security camera tapes, which Sawyer has already handed over to the police confirming your statement." My Dad says.

„What about Kate?" Ana asks and my Dad looks at the kids, but they are out of earshot, so he continues.

„Kate has been taking into custody after she had been treated at the hospital. There will be a hearing later today to determine if she can make bail or not. I talked to some of my friends to make sure that won't be the case. I hate to say this, but after what she has done and with her resources we would have to fear that she would be out for revenge or manage to leave the country to avoid prosecution." My Dad explains and Ana walks out of the room.

I follow her and find her outside. „Ana?"

„I hate this... I feel so stupid... all this time I considered her my friend... allowed her to give her opinion to everything and she... she is just as bad as Elena." She says and I pull her into my arms.

„And neither of them has managed to break us and we will both be stronger coming out of it." I let her know, inwardly smiling because it's what Dr. Harper once told me and now, I believe it.

„I'm just tired... it's like every time I think things are about to settle down a new drama arises and I'm so over it." She says and starts to cry. I know what I'm going to say next might be too soon, but I feel it will be the best thing for us.

„I would like to take Arielle and you to Aspen, just for a few days. We all could need some time away. We could go hiking... you could go to the spa... or we just stay at the house whatever you want." I say and she looks up at me.

„Can we go today?" She asks and breathe out a sigh of relief.

„Yes, I'll make the arrangements. We can decide how long we want to stay once we are there. I'll call Mrs. Roberts to get a crib and changing table for Arielle. We can go to town and buy whatever else she needs once we are there."

„Thank you, Christian." Ana says and hugs me tightly just as we hear a car drive up the driveway and in it are Kate's parents.

„Go inside, Ana... I'll deal with them."

„No, I want to know why they are here." She says and I don't want to fight with her, so I just nod and we wait for them to park the car and approach us.

„Nigel, Ann." I nod.

„We are here to get our grandchildren." Kate's mom says and I cannot believe it.

„My brother's children are staying here with their father, he didn't inform me that you would spent the day with them, so let me call him."

„No! They are our grandchildren, your family has done enough to our daughter, you are not going to ruin these poor, innocent children as well." Kate's mom shouts alerting my Dad who steps outside too.

„Ann, Nigel, it is nice to see you. To what do we owe this surprise." My Dad says and I swear old Kavanagh is about to pop a vessel.

„We want the children."

„My son has custody of his children, unless he allows it, they are not going anywhere, but you are welcome to come in and spent time with them." He says politely.

„Really, come into your house and stay with the kids while you are probably on the phone making sure their mother will go to prison for life?" Mr. Kavanagh yells.

„Nigel, your daughter has pushed her highly pregnant sister in law down the stairs in an attempt to murder both Ana and her then unborn child. She needs to be punished for that. Please understand that."

„No, our daughter didn't do that! She would never."

„She admitted to it, Ann. Believe me, we all would wish this wasn't true, but it is. Now, my offer stands, you can come in and spend times with your grandchildren, but I will not allow you to take them with you unless we call Elliot and he allows it." My Dad says sternly.

„Fine, have it your way, but you better tell that son of yours that if our daughter ends up in prison, we will sue him over the custody of our grandchildren." Nigel hisses, leads his wife to their car and they drive off.

„Dad..."

„Don't worry, Christian, they won't get custody of the children. I won't let it happen. After all, they have already proven with Kate how their way of raising children can go wrong." He says and I nod.

„Come Ana, let's get inside, I want us to fly out until the afternoon."

„Oh you are leaving town?" My Dad asks.

„Yes, I'm taking Ana and Arielle to Aspen, we all could need a timeout." I let my Dad know and he gives me a smile.

Within two hours, I have the jet on standby at Boeing Field, talked to Mrs. Roberts to have everything ready for us, spoke to Dr. Harper who agreed on Skype sessions while I'm away. Taylor has driven Ana to her place to pack for Arielle and herself, so all I had left was to pack for myself and now I'm waiting for them to return so we can go to the airport.

 _ **Kate**_

My face hurts so bad and I can't even bring myself to look into the mirror to see the damage Ana has done... not that the cell I'm currently in is providing a mirror. I cannot believe this. I had gotten away with it, no one would have ever known and then I lost my damned temper and this is what it has gotten me.

The lawyer I have talked to has advised me to plead either guilty and be forthcoming to get a lower sentence or to plead insanity. I cannot believe that the only options I am given are either jail or the looney bin. I'm not insane, but it might be the option for me. I can't go to jail. It's not where I belong... oh god, I hate Christian Grey. It's all his fault.

He was my ticket to the life I have always dreamed of, but it's all gone to hell when he rejected me. There wasn't a man as wealthy, attractive and influential as him anywhere around and then the bastard picked Ana... Ana! I mean, she is ordinary in any possible way. What the hell does she have to offer to a man like him that I couldn't? I was born and raised to be a billionaire's wife, while she would have better matched with a god damn pig farmer.

And then Elliot came along... in the beginning, I thought I could settle for him and get the Grey name as an added bonus. I thought I could forge him into the man I wanted, but he just was too much of a caveman. When I wanted to go to Galas and events he wanted to stay home after his work, where I prefer fancy vacations he wants to go hiking and just be a Dad all the time making it all about the kids.

I mean, I love them in a way, but he wanted them more than I did and while being a mom has opened new doors for me, I don't want to be a full-time mom. That's what a nanny is for.

Now, however, I'm challenged with an entirely new challenge. If I plead guilty it could mean life in prison which is not an option but neither is the looney bin. I'm not insane, I just didn't want Christian to return. Having everything I ever wanted to be shoved right under my nose each time I saw them together was just too much. I wanted him to stay gone, wanted Ana to be an overworked single mom so I would be the number woman in the Grey family, but I knew he would return and go back to Ana once the baby was born... all I wanted was for her to lose the child, move with the divorce and for him to stay in Taiwan.

Of course, just my luck, me pushing her was what brought him back instead of keeping him away and now again I am the one to suffer because of him. I really wish for some sort of universal justice that has him just dropping dead for completely ruining my life and leaving me with a choice that in either way has me be the loser as the result. I hate Christian Grey!

 _ **Christian**_

„Can we make a short stop at the supermarket, I want to cook dinner for us tonight." Ana says as Taylor is driving us from the airport to our Aspen house.

„You don't have to, Ana... just relax."

„Cooking for my family is what helps me relax."

„Well, far be it from me to take that from you. Taylor, please stop at a supermarket."

„You always look out of place here." Ana giggles as we walk through the supermarket, while Taylor stayed behind in the car with Arielle.

„I guess that is right." I agree and throw a box of cookies and some ice cream in the cart.

„Ice cream and cookies for dessert?" Ana asks and I nod with a smirk.

„Ok, how about we bake some cookies. I could show you."

„Chocolate chip cookies with walnuts and icing?" I ask, Ana has made these sometimes and they are my absolute favorites.

„Sure." She says with a big smile and so after we have arrived at the house, unpacked and changed we meet in the kitchen to cook, which also gives me time to bring up something I have been thinking of for a while now.

„I have been thinking about what to do with the house... if I should sell it or keep it... I'm just not sure... what do you think Ana?" I ask and she looks shocked.

„You want to sell it?" She asks and I'm surprised by how sad she sounds.

„No... I just don't know what to do with it, you want me to keep it?" I ask and Ana sits down at the breakfast bar.

„Talk to me." I ask and take her hand in mine.

„I don't know... yes, some pretty fucked up stuff has happened there... but there have been so many good times too. Our first Christmas together, so many wonderful family gatherings and just small things I'll always remember... like when the entire street had a blackout and you put candles everywhere in the family room and we slept by the fireplace... picknicks in the meadow... it's our home." She says and I can see tears pool in her beautiful eyes.

„Then it's set, we are not going to sell the house."

„Thank you, it's just I still see us growing old there together... for a while, I couldn't think of it as my home anymore, but now I can and I want us live there together again."

„Me too, baby. Now, no more heavy topics, we both deserve some relaxation and fun times... so let's make cookies or I might just eat all the icing." I say managing to get a small giggle out of Ana. Fuck, just hearing her talk about our home and that she see's us growing old there together fills me with so much hope.

When I realized what I had done to Ana without even being able to understand it, because of what was done to me, I was convinced that we were over. That there was no way for us to find our way back together, but just being here now shows me how wrong I was. If anything it has made us stronger, because now we are finally able to communicate and to build a strong foundation for our relationship. Still, I want more, I want to hold her in my arms, kiss her, make love to her... it's consuming my thoughts and it took me everything last night when she kissed me goodnight not to drag her into my bedroom and have my way with her. But I'm trying to be good and not let my instincts win, take this at her pace, so I know that when it happens, she really wants it... but I for one can't wait until Ana is truly mine again.

 _ **Just a quick heads up, I'm out of pre-written chapters and with Christmas just around the corner I cannot promise that I will be able to update every week, but I'll try my best. Also, for those who are wondering, I'd say there are about five to six chapters left... I hope you are all going to have a great week!**_


	32. Chapter 32

_**Ana**_

Aspen is exactly what I need right now, a place where I don't have to focus on anything else but Christian and our daughter. No news about the upcoming trial, my crazy ex-best friend or paparazzi trying constantly to get pictures of myself, my daughter or Christian to make a quick buck. Here, I can just sit by the window surrounded by soft pillows and watch Christian as he is making faces trying to make Arielle laugh. It's what I always wanted, how I envisioned us from the day we got married. A happy little family. I just could have done well without all the drama that happened until we got here but I guess that's just the way live goes you get nothing for free, everything comes at a cost.

„You know, I think she got that preference from you." Christian says pulling back from my thoughts and I have to laugh when I see that he was blowing raspberries on Arielle's belly and now she has both her hands in his hair pulling tightly while making happy sounds.

„I have no idea what you are talking about." I giggle and get up to help him.

„Hey princess, how about we leave Daddy's hair on his head where it belongs." I say softly and manage to get her to loosen her grip before she lets go and gives me a pout.

„She grows up so fast." Christian muses, as she starts to crawl after one of her toys.

„She is still a baby, don't worry she won't go off to college anytime soon." I reply as I sit down next to him and rest my head against his shoulder.

„I saw a doctor... I wanted to find out if there was a way to reverse the vasectomy completely and there was, so I went through with it." He says and I when I look up at him he rolls his eyes.

„Let me guess, Mia told you?" He asks and I nod.

„That girl can't keep a secret to save her life... it's like it burns a hole into her if she has to keep it in." He says with an exasperated smile.

„That's an accurate description of your baby sister... but I'm happy you made that decision."

„Me too, Arielle deserves to grow up with siblings. Having Mia and Elliot around was the best thing for me, even if I didn't want to see it then. They can be a lot at times, but I wouldn't trade them for the world." He says and it makes me smile.

„I want Arielle to have siblings too... being an only child can be lonely at times."

„Do you know why your parents didn't have more children?" He asks.

„My mom didn't have an easy pregnancy with me and she wasn't happy in Montesano, I guess having another child would have just made her feel more trapped. Ray would have loved to have more kids but he always put his head over his heart. Money was always tight with my mom living way above what we could afford. I guess he just wanted to make sure he could support a second child and then there marriage went downhill. After I moved out to go to college I always hoped he would find someone, maybe a woman young enough to have children with him, but I guess after Carla he is over women." I murmur.

„Not to sound rude... but that might very well be true, your mother is... a lot." He says trying to be diplomatic and I have to laugh.

„She is... she takes after her mom in that way. She was very bitter about not having lived her dreams... she had four kids, raised them... always working... I don't know, to me she had a great live, she had a beautiful home, four healthy children, a loving husband, but it just wasn't enough."

„And the Lambert's?"

„I don't really remember them, they never approved of my mother and I guess they feared I would turn out like her. They died when I was still a kid, car accident."

„You are nothing like her... if anything you take after Ray... quiet, protective, strong... he raised you well."

„Yes, he did. He is the best Dad any child could ask for." I say and Christian looks out of the window for a while.

„Are you ok?"

„Do you think Arielle will say the same about me one day?" He asks after a while and I smile.

„Yes, without a doubt. You just have to believe in yourself... she already adores you and that won't go away even when she turns into a bratty teenager for a while."

„Wait... do you think she does?"

„It's a phase most girls go through... even I did."

„Really?"

„Yes, after I moved back to live with Ray... I was so angry with my mother because she had married that scum bag and ruined our family... but she wasn't there to take my anger. I didn't have many friends to vent to and so Ray got most of it and you know what he did? I had talked myself into a fit of rage and anger and he just grabbed me and held onto me, he never let go until eventually I allowed myself to have a good cry and then he took me to the dinner, we had desserts and milkshakes for dinner, went to see a movie and never talked about me being awful to him again... he wouldn't even allow me to apologize... he just understood that I needed to let it all out and he was there... so, if this little munchkin for whatever reason turns into a little ball of terror in her teens we just have to hold onto her and love her even more."

„Ok... I can do that... not sure you've noticed, but I can be a tad bit clingy when it comes to the few people I love." She says and bumps my shoulder with his.

„Oh really, I have no idea what you are talking about... do you want a hot cocoa too?"

„With marshmallows and whipped cream?"

„And a cherry on top." I say and get up, but when I reach the open kitchen I turn around and look at him.

„Christian?"

„Yes?"

„Thank you."

„For what?" He asks frowning.

„For not letting me go." I reply and we smile at each other before I turn around make the hot cocoa, put the cookies we made earlier on a plate and carry everything into the family room.

„Do you think Arielle can have a bit of the cookie?" He asks.

„If she gets a sugar rush and is up all night you will have to deal with it, I need my beauty sleep." I let him know and we both watch as Arielle takes her first bite of a icing covered cookie... which to both our surprise she spits out and returns to her toys.

„Did she just spit the cookie out?" Christian asks surprised.

„It's probably too sweet for her liking, she hasn't had something with that much sugar in it until now and actually, I'm glad she didn't like it, she isn't a big fan of getting her teeth brushed and I don't want her to get tooth decay."

„True... so, I thought next week when we return we can talk to Gail and Taylor. I would ask Elliot, but he has enough going on as it is... maybe in a few years when his life has settled down." He says and it makes me smile that to him it is so clear that we are going to have more children in our future.

In the evening after dinner and us watching a movie we both went to bed in separate rooms, with Arielle sleeping in the nursery Mrs. Roberts has put together before we even arrived. Now, I cannot sleep. I have tried reading, laid down with my eyes closed waiting for sleep to come to me, but it is just not happening. I even went downstairs to get a warm milk with honey, but sleep is avoiding me and I know exactly why. I'm tired of sleeping alone, I don't want this anymore... I don't want us to be a family by day and separated by night. I know we both still have a lot to work through... but we are now at a point where we are stronger together, where we can talk about what we want and need... only now I'm a coward and fear that Christian might not be ready.

After almost two hours in bed, I give up. I'm almost thirty, I have a child with this man and we have been married for years, if I want to share a bed with him there is nothing stopping me from saying it. So, I get up and quietly walk to his room and knock.

Five seconds later he opens the door and smiles down at me.

„Can't sleep, Mrs. Grey?" He asks.

„No... Christian, I don't want to sleep alone anymore... I don't want us to live separate... I... I just want us..." I ramble and he picks me up and hugs me tightly to him.

 _ **Elliot**_

„Thanks again for watching the kids, man."

„Elliot, please, stop thanking me for watching my nieces and nephews... I'm not like my parents... yes, Kate is my sister... but she has to be punished for what she has done. She almost murdered Ana and Arielle... there is no way for me to make this sound any less horrific than it is. My sister made her choices and she has to live with them, but we are still family. I hope you know that for me nothing has changed. So, whenever I'm free I'm happy to watch the kids and so does Mia." Ethan says and I nod.

„I know... it's just a lot."

„I know, how about when Christian is back we have a guys night... just get shit faced and forget all the crap that is happening."

„Sounds like a really good plan, he is back tonight... I'll talk to him. See you around, Ethan." I say and get into the car before driving back to my parent's place. I've decided to stay there just for a few more weeks so the kids are distracted by having their grandparents around. Cadie has offered to extend her job description from nanny to full-time housekeeper, but I fear it's a bit much for her alone, so I'm looking into getting a help for her because our current housekeeper had to quit.

Kate's parents are still dead set on racing my children, but after a lawyer explained to them how little their chances of winning are, they have decided not to sue me, which doesn't stop them from calling me at least once a day to tell me how I will ruin the kids and that Kate is innocent and that my family is trying to pin this on her to get rid of her. I wanted to let them know how fucking wrong they are a number of times, but my Dad told me to stay calm and collected no matter what because me losing my cool with them would play into their cards.

So, I stay calm, listen to them, be polite and once they are gone or I've ended the call I walk into my room and punch the punching bag my Dad has gotten for me back when I was a teenager. If this was up to me I would just avoid them, but they are my children's grandparents and they already lost their mother, since Kate is still in jail awaiting her mental evaluation and hopefully her trial. I know it is an awful thing to think, but I don't want her in a mental institution, I want her in jail because knowing Kate all she can think about right now is revenge as she cannot see that she is to blame for her situation.

As I arrive at Bellevue I see Christian's car and Taylor who is inside the car waiting gets out to help me get my kids inside, where I find Ana and Arielle in the family room.

„Look at you Ana Banana, you are glowing." I whistle because frankly, I haven't seen that happy sparkle in her eyes in a very long time.

„I had a great week... how are you?"

„I'll get there, don't worry about me. Where is my brother?"

„Upstairs... packing." She says and bites her lip.

„Packing... were is he going?"

„Home." She says no longer able to hide her huge smile.

„Home but... wait... home as in your home?"

„Yes, for now, we are staying at my place, we want to have some changes made to our home... so, for now, my place it is." She says and I hug her.

„That's awesome... damn, we all needed some good news."

„I know... I just couldn't see the point in waiting any longer... oh, by the way, I've met your nanny... she is adorable." Ana says and I grin... true, Cadie is cute as hell, but she is also only twenty years old and I'm thirty-eight... had I started early, she could be my daughter.

„She is way too young for me, Ana... don't try to play cupid, because I don't think she has a daddy kink." I let her know and Ana slaps my biceps.

„Stop it, you don't look or act your age... you Elliot Grey are a true catch and some women are older and wiser than there years, don't rule her out just because judging by conventional rules the age gaped could be too much. Christian is six years older than I am, but it has never been an issue for us."

„Ana, there is a difference between six and eighteen years... anyway, I'm really happy for both of you, you guys belong together... just tell me you'll still let him out for a guys night because I'm in desperate need of a night with my guys to get blackout drunk."

„I'm sure he'll be happy to hang out with you... and it gives me a chance to have Hanna, Claire, and Mia over for a girls night." She says just as my brother strides in pulls her into his arms and kisses her.

„Sorry bro, now that I can finally kiss my girl again I need to take advantage of it." He grins at me and we hug.

„Can't blame you for that, bro... I would do the same. So, are you down for a guys night this weekend?"

„Sure, just give me a time and place and I'll be there. Just if it's a bar we need to let Taylor know, right now the media is all over me because the trial is getting closer."

„Fucking vultures." I mutter under my breath.

„Tell me about it... listen, Ana and I wanted to leave now, but how about we have a beer and shoot some hoops before I leave?" He asks and I smile.

„Ok, time for you to lose." I reply and we head outside.

„Listen if you need me here..." He starts once we are outside, but I hold my hand up.

„Christian, you will go home with Ana... you deserve to be happy and I will get there too... I just took a little detour on my way to get there."

„Alright... get ready to get your ass kicked." He says with a smile and so we shoot some hoops, have a beer and later I watch him and Ana leave with Arielle. They look so happy and I hope that one day soon I'll find a girl that looks at me like Ana does at my brother because that to me shows the kind of love I want in my life.

 _ **I know... I skipped the lemons... tbh I suck at writing them and I only had two hours to write this chapter, so I decided to skip the lemons for this chapter, but there will most likely be some in the future. Since next Sunday is Christmas Eve, I won't post a new chapter on Sunday, but I'll try to have a new chapter ready to post by Saturday. If not a new chapter will be up before New Year's Eve. I hope all of you are going to have a great Christmas or in case you don't** **celebrate** **Christmas just some nice, relaxing days off. Sunny xxx**_


	33. Chapter 33

_**Hi guys, sorry for the long delay. The new year has started a bit crazy, but now I finally had the time to get back to writing. Another new chapter should be up by Sunday and I might be able to update more than once next week too. I'm not quite sure how many chapters are left for this story, but I have two new stories already planned out, so once this story is finished there will be a new story going up soon. Thanks for all the PM's you guys have sent, I'm trying to answer them all tomorrow : )**_

 _ **Christian**_

Footsteps, the screech of a door being opened, my daughter's happy giggle... these are the sounds I have woken up to for the past week and I couldn't be happier. Happy to have Ana back in my life, happy to have my own little family and to learn more and more about the little routines and rituals that come with having a family. I never thought I would enjoy any of it that much, but I do and deep down I hope for Ana to get pregnant again soon, so Arielle gets a little brother or sister to play with and to have a friend she can always count on growing up.

It could all be perfect if it wasn't for Ana's fucking neighbor. The second he realized that I'm living here now he started his little pissing contest by coming over at 7:30 a.m. to ask if he wanted Ana to cut her bushes in the backyard because he was getting some work done in his backyard. Ana told him it wasn't necessary, but I would have loved to have some words with him, if anyone cuts my wife's fucking bushes it's me. Granted, I have no clue about gardening, but I would rather burn them all down than to have that fucker come anywhere near Ana. And since then he has stopped by at least once a day, yesterday the fucker brought a plate of homemade cookies for her... seriously, who is this guy, Ned fucking Flanders? Ana thinks it's hilarious, but I can't see the funny side of some fucker trying to get cozy with my wife.

Five minutes later I know he is at it again because I hear the door ring. Pissed, I get up, put some pants on and walk to the door just as Ana walks inside.

"Was it that fucker again?" I growl and she smiles and steps closer only to run her hands over my naked torso.

"Yes... but he is gone." She says and giggles.

"What did he want this time?" I ask while she is now unbuttoning my pants.

"He wanted to invite us for breakfast." She says still smiling and with a firm tug pulls my pants down.

"Did he now?"

"Yes, but think he won't bother us anymore." She says and starts to stroke my dick which immediately reacts to her touch.

"And why would that be, Mrs. Grey." I ask and suck in air when she drops to her knees and runs her tongue along the length of my cock.

"I told him we can't." She says circles the head of my erection with her tongue "...because you are still in bed and I'm about to wake you up to have my way with you."

"You didn't" I gasp more because she has now moved on to repeatedly taking me all the way into her mouth but also because the thought of Ana being that blunt turns me on even more than I already am which shouldn't even be possible.

"I thought you liked me naughty." She says while peeking up at me before she continues to torture me with her mouth.

"I do baby... especially right now." I moan and enjoy what she does to me until I decide to stop her so this isn't over before I get to be in my favorite place in the world.

"Ana, enough." I get out and she smiles up at me before I pull her to her feet and kiss her senseless while placing her in the middle of the bed after taking my t-shirt off of her which was all she was wearing.

"So ready, and I haven't even touched you, yet." I muse still amazed each time I see just how ready for me my wife is just by giving pleasure.

"I call it the Christian Grey effect." She smirks as I part her legs further to taste her.

"Oh really, Mrs. Grey..." I smirk back at her and run my tongue over her clit before I really go in and almost bust just hearing the little noises Ana makes deep in her throat every time I suck on her clit.

"Christian... please... I need you." She moans and I can no longer resist and kiss my way up her body until our lips meet and I thrust into her while our moans get lost in our kiss.

As we break free from the kiss to catch some breath I start to move faster and just watch Ana thrive in pleasure beneath me. She is mine, all mine and I will never ever let her go again.

"How about we just stay in bed and never leave." I ask her when I hold her in my arms a little later.

"So, you don't want to go back to being master of the universe." She asks and I frown. So, far I haven't been back at work and to my own surprise, I don't miss it. I'm enjoying my time with Ana and our daughter way too much to even think about being away from them for half of the day.

"I'm not sure, right now I don't want to go back. I just want to stay in our little bubble a little longer. Maybe I knock you up again." I grin and she smiles.

"Sounds like a good plan, do you want to work on it right now?" She asks grinning but her grin turns into a pout when we both hear Arielle cry.

"Rain check, now I have to tend to my other favorite girl." I smirk, kiss her get up and quickly put some clothes on before I head downstairs and take Arielle from Gail.

"There, there sweetheart, Daddy is here, no need to cry... so what's it going to be, breakfast or a clean diaper?" I ask her and have to laugh when she continues to cry which sounds completely out of tune.

"You get your musicality from your mommy, but we won't tell her that, right?" I chuckle and kiss her soft cheeks.

"Careful Grey, I have my eyes and ears everywhere." I here Ana's amused voice behind me.

"Baby, you have many talents, singing is not one of them." I smirk at her and she pokes her tongue out at me before she walks into the kitchen, while I head into the bathroom with Arielle to change her diaper.

"Are you going to be as feisty as your mommy?" I ask Arielle who just in that second grins at me. "I thought so too, sweetheart." I laugh, put her bottoms back on and pull her little dress down before I pick her up.

"Better, Miss Grey?"

"DADA!" _Fuck my life, did she just call me Dada?_

"What did you just say?"

"DADA!"

"ANA!" I call out and run with Arielle back to the kitchen.

"What happened, is she ok, why did you yell like that?" Ana asks me immediately.

"She just called me Dada, twice!" I tell her and she laughs.

"She is six months old, she didn't."

"She did, Ana. I'm telling you our daughter just called me Dada!" I insist and try to get Arielle to do it again, but all she does is to blow spit bubbles.

For the next three days, I have made it my life's mission to prove to Ana and my entire family, who doesn't believe me either, that my six month old is calling me Dada. She has done it four more times, but each time no one was around. At this point, I believe she is trying to fuck with me and I'm really tempted to put cameras in every room to have evidence of Arielle talking.

On this morning, however, I met early with Elliot for a friendly sparring match at the gym, but he seems way too distracted.

"What's wrong, Elliot?"

"Hell, I just never learn... I mean one would think I would get wiser with age, but nope, I'm still the same."

"Ok, what does that mean?"

"Last night, Cadie came over to visit the kids, I asked her to stay and talk about her upcoming work schedule since I have to go back to work and can't leave it to mom and dad to watch my kids. We talked, I had a drink or two... and then I fucked her all night long... please knock me out." He groans and I just stare at him.

"You fucked her? Jesus Christ, Elliot..." I mutter.

"Want to know the best part, she was a fucking virgin and it was the best sex of my life."

"From personal experience, some virgins will do that to you... but jokes aside have you talked to her?" I ask him and he gets that look he had since we were kids whenever he knew he fucked up bad.

"Elliot?!"

"I may have left before she was awake."

"Un-fucking-believable. I'm not even touching that one, go get a shower, drive home and talk to her."

"But I don't know what to tell her, thank her for the fuck?"

"God damn it if that's the best you can come up with just say nothing at all and let her go." I mutter under my breath.

"I don't know what to do here, bro. I'm still married to my murderous ex, have three young children that need me and right now is not the right time to start something new, but at the same time I don't want to hurt Cadie, she is a great girl."

"Then tell her that, tell her you are not ready to date again."

"Maybe... I gotta go." He mutters and leaves, while I decided on a quick workout before I head home and once inside Ana hurries over to me.

"Missed me much?" I grin and kiss her.

"That too... but also, do you remember how I have always hated when you turned into a jealous hulk?" She asks and I smirk.

"You didn't say it quite like that but yes, why?"

"Now is the time for full on hulk mode, Scott has lost his mind."

"The fucker? Has he touched you?"

"No, he is in the kitchen making breakfast."

"Excuse me?" Clearly, I must have gotten what she has said wrong.

"He stopped by five minutes ago and just invited himself to cook make breakfast for us... meaning him and I. My bad that I told Sawyer to help Gail getting groceries..." Before Ana can finish I'm in the kitchen where I find the fucker making pancakes.

"Good morning, Scott." I say coldly, grabbed the pan, put in the sink and let the water run, ruining his fucking pancakes.

"Christian, I was just cooking, Ana and I..."

"Listen, fucker! The next time you even look at my wife, I'm going to rip your fucking balls of and stuff them down your throat. She isn't interested in a old fuck like you and if you ever dare to set foot in our home again, sent cookies, cut the fucking bushes or even look at MY WIFE I will stomp you old ass into the good damn ground!" I sneer at him and his eyes widen in horror.

"I... I didn't mean, I... I was just trying..."

"Oh I know what you have been trying, but it's not working and now fuck off, because if anyone makes breakfast for my wife it's going to be me!" I snap and he leaves so fast it's almost comical.

Ana comes over to me and hugs me getting onto her tiptoes she kisses me, but we are both interrupted by Arielle who is her highchair clapping her chubby hands together looking at me.

"DADA!" she calls out and I laugh.

"You did it, babygirl." I say lift her up and kiss her soft cheek while Ana gapes at us.

"Did she just... I mean she did right?" She stutters.

"Yes, she just called me Dada, as I have been telling you for the past three days. Right princess, who am I tell mommy."

"DADA!" She says again.

"Looks like this little one is clearly a daddy's girl, you know what's missing?" She asks me with a loving smile.

"No, what?"

"A little momma's boy who looks just like his daddy, but first, we should talk about moving home." She says and kisses me again. My wife, my daughter... and soon we might add a little boy or another girl to our little family and I couldn't be happier about it...

 _ **Let me know if you want to read more about Elliot and Cadie next chapter...**_


	34. Chapter 34

_**A/N: 97 percent of you guys asked for more Elliot and Cadie, so this chapter will give you an update on their relationship and it's also a proper introduction for Cadie who only had a few mentions so far... more of Christian and Ana will follow in the next chapter which will be up early next week...**_

 _ **Elliot**_

I cannot believe I was stupid enough to have sex with Cadie. Yes, she is gorgeous, sweet, and fits my type perfectly, but she is also only twenty years old and my children's nanny. Damn it, I can't believe I have gotten myself into a situation like this. The last thing on earth I need right now is to find a new nanny, but since I decided to let my dick make my decisions for me last night, I might as well have to do just that.

When I arrive at my parent's place I find them having breakfast with my kids.

„Good morning, darling, when is Cadie coming, your Dad and I have to leave in thirty minutes." My mom says.

„I'm not sure, let me change real quick and then I call her." I mutter, and run upstairs to my bedroom, she is either still in bed or she was upset by waking up alone and has left. Right now, I don't know which one I prefer, because option A means I have to somehow explain this to her when I can't even explain it to myself without sounding like a douche or B I have to find a new nanny right away and will probably never hear from her again.

Well, it's time to face the music, so I open the door to my bedroom and look at the sleeping girl in my bed. Her hair is a mess of honey blonde curls, her face relaxed in her sleep, her lips slightly parted and then my gaze goes further down to her perfect tits and flat stomach that have been exposed by the sheet which is only covering her lower half and damn she has nice tits... _no, no Elliot, you will not even think about it!_

Deciding that I need to do something I step closer to the bed and grab the sheet to cover her up, but the movement wakes her up and she blinks at me and smiles. Fuck, her eyes are amazing, they look like melted gold. _Shit, don't look at her just don't look!_

„Why are you up already?" She asks sleepily and I have no idea what to say... those eyes sparkling at me... he perfect tits... damn it.

„So, you don't want to talk at all?" She smiles and reaches up to kiss me.

When I finally get any brain function back fifteen minutes have past and she is in my arms in bed and we are both enjoying the afterglow of what has just happened between us. Fuck, this is a disaster, I need to do something, handle this situation... but she is just so beautiful. I reach over to push a loose curl from her face but she suddenly grabs my wrist and looks at my watch in horror.

„Oh my god, why didn't you tell me how late it is... I need to get Ava ready for pre-school." She calls out, jumps out off the bed and runs into the bathroom. I hear the shower, then the flush of the toilet and then the sink all in under four minutes and then she runs back into the room, drops the towel and jumps into her clothes which are scattered all over the floor.

„Sorry, I have to run and shouldn't you be at work too?" She asks kisses me and is out the door. _Fuck, I did it again._

Because I'm now being late for work too, I hurry the fuck up, run downstairs only find my Dad giving me a very disapproving look.

„What?"

„Well, I saw Cadie coming from upstairs and her car was still here this morning when I went to go for my morning walk. Do you think this is right?" He asks and I roll my eyes.

„Can we not discuss this now, I don't want her to hear it!"

„She is already gone, driving Ava to her school and taking the younger ones to the park."

„Well, great, I have to get to work. I'm sorry, Dad." I mutter and leave too. Hell, I don't even know how to explain this to myself and I'm too fucking old for my Dad to lecture me about who I am currently fucking.

A week later I'm at a loss. I have tried to talk to Cadie every time I have seen her and it ended with us ending up in my bed each time. I just don't know how to fucking stop myself and it's slowly but surely getting on my nerves. I'm thirty-eight, I shouldn't act like a horny schoolboy just because Cadie is a gorgeous girl. But that is just what is happening.

And now things have gotten worse because I have decided to move back into my house with the kids and Cadie, who has her room here too. I don't even know why I made that decision... well I know exactly why, I didn't want to see my parents judge me with their looks anymore because it didn't take them long to figure out what I was doing.

So, now I'm in my study, supposed to work, but I find myself standing at the window watching Cadie in the backyard with Jamie kicking a ball around with him. This is just too much... to distract myself I call Christian and invite him with Ana to come over for a cookout tonight. Maybe I can keep them here for long enough so that Cadie is already in bed and cannot tempt me to fuck her again. Though I have to admit, that she really doesn't do anything to encourage me... except one could count her simply being hot as hell as encouraging me ... damn it, I have to make this right.

 _ **Cadie**_

After Jamie and Brianna are down for their nap and Ava is staying with her best friend from school until the early evening, whose mother will drop her off later, I decided to take a shower and maybe have a little nap too.

I know I should probably use the time to talk to Elliot, but it will most likely end up with us having sex again, which seems to be all we do lately when he is not trying to avoid me like the plague. The logical thing to do would be to tell him to fuck off and quit, but I just can't.

His children need stability in their life, I mean they are five, two and not even a year old but they already had six nanny's and a mother who couldn't care less about them and is now probably going to end up behind bars for the rest of her life, while their father not just has to look after them, but his company as well, so they usually only see him in the morning when they get up and again at night where they only have an hour or two together before it is their bed time.

When I took the job, it was supposed to be only for a few months until I could find a job in my chosen field, but then I realized what was going on here, how these poor children were fighting to get their mother's love and attention and she just ignored them. No matter if they cried or called out for her, she would never even listen to them, unless of course someone else was around and I had to hide in my room so she could act as mother of the year and thereby bring even more harm and hurt to her already confused children.

And the fighting, given they have waited to have their yelling matches until the kids were all in bed, but with the open floor plan of the house, their angry words could be heard everywhere. I was actually relieved when that horrible person was gone, knowing that in the long haul it would be best for her children not to grow up with a mother like that.

Well, and then there's Elliot. Right when I first saw him, I knew he was the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on. But, he is my boss, married and I didn't want to become the stereotypical young, hot nanny who ends up fucking her boss. So, I tried to ignore the fact that he wasn't just good-looking, but also funny, caring and a great father to his kids, even with what little time he has to spend with them during the week, he makes up for it on the weekends always taking them on trips and adventures.

Still, I kept telling myself that he is married and my boss just so I wouldn't fall in love with him. Only, between the things we want and the things that actually happen are always the decisions we make. One week ago, I should have made the decision to turn around and leave when I realized that he was about to kiss me. But I didn't. I knew it wouldn't end with just a kiss because he is so easy to read... which is why I also know that every time he did approach me in the last seven days he didn't do it to get laid, he did it to tell me it won't happen again. And I know I'm being selfish by allowing for it to go on and that I should be more responsible, because this surely will end with me having to leave and the kids again will have to deal with someone else coming into their lives, but every time he pulls me into his arms I just can't help it.

I have wanted to fall in love or maybe have been in love with the idea of being in love for so long that I just don't want it to end. I don't want to wake up from my little dream reality in which he could actually have feelings for me too just to see that I was nothing but a distraction from everything that is going on in his life right now. And the worst part is I have no one I could ask for advice. My parents would freak out if they knew, my older brothers would kill Elliot with no questions asked and most of my friends are either in college or wouldn't understand my choices anyway. So, it's just me trying to be an adult, see what is the right thing to do and failing miserably.

While I am still in the shower trying to find a solution to my problems I hear the bathroom door open, but remain facing away from it. It can only be Elliot and I know the second I turn around his caveman tendencies will take over and we'll be having sex again. So, I continue to rinse my hair and just when I think that he must have gone the shower door opens and strong arms wrap themselves around me while his lips kiss a path from my shoulder to my ear before he spins me around and his lips are on mine. I know I shouldn't be doing this, that I should tell him to stop and leave this place and him behind me, but I just can't. I know right now, he doesn't have more to give and at this moment I don't care, I can regret this later.

Once we have left the shower I wrap myself in a towel and watch him do the same, but then he surprises me by pulling me into his arms again.

„I have invited my brother and sister in law over for a cookout... you can have the night off if you want to or join us."

„I don't want to interrupt your family time, I can go watch a movie or something." I offer.

„Or you can stay." He grins.

„Ok. Can I make some salads?"

„Perfect, laters." He grins, kisses me and leaves the bathroom.

Did he just ask me to spend time with him and his family? I'm so confused.

 _ **Elliot**_

When Ana and Christian arrive with Arielle, I can tell by the look on my brother's face that he is not happy with me and sure enough he asks to talk to me in my study after only two minutes after their arrival.

„What the hell is going on, Elliot, Mom told me she heard you bang the girl every night until you moved back home."

„I know." I reply not sure how he will take my resolution to the situation with Cadie.

„So, you are dating her now?"

„I don't know."

„Hell Elliot, what do you mean, you don't know?"

„Until this afternoon I tried to stay away, which isn't working because it always ends with me shoving my dick into her."

„Wow, charming aren't we?" He mutters.

„Look, I still don't believe that I'm ready to start anything right now, but I'm also not capable of staying away from her, which is why I have decided to see what will happen if I don't stay away."

„And she is ok with that?"

„I haven't talked to her about it yet." I confess and he laughs.

„You know what, this is your mess, but for the girl's sake, try and figure it out soon before she gets her hopes up." He says and I roll my eyes. I fucking know that I'm acting like a douche, but I just can't let her go.

Later we are all in the backyard and Ana has Cadie engaged in a seemingly casual conversation but I know my sister in law better, she wants all the details on her life because she thinks Cadie is the one for me.

„Are you from Seattle, Cadie?" She asks.

„No, my family is from Tacoma, Mrs. Grey."

„It's Ana. Does your family still live there?"

„My parents and some of my siblings."

„Oh, you have siblings?"

„Yes, I'm the youngest of thirteen." She says and I nearly choke on my beer.

„You have twelve older siblings?" I ask to confirm what I have just heard.

„Yes, my mom wanted a girl, so they kept going until I arrived."

„Wait, you have twelve older brothers?" Christian asks clearly amused and when she nods I swallow hard, fuck, I better make sure they never find out that I'm banging their baby sister. I have never shied away from a fight, but a dozen of angry brothers doesn't seem appealing or manageable for me.

„Let me guess, you don't want any kids at all after growing up with that many siblings." I joke.

„Actually, I want at least seven." She says and I gape at her.

„Seven kids?"

„Yes, but maybe I change my mind and have more after number seven has arrived." She says with a shrug and suddenly I hear myself say: „Well hell, I need to build a bigger house if you want that many kids."

For a second everyone is silent, Christian smirks at me, Ana looks confused and Cadie just gapes at me while I have no idea where the hell that came from and while I'm still trying to figure out what has possessed me to say that Cadie has recovered herself.

„Well, you do that, I'll get the salad." She says and gets up to walk inside.

„Just a tip, bro... you shouldn't build that house before you've figured out what you really want." Christian chuckles and I flip him off.

„Cadie says that is a bad, bad thing to do, Daddy... don't let her see it or she'll put you on the silent chair." Ava chimes in making even me laugh.

„I'll keep that in mind, sweetheart, and I'm sorry I did that in front of you, it's not a nice thing to do." I explain to her and soon Cadie returns with the salads.

„Did one of your brothers attend Harvard, Cadie?" Christian asks motioning to the oversized Harvard sweater she is wearing.

„No, that's mine, I got in freshman year." She says and now I'm intrigued.

„You mean freshman year of High School?"

„No, my freshman year at Harvard, I have made my degree in education at the Harvard School of Education last year." She explains.

„Wait, you graduated from Harvard at nineteen?" I ask shocked, how do I not know this.

„Yes, I've graduated High School a month before I turned sixteen on top of my class and then applied at Harvard got accepted right away and made my degree a year early as well. But you should know that after all, I had to give you my resume when you hired me." She says.

„Kate did that and she never mentioned it, wait, why do you work as a nanny then?"

„Most schools felt uncomfortable to hire a teacher who is literally the same age as the students, which they didn't say directly, but I guess after I was told repeatedly to apply again in three or four years it was pretty obvious. My parents offered to buy me a place and give me money to live or travel, but that didn't feel right to me, so I decided to look for a job instead and found this one through the agency Mrs. Grey was using."

„Huh... so your parents are rich?" I ask and she snorts. „You could say that."

„What was your last name, Cadie?" Christian asks and looks intently at her.

„It's Danielson, Mr. Grey."

„As in Robert Danielson?" He follows up.

„That would be my Dad." She grins.

„Well, he certainly can afford to have that many children, I did business with him a number of times, impressive man." He says and she smiles obviously proud of her Dad.

I had no idea that she came from rich parents and she certainly isn't a typical rich kid or comes across that way.

„Elliot, is there something going on?" Ana asks when Cadie has excused herself for a moment and I try to avoid her gaze.

„Oh seriously, you should be ashamed of yourself." She says appalled and I look at her.

„How do you know?"

„Really, you might want to get some lessons in how to get a good poker face from Christian because you are literally an open book." She says annoyed and I smirk at her.

„Really, because right now I can't even figure out myself."

„Then maybe you should try to figure yourself out first before you go ahead and ruin something that has the potential to be great."

„Why are you so sure that she is right for me?" I ask now annoyed with her for being so sure about this when I have no idea how to do what's right.

„You'll figure it out eventually until then just please don't drive her away." She says and I give up, this is getting me nowhere... maybe I should ask Christian to give me the number of his shrink because at this point I'm willing to do anything to get my life back under control.

 _ **Just a quick heads up, I'm going to move the story forward a bit with the next chapter, it's just a short time jump, about three months, but it will bring updates on Flynn's trial, what is going to happen to Kate, Ana and Christian's move back home, more of Elliot and Cadie's story and of course we'll find out if Arielle is going to be a big sister soon ; )**_


	35. Chapter 35

_**3 months later - Ana**_

I look at Christian who has been staring at his phone for the past six hours and sigh. Six weeks ago the trial against Flynn has begun and I can tell that it is really eating away at Christian. It took him almost a month to finally confide in me that he is scared something will go wrong with the trial or they will not put him away for life and Flynn will be free to leave prison one day and find a way to manipulate him again. I do not believe for a single minute that he will be sentenced to anything less than life in prison for what he has done to Christian and the murder of the real John Flynn.

There is just no way that any jury or judge would allow for a man who has no empathy for anyone and is a clear threat to society to ever walk around as a free man again. But I also understand where Christian is coming from. After everything he has been through, this is the last piece of the puzzle that will allow him to truly move on and not live with the constant fear that this monster will find a way to get to him and cause more harm. Carrick who is at the court promised to call as soon as the jury is back in.

„Do you really don't want anything to eat?" I ask him but he just shakes his head. He has already missed breakfast and now lunch... I hate this, it just has been enough, I want this to be over and done for him so he doesn't have to feel this way anymore, but it's another hour until his phone rings and he puts it on speaker.

„Dad what is happening, why did it take them so long?" He says and I hold his hand in mine.

„The jury has found him guilty in all cases, the judge asked for a fifteen-minute break until before the sentencing... it's over Christian, he was sentenced to two life sentences in a high-security prison. He will never get out again." Carrick says and I watch Christian take a deep shuttering breath.

„Thank you, Dad... can we talk later, I need a minute." He says, hangs up and pulls me into his arms. For the next few minutes, we stay like this and then I feel him taking a deep breath and he pulls back.

„Do you feel better?" I ask and he slowly nods and pulls me into his arms again.

„Can you please eat something then?" I ask after a while and feel him smile against my neck.

„Can I have mac and cheese?" He asks and I smile.

„With chocolate fudge for dessert?"

„Yes please." He says and kisses me before I start to cook for him. I have never in all the time we have known each other seen him skip a meal leave alone two, so I'm very pleased to watch him eat a little later.

„It's over, Ana." He muses.

„I know and I have a surprise for you. Are you up to go somewhere today or do you want to wait until tomorrow?"

„Today is fine, what kind of surprise is it?" He asks smiling.

„One you are going to be very happy about." I smile back, take my phone and sent a quick text to confirm his surprise for today.

Since Gail and Taylor are having the day off and are at the zoo with Arielle and his daughter Sophie, we have the house to us and Sawyer will drive us later.

Right now, we are still at my house, but we are going to move back home next weekend when all the renovations are going to be done. We pick new wallpapers and colors for every wall in the house, had the bathrooms updated and part of the family room has been renovated to be a huge play den for Arielle and her future siblings. Christian even had a playground put outside and another one in the basement next to his gym so Arielle will be able to have her own playground no matter what weather it is. I thought that's a little over the top since we have parks nearby, but Christian is a bit anxious about taking Arielle to the park.

It's not that he doesn't want her to make friends, but he is worried that she will get kidnapped when someone realizes who her parents are. Which is why I have agreed not to take her to the park anymore. Especially now that Christian is slowing starting to work again. For now, he is mostly working from home and only goes in when big meetings are taking place. I just don't want him to worry about us while he is at work. Granted, he will always worry about us no matter what, but I don't need to add to his natural state of being worried.

In addition, it's not like Arielle is missing out on having play buddies. She has all of her cousins who she sees regularly and once she will start with kindergarten I'm sure she will have no problems to make more friends.

As for her cousins... well Elliot's kids, not Mia's. I try to spend as much time with them as possible. After all, they don't have mom and while Cadie is awesome with them, I feel like she is trying to not let them get too attached to her. Poor little Brianna has started to call her mama and Cadie is still trying to explain to her that she isn't her mom, but Elliot is no help because he just shrugs it off... or to be more honest, I think he really likes it.

I have learned to bite my tongue when it comes to their relationship. It's obvious for everyone who sees them together that Cadie is so very much in love with Elliot and him... I want to say he is too, but it really seems like he is fighting it, while they continue their strange relationship. Poor Grace is furious with her son, especially because he has no issues to kiss and touch Cadie at any given chance, but at the same time still introduces her as the nanny of his children, which is like a slap to her face and frankly humiliating to her. Both Mia and I would love to talk to her, just let her know to give him hell for his behavior, but Cadie is so young, she needs to grow her own confidence and if she is comfortable with staying with Elliot then who are we to tell her what to do.

And then there is Kate. Ethan has told me that even her lawyers told her to plead insanity, but she is refusing it. She is convinced that by going through a trial and taking the stand she can get away with what she was done when in reality she is looking at 25 years to life in prison. For a while, I thought I needed closure and talk to her, but after talking to my therapist about it I have decided against it. She is still portraying herself as the victim in this situation when in reality she is anything but. I just can't believe that being rejected by Christian has sent her spiraling like this. It's just baffling to me that she would not be able to let this go all the while she got married, had a good career and three beautiful children... and her entire behavior was nothing but an act. That all screams sociopath to me and so I know going to see her wouldn't get me any closure. She might say what I want to hear, but it wouldn't be honest, so I don't need to hear her lies. As it is, her trial is up in two months and not even her parents will be able to get her out of this. Not that they are trying anymore, because once they realized that the public is not Kate sides, neither were they and Ethan has told them point blank that he is done with them. He just couldn't take their behavior anymore and felt like they were always trying to get him to pick a side when nobody else did.

At first, Mia was really worried about how all of this would impact their marriage, but Ethan assured her that she and their children are all the family he would ever need in his life.

In the late afternoon, Sawyer drives us to the city and I watch Christian's confused face as we walk into the doctor's office and the receptionist tells us to go right through. So, I take his hand and lead him into the room where Dr. Hemmings is already waiting.

„Hi Ana, it's good to see you, how are you doing today."

„Great Rachel, how are you." I ask her. We have known each other for a couple of years now because her husband is a local businessman as well, so we have met at several events and ladies luncheons over time.

„I'm good, it's nice to meet you, Mr. Grey... Ana why don't you lay down." She says and I almost feel pity for Christian who still has no clue why we are here or what this has to do with my surprise for him.

As I lay down she helps me to pull my shirt up and leggings down a bit and then puts some clear gel on my lower belly.

„Ok, we are ready, Mr. Grey, I would like for you to run this over your wife's belly where the gel is, do it slowly and apply just a tiny amount of pressure." She says and Christian looks so confused I want to laugh, but he does as he was told and then Rachel asks him to stop.

„Perfect, just keep it there and then I need you to push this button here." She says to him and points to one of the buttons on the board in front of her and when he does the room is filled with the most magical sound on earth.

„Do you know what that sound is, Christian?" I ask him and slowly he seems to realize what we are doing and what we are hearing.

„Ana... is this a heartbeat... I mean..." he says and stops when Rachel turns the monitor she was looking at so we both can see the tiny little baby on the monitor, while she discreetly leaves the room.

„Surprise." I whisper as I watch him look at the monitor.

„That's our baby, Ana." He says.

„I know. I found out two days ago and Rachel said we might be able to hear the heartbeat already, so I thought I surprise you with it." I explain and he leans in to kiss me.

„Is everything alright, I mean is the baby fine... are you ok?"

„Yes, we are both fine, I'm almost eight weeks along, do you want to know the due date?" I ask with a smile.

„Yes, can your doctor already tell?"

„Of course... it's the 18th of June." I grin and he laughs and kisses me again.

„So, it's not just a surprise but also a very early birthday present?" He asks smiling.

„Yes... though I guess this little one qualifies as a birthday present you partially made for yourself." I giggle.

„Thank you, baby... you have no idea what this means to me." He says kisses me again and we both watch our child for ten more minutes before Rachel comes back in to finish up with my appointment and we leave with pictures from the sonogram.

„Can we stop at a baby market on our way home?" He asks and I nod, so we ask Sawyer to drive us there and together we look at the adorable clothes for newborns.

„What do you think what it is?"

„I don't know, how about we pick something neutral and something for a boy, if it is a girl we have so many clothes from Arielle that we don't have to buy much." I say and let him look through all the tiny clothes until he finds a blue and white onesie along with another one that is light green.

„I like these." He says and so we take them, but in the car he frowns.

„Why are you not seeing Dr. Greene anymore?" He asks after a while.

„I wasn't happy with her back when I was pregnant with Arielle. When the first rumors about our break up started to come up she kept telling me about my options."

„Options?" He asks even though from the look on his face I know he knows where this is going.

„She tried to encourage me to end the pregnancy since my child wouldn't have a father, after I told her in no uncertain ways that that was never going to happen she stopped but I just never got over it and then I met Rachel again, she is Stuart Evans wife, and she told me that she recently opened her private practice, so I went to her instead."

„That old fucking bitch." He mutters under his breath.

„It doesn't matter because our daughter has the best father in the world and this little one will too." I say with a smile and he rests his hand on my stomach.

„I can't wait for you to start showing." He says and I pout.

„What?" He grins.

„I got huge when I had Arielle."

„Ana, you couldn't get huge if you tried, you are pregnant, so of course you will gain weight, but that doesn't make you huge."

„Tell me that again in seven months and try to make it sound believable." I pout and he laughs.

„I will, trust me. Now, is there anything I can do for you right, anything you would like to do, before we head home?"

„Pancakes." I say quickly and he smirks.

„Pancakes?"

„Yes, there is this small place and they make crazy good pancakes with Oreos or peanut butter or strawberries and cream." I tell him all excited suddenly just thinking about them.

„Ok, pancakes it is." He says and Sawyer drives us where to the place where we get a table and because I can't decide which to get I order three different kinds, so I can take the rest home with me for later or tomorrow.

„So, is this a craving?" Christian asks while I dig in.

„It sure is, I usually don't even like pancakes that much." I explain and I know he is worried about me eating too much unhealthy stuff that might cause too much weight gain and through that issues with the pregnancy.

„Don't worry, Christian, I'm fully aware that this is a treat and can't be part of my daily diet."

„You know me to well, Mrs Grey, and it's not like I don't want you to have whatever you crave, I just don't want you to have any kind of problems with this pregnancy. Oh and what did your doctor mean when she talked about a birth center?" He asks and I take a deep breath.

„I don't want to give birth at a hospital, while I was pregnant with Arielle I had thought about giving birth to her at home, but I also kept the option of a birth center, which is a place run by midwives." I explain.

„What if you need a c-section?" He asks clearly alarmed.

„The birth center is right next to the Swedish medical center, so that's not an issue. Please, before you freak out about it look into it, we can visit the place together and if you promise to keep an open mind about the birth center I promise to not drive you into having a heart attack by looking further into giving birth at home." I offer and he sighs.

„Fine, I'll look into it. But why don't you want to give birth at a hospital?"

„I don't know, I just don't like them to begin with and did you know how many people get infected with horrible germs that can kill people each year? It's crazy, so if I can avoid it, I would prefer a different place to have our baby."

„Ok, we'll look into it together and find the best option for us." He says and a little later we arrive home and both look surprised at Elliot who is pacing in the driveway.

„Hey bro, what's up?" Christian asks.

„I fucked it up... Cadie... she left." He says and looks heartbroken.

„What do you mean, she is gone?"

„When I came home from work tonight, no one was there, I looked around and found a note with a letter. The note said that she has brought the kids to mom and dad. She quit and that the agency would send a replacement over tomorrow."

„Well fuck, what did you do to make her run?" Christian asks and he shifts on his feet.

„Elliot!" Christian insists and he runs his hands through his hair.

„I had some friends over yesterday, just to have some drinks. Cadie was in her room, so we talked rather candid. One of them asked about her, while we were eating sandwiches she had left in the fridge for us and like the fucking asshole I am I replied that the only thing she does better than cooking is riding my dick and that's all I need her for. I didn't realize at first why all the guys looked at me like I had lost my mind... and then I turned around and saw her in the kitchen getting herself something to drink. She just went back to her room and locked it, in the morning she acted normal, mostly because the kids were around I assume, and now she is gone... fuck!"

I gape at him and turn to Christian who looks so pissed I'm scared he is going to punch his brother, which to be honest is something I would like to do myself right now.

„Well, if that is all you need her for, just find another one." Christian finally says and now I want to punch him too, how can he say that?

„You don't get... damn it... I need her to come back."

„Why one pussy is as good as the next, right bro?!"

„Christian!" I huff, has he lost his mind too? But he just ignores me.

„Come on, Elliot... I can just hire you a hooker... you don't need that little bi..."

„Don't you fucking dare talk about Cadie like that, I love her, ok, happy now?" Elliot suddenly explodes and Christian smiles.

„I know you do, feels good to finally say it right? Now, why don't we go inside and figure out a way for you to make this right again... and just so you know, right now I really hope you have to meet each one of her older brothers before you even get the chance to talk to her." He says and winks at me before we walk inside.

Jesus... never a dull day with these Grey men...

 _ **Just a little note, I had some time and inspiration to write and ended up writing all the remaining chapters of this story. So, from now on there will be daily updates until the story is complete, which including the epilogue be at chapter 40.**_


	36. Chapter 36

_**Cadie**_

Three months. It's been almost exactly three days since whatever it is that is happening between Elliot and me has started. And I have to say I really love the man he is when we are alone, but then there is also the guy he is around everyone else and he is not so nice or maybe he doesn't even realize how the way he is treating me in front of others is making me feel.

He is always kissing me, pulling me into his arms, pulls me to sit in his lap or touches me no matter who is around and while I don't mind that in the slightest it's how he reacts when others ask who I am or what we are to each other that is so very humiliating. I know that I'm not his girlfriend, but god damn it then he shouldn't treat me as though I am in the presence of others. I tried to talk about it to him, but he just shrugged it off. Like he doesn't even care how I feel about it and the worst part is, I still can't leave.

I have thought about it so many times, but then I just can bring myself to do it and I feel like this is the real issue here. Me staying is making things worse, because it gives him the idea that I don't mind being treated like that. Or maybe he just doesn't care and I'm plain stupid for hoping that eventually, things will get better.

At first, I was hoping that with his divorce things would change, but he has been divorced for over a month now and it is still the same. Things are never going to change and he doesn't want to listen when I try to tell him that what we have is not enough for me. It makes me feel cheap and that is a feeling I hate more than anything else in the world. But why am I complaining? After all, I'm the one who has allowed him for the past three months to reduce me to feeling like his personal hooker.

And now, I'm hiding in my room because he has some old friends over and is having drinks with them. He asked me to join them, but I can do without being humiliated for a night. After a while, however, I'm really thirsty, so I walk into the kitchen and hear them talk in the living room while I get myself a glass from one of the cupboards.

„The girl makes great sandwiches." One of the guys says and winks at me, which I ignore and pour myself a glass of iced tea just when I hear Elliot say:

„Yeah, the only thing she does better than cooking is riding my dick... and that's all I need her for."

I cannot believe he just said that, in front of five guys I have never met and who are all staring at me now, while the big idiot that is Elliot Grey takes another moment to realize I'm even there, but before he can even say a thing I storm into my room and lock the door. That's it. I'm not staying here any longer. If I ever needed any more proof that he has no feelings for me than I have it now. All he needs me for is to fuck him on top of taking care of his kids, cleaning, cooking and doing the laundry, which all besides of looking after the kids is not even part of my fucking job and I still did all of it to make his life as easy as possible.

Not anymore though, enough is enough. I can't even cry, I'm just so angry and that anger rises, even more, when he has the balls to knock at my door after his friends have left.

„Cadie open the door? Are you sleeping? Why did you lock the door? Well, I guess you are not in the mood." I hear him mutter and want to run out there and smack him, but instead, I punch my pillow and listen to his footsteps walking away.

In the morning, I get the kids ready and make them breakfast. I'm still cooking when he walks into the kitchen, wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck, but I don't react.

„Everything alright?" He asks and if it wasn't for the kids I would have hit him with the frying pan, is he really that obtuse or just plain stupid?

„Sure." I mutter and help Jamie and Brianna with their breakfast, get them all in the car and drive Ava to her school before I return home with the kids, keep them entertained until they go down for their nap after lunch and start to pack my belongings and bring them to the car.

In the early afternoon, I take the younger kids with me to pick Ava up and drive to Bellevue. I have already talked to the agency that brought me to Elliot and they will send someone over to his place to replace me tomorrow. So, now all I have to do is say goodbye to the kids. When I get them out of the car I feel a lump form in my throat as I kneel in front of Ava and Jamie, while Brianna is still in the car seat.

„Listen, you two, I have to leave."

„When will you be back?" Ava wants to know and I have no idea how to tell her that I most likely will never be back.

„I don't know sweetheart... see, there will be someone else to look after you and your siblings."

„Why?" She asks quietly and it breaks my heart.

„It's difficult, but it has nothing to do with you or Jamie or Brianna... it's my fault, ok?"

„No, please don't go Cadie, please." She begs and I pull her into my arms.

„I'm so, so sorry, sweetheart. But I want to show you something." I say and take her tablet that only has a few games on it from my purse.

„If you miss me, want to talk to me or need anything, you can always talk to me."

„How?"

„Here, you push this icon and then tab here where my name is. If you do that you are ringing me and we can see each other and talk, ok?"

„Can't you just stay?"

„No sweetheart, come here give me a big hug, you too Jamie." I say and hold them for awhile before I take a deep breath and bring them to the front door where the housekeeper opens the door.

„Hi, are Dr. and Mr. Grey home?"

„Yes, they are on the patio."

„Can you bring them the kids, I have to leave now, their father will pick them up later."

„Of course." She says and I stay behind, trying my hardest not to cry while also reminding myself that these are not my children, because otherwise, I would be following my instincts who are screaming at me to take them with me.

Instead, I get into my car, take another deep breath and then drive leaving Bellevue and Seattle behind me until in the early evening I arrive at my childhood home, get out of my car and walk towards the door.

I'm just about to knock when my Dad steps outside with his two dogs.

„Cadie, darling I had no idea you wanted to come visit." He says and when he pulls me into a hug I finally realize that this is it, I will never see the kids or Elliot again and in that moment I can no longer hold back my tears.

 _ **Elliot**_

It's been a week since Cadie has left and so far I haven't managed to get in touch with her. She is not answering my texts or e-mails and hasn't answered my phone calls. I don't even know where she is, she could be in Seattle or she decided to put as much distance as possible between us and has left the country.

It's driving me fucking insane. I miss talking to her, I miss listening to her beautiful voice, I miss hearing her laugh, I miss watching her with the kids and that she insisted on TV free family time every night, so she would make us paint with watercolors or play board games. Damn it, I even miss her telling me to get my horny ass away from her because she is busy.

And it's not just me, the kids miss her too. Especially Brianna, my little bug has been grumpy for a week now keeping me up half the night crying for her mama. I know Cadie isn't technically her mother, but she has been taking care of Brianna since she was born, so of course when it was time for her to start talking she called her mama and for some reason I liked it. I just felt so confident that things would just stay that way that I didn't take into account that I could drive Cadie away and put my kids in such a shitty situation as well.

In hindsight, I just didn't want to call what we had a relationship or admit my feelings for Cadie because I was scared things would turn to shit for me again, only that now I'm the one who has created the steaming pile of shit I have found myself in.

Since I have no idea where Cadie went I have decided to start with the place that makes the most sense, which is why I am now outside her childhood home, which happens to be a very impressive historic mansion. I knock at the door and a minute later an older guy opens, who I know is her Dad.

„Good morning, Mr. Danielson, my name is Elliot Grey..."

„Ah, Cadie's former boss, I've been meaning to call you."

„May I ask why?"

„Join me while I walk the dogs." He says and attaches the leashes to their collars before I follow him down the driveway.

„You see, Cadie has always been the sunshine of the family since she is back she seems very upset which is not something her mother and I or her siblings are used to. In addition, she didn't call us to let us know she would quit her job and come home, which is not like her at all. Do you know why my daughter left so suddenly?" He asks and I know he is not going to like my reply.

„I would prefer to talk to Cadie first, Mr. Danielson. This is a private matter between your daughter and myself." I say and he looks at me intently.

„I see, just how old are you exactly, Mr. Grey?"

„Thirty-eight, Sir."

„One would think a man your age knows better than to upset a girl to the point where she feels the need to run." He says not even trying to hide his rising temper.

„I'm fully aware of that, but I came here today to make things right, so I would really appreciate it if I could talk to Cadie."

„She is inside in the basement with some of her brothers who stopped by to cheer her up. Go back into the house, the basement door is by the staircase, they will be in the room at the end of the hallway. And Mr. Grey, I don't take it lightly when I see my daughter cry and I will hold you responsible if I find her crying again today." He says and I nod before I head back to the house. Well, that could have gone worse.

In the basement, I hear voices come from the room her father described and when I step inside I curse inwardly when I find her with no less than nine of her older brothers, who look at me questioningly while Cadie glares at me.

„Hello Cadie, it's good to see you, can we talk?"

„I don't have anything to say to you, Mr. Grey." She says coldly and I wince, she has not referred to me as Mr. Grey for so long, it's almost like she slapped me.

„Please Cadie, give me ten minutes, I came all the way here to see you..." I try and she gets up and walks towards me.

„What was it you said about me, all you need from me is to cook you food or ride your dick, I'm sorry, but I won't do either of those things ever again. Have a good day, Mr. Grey." She snaps at me and walks out of the room leaving me with her seriously pissed looking older brothers. _Well fuck._

 _ **Christian**_

„Damn baby, this pregnancy seems to have its advantages." I smirk when she starts to stroke my dick again after we already fucked five times today.

„Yup, I'm one horny little pregnant lady and this is nothing compared to what I'm going to be like when I hit the second trimester... you better stock up on your vitamins, Grey." She smirks and we both groan annoyed when we hear Taylor's voice over the intercom.

„Your brother is on his way up the driveway." He announces and with a sigh, we get up and get dressed.

We have moved back home yesterday and while it's still our home, with the renovations it also feels new, like a fresh start, which we both enjoy a lot. However, I would have enjoyed it even better if it wasn't for my brother interrupting us.

When he walks in though both Ana and I run to him. „Oh my god, did you get into an accident?" Ana asks, but I know better, he has been in a fight which judging by his split lip and black eye didn't exactly end in his favor.

„No accident Ana, it's alright."

„Alright... you look like hell... sit down, I'm getting some ice for your eye and the first aid kit." She says and hurries off.

„So, you met Cadie's family?" I smirk.

„Funny, but yes... my new look is thanks to her Dad who wasn't as welcoming after his oldest son, who wanted to punch me told him what I have said about his daughter."

„Her Dad... Elliot, Robert Danielson is in his late sixties, do not tell me you got into a physical altercation with him?"

„Well, he did punch me twice, but I didn't hit him back... after all, once I have managed to get my ass kicked by all of her brothers and possibly her mom and the family dogs I'm planning on marrying his daughter, so I can't lay hands on him." He smirks... fucking hell, he just got roughed up by a grandpa and he is smirking.

„You think the fact that there are a dozen guys who want to kick your ass is funny?"

„Well, like I said, if I want to get back on Cadie's good side, I have to win her family over first."

„Did you even see her?" Ana asks as she returns and hands Elliot an icepack for his eye.

„Thanks, sis... yes, I saw her, but she didn't want to talk to me, she is really fucking pissed, which is good." He says and I frown.

„Why is her being pissed good?"

„Her being pissed means she is hurt and in order to be hurt, she has to care about me, which then means she has feelings for me. So, all I have to do now is grovel and show her that I'm serious about us, so that she is willing to give me another chance... simple, right?" He smirks and winces due to his split lip.

„Well, I guess that makes sense... so what are your next plans?"

„That's why I'm here. I'm sure her Dad won't let me into his house again, so I need to find a way to see her. Can you have Welch hire someone to follow her, I need to know her daily routine, so I know where to pop up to see her."

„Ok, consider it done... now let Ana take care of your split lip, so I can kick you out and have my way with my wife." I smirk at him.

When he has left Ana shakes her head. „You know I love your brother with all my heart, but he really needs to grow up. I mean who walks around grinning like a fool after being punched in the face repeatedly?" She mutters and I pull her back into my arms.

„Baby, he wants the girl back and believe me, if anyone would ever treat my daughter the way he treated Cadie, I would get some hits in too."

„I would hope so... of course, you would have to get in line, because I would get to that guy first." She grins and kisses me.

My brother might have a long way ahead of him, but I'm confident that he can win her back because if I could manage to get my beautiful wife back after everything that has happened between us, I know he will find a way out of his mess too.


	37. Chapter 37

_**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E. L. James**_

 _ **Ana**_

„This is not fair." I murmur as I pull my head from the toilet. I really thought this time I wouldn't have to go through this awful morning sickness, but three days ago it has started and I hate it. I would take swollen feet, an aching back and mood swings over vomiting any day.

„Come, let me help you up, baby." Christian says and lifts me to my fight, sits me down on the edge of the tub and flushes the toilet before handing me a glass of water. He has become better at this. Three days ago he was so freaked out when I started projectile vomiting that he called his mom who had to calm him down for twenty minutes.

Now he is as calm as it gets. „Do you want to lay down for a bit or do you need to stay here a bit longer?" He asks and kneels before me.

„I need to brush my teeth... why do I have to be sick... it's so gross." I whine and he smiles.

„All part of the deal, baby, but it will pass soon." He says and helps me up so I can brush my teeth before I go back to bed to lay down for a while in hopes the nausea is going to pass.

An hour later I hear noises in the hallway and voices, at first I think Christian is going to check on me, but the noises keep coming without him ever coming into our bedroom, so I get up and find the door to the room that is going to be the nursery for our baby open. I walk closer and can't help but smile when I find my Dad and Christian painting.

We have picked a color for the walls and carpet and even picked some furniture already, but I thought Christian was going to hire people to do this. Seeing him do it with the help of my Dad brings tears to my eyes.

„Hey, did we wake you up?"

„I was curious when I heard the noise, can I help?" I offer.

„No, you need to rest until you are nauseous anymore and once that is done you need to eat something. I don't want you to breathe in the fumes of the paint, it's not good for you, baby."

„Ok, are you staying for lunch, Dad?"

„Far be it from me to say no to a good meal, sweetheart. Now, let us do the work and you go get some rest, you look pale." My Dad says and since the smell of paint isn't helping my nausea I nod and leave them to it.

I just hope it's going to be better tonight because we promised Elliot to show up to watch the play at Ava's school and I know she will be disappointed if we miss it.

As for Elliot, he has been to Cadie's childhood home five times in the last two weeks but her parents are not allowing him in and since she doesn't have a schedule on which she leaves the house there is nothing he can do to see her until she is ready to see him.

I feel bad for him, he knows he fucked up and is desperate to make things right, but now it doesn't seem as though he will get the chance to do so anytime soon.

After one more hour my nausea has finally passed and so I get up, take a shower and get ready for the day. The men are still busy in the nursery, so I go down stairs where I find Gail and Arielle in the living room.

„Good morning, Ana. Do you feel better?"

„Yes, thank you, Gail. God, I just want this morning sickness thing to pass." I mutter and lift Arielle up.

„MAMA!" She exclaims grinning and I kiss her little face over and over to make her laugh. Just hearing her call me mama makes me so happy. For the longest time, she would just say Dada and I'm not ashamed to admit that I had become rather jealous because I wanted her to say mama or mommy too.

And since she started to say mama she has also added Gaga for Gail and Ta for Taylor to her repertoire, her favorite word, however, has become no. Lately, it's become one of my favorite things to watch Christian try to feed her foods she hasn't tried before. If she doesn't like it, she will not take another bite and no matter how often Christian tries to get her to try again she will tell him no accompanied by a huge smile.

Their little food arguments are so cute that I have filmed them on my phone a number of times and sent them to my Dad, Grace, Carrick, Elliot, Mia and Ethan who all love them too.

After I had breakfast I sit down in the living room to play with Arielle, when my phone rings.

„Hey, Elliot."

„Ana, you need to come to my place, now." He says sounding panicked.

„What is going on?"

„I fucked up, Ava's play is tonight and she doesn't have a costume." He says and I roll my eyes.

„What do you mean she doesn't have a costume?"

„I thought the school provides them... turns out they expect for the parents to fucking sew them. When Ava asked me for her costume I told her I have it... but Ana, I can't sew for shit. You don't want to see the monstrosity I have just created." He says and I start to laugh.

„Fine, I'll be there in thirty minutes." I giggle, hang up, ask Gail to watch Arielle for me and head upstairs.

„Hey baby, coming to check on us?" Christian asks and kisses me.

„Yes and no, I have to go out for an hour or two, Elliot didn't know he had to sew Ava's costume, now he is in full on panic mode."

„Can you sew?"

„Sure, it's not that hard, Sawyer is driving me, I'm not trusting myself behind the wheel right now in case I get sick again."

„Good, text we when you get there and before you leave."

„Aye aye, Captain." I smirk, kiss him wave at my Dad and leave. On my way to Elliot, I get some fabric since I know that Ava is going to be a fairy and then arrive at Elliot's house where he shows me what he has managed to create on his own and I try my hardest not to laugh.

„I know, fuck, it looked so easy when I watched that online tutorial and the worst part is Ava saw it two hours ago and since then she is in her room pouting. Please tell me you can fix this." He says and when I inspect it further and see that the thing has four holes for the arms but none for Ava's head I'm crying laughing.

„Well, that's not helping, sis." He mutters.

„Sorry, oh my god, can I keep this, this is too funny." I giggle and ask him to show me where Kate's old sewing machine is, so he brings me upstairs and I unpack the fabric I have gotten.

„Damn, you are a lifesaver, can I leave you here on your own. The new nanny is worth shit, so I have to cook and there is a pile of laundry I have to get through today."

„Why doesn't she cook?"

„Because I'm an asshole." He says bitterly.

„What?"

„Apparently, back when Kate hired a nanny her job description was to look after the children, no cooking, cleaning, or laundry included... Cadie just did all of that by herself... pretty sure she used her income to buy groceries." He says shamefaced and I decide to just say nothing at all. At least now he realizes all the things she has done to make his life easy and that he didn't see or appreciate at the time.

Once I have the fabric laid out I go to Ava's room and walk in after I've knocked.

„Aunty Ana!"

„Hi princess, I heard you are a little grumpy." I say with a smile and sit down next to her on her bed.

„Daddy forgot my costume." She says sadly.

„He didn't do it on purpose, sweetheart and you happen to have an aunt who is going to sew you a pretty cool fairy costume." I say to her and she looks up.

„Really?"

„Sure, how about we go and ask your Daddy for a measuring tape and then you can help me sew your costume."

„Ok." She says and so I take her hand we walk downstairs just when someone is at the door and Elliot walks into the kitchen carrying a small box.

„What's that?"

„I have no idea." He says, opens it and retrieves and beautiful fairy costume.

„Is it mine, is it mine?" Ava asks all excited and I step closer to look at it.

„Did you order a back up, Ana?" He asks me and I frown.

„No, and this isn't store-bought, Elliot. It's handmade and has no labels. Well, let's see if it fits." I mutter and put it on Ava. Looking at her it fits perfectly and I have to admit that it's way better than anything I could have made.

„Sweetheart, did you ask one of your friend's mommy to make a costume for you?" Elliot asks but Ava shakes her head, while I take the costume off her.

„Can I please go to my room, Daddy?"

„Sure." He says and I wait a second. „Come." I say and quietly follow her with Elliot.

„What are you doing?" Elliot whispers as we both peek into Ava's room.

„Following an instinct or do you think the dress just magically appeared." I whisper back and we watch Ava get her tablet from her shelf and then I frown.

„Ava is allowed to use Skype?" I ask him.

„No, I blocked everything on the fucking thing." He says and then I smile when I hear Ava talk.

„Did you make the costume for me, Cadie?"

„I sure did, do you like it, bug?" We both hear Cadie's voice and suddenly Jamie runs into Ava's room and waves at the tablet.

„Hey big guy, have you been good?"

„Me always good." He says and I pull Elliot back downstairs with me.

„Wait... I want to talk to her."

„Give her time, Elliot."

„Why, how are we supposed to figure this out when she is hiding from me?"

„You are going to figure everything out when the time is right, I know it's hard but you can't force her to talk to you or listen, she has to want to listen to you."

„I know... but I just miss her. I thought I could fix this in a few days, but now it has been almost a month."

„You know what they say, good things come to those who wait." I tell him because I believe that when Cadie is ready she will come back and listen to what he has to say.

 _ **Christian**_

„Thanks again for helping me out with the nursery... what do you think next one I can do on my own?" I smirk and hand him a beer.

„Unless my daughter wants to have twenty more kids, you'll need my help each time." He says with a raised brow and I laugh. It's true, I suck at painting and building furniture, but I'm still proud of what I have accomplished today. The nursery is almost ready and just needs to be personalized once we know if it is a girl or boy, but everything else is in place now.

„How is Ana dealing with everything?" Ray asks and I know he is referring to the fact that Kate's lawyers have requested for a conversation between Ana and Kate, which made me furious. I know Kate is trying to save her ass by showing remorse, but to me, that's not going to happen. I will not allow for my pregnant wife to come anywhere near that psychopath.

„She is ignoring their calls after she told them she wasn't going to see Kate other than during her trial and I don't even want her to go to that, but they might need her as a witness. My Dad is trying to get Ana out of that, because she can't even remember being pushed and there with Elliot testifying about Kate's general behavior as well as the shrink who has evaluated her and the tape of her confessing to trying to murder Ana and Arielle I don't see the point of her having to go through that."

„Me neither... Kate always rubbed me the wrong way... she reminded me of Ana's mom." He says and I get pissed even thinking about Carla. That old bitch has a way of making her fucking existence known at the most unacceptable times. She called four days ago complaining that Ana was calling her. When she has not contacted her once after they stopped talking shortly after Arielle was born and she had nothing better to do than to upset her daughter who was still at the hospital recovering from a near-death experience.

When I found Ana crying in our bedroom I had enough and called Carla back. I told her in no uncertain ways that my wife doesn't need or deserve a to have a mother like her and that she is not to contact us again. Of course, she tried to argue but I made it clear that I wouldn't allow for her to upset Ana again, just because Carla thinks that it is Ana's duty as a daughter to support her lazy ass.

The worst part about this is if Carla was actually interested in being a good mother and grandmother I could forget about her being lazy and just set her up with a house and credit card to use. As it is I won't give her a fucking penny. The bitch actually told me that I could pay her to stay away to which I ended the call. Sure, it was tempting to use my money to make her go away, but I know Ana would have been even more upset about that, so I decided against it.

If she tries to upset Ana again, however, I will have to find a way to shut her up. I want this to be happy time for Ana. Her last pregnancy was tainted by everything that happened and she was cheated out of having a normal delivery and taking care of her child by Kate trying to murder her. So, this time I want her to have the best pregnancy and delivery possible. Christ, I'm even looking into childbirth at home, because I know this is what she really wants to do, but doesn't want to bring because she knows I'm too worried about her all the time.

At this point, I can at least consider it as an option if we find the right midwife and my mom agrees to be here as well as Ana's doctor. I have done a lot of research, so I know that more and more women decide to give birth at home and I kind of like the thought, so I need to work on not freaking out about it before I bring it up again.

Later we are at Ava's preschool and have to wait for the play to begin.

„I'm going to find the bathroom real quick." I whisper to Ana and had out of the auditorium, find the restrooms and walk back, but I'm not quite in the auditorium when I think I see someone and walk over to the blonde girl.

„Cadie?" I ask and she turns around looking really uncomfortable.

„Um... hi, Mr. Grey... um... I ... I was just..."

„Here to see your little girl?" I ask smiling.

„I promised her to be here." She admits.

„Does Elliot know you are here?"

„No, please don't tell him, it's Ava's night, I don't want to ruin it for her." She begs and I sigh. Fuck, I know I should stay out of this, but I feel fucking bad for both of them and the kids.

„Look, it's none of my business, but he is sorry... he just needed way too long to understand what is going on with his feelings for you... maybe just listen to him, Cadie."

„Sometimes being sorry is just not enough... I know he has feelings for me, he is not that hard to read, but fact is that he is not over what happened with his ex-wife and I was stupid enough to let him treat me like shit when in reality he wanted to punish her. The play starts, please excuse me, Mr. Grey." She says and walks into the auditorium where I see her in the last row while I walk to Ana and sit down.

„What took you so long?" She whispers into my ear.

„Cadie is here, I tried to talk to her, it didn't go too well." I admit and she sighs but then Ava comes on stage and we all cheer for her.

I guess it will take more time for my brother to get his happily ever after and it makes me appreciate that have found mine with Ana even more...


	38. Chapter 38

_**Cadie**_

„I'm not happy about this, Cadie." My father says as I'm about to get into my car.

„I know Dad, but I love him and I can't do this anymore. I miss him, I miss the kids and just want to go home." I say and he smiles at me.

„Well, give him hell, sweetheart." He says and I smirk.

„I fully intend to. Wish me luck." I say kiss my Dad's cheek and get into my car. On my drive to Seattle, I try to think about what to say or how to make this right. For five weeks I have tried to get over Elliot, I have told myself that I deserve better, I have tried to reason with myself that he is not ready to have a relationship, that he is too old, I have tried everything just so I wouldn't have to face him, because I know that I will be miserable if the outcome of the conversation we are going to have is that we are not meant to be.

Maybe the time apart has made him realize that I really was just a distraction for him. I don't want to believe it, but it's a possibility. I just hope that's not the case and the fact that he is still stopping by at least twice a week has been sending flowers and texts and e-mails shows that he really does miss me.

When I arrive at his place it's nine in the evening and the new nanny opens the door.

„Hi, my name is Cadie, I'm the previous nanny, is Elliot home?"

„Yes, I think he is outside shooting hoops." She says and I nod walk around the house and watch him throw hoops until the ball rolls off in my direction and I catch it.

„Lost something?" I ask and he just gapes at me for a moment and then he runs over to me, lifts me up in his arms and just holds me tight.

„I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." he murmurs into my hair and we just continue to hold each other until he looks at me and leans in to kiss me but I stop him.

„Oh, no you don't... we need to talk and we both know there won't be any talking once you kiss me." I tell him and he gives me a guilty grin.

„Ok, you are right, let's go inside, it's cold out here." He says takes my hand in his and we walk inside and sit in the living room.

„I'm so glad you are here, Cadie. I know I behaved extremely poorly towards you, but I promise I can do better."

„Well, there is not much space to get worse, so I guess that's not that hard." I reply dryly.

„I know."

„Look, Elliot, I'm really trying to understand you and I tried to give you space and make things as easy as possible for you, but I'm done with that. I'm willing to give you another chance but you cannot treat me like that again. So here are the options, A I come back as the nanny of your children and there will be nothing happening between us or B we are trying to work on having a relationship, but if you ever treat me the way you did in front of others again I'm gone. I don't enjoy getting humiliated in front of others on a daily basis and above that, if you are angry at your ex-wife don't let it out on me."

„You've noticed that." He murmurs and I smile.

„You are not that hard to read and I get that after what you've been through with her it's not that easy to move on or trust someone else not to turn out the same, but I'm not her. And moving forward you can bet your ass on the fact that every time you push me, I will push back." She said and watch a small smile creep on his face.

„I guess then I have to behave, especially since I met your Dad and your brothers. Damn, your Dad has one hell of a punch." He says and my mouth drops open.

„He hit you?"

„Yup, your brother pulled me outside and he asked what was wrong, a second later I found myself on my ass on the ground and kindly helped me to my feet before he knocked me to my ass again." He says and smirks.

„That's not funny, Elliot... Jesus... and which of my brothers took you outside?"

„The one with the glasses."

„Oh my god, they must have been so pissed, Connor is the most reasonable of my older brothers." I mutter.

„Well, I hope when I'm in my sixties I too will be fit enough to knock every stupid fucker who hurts my girls to his ass."

„Or you could talk to them!"

„Eventually but first I hurt them." He says and I hold my hands up in defeat, that's the one thing about men I will never get.

„Why did you stop by at my parent's place all the time?"

„I was hoping you would talk to me, give me the chance to explain everything to you so that I could take you home." He says and I take his hands in mine.

„Ok, I'm listening now."

„When I met Kate, she was perfect, she was funny and sexy and bright and just everything I wanted my wife to be. So, I proposed and we got married, I built this house for us and things looked great for a while until slowly but surely everything changed. She got moody and withdrawn, so I gave her more of my time and attention, worked harder to make more money and give her the things she loved, I did all I could possibly think of but all she did was to complain and cheat on me and be awful as soon as no one was around, but I just couldn't stop because I didn't want to see that the girl she was before we got married wasn't her, the real Kate was the awful person I had to live with and didn't want to leave because I felt bad for the kids. When shit went down... I promised myself to never ever fall for a woman who seems too perfect to be true and you... you are just that, Cadie. I mean, you love my kids even though they are not yours, you take care of everything, you make my life so fucking easy and on top of all of that, you love me. I just couldn't believe it's true, I needed to tell myself that it's not real so I wouldn't end up hurt again... and with that I hurt myself, because I only realized how much you mean to me after I had driven you away." he says and I can see in his eyes that he is scared of my reaction to this.

„Is there anything I can do to make this better for you?" I finally ask.

„What?"

„I understand where you are coming from and have seen some of the things that happened here, so I get that you are not easily going to trust anyone, so... is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?"

„Why are you so amazing?"

„I'm not, I just had five weeks to think everything through. I want us to work, Elliot. I have missed you and the kids so much, so do you think we can try this one more time, for real this time?" I ask and he pulls me in his lap.

„There is nothing that would make me more happy... of course, only if you can live with the fact that according to your Dad I'm an old man." He says.

„I guess that is ok and if he brings it up I can always say it's a Daddy kink." I smirk

„So, you will move in again?" He asks hopeful.

„Good thing all my stuff is outside in my car, right?" I smile and this time I don't stop him from kissing me.

„Oh, so you were planning on us getting back together all along." He grins and runs his nose against mine.

„A girl can hope, right?"

„Yes." He says and looks serious all of a sudden.

„What is wrong?"

„When Erin, the new nanny, started she told me that cooking, doing the laundry and cleaning is not part of her job, because it wasn't requested in the profile Kate gave to the agency that brought you to us. Which means one, I didn't pay you for everything you have done here and two, you never got any money to buy groceries... why did you never tell me that?" He asks and I shrug.

„Did you pay everything with your income?" He asks.

„Yes, I mean when I first started your ex had a housekeeper who was lazy as hell and would cook stuff your ex liked, but Ava and Jamie didn't want to touch. So, I started to cook for them and when I noticed that you preferred what I was cooking I just made sure to make a bit more. As for doing the laundry, your ex had her clothes brought to a dry cleaner and the housekeeper was doing one load of laundry a week, which is ridiculous with three kids, so I started to do their laundry and since yours was just laying around I put it in too. When we moved back here you didn't hire a new housekeeper, so I just took over and I didn't bring it up because I don't mind taking care of everything, I like to keep myself busy because I get easily bored and why wouldn't I use my money to buy groceries."

„Because that's your money to pay your bills and buy you stuff you like."

„But everything I like can't be bought with money. I like hanging out with the kids and spending time alone with you. The only thing I would love to get I wasn't sure you would like."

„What is it?"

„A dog and a cat. It's great for kids to grow up with animals to show them how to be responsible for another living being."

„We could go to a shelter this weekend. I always wanted a dog but Kate wasn't having it, but are sure a dog will get along with a cat?"

„Most do just fine..."

„Ok, but still you'll get a credit card from me from now on to pay for everything you'll buy for the kids and us or yourself. I'm not going to hire you as nanny again, you are my girlfriend, but I still want to take care of you."

„You don't have to."

„Yes, I do, Cadie. Call me old-fashioned, but I'm the man here, so I'm taking care of my family and I'm going to hire a housekeeper."

„No, please, I will be so bored if I don't have anything to do all day, I like to take care of everyone... just since we are on the topic, I love this house it's amazing, but those windows are a bitch." I get out and he laughs.

„Why, they are essential to bring light into each corner of the open living space." He says.

„I get that, but have you ever cleaned them?"

„No, why?"

„Well, this glass wall goes all the way up from the floor to the roof and I'm only 5'1 you do the math." I pout.

„So, you wouldn't mind if I get someone to clean them every other week?"

„No, hire away." I grin and kiss him.

„Are we good?" He asks and cups my face in his hands.

„We are, but I mean it, Elliot, don't ever make me feel like crap around your family and friends."

„I won't, I swear, besides, they all love you and have given me hell for my behavior. Especially, my brother and sister in law and my parents."

„Really, I was sure your brother doesn't like me, but maybe he just looks like that in general."

„Like what?" He asks clearly amused.

„I can't quite describe it, but every time he looks at me I feel like I just had been ordered to the principal's office." I reply and he laughs.

„Yeah, he has that look perfected, but believe me, he has the biggest heart. Besides, what am I supposed to say, you have twelve brothers."

„They'll learn to love you, after all they all just want me to be happy and I'm happy with you."

„That's good... come, it's getting late we'll get your stuff and then I might know a trick or two to make you even more happy." He says with a wink and I laugh when I get up and he takes the two suitcases with my stuff.

„Wait where are you going, my room is over there." I say confused when he starts to walk up the stairs.

„Sweetheart, back there is the nanny's room, my girlfriend stays with me." He says and I smile at him, before we had into his bedroom and find something better to do than to unpack my bags...


	39. Chapter 39

_**So, here it is the last chapter of The Betrayal, thank you all for your support and going on this journey with me. I have to say, I was never as hesitant to post a story as I have been with this one but you all have been so amazing and I can't wait to share my new story with all of you. Tomorrow I'm going to upload the epilogue for this story and next week I'm going to start with my new story which is going to be called The Choices We Make :)**_

 _ **3 months later**_

 _ **Kate**_

I cannot believe this is happening. I'm outside the courtroom with my three lawyers waiting for them to finish their briefing. As if I would listen to any of it. I'm the victim in this situation. I may have pushed Ana, but this is ridiculous, I have been in prison for over eight months now, fucking Elliot has divorced me and my own parents are no longer talking to me. Ethan has visited me twice and left angry both times because he doesn't want to see how all of this is Christian's fault and not mine.

Oh, I hate the fucking son of a bitch. If it wasn't for him none of this would have happened!

„Let's go inside, Miss Kavanagh." My lawyer says and I glare at him, but start to walk. Inside I look at the people watching the trial and stop when I see Christian glaring at me, one arm wrapped around Ana who is obviously pregnant again. Urghh, I hate them both. Next to them is Elliot who is looking at me stone-faced and then I see that he is holding someone's hand and I see that next to him is the fucking nanny. This is ridiculous, he went from being married to a woman like me to fucking a little lamb like Cadie? Looks like that is the best he can do now.

I still want to take the stand, I know I can make the jury and the judge understand that I only did what I had to do. If I'm good at anything, then it's convincing people to be on my side. my lawyers, however, are strictly against it and so I have to sit here, in a fucking courtroom and listen to people talk about me like I'm some sort of monster. I mean seriously, Ana is fine, Arielle is fine, so why are they making such a god damn fuss. I just hope this is going to be over soon, so I can finally leave this shitfest behind me and start over, preferably as far away as possible from Christian fucking Grey as humanly possible.

Three hours later I'm horrified, Elliot made it sound like I'm the most despicable person on earth when I have done nothing to deserve all of this and the fucking shrink says while I'm able to tell right from wrong, I'm showing tendencies of being delusional and sociopathic. What a fucking idiot, I'm neither of those things and if I would just be allowed to take the stand I could prove it to everyone.

After another hour of so-called evidence, there is a break and I'm led outside the courtroom and down a hallway when I see Ana with the little slut Elliot is now fucking.

„You have to tell them, Ana! You know I'm a good person, I'm your best friend, god damn it!" I yell at her and she doesn't even look at me.

„Come, Ana, don't even listen to her." the little bitch says and I want to strangle her.

„Who the hell do you think you are, you little slut?!" I snap at her ignoring my lawyers who are trying to force me to move.

„Oh that's simple, I'm her sister in law and by the way, it's Mrs. Grey to you." The little bitch says just as Elliot and Christian reach them.

„You married that little bitch?"

„Careful Kate, I don't like the way you are addressing my wife. Oh and before I forget it since you lost all parental rights to my children, Cadie didn't just marry me, she also adopted my children... have a good one, Kate." the bastard says and has the balls to fucking smirk at me before they walk away.

„You fucking son of a bitch. I hate you, I always hated you!" I scream and as a result, end up being restraint and dragged away. I hate the fucking Greys, all of them, I hope they all will burn in hell one day!

 _ **Christian**_

„Are you okay, baby?" I ask Ana who seems a bit shaken by her encounter with Kate.

„Yes, I'm fine, I just really didn't want to have to talk to her. Can we go and have lunch now?"

„Sure, let's get out of here. We don't have to be here for the pleas. We can come back for sentencing which won't be until tomorrow."

„That's good." She says and so we leave the courthouse and head to a restaurant along with Elliot and Cadie. Mia and Ethan wanted to go to watch the trial too, but changed their mind last minute and took their kids on a family trip instead. I get it, she is his sister and it's easier for him to not see what she has become. If the roles were reversed and this was my sister, I don't know how I would be dealing with it.

The next day Ana isn't feeling well, so I met with Elliot and Cadie and we go to court together. The jury has already found her guilty after only an hour and this morning the judge is going to sentence her. I'm just glad that it is over. With Kate being dealt with, I feel like this entire nightmare of everything that has happened to us is finally completely over and we all can move on.

Though looking at my brother, he already has moved on. Christ, first he needed months and nearly losing Cadie to see what all of us already knew and then only a months after she was back he proposed to her and they got married last month. I have to say, I get a kick out of her family. All of her brothers still try to take the piss out of Elliot at any given chance and her Dad would never admit that he actually likes Elliot, even though it is pretty obvious. But my brother happily ignores all of that, mainly because he only has eyes for his wife and kids.

„Let's hope this goes quick, I didn't get to have my way with my wife this morning." Elliot mutters and I laugh when Cadie kicks him.

„What, I didn't." He smirks.

„Honestly, how did you get through life with no filter until now?" She mutters and he kisses her.

„Pretty good actually, and I still got you." He grins, but then we have to go inside and watch as Kate gets led into the courtroom with her lawyers. For someone who just was found guilty of attempted murder she looks pretty relaxed, almost as if the crazy bitch still doesn't realize that this is going to be her last trip out of prison for a long time if not even the rest of her life, which is what I am hoping for.

We get up as the judge gets in and he seems to want this over with to as he starts right away.

„Miss Kavanagh, I have seen and heard a lot of things in my time as a judge. You, however, have managed to surprise me. Not only have you not shown any kind of remorse for your wrongdoings, you also have not stopped to see yourself as the victim in this trial. So, let's talk about your role in all of this. You are from a good, well-respected family, grew up being handed all your hearts desires. You went on to get a good education, got married, gave birth to three healthy children and still, you never appreciated any of it. You in fact, as testified by your husband had to be bribed into giving birth to your children and never actually cared for them, which is a pity, because most often our children will teach us the most valuable lessons in life. You, however, have decided to waste all of your adult life by being obsessed with your brother in law and the fact that once upon a time he rejected your attempts to get to know him. And it wasn't because you were in love, a feeling I'm not quite sure you are capable of in regards to other people. No, you got obsessed because by rejecting you, you didn't get the dream life you wanted as a billionaire's wife. You watched your best friend get married to the man you wanted to use for your benefit and got married to his brother just to get a prestigious name, which is despicable. Now, this should have been the end of it, but when you saw your chance for your revenge you took it. I don't believe for one second that you pushed Anastasia Grey, who has highly pregnant at the time, down those stairs to keep Mr. Grey away. No, you pushed him because you knew that by murdering his wife and unborn child you would break him too." The judge says and there are gasps throughout the courtroom when over the monitor everyone in attendance can see the small smirk on Kate's face.

I knew the bitch was crazy, but right now I want to get up and beat the hell out of her.

„Ignore her, I promised Ana you wouldn't do anything stupid and we both know I can't hold you back if you try to jump the bitch." Cadie says quietly and I look at her.

„Is it that obvious that I want to snap her neck?"

„Yes, so please don't make me break my promise by getting arrested." She says and gets a flipping stress toy from her purse which she hands to me, making Elliot cough to hide his laughter, just before the judge continues.

„Miss Kavanagh, frankly, I want you out of this courtroom as soon as possible, so I will not tell you how I truly feel about your behavior right now." He says and gets up.

„Katherine Kavanagh, you are hereby sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole for the next fifty years." He says and I sigh in relief.

We continue to listen until everyone can leave and we are just outside when Kate is led away screaming and cussing until she sees me.

„I hate you, you fucking son of a bitch, believe me, if you are still alive in fifty years from now, I will fucking kill you!" She screams before she is dragged away.

„Man, did I mention that I like your second wife a lot better than the first one?" I smirk and we all have to laugh before we leave the courtroom and this nightmare behind us for good.

 _ **3 1/2 months later - Christian**_

„Can't sleep?" I murmur when I here Ana move in bed in the middle of the night.

„No, my back hurts so bad... Christian, I don't think this child is ever going to come out."

„He will." I say calmly and start to rub her back.

„I was due five days ago and I have tried everything to get labor started, but this child does not want to come out... and we don't know if it's a he or a she because it also didn't want to show us that." She whines and I try not to laugh. I know she is just exhausted, but everyone keeps telling us that the baby is fine and that we don't need to think about getting induced until we reach the seven-day mark.

„Do you want me to draw you a bath?" I ask knowing that it helps with her aching back.

„No... I don't know... Christian, why doesn't our baby want to come out?" She asks and I kiss her shoulder.

„He will, Ana. I promise you by the end of the week he will be there."

„How can you be so sure it is a boy?" She asks.

„Well, if you try to snap a nude of a girl without asking they would try to cover their boobs and privates... this little guy was only trying to cover his junk." I joke and hear her beautiful giggle.

„You are terrible... and on second thought I take the bath... care to join me?" She asks.

„Want me to try to fuck you into labor again?" I smirk.

„Are you complaining?"

„No, I'll get you when the tub is filled." I say and kiss her before I leave the bed, draw the bath and then carry her into our bathroom.

„I can get in myself." She protests when I pick her up bridal style after she is undressed.

„Ana, you can also slip and fall, thereby assuring that I get a heart attack, so no, you cannot get in by yourself." I say as a matter of fact while slowing sitting her down in the warm water before I get in behind her.

„Better, baby?"

„A bit, I'm sorry for being so whiny, Christian, but I'm just done with being pregnant." She says and I wrap my arms around her.

„I know, baby and you don't ever have to apologize for that, I know you are exhausted and uncomfortable." I murmur and kiss her neck while my hands cup her breasts.

„So, you want me to try to get this show on the road."

„Yes." She sighs as I start to play with her nipples.

„You like that?"

„Yes... uh-oh!" She suddenly says.

„What?"

„My water just broke." She says looking at me.

„Are you sure?"

„Yes, can you please get me out of here." She asks and for a second I'm frozen, fuck, it's happening.

„Christian!"

 _Shit, get it together, Grey!_ After a moment I compose myself, get out of the tub, quickly grab some towels and wrap her into one, after I have gotten her out of the tub and carry her back to the bed, where I quickly get dressed and then call my Mom, Ana's doctor and, the midwife, while constantly checking on Ana who seems calm and collected, while I'm scared that I'm going to lose it any second now.

Until the sun comes up everything is relatively calm, Ana has contractions, but they are still over ten minutes apart, so we have decided to go out for a walk to help her contractions to pick up.

Around nine Mia stops by to pick Arielle up and we just wait. At one point Ana and I are on the bed playing cards, which I have never envisioned to do while my wife is in labor, but something about her going through this at home is just so relaxing and calming that I now finally understand why this has been her wish for the delivery of our child.

When noon comes around Ana is fully dilated and her contractions are coming in about every two minutes, still, she surprises me by joking around with her doctor and the midwife. Since Ana wants to do this without any pain relief, I had her midwife teach me some acupressure techniques which seems to help her whenever a contraction reaches its peak and it makes me feel not completely useless in this situation which is also good, because this gives me something to do to stop me from panicking while watching Ana go through this.

In the early afternoon I'm convinced that my wife is the strongest person on earth because there is no sound coming from her lips even though she is in full blown labor, instead she is holding my hand and the hand of my mom while pushing to the count of the midwife and before I can fully understand what is happening she lifts something up and onto Ana's chest.

It all happened so fast that I need to blink several times until I finally realize that it happened, the baby is here.

„Do you like your son?" Ana asks me with the biggest smile and we all laugh when just like he did in the womb he is trying to cover his little junk with his hand.

For the next fifteen minutes we just look at the little guy who is now asleep swaddled in a soft blanket, then my mom and I go to the bathroom to check on him and bath him while the doctor is making sure Ana is fine and only an hour after our son has been born we are alone with him in our bed.

„Time to negotiate his name, Mrs. Grey." I tell her with her smile because until now we just couldn't agree on a name for our child. I had two names I liked for a boy and a girl respectively, but Ana liked different names.

„Open the drawer on your nightstand and take out the little box with the blue bow." She says and curiously I do. In the box is a tiny platinum bracelet and engraved on it is the name Wyatt Theodor Grey, the name I had picked.

„Are you sure."

„Yes, and maybe next time you can open the other box and we'll have a Phoebe Grace." She says and I lean in to kiss her before I put the little bracelet on our son's wrist.

„Thank you, baby, thank you so much. I love you."

„And I love you, Mr. Grey... always have, always will."

 _ **The End**_


	40. Chapter 40

_**Epilogue**_

 _ **5 years later - Ana**_

„Honestly, I don't know how they do it." Mia says as we are on the patio watching Grace and Carrick in the backyard playing with their grandchildren.

„Me neither, I feel like looking at a schoolyard, there are so many kids." I giggle. It's true, there are so many children in our family. Mia and Ethan have five kids, Elliot and Cadie have six and twins on the way and then there are Christian and my children. After Wyatt, I had twin girls which we named Phoebe and Grace and two years ago little Liam was born. After him, Christian and I decided that five kids are enough, but apparently, my body didn't get the memo and rejected the effect of the pill, which made us proud parents of our now eleven-month-old daughter Danika, who we all just call Nikki.

After I had her Christian went through with having the snip again, only this time he gets checked every six months to make sure it's still effective. I always wanted to have a big family, but I also want to give all my children the attention and love they need, so six children are enough, after all, I also have a husband who needs a lot of love and affection, which I love to give to him at any given chance.

Christian and I got married again a few months after Wyatt was born and I have to say, even thinking about how that came to be makes me want to laugh...

 _ **5 years prior - Ana**_

Today Wyatt has been with us for three months and I love my baby boy to pieces. He has my dark hair but his eyes are slowly changing from blue to gray and I know that in the end, he will have his father's beautiful eyes.

Today my Dad is coming over and he will stay the weekend to spend some time with his grandchildren. I just wish I knew what is going on with my Dad. He has been acting grumpy each time he was here for the past maybe six months. Even Christian has noticed it, but we both couldn't figure out why Ray is acting like that.

So, I have made the decision that if he is acting like this again when he comes over later, I will just ask him. I know my Dad well enough to know that he is not going to tell me unless I ask him because he likes to deal with everything himself.

I just hope he isn't sick or anything. I just want my Dad to be around for as long as possible because I cannot imagine not having him in my life. I will always be a daddy's girl, so I need him to be around for many more years to come.

In the evening, after the kids are in bed, Christian, my Dad and I are in the living room where my Dad has a beer while Christian and I are having a glass of wine. While looking at the wine I get a little upset. I wanted to nurse Wyatt for at least six to nine months but had to stop after only two months because I had gotten mastitis first in one and then the other breast to the point where it had gotten so painful that Rachel and my midwife told me to stop nursing.

I was really upset then, but Christian tried everything to cheer me up and reminded me that with me no longer nursing, we could start taking turns with feeding him, so I wouldn't have to get up quite so often during the night.

Looking at my Dad, he again looks really grumpy, especially since Christian has mentioned that we are thinking about having another baby in a year from now.

„Dad, is everything alright?" I ask and he looks at me.

„Sure, honey, why do you ask?"

„You look mad... have been every time I have seen you for months now. Aren't you happy to get more grandchildren?"

„You know I love those little munchkins Annie, what I don't like is the fact that you two already think about having more babies when you should think about getting married first. To be honest, I would have expected you to marry my daughter before she had Wyatt, but I guess I was wrong." He says looking at Christian, but all I can think off is that Christian and I are not married.

No, we are still divorced and I... I completely forgot. Between us getting back together and living together it just automatically felt like everything was normal again. Hell, I have called him my husband a million times since we are back together... I mean, how on earth did it slip my mind that we are divorced and not married?

Turning to look at Christian, he looks horrified. His eyes are wide, his mouth is hanging slightly open and I know, he too simply forgot the fact that we are no longer married and that's it, I burst out laughing.

Christian, however, doesn't seem to find this even remotely funny, because before I know it he is on his phone.

„Andrea, I need the jet ready within the hour... to Vegas..." He says and I grab the phone.

„Hi Andrea, it's Ana. We won't need the jet, sorry for interrupting your evening, bye." I say and hang up.

„Why would you do that?"

„Because I'm not getting married in Vegas... and besides, you haven't even asked me yet if I want to marry you." I smirk at him.

„Is that so... you want me to woo you?" He says with a grin.

„Maybe... but above all, I'm not getting married in Vegas." I pout and he pulls me into his arms.

„I'm sorry, baby, I panicked... damn it, I completely forgot, everything just felt so right and you are my wife, paperwork or not." He says and kisses me.

„I know, it's the same for me. So, how are we going to do this, I mean first I guess I should move into the guestroom..." I tease and giggle when his eyes widen in horror.

„I'm just teasing you... and it's not like we've ever waited to be married to ..."

„Still here, god damn it." My Dad interrupts me and while I blush Christian laughs.

„So, you two figure this out, and you better not knock her up before you managed to put a ring on her finger, Christian." My Dad says and heads upstairs to his guestroom.

„What kind of wedding do you want?"

„Something small and intimate... just family. Maybe at the beach, do you remember the house at the Outer Banks we stayed at for our second anniversary, I really liked it there."

„Sounds like a really good plan, I'll look into it tomorrow. I'm so sorry baby."

„Why are you sorry?"

„I wanted to do everything right this time and I just completely forgot. I should have given you a great proposal, hearts and flowers..."

„Christian, I don't need any of this. All I need is to be with you, a piece of paper doesn't change how I feel about you, besides I forgot as well, actually, I'm pretty sure our entire family besides my Dad doesn't realize that we never got remarried." I grin and he kisses me.

„That might be true, but now that we are going to get married again, I can't wait to see you in a beautiful dress again... have the first dance with you... take you on a honeymoon." He says and kisses me again.

 _ **Present time - Ana**_

And so just a week later we all flew out to the Outer Banks where Christian and I got married again with our children and family as witnesses. It was a beautiful wedding at the beach, everyone was walking around barefoot and after the ceremony we had a huge cookout at the beach and just made sure that everyone had a good time before Christian and I went on our honeymoon, which we had split into one week on the Seychelles for just the two of us and then we made a quick stop in Seattle to pick Wyatt and Arielle up to take them to Florida with us where we spent five days at Disney World with them.

A little after our honeymoon Christian and I sat down to have a conversation about his future at GEH. I offered to fully support him if he wanted to go back fulltime, but he didn't. He told me that for all of his life he could never enjoy his life for one reason or another and while doing business and working at GEH was part of what he loved to do, he far enjoyed it far more to spent time at home watching our children grow up and reach new milestones in their development every day. He enjoyed spending so much more time with me or being able to just stop by at his sibling's places or parent's home chat with them when he felt like it.

And I can completely understand that. Sadly, it had taken thirty-five years of his life for him to truly be able to start living. So, I told him whatever he wanted to do with his life, I was there to support his decision. Shortly before we welcomed our twin girls he officially declared Ros CEO of GEH, while he has taken on the role as Founder and President of the company. So, now he still works but can do that mostly from his home office, which allows him to watch our children grow up and have more time to do the things he likes, while still having an active role within the company he has built.

I have to say, I wasn't sure that at one point he wouldn't just go back to work full time, just because I have known him as the busy CEO for so many years, but my husband truly is a family man and these days, I'm mostly the one getting scowled at when I'm on my phone for too long working, because I have taken over some responsibilities at Coping Together to give me something to do outside of being a wife and mother. It's not that I don't love being just that, but sometimes it's also nice to see that I can be more than that and to combine it with a good cause seems ideal to me.

As for Grey Publishing, I still own it, but just like Christian, I have a CEO to run it for me. I just didn't want to be apart from my family for many hours every day and have staff and my husband raise the kids. After all, Christian and I are in the lucky position that we don't have to work and can devote our time to raising our children showing them the world and also take time to ourselves every now and then. Which is why we have two weeks each year where we just take off and spend time as a couple while the kids are spending time with Grace and Carrick for a week before they head to Ray for the second week.

I wish I could say that they also get to spend time with my mother, but sadly I haven't seen her since before I had Arielle. For the longest time I thought at one point she would realize what she is missing out on, but she never called and so I have given up on her. I know that she has remarried again, lives in New York now and is doing well, but I don't think I'll ever contact her again.

As for the past, well I guess karma really does exist. The man we knew as John Flynn passed away three years ago when he got himself into a fight with another inmate which got him killed. Rhion and the boys have relocated to California, where she met a nice guy whom she has married last year and they had a baby girl just a couple of months ago. We are still on contact, usually over the phone, but I went to her baby shower and it was so good to see her and the boys being happy with a man in their life who has made it his life's mission to give them a good life and make them happy.

And then there is Kate. Well, she is still in prison serving her sentence and according to Ethan, she has gotten herself into trouble so many times, that she was locked away in isolation for the most part of the first two years, then she managed to seduce one of the male stuff there and had gotten pregnant. She lost the baby and nearly died after she had tried to get rid of it, which had gotten her six months in the mental facility which is part of the prison she is at. What happened to her after that we all don't know because Ethan couldn't take it anymore. On the rare occasions, he went to see her, she was just spewing hate at Christian and all of the Grey's so he decided it was time to leave his sister in his past. I know Taylor will probably know more about her, but to be honest, I have stopped caring the day I knew she would stay behind bars and would never be able to harm us again. Even if she will get parole in 45 years from now, she will be an old woman with no means to even get near us, so I know we will probably never see her again.

„Oh my god, my feet are killing me." Mia and I hear Cadie who manages to plop down on the lounger next to us.

„Just six more weeks, Sis." Mia grins.

„Honestly, I wouldn't mind if the boys would be a week or two early. My mom always said big guys make big babies, but this is ridiculous, look at me, I'm 95 percent belly." She pouts and Mia and I start to laugh.

„Well, you wanted to have lots of kids." I point out.

„I know, and I will be crazy in love with them once they are born, but right now I hate everything about being pregnant." She says, but to her defense, her belly is so huge it's almost scary, I had twins before, but my belly wasn't even that size right before I had the girls and I get that she is done with being pregnant for now. I have loved being pregnant each time, but about three to four weeks before I had my kids I was just done with it too.

„Where is Elliot?"

„Inside with Christian, he wanted to show him the blueprints for the playhouse he wants to built in our backyard because Christian is interested in getting one for your kids too."

„Really, the kids will love that, I wish we had trees like the ones you guys gave in your backyard, I love the treehouse Elliot has built."

„I do too, but I still believe that he built it less for the more kids and more for himself and Christian, I swear each time your husband comes over I end up having to bribe them with food to come out of the darn treehouse." Cadie giggles.

„True, but don't believe it's any better with the man cave at my place, two weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night alone in bed and went to look for Christian only to find him, Ethan and Elliot passed out drunk in there with empty beer bottles and pizza boxes everywhere, I thought I had walked into the aftermath of a frat party." I tell them.

„Do you think they'll ever grow up?" Mia asks and we all three snort with laughter. Our men are all well respected in their chosen field or work, are successful, loving fathers and husbands but whenever they get together, they turn into boys again and all they want is to have a good time.

I know many women would be annoyed with behavior like that, but I love to see Christian this carefree and happy. So much so, that I don't mind him going on fishing trips or even to Vegas with Elliot and Ethan and some of their guy friends. I know he would never do anything that would hurt me, so he can have all the fun he wants and of course, it gives me the opportunity to have some time with my friends or do something that I really enjoy which is to take not just my girls, but all of my nieces for an afternoon to get pampered and then have lots of ice cream with them. They all love it and in turn, Cadie, who is a real tomboy at heart takes all the little boys in the family to adventure playgrounds, plays football with them or does other stuff little boys enjoy.

In the evening, after we went back home and our kids are in bed Christian and I cuddle on the couch in the living room with a glass of wine.

„You know, I keep thinking Nikki is almost a year old and seeing Cadie pregnant..."

„Christian, we have six kids... no, I'm no longer in the babymaking business." I tell him, true, I have thought about having another kid too, but it's just baby fever and it always passes.

„I know, it's just soon they will be in college." He says and I snort.

„It will be another eleven years before our first child will go to college, seventeen until the Nikki will leave home... I think we are good."

„I know, it's just weird to think that one day they will be grown up."

„You are right, I can't even imagine it right now, but think about it like this, we have six kids if each one of them will have just two kids that will be twelve grandchildren... so this house will never be quiet or empty." I say and cuddle more into him while I watch him smile thinking about that.

„I'm so glad you kept on fighting to have kids, baby... you getting pregnant, it saved my life." He says thoughtful and kisses me.

„I just knew that you would be the best father in the world." I tell him and kiss him.

„Well, I'll always have you to keep me from getting too overprotective, even when I think I'm in the right... I love you so much baby."

„I love you too."

„Mine." He whispers into my ear.

„Yours, forever."


End file.
